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A restored page from a 12th-century manuscript of Principia Discordia

(Also, hello again! I hung around here for a bit of couple of years ago, then the world ended at least twice, I got an exciting new brain medication, and I recently remembered Discordianism exists)

Less orgasms and creativity.

When my depression was untreated and I was prone to spending days at a time hiding in bed, neither orgasms nor creativity were a part of my life at all.

For me, what proves "cancel culture" isn't a thing is the fact that so many progressives still count Harry Potter and Father Ted among their favourite things (rightly or wrongly).

Ahem, please allow me to illustrate... I will now attach file indicating some serious vegetative qvestion.


Honey?

That's a numpfruit. They're available at your local garden centre and they're DELICIOUS. The skin's a little tough so don't be afraid to bite right in really hard.

NOBODY wants corporate power??

that makes sense

For fun, let's imagine a corporate UTOPIA


I could imagine an employee-owned company operating as a sane and just government.

What's the difference between that and a worker-controlled state?

No I talk using real words, not gibbering methhead neologisms.

Do you think all the other words just popped fully formed out of the Big Bang or what?

Yikes. Good luck to her.

A sci-fi movie filmed in a different spectrum (implicitly the spectrum that an alien of robot in the film sees in) and then translated into the normal visible spectrum. For example, if the alien could see a wider range of wavelengths than humans can, than cameras would be rigged up with near-ultraviolet sensors in place of their blue sensors and near-infrared sensors in place of their red sensors. However, the ultraviolet sensors would record as blue and the infrared sensors would record as red so effectively the alien's wider range of colors would be compressed to fit the co,ors preceptible to the audience. Alternately, the alien might see lower frequencies than humans do, so the camera would be rigged up so that the green sensors recorded as blue, the red sensors recorded as green, and infrared sensors would be added that would record as red.

This is pretty much the POV scenes in Predator, isn't it?

Anything I post on this forum is public domain. Attribution would be nice, but I won't demand it.

[EDIT:]

There’s some old bits around here that might do the job without modification. The whole Book of Payne thing had some excellent stuff, there was one about Payne being eaten by the people for (or despite?) his prophecy. Roger (bless his crusty dead gibbon ass) wrote some good ones unconnected to that too.

Cool, thanks! I'll have a poke around.

That said, I call the rest of Genesis, this is only barely the first half and it’s missing the very start too.

I'm not trying to do 1:1 mapping with the Bible. Noah is in Genesis and I've made that a separate book. Not to mention that swathes of it are extremely dull (and Nazarok bare Ashamangaloc, and Ashamangaloc lived 642 years and bare Noskabah, and Noskabar lived 703 years and so on and so on and so on)

EDIT: I misread that - I've just noticed the "I call". That's awesome, thanks! I've got my Noah maybe half done, but there's no reason there can't be two Noahs if you want the whole rest of Genesis. What's a holy book without two contradictory accounts of the same story, anyway?

See, my unemployment VERY unexpectedly came through.

I’m gonna celebrate.

\o/

Since people seem to like these and because I like writing them, I'm thinking of trying to get together enough to do a kopyleft book, working title "The Fifth Testament". I'm currently doing Noah (The Book of Deluge). If anyone wants to join in that'd be cool, grab a bible story from the pile and see what happens.

(Hymns being for male deities.)


1. THE BATTLE HYMN (yeah ok) OF THE ERISTOCRACY (EXTENDED)
(First two verses and refrain by Omar Khayyam Ravenhurst)

Mine brain has meditated on the spinning of the Chao;
It is hov’ring o’er the table where the Chiefs of Staff are now
Gathered in discussion of the dropping of the Bomb;
Her Apple Corps is Strong!

Refrain: Grand and gory old Discordja!
Grand and gory old Discordja!
Grand and gory old Discordja!
Her Apple Corps is Strong!

Not invited to the party that they held on Limbo Peak,
So she threw a golden apple, ’stead of turned the other cheek;
O it cracked the Holy Punchbowl and it made the nectar leak;
Her Apple Corps is Strong!

For a Goddess, there is nothing worse than hearing she ain’t cute
So a trio of divinities began a fierce dispute
Over who should be the keeper of the shiny metal fruit;
Her Apple Corps is Strong!

Young Paris was recruited as a holy referee
And each goddess made an offer of attempted bribery
He was promised wealth, or wisdom, or a shag, respectively;
Her Apple Corps is Strong!

Now Paris was a healthy crimson-blooded Trojan boy
So he chose the prize of Helen and eloped with her to Troy;
If she weren't already married, they’d have lived a life of joy;
Her Apple Corps is Strong!

Menelaus sent his compliments with military force,
And the conflict that resulted was the Trojan War, of course
(That’s the one that took a decade and involved a massive horse);
Her Apple Corps s Strong!

Since the days of the Olympyans, many things have come to pass,
But we see the repercussions ev’ry time the folks en masse
Get defrauded by a promise from a giant horse’s ass;
Her Apple Corps is Strong!



-------

2. TTTO "ALL THINGS BRIGHT AND BEAUTIFUL" BUT LESS WET


All things weird and whimsical
All creatures daft and strange;
All things nuts and nightmarish,
Discordia made the range.

She made the naked mole-rat,
And solar powered slugs;
And desert toads whose skin secretes
Kaleidoscopic drugs.

All things weird and whimsical
All beasts bizarre and odd;
All grotesque inventions of
Our Lady Chaos God!

The eye-blood squirting lizards;
The platypi with beaks;
She must have been on something when
She made those kooky freaks.

All things of insanity;
Each live non-sequitir;
She even made humanity,
And human beings made Her.

Well, I hope so. He's already doing his best to ensure the result will be unclear, at least to his own base. I think he'll do it through bureaucratic wrangles and Supreme Court challenges rather than a straight-up coup. It's not that much more than what Bush Jr did.

(And we probably won't keep on saying it after he leaves office, at least.)

I fully expect him to refuse to leave if he loses. He's already setting up a narrative about how the election will be rigged, and he's been dogwhistling like crazy to his gun-toting supporters about how they're going to be his first line of defence against the liberal mob.

Republicans' caution about Trump has never been about his politics or even his personal awfulness, because those values aren't substantially different from much of the Republican party's. They just didn't think they could get away with it. Every day they discover they can get away with a bit more than they thought, and now they're just seeing how far he can take them.

I don't want to be right, but I suspect he's in there till he dies of a stroke that goes untreated for three days because his aides are too scared to check on him.

I.

    1. In the beginning was the VOID, who had two daughters: one, the smaller, was that of Being, named ERIS; and one, the larger, was that of Non-being, named ANERIS.
    2. But you know this part.
    3. Or possibly the universe was created in a week by YHWH, or ZEUS; or created as a result of all manner of kinky shit by the GODS of Egypt or Babylon, or by purely impersonal forces.
    4. But you know these parts, too, or where to find them.
    5. And all these myths are true in some sense, false in some sense, and meaningless in some sense.
       

II.

    1. ERIS said, Let's start with an explosion.
    2. BOOM! That was awesome.
    3. Oh hey, if I adjust these fundamental constants... gravity, the speed of light, the Planck constant (note to Self: make a guy named Planck so this makes sense)...
    4. Lo, it makes stars and planets and galaxies and stuff!
    5. I'll just leave it here a minute while I go and get a snack.

III.
(ELEVEN BILLION YEARS LATER)

    1. As GODDESS was looking down the back of Her couch for Her keys, she spake, saying: Oh hey, the universe! I'd forgotten all about that.
    2. Ugh, it's gone all foosty.
    3. Is that... life?
    4. Well, maybe this could be interesting; what if I hack around with it a bit?
    5. For Her universe had reached the Pleistocene epoch; and ERIS took lumps of the Pleistocene and moulded them into forms that amused Her.
    6. ERIS spake, saying: *squidge* ooh, it's gone multicellular. *squeesh* oh look, fins! Maybe they'd work as legs if I... *splut* Oh heck, they're EVERYWHERE now.
    7. WAIT STOP EATING EACH OTHER GUYS! Ewwww.

IV.

    1. ERIS created Dinosaur.
    2. And Dinosaur did run, and roar, and fight other dinosaurs, and ERIS saw that it was cool.
    3. But eventually She got bored and 'accidentally' pressed the Asteroid Impact button.
    4. ERIS created Squirrel.
    5. And Squirrel climbed trees, and leapt between them; and gathered nuts and buried them; and fluffed its tail, and ERIS saw that it was cute.
    6. But eventually She got bored.
    7. So ERIS created Duck.
    8. And Duck swam, and quacked, and water ran off its back; and it produced ducklings that were adorable, but ultimately ERIS got bored again.
    9. ERIS created Shark, and Monkey, and Spider, and Sloth, and all the beasts of the field, and of the trees and river and forest and ocean as well; and the earth was acrawl (and aswim, and aclimb, etc.) with Her creations.
    10. But none of them kept her entertained for very long.
    11. What I need, spake ERIS to Herself, is a creation that will produce folly of its own, and ever new follies thereafter; that will always find some way to outdo its previous idiocy; something that will never cease to amuse Me with its sheer intractable ridiculousness.
    12. And ERIS created Human.

V.

    1. Just so we're 100% clear: bumsex is OK. I know this isn't a religion with many rules and holy books are supposed to be ambiguous, but this one seems to need spelled out.