I.. I think I'm in love with this woman..

[Disco Pickle]

http://www.dearcoketalk.com/

question and answer format blog of sorts.

some of this is borderline NSFW, but it's all text.  There's one in particular, second down on page two that I wont repost here, but is full of    If anything jumps out as NWS in this post, let me know and I'll cut it.

notable posts so far:

I think questions about God in a freshman philosophy course are completely irrelevant. I know that my professor warps the subject and her lectures are shit, so maybe if someone put a better spin on it, they would at least be more interesting.


Wrong, shithead. Philosophy classes are exactly where questions about god are relevant. That's the whole fucking point of philosophy.

Debate and discussion about the existence, definition, and value of god are vital to your development as a free-thinking individual, and there's no better place to work that shit out than within an academic discipline devoted to systematic reason and rational argument.

Sharpen your critical thinking. Develop your logic. Send your rational mind into battle against the unanswerable questions of the human condition.

This isn't about what you believe. It's about advancing the level of sophistication of your beliefs.

Good luck.

Why would a guy that likes a girl ignore her over the phone, yet, clearly show that he's head over heels in person?

Proximity to your pussy.

The man I'm fucking is in love with my best friend. He treats her with respect, and he treats me like nothing. Guess this is what I get for fucking him, right?

No, this is what you get for thinking your vagina is a hole through which respect passes.

What do YOU think happens when we die?

We rot in the ground for a hot minute. That's it, dude. Our consciousness simply ceases to exist. Don't worry. It's no big deal. You didn't exist for the first fourteen billion years, and you won't exist for the next fourteen billion either.

What gets your furthest in life: Good looks, social skills, or intelligence?
Showing up.

I'm a fairly normal teenage girl with shitty self image issues. How would you advise I go about fixing that?
Quit being a fairly normal teenage girl.

Why doesn't my boyfriend want to go down on me?
Your pussy smells.

[Dysfunctional Cunt]

OH MY FUCKING GOD.....  This woman is amazing....

My favorite from today.....

I have been sexually involved  with a big name in the local club scene for the last four months. About two weeks ago I went to my gynecologist for a check up and was given terrible news: I have herpes. As soon as I received the diagnosis, I met up with my fuck buddy and told him the news and that if he didn't warn the other girls he was fucking, I would.

One of these said girls used to be a close friend in high school and I know for a fact he has not said anything and is still sexually involved with him. We are no longer close, in fact we supposedly hate each other, yet I would honestly hate for this girl I once trusted with my life to get herpes from this asshole (not to mention the 3 other girls I know he is also fucking). Should I tell my ex-best friend to stop fucking him and get checked? Should I tell the other girls as well? Should I get back at the asshole and tell everybody he has herpes? I haven't told anybody yet, I figured if anyone knew the right thing to do in this tricky situation, it would be you. HELP!!


Translation, "After getting the herp from my rancid-cocked towny DJ, I'm tempted to carpet bomb his pussy posse with the bad news that everyone's genitalia is a biohazard. Should I exact my revenge by pretending to do the right thing, or should I protect what's left of my reputation by not alerting the world that my vagina lights up like a christmas tree?"

Yeah, tough call. Hallmark doesn't have a card for this kind of tacky shit, but at the very least you should probably pull a Snooki and send the bitches a homemade email (http://www.inspot.org/) or note (http://www.cafepress.com/+herpes_greeting_card,239318450) to inform them that they may have contracted herpes. If you do, keep it private and anonymous. There's no need to embarrass anyone, nor should you have ulterior motives of revenge.

Also, don't go telling everybody the dude has herpes. Starting rumors is nothing but drama, and I can tell from here you're not smart enough to spread shit without getting any on you. I promise, it won't be worth it.

Just cut your losses, take your Valtrex, and move on.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I am in awe.

Especially that last one.

[Disco Pickle]

I've only met one woman in my life who reminds me of this one.  Doesn't parse words, cusses like a sailor, hot as hell..  It was a chance encounter, instant chemistry, a hot, steamy trist, then she moved to NYC and never plans to live here again.
 
But man, is she the fucking tits.  Think I'll drop her this link.

The entire fucking site is  

[Dysfunctional Cunt]

I am in awe.

Especially that last one.

After getting the herp from my rancid-cocked towny DJ, I'm tempted to carpet bomb his pussy posse with the bad news that everyone's genitalia is a biohazard.

This line is pure gold.  GOLD!

[Disco Pickle]

My roommate Chris is a legend. He moved in 6 months ago and is someone who I'm sure will be a friend for life.

Problem is, he has this annoying cockatiel. It's an utterly terrible pet. It makes noises like a car alarm and let's just say it's a morning bird. It's also unfriendly, even to Chris, biting the hand that feeds.

For some reason he loves this bird. Personally, I think it would be better for both of us if it was gone. We've talked about it but he's too attached. I don't get it- this thing has the pointlessness of a fish combined with the noise of a dog. An absolute mood killer.

I've thought long and hard but get the shakes every time my hand gets near the cage door. What should I do?


Your hand shakes, eh? You want the bird gone, but you don't have what it takes to do what needs to be done?

Yeah, well. I know a guy. Ex-military, a real professional. He knows how to deal with your particular problem. He works fast, and he can keep a secret.

I think it's time you brought in The Colonel.

[Luna]

Okay.  Where do I sign to be a professional bitch, and how much does it pay?   

[Dysfunctional Cunt]

Okay.  Where do I sign to be a professional bitch, and how much does it pay?   

Hell I will do it for free.....

This should be a Fucking Bitch Cabal project....


YO JENNE!  Whatcha think girlfriend?

[Suu]

Oh.

My.

God.



This girl could be my hetero lifemate.

[Disco Pickle]

Sweet Eris they just keep getting better the deeper I get.   

Do you look forward to the extinction of humankind? I sure do, I feel like the most beautiful thing that humans could achieve would be to finally die off and let the good earth try to heal itself. When I say this to close family members they never agree and sometimes are angry at me, calling me morbid. There isn't anything more morbid than our species smothering and poisoning every other one on the planet. I'm not worried about being judged, just worried about those who are reproducing and those who want to cure major human diseases.


The good earth? You fucking idiot. The earth is an ethically inert mud ball hurtling around an amoral little star in an infinitely vast universe that is neither good nor evil. On a geological time scale, the measurable effect of our species on the planet is an insignificant burp.

It takes the human condition to color the world with value judgments, and yours are self-hating and silly. Besides, we're not going to make it anyway. Not at our current stage of evolution, and certainly not if we stick around this corner of the solar system. 99.9% of all species that have ever existed on earth are now extinct, and one day we will be too. We aren't that fucking special.

Does that mean we should wish for our annihilation? Fuck no. Only arrogant malcontents think like that. All you're doing is projecting your own self loathing onto a species-centric world view, one that's no different from the ignorant fucks who think we were put on the planet to rule over the animals.

Humanity is a fleeting and beautiful experience, the sum total of which probably won't count for shit in the long run. So what? Don't resent your species. It's a wasted emotion based on a primitive way of thinking.

If you really look forward to the extinction of humankind, then do your part and kill yourself. Otherwise, shut the fuck up and enjoy the ride.

[Eater of Clowns]

Awesome find.

[Juana]

She's amazing.

[Jasper]

I want to use the question feature to invite her here.  Should I?

[Disco Pickle]

I want to use the question feature to invite her here.  Should I?

I imagine she's busy as fuck with her new writing gig, but I'm getting the scent that she's a net rat herself, so she'd probably make time to come check out paint.  Link her to some of the projects maybe. 

[Dysfunctional Cunt]

Pickled..



This is awesome!!!  You did real good!!!!