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Nigels's stupid dating story thread

Started by Mesozoic Mister Nigel, August 04, 2011, 11:50:06 PM

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Doktor Howl

#60
August 09, 2011, 07:10:15 PM
Wait.

Are there bikers in Portland?

ETA:  Scooters don't count.  This ain't Quadraphenia.
Molon Lube

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

#61
August 09, 2011, 07:26:01 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on August 09, 2011, 07:10:15 PM
Wait.

Are there bikers in Portland?

ETA:  Scooters don't count.  This ain't Quadraphenia.

We've got the Free Souls of course, Brother Speed, Outlaws, Gypsy Jokers, a few Vagos, and a few years ago we got Mongols. There is, in fact, a biker bar not five blocks from my house. It's behind a black, unmarked windowless storefront and the bikers park in back.

Did you ever read about this? http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/32923524/ns/us_news-life/t/outlaw-bikers-crash-oregon-freeway/#.TkF61r9QXNo  :lulz: I shouldn't laugh. But fuck, it's still funny.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

#62
August 10, 2011, 02:25:40 AM
Tonight I have a date with a very normal-looking lawyer who owns a condo in St. Johns. I'm not expecting any funny stories from this one. He'll probably be extremely nice and normal and respectful and we won't have much to talk about, and then I'll never see him again.

Tomorrow morning, though, I have a breakfast date with an extremely tall man from Gambia named Mordu, who says that my name means "cooking pot" in his language. I am a little more excited about that one, if only because he's tall, hot, and exotic.

Sadly, though, it is also likely to be not very funny.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."

Doktor Howl

#63
August 10, 2011, 02:28:29 AM
Molon Lube

Freeky

#64
August 10, 2011, 02:29:59 AM
WHAT DID THEY DO TO YOU, NIGEL? :x

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

#65
August 10, 2011, 02:32:50 AM
 :lulz:

I'm sport-dating, at this point. I'm basically going out with ANYONE WHO ASKS. Just for shits and giggles. That's how I wound up on a date with a 60-year-old last night.

Did I mention that tonight's lawyer is blond and blue-eyes, and owns a condo?

In St. John's?

And the place we're going tonight is called "Leisure"?

(It has the upside of having a fabulously hot bartender, and also Space Cowboy poured the concrete countertops, which is why I've been there before.)
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

#66
August 10, 2011, 02:33:21 AM
(Anyone who asks who does not trigger my skeeze alarm)
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."

Doktor Howl

#67
August 10, 2011, 02:40:08 AM
Quote from: Nigel on August 10, 2011, 02:33:21 AM
(Anyone who asks who does not trigger my skeeze alarm)

That's probably a good plan.

But a lawyer that's single at our age is either a coke freak, or he's gay and looking for a beard.

Also, ask him what he thinks of the Tea Party.  Lawyers are either HUGELY liberal or HUGELY conservative.  The conservative ones are a pain in the arse.

Dok,
Knows lawyers.
Molon Lube

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

#68
August 10, 2011, 03:10:36 AM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on August 10, 2011, 02:40:08 AM
Quote from: Nigel on August 10, 2011, 02:33:21 AM
(Anyone who asks who does not trigger my skeeze alarm)

That's probably a good plan.

But a lawyer that's single at our age is either a coke freak, or he's gay and looking for a beard.

Also, ask him what he thinks of the Tea Party.  Lawyers are either HUGELY liberal or HUGELY conservative.  The conservative ones are a pain in the arse.

Dok,
Knows lawyers.


I think this is a liberal one, so he probably bought a condo because he couldn't afford a house. Also, he's six years younger.

But ya know, hey. Maybe he'll be fun. ?

Or at least maybe he'll pay for my sandwich.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."

Doktor Howl

#69
August 10, 2011, 03:17:16 AM
Quote from: Nigel on August 10, 2011, 03:10:36 AM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on August 10, 2011, 02:40:08 AM
Quote from: Nigel on August 10, 2011, 02:33:21 AM
(Anyone who asks who does not trigger my skeeze alarm)

That's probably a good plan.

But a lawyer that's single at our age is either a coke freak, or he's gay and looking for a beard.

Also, ask him what he thinks of the Tea Party.  Lawyers are either HUGELY liberal or HUGELY conservative.  The conservative ones are a pain in the arse.

Dok,
Knows lawyers.


I think this is a liberal one, so he probably bought a condo because he couldn't afford a house. Also, he's six years younger.

But ya know, hey. Maybe he'll be fun. ?

Or at least maybe he'll pay for my sandwich.

That's still setting off my alarm bells.  He'll be clawing at his nostrils like he's got a weasel up his nose, mark my words.
Molon Lube

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

#70
August 10, 2011, 07:00:46 AM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on August 10, 2011, 03:17:16 AM
Quote from: Nigel on August 10, 2011, 03:10:36 AM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on August 10, 2011, 02:40:08 AM
Quote from: Nigel on August 10, 2011, 02:33:21 AM
(Anyone who asks who does not trigger my skeeze alarm)

That's probably a good plan.

But a lawyer that's single at our age is either a coke freak, or he's gay and looking for a beard.

Also, ask him what he thinks of the Tea Party.  Lawyers are either HUGELY liberal or HUGELY conservative.  The conservative ones are a pain in the arse.

Dok,
Knows lawyers.


I think this is a liberal one, so he probably bought a condo because he couldn't afford a house. Also, he's six years younger.

But ya know, hey. Maybe he'll be fun. ?

Or at least maybe he'll pay for my sandwich.

That's still setting off my alarm bells.  He'll be clawing at his nostrils like he's got a weasel up his nose, mark my words.

OK, the skinny:

He WAS in environmental law. The long hours and broke-ass pay burned him out, so when he was offered a job as manager of a minor baseball league, he took it. Later, he took an offer for an administration job for a large university, and now mostly he does fundraising for scholarships at this university.

He is pretty damn normal. He says he keeps ending up with all these super-straightlaced Christian girlfriends, and it's frustrating because it's not what he wants.

I can already tell that if I keep seeing this guy he will fall in love with me. Not because I'm tooting my own horn, but because I know the signs. I'm WEIRD. He will fall in love with the fantasy of my novelty, and never really know or see me for who I am.

I'll probably see him again. Just because he was nice, and observed good boundaries without ever having to be taught a lesson.

But in the morning I have the date with the man from Gambia, that should be fun. Also I need to email the indian dude back. Tomorrow night I also have a date, and there are two more waiting to be planned, and then after that I think I'm done with this round of dating, and will move to Phase Two: Learning to Flirt in Bars. Also after that I might launch into Phase Three: Joining Team Sports. Except that kickball looks dumb and dragonboating (the only team sport I'm really interested in) is mostly lesbians... GREAT for flirting, but getting laid, not as much my cup of tea.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

#71
August 11, 2011, 12:55:18 AM
Gambia guy was nice. Everyone is nice.

Tonight's date canceled so I'm trying to wheedle E.O.T. into letting me come over with beer and pester him for a while.

This morning right before I woke up I dreamt that I woke up next to Mr. Language. Then I remembered how he rubs his legs together before he falls asleep, like a giant cricket.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."

Pope Pixie Pickle

#72
August 11, 2011, 12:24:18 PM
that sounds like your having fun at least.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

#73
August 11, 2011, 06:04:53 PM
No. I hate dating. It's like almost everything I don't like rolled into a two-hour vignette.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."

Dysfunctional Cunt

#74
August 11, 2011, 06:17:34 PM
Quote from: Nigel on August 11, 2011, 06:04:53 PM
No. I hate dating. It's like almost everything I don't like rolled into a two-hour vignette.

If nothing else, take enjoyment in a free meal and order a good wine  :wink:
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