Nigels's stupid dating story thread

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Still  -ing at the exchanges on the first page


I didn't know about the "woman cooks for man" part of the ritual.  I thought it went "The man takes the woman out for a nice dinner. They immediately realize it's not going to work and spend the next two months being awkward around each other."


I need to hit the meat market a bit more, but I don't have a wingman right now. And if I go to a bar alone it just feels awkward.


Maybe I need to start blasting people with creepy messages over craigslist. Something to the effect of "DO YOU WANT TO SEE A HANDCUFF TRICK?" (hey, it worked for John Wayne Gacy) Also: How can I best communicate heavy breathing via e-mail?

Craigslist is worse than useless unless you're looking for a roommate or a ride-share.

Right now, my social strategy involves going to a bar with a book. It's kind of amazing how well this is working, at least in terms of talking to people. Apparently nothing says "HEY COME TALK TO ME" more than a solitary, unsocial activity like reading a book in public.

[Salty]

I've me people just sitting at a bar. Some days it's a wash (for dating, sometimes I just like to sit in a loud place think and drink) but if you don't do it you miss out on those moments where you connect with total strangers for reasons that exist only in that moment.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I've me people just sitting at a bar. Some days it's a wash (for dating, sometimes I just like to sit in a loud place think and drink) but if you don't do it you miss out on those moments where you connect with total strangers for reasons that exist only in that moment.

Yeah, this part of it is actually kind of fun. More fun than actually "going on dates".

[Pope Pixie Pickle]

Also: How can I best communicate heavy breathing via e-mail?

The generally accepted and widely understood emoticon used for this is a digital photograph of your genitals.

i almost spat chai at the keyboard.

[Telarus]

  Trip, nailing it in one...

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Soooooo

I had a date Friday night, with a guy who seemed nice enough. I had met him one night at the Nest when I went alone to watch the movie (Grease) and read a book. He got my phone number, and after a couple of text exchanges, I agreed to meet him for a date at 9:00. All I knew about him was that he had formerly worked as a doorman at Club Sesso (which he claimed was otherwise "not his scene"), and that his girlfriend had dumped him in a particularly spectacular way involving Club Sesso.

I arrived at nine, in a white dress and red heels, with my hair up. No sign of my date, so I went to the patio and sat at the end of a table that was already occupied by two rather fantastic looking dark-haired men. One was mid-30's and very conventionally handsome, while the other looked perhaps late 30's, and was a bit gaunt and weathered. The weathered one was talking about wanting to sail to Hawaii, and the conventional one was telling him why that's a terrible idea.

9:15, no date. I decided to text him and tell him that I was in a white dress and my hair was up.

9:30, Conventional starts telling one of the funniest stories I've ever heard, about finding his tortoise in the back yard gleefully eating a pile of dog shit. A random hippie, wearing its hair in a bun, moves to our table to listen in.

9:45, I get a call from Cordelia the Enucleator asking where I am, so I tell her and she shows up. Conventional leaves, and the Enucleator is sitting across from Weathered, who is engaging her in what sounds like a fascinating conversation about fish and wildlife biology and eyeballs. The hippie, who I will call Bun, is distracting me from paying attention because he is engaging in bizarre, obnoxious behavior, and the oddest thing about it is that the unremarkable people he came with seem to be fawning over him like he's some kind of high priest or some shit. Then at one point, he orders Weathered to get him a drink, and Weathered DOES IT WITHOUT BATTING AN EYE. At this point I am openly nudging Cordelia to watch Bun, who is rolling his eyes at perfectly interesting things people say, and at one point tried to convince me that Weathered was full of shit, and HE knows the Truth because he used to fight wildfires. Or some shit.

Anyway.

Around 10, Bun looks at me and says of the conversation between the Enucleator and Weathered, "This conversation just isn't interesting AT ALL." So I say "Really? So what's interesting to you? Say something. Entertain me." but he, of course, has nothing to say. It doesn't take long before the Enucleator and I are openly mocking Bun, who gets up and moves to a table with much younger people who will presumably be easier to impress with his boredom and contempt. I finally had a chance to ask Weathered about his job, which sounds utterly fascinating, and then MY DATE SHOWED UP.



Weathered took his goodbyes, and then I sat (with Cordelia, thank goodness) and my vastly-less-interesting date, who, at the end of the evening, suggested that our next date be at Club Sesso. I said "Yeah, not so much. I'm more into boring things, like you know, having a beer and a conversation". Then we left the end.

Who the fuck asks a girl to go to a SEX CLUB on the second date? WHAT THE SHIT. 

Anyway. I spent bits of yesterday regretting not having had a chance to ask Weathered about his job, but thinking that since he lives in the neighborhood, maybe I'd run into him again. And then last night, I got a last-minute call to hang out at the Nest with my ladies, so I went, half-thinking I might see him there. The patio was closed, so we went to the Alleyway instead, and about an hour after we got there I looked over and HOLY HOT SHIT there he was coming through the door

And the best part is

I got butterflies.

I said hi to him and we chatted a tiny bit, and he waved at me when I was in the bar. He was with friends, I was with friends, and at one point he came over to my table to say hi, and we talked about Eagle Creek and rain and hiking. And then I got tired and had to go and he never did ask for my phone number.

I have a crush on a wildlife biologist!

It is a tiny crush that might not go anywhere. I don't even know him. I just want to hear about his job!

[Don Coyote]

Hunt him down. Hit him with a club. Drag him to your lair.

[Phox]

Hunt him down. Hit him with a club. Drag him to your lair.

This has always been my policy. 


Sounds like it's worth a shot, Nigel. Hope you see him around again. 

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Hunt him down. Hit him with a club. Drag him to your lair.

I am hoping that he will take me with him to look at fish.

I don't think he understands that I am seriously interested in what he does and I'm not just being polite or faking it because I think he's hot. When I was a kid I wanted to be a saltwater biologist. Also, science is SEXY, and scientists, especially biologists and chemists, are some of the most passionate, alive, human people I know. I think it's because rather than having all these intellectually-derived ideals about how human beings should be, they understand and accept the way we are, and work with it instead of against it.

I don't think I can stand ever dating a philosopher or psychologist again.

[Don Coyote]

Hunt him down. Hit him with a club. Drag him to your lair.

I am hoping that he will take me with him to look at fish.

I don't think he understands that I am seriously interested in what he does and I'm not just being polite or faking it because I think he's hot. When I was a kid I wanted to be a saltwater biologist. Also, science is SEXY, and scientists, especially biologists and chemists, are some of the most passionate, alive, human people I know. I think it's because rather than having all these intellectually-derived ideals about how human beings should be, they understand and accept the way we are, and work with it instead of against it.

I don't think I can stand ever dating a philosopher or psychologist again.

Find him. And then start asking him about random fish stuff?

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Hunt him down. Hit him with a club. Drag him to your lair.

I am hoping that he will take me with him to look at fish.

I don't think he understands that I am seriously interested in what he does and I'm not just being polite or faking it because I think he's hot. When I was a kid I wanted to be a saltwater biologist. Also, science is SEXY, and scientists, especially biologists and chemists, are some of the most passionate, alive, human people I know. I think it's because rather than having all these intellectually-derived ideals about how human beings should be, they understand and accept the way we are, and work with it instead of against it.

I don't think I can stand ever dating a philosopher or psychologist again.

Find him. And then start asking him about random fish stuff?

I'm totally gonna do that! I'm gonna be all "HEY FISHY BOY, TELL ME ABOUT THE FISHIES!"

[Eater of Clowns]

I am hoping that he will take me with him to look at fish.

I don't think he understands that I am seriously interested in what he does and I'm not just being polite or faking it because I think he's hot. When I was a kid I wanted to be a saltwater biologist. Also, science is SEXY, and scientists, especially biologists and chemists, are some of the most passionate, alive, human people I know. I think it's because rather than having all these intellectually-derived ideals about how human beings should be, they understand and accept the way we are, and work with it instead of against it.

I don't think I can stand ever dating a philosopher or psychologist again.

Haters gonna hate.
        \

[Don Coyote]

Hunt him down. Hit him with a club. Drag him to your lair.

I am hoping that he will take me with him to look at fish.

I don't think he understands that I am seriously interested in what he does and I'm not just being polite or faking it because I think he's hot. When I was a kid I wanted to be a saltwater biologist. Also, science is SEXY, and scientists, especially biologists and chemists, are some of the most passionate, alive, human people I know. I think it's because rather than having all these intellectually-derived ideals about how human beings should be, they understand and accept the way we are, and work with it instead of against it.

I don't think I can stand ever dating a philosopher or psychologist again.

Find him. And then start asking him about random fish stuff?

I'm totally gonna do that! I'm gonna be all "HEY FISHY BOY, TELL ME ABOUT THE FISHIES!"

Even better, ask him detailed and specific questions about fish.

[Suu]

 

"So I hear that the salmon are running this time of year..."

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

Find some totally arcane fish question. Impress This One!