Yo, social media is stressing me out (which is probably a sign I'm on it too much). Every single post is trash, everywhere. So here's what I want you to do. Just make a bunch of light, harmless, fun posts in this thread as if you're posting status updates from a non-fucked world. Then I'll scroll through this thread once every 5 minutes and pretend it's real life.
I've got this
The asteroid community just announced 80% self-sufficiency.
also, the Nutrition community has resolved its conflicts bloodlessly--the coup was rescinded and democracy and reason reigns again.
Human rights expo a smashing success. China to lead expansion of humanitarian aid to SE Asia. North and South Korea reconciliation well under way. Tibet free to be as weird as it wants. Hong Kong declared an independent state, signs trade pact bridging the Eastern and Western economic spheres. Overall a glorious 2018!
its pretty cool how cats can talk now
My penis is in fine working condition!
/
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Quote from: Cramulus on October 23, 2018, 09:00:02 PM
its pretty cool how cats can talk now
My penis is in fine working condition!
/
;,_ ,
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dP' "b ,d" "o
d" , `b d"' "b
l] [ " `l, d" lb
Ol ? " "b`"=uoqo,_ "l
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,d" (db.`" "" "tbc,_ `~"Yuu,_
.d" l`T' '= ~ `""Yu,
,dO` gP, `u, b,_ "b7
d?' ,d" l, `"b,_ `~b "1
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:lulz::mittens::lulz:
A rare linked video of Klaus Nomi singing a cover of "I will survive". It's got novelty, but you'll never watch it again after liking this status.
China has brought its third fusion reactor online, and will be shutting down another five coal-fired power plants.
This year's mandatory global cat video watching day is a huge success. Many thanks to internet giants for putting pressure on employers and governments to make this an official holiday.
Space Aliens from 40 Eridani A made first contact with humanity today.
As a token of friendship, they have given us the technology to economically make unlimited quantities of food from carbon dioxide. And, the alien food tastes exactly like bacon.
Cram shuffles over to the Internet in his bathrobe.
"You're still here? It's over. Go home. Go."
"Hey Williams I heard your mom's still online."
"Yeah well someone's got to follow your mom on Insta."
"HAH! Anyway, you going to Rob's later?"
The proletariat just seized the means of production.
YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENS NEXT!
Vague political outrage at something the racist hotel concierge who became president did today.
The most recent economic forecast for New Scotland (formerly Britain) is surprisingly upbeat.
Plant placed under tension when growing yields fruit that tastes like bacon.
Unicorn Interrupts Political Rally
A flatulent unicorn horned in on a political rally in Redneckville, Redstate today. The initially rowdy crowd switched from screaming loud choruses of "lock her up," to singing "Kumbaya" as the unicorn walked among them.
Later, rally participants were seen smiling and waving peace signs as they exited the rally venue.
Quote from: Brother Mythos on October 26, 2018, 07:59:33 PM
Unicorn Interrupts Political Rally
A flatulent unicorn horned in on a political rally in Redneckville, Redstate today. The initially rowdy crowd switched from screaming loud choruses of "lock her up," to singing "Kumbaya" as the unicorn walked among them.
Later, rally participants were seen smiling and waving peace signs as they exited the rally venue.
My sources say it was a Pegasus, not a unicorn. No one captured photographs though, and unicorns are historically more likely to spread peace via violent gut wind. Maybe an expert on the matter like Professor Cramulus could weigh in?
NEWS UPDATE
As reported earlier, a flatulent unicorn horned in on a political rally in Redneckville, Redstate today.
This Just In:
Upon exiting the rally venue, participants were greeted by the sight of multiple rainbows. In addition, many in the crowd told our reporter that unicorn farts smell like fried bacon.
Suspicious Package Intercepted at White House
A suspicious package addressed to Donald J. Trump was intercepted by Secret Service agents today.
Upon X-raying the package, Public Safety Bomb Technicians determined it contained a dictionary and a copy of the U.S. Constitution.
Eco-friendly Pizza Box Unfolds Into Solar Panel
A Silicon Valley tech startup company has developed an economical, eco-friendly pizza box that unfolds into a high efficiency electric solar panel.
And, as an added bonus, the designers guarantee, with no batteries required, that the high tech box will keep your pizza "oven hot," until meal time.
Prague's Kafka International Named Most Alienating Airport (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gEyFH-a-XoQ)
Quote from: rong on October 29, 2018, 04:17:34 AM
Prague's Kafka International Named Most Alienating Airport (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gEyFH-a-XoQ)
That was funny, rong. But, couldn't you, at least, make the effort to plagiarize the ONION®, rather than just copying and pasting their YouTube hyperlink? Is that really too much to ask?
Prague's Kafka International Named Most Alienating Airport
and on a lighter note... clowns!
Quote from: rong on October 29, 2018, 05:25:46 AM
Prague's Kafka International Named Most Alienating Airport
That's much better.
Border wall surrounding Florida complete, say officials. (https://legal-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/not+true)
Quote from: Cramulus on October 23, 2018, 07:40:04 PM
Just make a bunch of light, harmless, fun posts in this thread as if you're posting status updates from a non-fucked world.
not trueWhat do you mean
NOT TRUE?! How is
THAT in keeping with the spirit of this thread?! There's a reason it's called
Floriduh!
(https://66.media.tumblr.com/a54c8d6d9b77d120b0bca7d62a140043/tumblr_pae2ouuUHl1rnrrwxo1_1280.jpg)
Diogenes had it right.
A photo or two a day of seemingly every meal I eat, highly stylised and tasty looking but after a few weeks it becomes a water torture for you to observe
Quote from: Cain on November 01, 2018, 07:35:14 PM
(https://66.media.tumblr.com/a54c8d6d9b77d120b0bca7d62a140043/tumblr_pae2ouuUHl1rnrrwxo1_1280.jpg)
I mean, where's the lie?
"Wheelchair-bound 94-year old German on trial for Nazi crimes"
https://www.reuters.com/article/us-germany-warcrimes/wheelchair-bound-94-year-old-german-on-trial-for-nazi-crimes-idUSKCN1NB17Y
As all these US political crimes go unpunished, it's sorta heart warming to know that you're never really off the hook.
YOU'VE BEEN SELECTED AS THIS YEARS WINNER OF PUBLISHERS CLEARING-HOUSE!
Please let us know where to send the check!