Nigels's stupid dating story thread

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

No. I hate dating. It's like almost everything I don't like rolled into a two-hour vignette.

If nothing else, take enjoyment in a free meal and order a good wine 

HAHAHAHAAAAAAAA

Getting a man to pay for dinner in Portland is as improbable as finding a three-eyed unicorn in a kangaroo suit at the bus stop.

[Dysfunctional Cunt]

No. I hate dating. It's like almost everything I don't like rolled into a two-hour vignette.

If nothing else, take enjoyment in a free meal and order a good wine 

HAHAHAHAAAAAAAA

Getting a man to pay for dinner in Portland is as improbable as finding a three-eyed unicorn in a kangaroo suit at the bus stop.

WAIT!  All these dates have been dutch?

This explains why I don't date.  If I have to buy my own food then I shouldn't have to fight off sticky fingers....

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

No. I hate dating. It's like almost everything I don't like rolled into a two-hour vignette.

If nothing else, take enjoyment in a free meal and order a good wine 

HAHAHAHAAAAAAAA

Getting a man to pay for dinner in Portland is as improbable as finding a three-eyed unicorn in a kangaroo suit at the bus stop.

WAIT!  All these dates have been dutch?

This explains why I don't date.  If I have to buy my own food then I shouldn't have to fight off sticky fingers....

I wouldn't let them pay even if they wanted to, because then they'd REALLY feel entitled. Fuck that.

[Dysfunctional Cunt]

No. I hate dating. It's like almost everything I don't like rolled into a two-hour vignette.

If nothing else, take enjoyment in a free meal and order a good wine 

HAHAHAHAAAAAAAA

Getting a man to pay for dinner in Portland is as improbable as finding a three-eyed unicorn in a kangaroo suit at the bus stop.

WAIT!  All these dates have been dutch?

This explains why I don't date.  If I have to buy my own food then I shouldn't have to fight off sticky fingers....

I wouldn't let them pay even if they wanted to, because then they'd REALLY feel entitled. Fuck that.

I understand that.  It's a shame that dating has descended into what it is today.  You can't even accept a drink anymore.  It's a sad thing, dating used to be fun!

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

No. I hate dating. It's like almost everything I don't like rolled into a two-hour vignette.

If nothing else, take enjoyment in a free meal and order a good wine 

HAHAHAHAAAAAAAA

Getting a man to pay for dinner in Portland is as improbable as finding a three-eyed unicorn in a kangaroo suit at the bus stop.

WAIT!  All these dates have been dutch?

This explains why I don't date.  If I have to buy my own food then I shouldn't have to fight off sticky fingers....

I wouldn't let them pay even if they wanted to, because then they'd REALLY feel entitled. Fuck that.

I understand that.  It's a shame that dating has descended into what it is today.  You can't even accept a drink anymore.  It's a sad thing, dating used to be fun!

I can only imagine.

[Triple Zero]

No. I hate dating. It's like almost everything I don't like rolled into a two-hour vignette.

If nothing else, take enjoyment in a free meal and order a good wine 

HAHAHAHAAAAAAAA

Getting a man to pay for dinner in Portland is as improbable as finding a three-eyed unicorn in a kangaroo suit at the bus stop. getting the girl to do the dishes if the man cooks for her at his place, then bring him slippers and a pipe, oh and maybe iron my shirt while you're at it.

Fixed, because traditional gender roles go both ways.

- Triple Zero,
DUTCH.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

No. I hate dating. It's like almost everything I don't like rolled into a two-hour vignette.

If nothing else, take enjoyment in a free meal and order a good wine 

HAHAHAHAAAAAAAA

Getting a man to pay for dinner in Portland is as improbable as finding a three-eyed unicorn in a kangaroo suit at the bus stop. getting the girl to do the dishes if the man cooks for her at his place, then bring him slippers and a pipe, oh and maybe iron my shirt while you're at it.

Fixed, because traditional gender roles go both ways.

- Triple Zero,
DUTCH.

Not sure what point you're trying to make, but in the US the traditional course of courtship starts with the man buying dinner, and then the woman at some point reciprocates by inviting him over and cooking an amazing meal which usually costs at least as much as dinner out.

In this way, the man displays that he is a capable provider, and the woman displays that she is a capable nurturer. Not that this is what people are thinking when they do it, but that's the unconscious motivation.

Feeding a mate is an important part of courtship, as it happens. Read Helen Fisher for the explanation.

[East Coast Hustle]

No. I hate dating. It's like almost everything I don't like rolled into a two-hour vignette.

If nothing else, take enjoyment in a free meal and order a good wine 

HAHAHAHAAAAAAAA

Getting a man to pay for dinner in Portland is as improbable as finding a three-eyed unicorn in a kangaroo suit at the bus stop.

No wonder I have to fend off disillusioned hipster girls every time I go somewhere without ECHGF. They must be able to smell the difference in the pheremones. Or just the fact that I actually have some of those.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

No. I hate dating. It's like almost everything I don't like rolled into a two-hour vignette.

If nothing else, take enjoyment in a free meal and order a good wine 

HAHAHAHAAAAAAAA

Getting a man to pay for dinner in Portland is as improbable as finding a three-eyed unicorn in a kangaroo suit at the bus stop.

No wonder I have to fend off disillusioned hipster girls every time I go somewhere without ECHGF. They must be able to smell the difference in the pheremones. Or just the fact that I actually have some of those.

Yes; it's because the majority of "men" in Portland exude a watered-down stale coffee odor instead of actual male pheromones.

[Triple Zero]

No. I hate dating. It's like almost everything I don't like rolled into a two-hour vignette.

If nothing else, take enjoyment in a free meal and order a good wine 

HAHAHAHAAAAAAAA

Getting a man to pay for dinner in Portland is as improbable as finding a three-eyed unicorn in a kangaroo suit at the bus stop. getting the girl to do the dishes if the man cooks for her at his place, then bring him slippers and a pipe, oh and maybe iron my shirt while you're at it.

Fixed, because traditional gender roles go both ways.

- Triple Zero,
DUTCH.

Not sure what point you're trying to make, but in the US the traditional course of courtship starts with the man buying dinner, and then the woman at some point reciprocates by inviting him over and cooking an amazing meal which usually costs at least as much as dinner out.

Ahaa! Thanks for pointing out there's actually a reciprocal part to the tradition. I honestly never heard it mentioned before and thought the US tradition was just the one-sided "on a date, the man pays for everything". [which may clarify my hereby-withdrawn point]

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

No. I hate dating. It's like almost everything I don't like rolled into a two-hour vignette.

If nothing else, take enjoyment in a free meal and order a good wine 

HAHAHAHAAAAAAAA

Getting a man to pay for dinner in Portland is as improbable as finding a three-eyed unicorn in a kangaroo suit at the bus stop. getting the girl to do the dishes if the man cooks for her at his place, then bring him slippers and a pipe, oh and maybe iron my shirt while you're at it.

Fixed, because traditional gender roles go both ways.

- Triple Zero,
DUTCH.

Not sure what point you're trying to make, but in the US the traditional course of courtship starts with the man buying dinner, and then the woman at some point reciprocates by inviting him over and cooking an amazing meal which usually costs at least as much as dinner out.

Ahaa! Thanks for pointing out there's actually a reciprocal part to the tradition. I honestly never heard it mentioned before and thought the US tradition was just the one-sided "on a date, the man pays for everything". [which may clarify my hereby-withdrawn point]

I think that's the common conception. It's a really elaborate and interesting ritual, actually, when you deconstruct it. It is, actually, all across societies, almost imperative that there is a courtship phase in which the male feeds the female... it seems to be hardwired into us... followed by a reciprocal phase in which the female displays her ability to nurture in a domestic setting by caring for the male. It's cute. During the initial "feeding" phase, it's significant for the woman to accept the feeding, because if she symbolically "rejects" it by paying her own way, it is usually subconciously perceived as a rejection of the male's courtship efforts, and that introduces an additional barrier to continuing the courtship.

So, ladies, if you like the guy and want to see him again, don't offer to pay half.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

BTW, reading about this shit is making going to bars a fascinating experience. Did you know that the female is almost always the initiator? Most of us are raised with the belief that the male usually makes the first move, but in humans it's usually the female who signals her interest and invites the male to approach with an eyebrow flash. This, BTW, really goes a long way to explain why women get so irritated by uninvited sexual advances.

[Cramulus]

Still  -ing at the exchanges on the first page


I didn't know about the "woman cooks for man" part of the ritual.  I thought it went "The man takes the woman out for a nice dinner. They immediately realize it's not going to work and spend the next two months being awkward around each other."


I need to hit the meat market a bit more, but I don't have a wingman right now. And if I go to a bar alone it just feels awkward.


Maybe I need to start blasting people with creepy messages over craigslist. Something to the effect of "DO YOU WANT TO SEE A HANDCUFF TRICK?" (hey, it worked for John Wayne Gacy) Also: How can I best communicate heavy breathing via e-mail?

[Fredfredly ⊂(◉‿◉)つ]

I've never even been on a dinner date pre-dating
i got invited once but then he canceled AND THAT WAS THAT. O WELL.

[Triple Zero]

Also: How can I best communicate heavy breathing via e-mail?

The generally accepted and widely understood emoticon used for this is a digital photograph of your genitals.