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Messages - Red

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Again Bill Nye wasted 2 1/2 hours debating a creationist. Bravo dumbass Bravo!
Truth is that a lot of people wanted to hear that debate. I'm not sure what it says about humanity as a whole, but there you have it.

Apple Talk / Re: OPEN BAR: 50 Shades of Chronic Liver Disease
« on: March 24, 2014, 05:42:37 am »
I just had a moment of anxiety because it's like 11:30, and then I remembered that it's Spring Break and who cares? I can do what I want! Woohoo@!!!1
You know... I totally forgot it was Spring Break. At least it explains why everyone has been going crazy around here.  :eek: When you see a line wrapped around each and every shaved ice, Italian ice or similar ice-snack stand, you know something is going down!

« on: March 24, 2014, 05:36:30 am »
Guess what else about Koalas? The little bastards also can give you the clap. They also have their own version of AIDS. Even though the article calls it a "retrovirus that affects the immune system" who are we kidding? These little critters are nasty.

Discordian Recipes / Re: Red's Low Fat Cookery
« on: March 24, 2014, 05:21:35 am »
I had a rather complex reaction to reading about how you're getting into healthier cooking, and your first recipe is frosting.

Also, frozen vegetables have less water than... what?  Fresh?
Actually, I figured I'd toss out the frosting recipe first because I have had a lot of people whine that they don't want to change their diets because then they can't have dessert. I was actually really pleased how the frosting came out and figured I'd share it.

The lack of water + better nutrition and better prices are all huge reasons I like sticking with frozen veggies. If you can't find it local (farmers markets are awesome, too!) then frozen is usually your best bet.

Now for more NOMS...

Chicken with Parisian Carrots- A "lazy mode" dinner I had tonight.
Serves two

4 pieces skinned, boneless chicken (I have used breast, tenders, or de-boned thighs with equal success)
1 bag Parisian carrots (1 pound)
1 cup cooked rice (brown rice is great, but white also works)

Spices, ect
1 bay leaf- medium
1 pinch lavender (rubbed between your fingers)
1 tablespoon onion powder (not onion salt! POWDER!) or to taste
1 pinch fresh ground black pepper or to taste

Put frozen chicken on the bottom of a microwave safe glass bowl.
Pour spices over top the chicken and add water to not quite cover up the chicken.
Dump still frozen carrots on top.
Microwave on high for six minutes. Let rest one minute while it finishes cooking.
Take it out and stir, checking the chicken.
The melting process will have added more water! If not, add water to cover.
Put the carrots back on top of the chicken.
Microwave on high for six minutes (if half done)... more or less depending on how done the chicken is.
Chicken overcooks easily, so check it more often than you think. It's better to cook it 3 minutes at a time (plus a little rest time after each beep) than to have it turn into leather.

Serve over hot rice, broth and all.

Want to look all fancy? Use chicken breasts or tenderloins and move them in bottom of the bowl after the first check (before they're all cooked) so they curve a little taking the shape of the bowl's edge. Take the curved breasts and place them with the curves facing opposite directions to form little meaty hearts. You could also cut them into shape, but lazy Red is lazy.

Protip: You're better off covering your meat in veggies to keep it moist than filling the bowl half full of water.
It takes a lot more time to heat up water than you think. Things heated in the microwave keep cooking when you take them out and the longer they were in the longer the cooking keeps going. In short, too much added water can actually ruin your chicken! Cooking frozen veggies on top of your meat causes the juices from the veggies to run down into the meat adding flavor while keeping it moist without adding excess cooking time.

Discordian Recipes / Re: Red's Low Fat Cookery
« on: March 17, 2014, 11:56:57 pm »
Whipped Cream Cheese Frosting

1 package (1 cup) fat free (or low fat) cream cheese
1-2 cups marshmallow fluff or marshmallow creme
1 Tablespoon vanilla extract (or a little ground vanilla bean to taste) -- Optional

Gently warm the cream cheese until a bit warmer than room temperature. This makes mixing easier!
Pour everything into a bowl.
Stir cream cheese into mallow fluff until evenly mixed. Add extra mallow fluff for milder flavor and fluffier texture.
Use immediately.

This should set up pretty thick yet with an airy consistency, especially once you refrigerate the frosted cakes.
It will be a little thinner than store bought whipped frosting, but it will be way healthier!
Goes great on fresh fruit, Carrot Cake or Red Velvet cake.

Other Versions of the same thing
Cream Cheese frosting not your thing? Try using some of the following instead!

Nice and thick
Low-fat peanut butter (ex: Better'n Peanut butter)
Tootsie Rolls + cocoa powder (melt or at least soften them up them first)

May be thinner
Green Tea powder (matcha)
Powdered freeze-dried fruit (buy some and crush it up)

Discordian Recipes / Red's Low Fat Cookery
« on: March 17, 2014, 11:40:47 pm »
Like practically everyone else, I have been trying to lose weight. My main tactic is to cut the fat and keep on moving. So far I have dropped a couple pants sizes so it seems to be working!

I've noticed some of you fine people are also trying to keep an eye on their weight, so I'll share some of my finds with you here.  :) 

As the title suggests, I'm focusing on cutting out the fat as much as possible without using artificial sweetners or other aids. If the sugar levels look scary, get your butt down to the grocery store for Splenda and use that instead. Need powdered sugar? Crush the splenda up. Need brown sugar? Add in a little molasses or sorghum for flavor.

Notes before I get started:
Yes, I bastardize things a lot by using a microwave so feel free to alter stuff by using a stove or oven if you want. It should work about the same either way unless I warn you otherwise.

Basic Substitutions - this way I can get lazy with my descriptions! Not on a diet? Use regular stuff.
  • Eggs = fat free boxed eggs. ("Quick eggs") These are made out of eggs, not vegan.
  • Veggies = frozen vegetables. I find these allow better portion control and you don't end up buying water
  • Bacon = turkey bacon.
  • butter = ACTUAL BUTTER. Hey, sometimes you just have to go all the way!

Apple Talk / Re: OPEN BAR: 50 Shades of Chronic Liver Disease
« on: March 17, 2014, 11:34:15 pm »
Work seemed like small problems and low volume after the weekend.  Perspective like that means the time off was done RIGHT  :lulz:
So, what did you get up to on your vacation?

Apple Talk / Re: Spagbook
« on: March 17, 2014, 11:32:41 pm »
Yup- we're all little and cute and stuff. A lot of people keep mistaking me for a high schooler.  :)

Or Kill Me / Re: Times of Night
« on: March 17, 2014, 06:52:30 am »
i dont de facto work graveyard, but i choose to do so because thats when the less noise happens in the world and also less interference... peak efficiency runs from around 9pm to 3am...


8am: "I-regret-everything-o-clock"

Indeed- The quiet, lack of interference and great efficiency is part of why I love the night! I'm also ultra super pale, sunburn easy, and am 100% not a morning person. Mix it all and working at night makes good sense.

Yes! I Regret Everything o'clock is a great one to add. I think I have only been up that late a few times, mostly due to all night gaming sessions and/or broken hearts. Man, the regret just seeps through it all even if you had a good time. On the bright side, you can snag fresh doughnuts or one of those awesome Chick-Fil-A bagels at this time.

What should 9 AM be? "Way-Past-My-Bedtime-O-clock"?

Apple Talk / Re: underwater snow
« on: March 17, 2014, 06:43:19 am »
“That’s cool and all, but to me it just looks like a lot of cum.”
Thanks, internet. Now my brain is wondering how on earth that could happen (and I'm not so sure I want to know).  It probably involved a vat of viagra and something that we'll be seeing rotoscoped into a hentai film soon.


Scott Ashton, drummer of The Stooges, has died.

He influenced a lot of my drumming growing up.

That blows.  How old was he?

At least that's a decent age.

Apple Talk / Re: Spagbook
« on: March 17, 2014, 06:37:20 am »
Here's an older Halloween picture of me. Guess which one I am!

I'm the one in the hat.

And how do I look nine years later?
I'm on the right with the skin so pale it actually reflected the flash. The patterns on my breast are from where the light hit my arm and bounced.

I still regard myself as one of the guys, even if I can fill out a dress. And they said it was just a phase... HA!
Sherry here is my only female friend. All the chicks in the first picture were friends of the guy in the dress.

Or Kill Me / Times of Night
« on: March 15, 2014, 05:55:13 am »
I feel the clock needs to have better names for the times of night. I have been on graveyard shift so long that these nicknames have stuck in my head... maybe they will help someone? Probably not. Either way the aristrocrats renamed times!

8 Pm: Finally Awake O'clock (The sun is gone. Hooray!)
9 Pm: "Normal" bedtime O'clock (AKA "Silence of the norms.")
10 Pm: Still early O'clock (Damnit, why is everything closed?)
11 PM: Night is young O'clock (What? You're tired already?)
12 AM: Midnight (AKA "The Pumpkin hour")
1 Am: Getting Started O'clock (Sleep is for the WEAK.)
2 AM:  Time Warp o'clock (Wait, where did 1 AM go?)
3 AM: Awesome O'clock (the time in which you find the awesome)
4 AM: Derp O'clock (the time in which your brain becomes oatmeal)
5 Am: gotobed O'clock (smile.jpg)
6 AM: Too Damn Early O'clock (only old farts and the damned are up)
7 AM: Curse the SUN O'clock (SKREEE! HISS!!)

And that's my night. Currently it's just passing out of time warp and into awesome.

Or Kill Me / Re: Please stop eating shit
« on: March 13, 2014, 04:03:00 am »
This new guy seems pretty alright, why is almost everyone lining up to shit on his perfectly reasonable post about being frustrated that people seem to choose the lower-nutrition options every time?
I think it's because people are tired of people being preachy, don't see the issue and/or just feel like tearing things up.  It seems to happen a lot around here.

Personally, I can see why there's frustration.

Food tends to show what a person deems valuable. For example, twinkies here are being chosen over granola because the group values the sweet taste of "comfort food" over the future benefits of actually taking care of their health. Either that or it's crappy granola (compare the boxes some time- some granola bars are about as bad as twinkies) and/or people don't want to be singled out for not being one of the cool kids by eating the granola, but I digress.

Anyway, the reasons behind ignoring future health issues for quick satisfaction can vary wildly and some of them can be very frustrating when you're trying to encourage people to better themselves. A couple common ones I have encountered from people who don't care for themselves is "Who cares- I'll be old by the time this makes me miserable", "I don't plan on living long enough to have this make me miserable" or "I don't care because the government is paying for my healthcare." If its an image issue, these people put looking cool over their health. None of these are things that sound like a person invested in bettering themselves. Considering Scilon Agent is trying to get these people to better themselves, I can sort of see why there's frustration at the least.

Either way I'd offer things that aren't granola bars and check the boxes before buying. Seriously- some granola SUCKS all around and there is a weird stigma about eating granola in some circles. Maybe offer dried inexpensive cereal and paper cups, little boxes of raisins or something like that instead?

I'll take it under consideration.

At the moment, though, I don't feel good.  Going to bed.

Get well soon!

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