Principia Discordia

Principia Discordia => Apple Talk => Topic started by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on May 29, 2013, 10:50:13 PM

Title: So in todays news
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on May 29, 2013, 10:50:13 PM
... some lady ran over a bear with her car, a tree fell on a house, a dead baby was found in the recycling, and a suspicious package was found on the front steps of an elementary school, prompting an evacuation. The package was properly disposed of, and investigators report that it was found to contain a small pink hairbrush and childish hair accessories.

Stay classy, Oregon.
Title: Re: So in todays news
Post by: Doktor Howl on May 29, 2013, 10:51:44 PM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on May 29, 2013, 10:50:13 PM
... some lady ran over a bear with her car,

What the fuck was she driving?
Title: Re: So in todays news
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on May 29, 2013, 10:53:49 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on May 29, 2013, 10:51:44 PM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on May 29, 2013, 10:50:13 PM
... some lady ran over a bear with her car,

What the fuck was she driving?

A Honda Accord.

It would probably be more accurate to say that she "collided with" a bear. The car was totaled, and the bear didn't make it either. :(
Title: Re: So in todays news
Post by: EK WAFFLR on May 29, 2013, 10:56:27 PM
My lord. Again. I do not understand America™
Title: Re: So in todays news
Post by: Doktor Howl on May 29, 2013, 10:57:16 PM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on May 29, 2013, 10:53:49 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on May 29, 2013, 10:51:44 PM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on May 29, 2013, 10:50:13 PM
... some lady ran over a bear with her car,

What the fuck was she driving?

A Honda Accord.

It would probably be more accurate to say that she "collided with" a bear. The car was totaled, and the bear didn't make it either. :(

Still, that's one tough fucking car.
Title: Re: So in todays news
Post by: Doktor Howl on May 29, 2013, 10:57:30 PM
Quote from: Waffles, Viking Princess of Northern Belgium on May 29, 2013, 10:56:27 PM
My lord. Again. I do not understand America™

We don't believe in regulating bears.
Title: Re: So in todays news
Post by: EK WAFFLR on May 29, 2013, 10:58:37 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on May 29, 2013, 10:57:30 PM
Quote from: Waffles, Viking Princess of Northern Belgium on May 29, 2013, 10:56:27 PM
My lord. Again. I do not understand America™

We don't believe in regulating bears.

We do. Hunting bears and wolves with helicopters is totally fair.
Title: Re: So in todays news
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on May 29, 2013, 11:03:41 PM
Quote from: Waffles, Viking Princess of Northern Belgium on May 29, 2013, 10:56:27 PM
My lord. Again. I do not understand America™

It is not possible to "understand" America™. It simply is.

Oregon is a part of America™ with its own peculiar regional flavor that I am fairly sure comes from a combination of several generations of inbreeding and a severe seratonin imbalace.

For example http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/11/03/jasha-lottin-oregon-woman_n_1074050.html
Title: Re: So in todays news
Post by: EK WAFFLR on May 29, 2013, 11:10:24 PM
O.o
Title: Re: So in todays news
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on May 30, 2013, 03:48:35 PM
I'm starting to feel like I need an "Oh, Oregon!" thread.

http://www.oregonlive.com/west-linn/index.ssf/2013/05/west_linn_police_trap_beaver_t.html

QuoteWest Linn police thought they were going to deal with a sick animal Saturday at a home along River Street. But when they found a feisty beaver had taken up residence in a front-yard water feature, it was a whole different ballgame.

"The animal wasn't sick at all," said Officer Mike Francis, West Linn police spokesman. "He was just being territorial, staking his claim to the water feature."

Officers Al Bunch and Nick Amendolara, answering a call in the 5500 block of River Street at 9:30 a.m., quickly changed their game plan. Instead of putting a sick animal out its misery, they instead launched a beaver rodeo, catching the very healthy, active beaver with a snare on the end of a pole.

Then, after loading him (her?) into a wheelbarrow supplied by homeowner Kevin Harper, they escorted the wandering castor canadensis to a drain pipe that leads to the Willamette River, then set the creature free -- none the worse for wear.

"But he definitely wasn't happy," Harper said.  "When he came out of the wheelbarrow, he wanted to go for the cops.

(http://media.oregonlive.com/west_linn/photo/12829937-large.jpg)
Title: Re: So in todays news
Post by: East Coast Hustle on May 31, 2013, 12:04:04 AM
On the other hand, the beaver is brown and the cops didn't shoot it, so I'll call that progress. :lulz:
Title: Re: So in todays news
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on May 31, 2013, 12:29:22 AM
Quote from: Balls Wellington on May 31, 2013, 12:04:04 AM
On the other hand, the beaver is brown and the cops didn't shoot it, so I'll call that progress. :lulz:

OOOH  BURN!  :lulz:
Title: Re: So in todays news
Post by: Ben Shapiro on May 31, 2013, 02:13:36 AM
The bear story is more motivation for me to continue to power lift.
Title: Re: So in todays news
Post by: Left on June 01, 2013, 02:45:15 AM
Poor bear!
...I have run over a  full-size whitetail deer...it was almost certainly lying dead in the road.
Definitely dead afterward. 
No doubt whatsoever.
I didn't even see it, and it felt like it was going to rip the undercarriage out of the Leprous Buick.
...Pulled over and dragged Bambi's carcass off the road after that.

You can't see a lot of animals in the dark unless silhouetted, or unless they look at your headlights.
Their hair or fur absorbs light.

I experienced this another time... coming home one night, I saw a dim shadow up ahead and slowed down...Damn good thing I did too, it was a full-grown jet-black brangus steer.   :eek:

http://www.nbcdfw.com/news/weird/Man-Sentenced-to-50-Years-for-Stealing-Ribs-209637971.html

QuoteForty-three-year-old Willie Smith Ward was convicted and sentenced on robbery charges Wednesday. The Waco Tribune-Herald reports that Ward's theft of the $35 rack of pork ribs turned into a robbery after he threatened a grocery store employee who tried to stop him in 2011.

WTF...
Title: Re: So in todays news
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on June 01, 2013, 07:55:33 PM
Hmmmm, so a hungry person is thrown in prison for what will probably be the rest of his natural life, at a taxpayer cost of probably about 2.5 million dollars, for shoplifting $35 worth of groceries.

Oh, America.
Title: Re: So in todays news
Post by: Freeky on June 01, 2013, 09:53:02 PM
Well, judges (juries?) have to set an example for all those hungry, poverty-stricken people who think they can just just help themselves to food that's meant for people who aren't poor and hungry!
Title: Re: So in todays news
Post by: Left on June 02, 2013, 12:07:35 AM
Quote from: Freeky Queen of DERP on June 01, 2013, 09:53:02 PM
Well, judges (juries?) have to set an example for all those hungry, poverty-stricken people who think they can just just help themselves to food that's meant for people who aren't poor and hungry!

You know, twice in my life, homeless people have tried to sell me shoplifted meat while I was gassing my car...
Upon both occasions the wrapping was filthy.
...I'm guessing these guys must have smuggled this meat out of the store in their pants.
...Is that a shoplifted pot roast in your pants or are you happy to see me?
Title: Re: So in todays news
Post by: Freeky on June 02, 2013, 12:11:22 AM
That is not a thing I have ever experienced.  I bet it's weird.
Title: Re: So in todays news
Post by: Left on June 02, 2013, 12:21:06 AM
Quote from: Freeky Queen of DERP on June 02, 2013, 12:11:22 AM
That is not a thing I have ever experienced.  I bet it's weird.

I am a freak, and other freaks instinctively gravitate to me.
On the whole ok with this, but sometimes it gets annoying.