Oh lordy the world is ending

[Drunken Monkey Cabal]

So in case you had all forgotten, people are to be raptured on up within the next hour (Surely God works on GMT no?)

And then the world is to be destroyed

In case you have forgotten.. http://laist.com/2011/05/24/apocalypse_not_quite_now_camping_pi.php

Wonder how he's going to backtrack on this one. Another angel appearing and correcting him? Maybe its a slow destruction of the world as *gasp* it is God who has been destroying the economy

[Pæs]

Camping is nothing but a dirty ducking tease. I get all greased up and ready to go and then he changes his mind about the impending doom. Fuck that guy.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

The apocalypse has been underway for some time now. If I wake up tomorrow and there are still Christians in my apocalypse, though, I'm gonna be pissed. He promised.

[BadBeast]

Shit! I'd better go and tell Turkey Lurkey, Chicken Lickin, and Goosey Lucy. . . . . . . . . .!

[Drunken Monkey Cabal]

I dont remember precisely as I think I have only read revelations in lego format (http://www.thebricktestament.com/revelation/index.html)

but isn't there only like members from the original tribes of Israel or something which are ascended to heaven in the rapture?

or is this a different rapture?

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Did it happen? I wouldn't be able to tell.

Ireland is a Christian nation, but of the Catholic variety, and they're all damned to hellfire anyway for their Popery and Popishness.

[Cramulus]

Never trust anybody with the initials H. C.

[LMNO]

The above rule is never wrong.

[P3nT4gR4m]

I dont remember precisely as I think I have only read revelations in lego format (http://www.thebricktestament.com/revelation/index.html)

but isn't there only like members from the original tribes of Israel or something which are ascended to heaven in the rapture?

or is this a different rapture?

The "objectionable contents" warning made me lol. Then it made me think. Surely they shouldn't be allowed to teach this kind of filth to children, in schools? I've read bits of that book and some of the coherent bits are utterly fucking sick and disgusting. Lots of violence, torture, rape, incest...

Never mind The Catcher in the Rye, the so called holy bible is a fucking obscenity and should be banned! 

[BadBeast]

I'm not really sure how this "Rapture" thing's supposed to work.  It's the Christians who get  . . . erm. . sucked up into sky, yeah?  Right, that's the bit I'm fairly certain of. But what about the "meek"?  I mean, Christians are supposed to be meek, aren't they? And "The meek shall inherit the Earth".
Now, I'm quite happy to miss this 'Stairway to Heaven' bollocks.  After all, it's not like it's mandatory or anything. I'll even show up to wave those babbling bastards off, as they float away to be with Lord Jezoos. But I don't want to be stuck down here forever with the fucking meek. Just when things are looking good, and Skydaddy's Short Bus pulls away with all the humourless canting cunts,  their Dirge like Hymns fading slowly as 'Closer to their God' they get.
 I don't wan't to look around, ready to celebrate with my fellow Hellbound, and see nothing but a sea of fucking "Meek"!

This is supposed to Mankind's fucking glory day, a real chance to make a Brave. New. World. Free from the superstitions and fairy stories of some schizoid desert dwelling Death Cult. It's going to be bit like sucking Goat's Balls down here, if we're saddled with a whole load of meek motherfuckers! Fuck them! "The meek shall inherit the Earth" must NOT be used as a 'get-out clause'  for Jehovah (Who obviously doesn't want to take the fucking meek either)  to fuck off without cleaning HIS fucking mess up.  

I say we go out and chain as many of the ticket holding Kneeling Noddys as we can, to the deck. Big iron shackles.  Shit, nail them up to trees if that's what it's going to take, but we make really fucking sure that when they go, they take the fucking meek as well!
I don't begrudge them their sterile Utopia, sitting on clouds, strumming their fucking Harps or whatever, (have you ever tried to tune one of those bastards? Haha)  but I'm fucked if I'm letting them leave their collateral damaged poster kids behind. There's no place here any more for fucking meekness.

So, seeing as THEY turned fucking meekness into a virtue,  and THEY gelded the pious little bastards in the first place, with their supplicant mind virus,  it's only right that THEY can take their noxiously passive aggressive, tedious, smug, dull, MEEK Bredrin with them. Fucking Oath!

I'm not letting Jehovah get one fucking Christian out alive, until the meek are in the back of the Bus. Fuck him with a carrot anyway, he's just a bully! What's he gonna do? Ban my sorry arse from Heaven? Oe noes! Kill me?  Pffft!  I'm gonna die anyway! Send a flood? Bollocks is he. He'll need all that water just to swill the stink of meekness off the Short Bus seats.

So, OI! JEHOVAH! FIRST FUCKING AMENDMENT! The Raptured shall inherit the Meek.!

SECOND AMENDMENT. Make sure Jehovah complies with the First fucking Amendment. No Jewish Lawyer will be onside to help him wriggle out of that one. I'd love to see their faces in this, "What? You said WE were the chosen people, you lying Bastard" Ha! Call me Ishmael!

Right, that was the only issue I had with the Rapture Act.  An exemplary piece of Social Engineering really. Genuinely progressive in it's surgically precise cauterisation of socially necrotic gene plasm. It would be a shame to see it all fucked up, just so Jehovah can appease the meek. Fuck them anyway, what are they going to do? Sulk?

Because they'e ALL so VERY worth it.
Right, you can fuck off now, I'm going to find some clean living, knee patched Christian Hostages to nail up to all the Church doors. Remember Brah,  it's Hearts and minds now, hearts and minds. (And sturdy iron nails)      

[kingyak]

Don't nail the believers to trees.

Nail* them TO THE MEEK.

That way, when the believers float up to heaven, they'll take the meek with them.


*Actually, nails might not work. I suggest a nut and bolt set-up.

[BadBeast]

I dont remember precisely as I think I have only read revelations in lego format (http://www.thebricktestament.com/revelation/index.html)

but isn't there only like members from the original tribes of Israel or something which are ascended to heaven in the rapture?

or is this a different rapture?

The "objectionable contents" warning made me lol. Then it made me think. Surely they shouldn't be allowed to teach this kind of filth to children, in schools? I've read bits of that book and some of the coherent bits are utterly fucking sick and disgusting. Lots of violence, torture, rape, incest...

Never mind The Catcher in the Rye, the so called holy bible is a fucking obscenity and should be banned!  

Yeah, right on! We could have a big Bible Burning Party. And while we're tossing Testaments into the fire, I'm sure nobody's going to mind if we accidentally all the Korans too. And Ayn Rand. (And all her books too) Shakespeare, Dickens, Dawkins, and Joyce, chuck 'em in while the fire's still hot. All the Beatles Music too. And Paul McCarney. Lashed top to tail with Bono, Bieber, and Bob fucking Dylan. Imma go make me a list!

[BadBeast]

Don't nail the believers to trees.

Nail* them TO THE MEEK.

That way, when the believers float up to heaven, they'll take the meek with them.


*Actually, nails might not work. I suggest a nut and bolt set-up.

I like the cut of your jib! I'm thinking superglue them all together. Let the fuckers know it's all or nothing. And if Jehovah bottles it and fucks off, we have got all his faulty monkeys together in a pile, so we can douse them all with petroleum, and light the fuckers up. There really is a way to turn this right around!

[P3nT4gR4m]

Don't nail the believers to trees.

Nail* them TO THE MEEK.

That way, when the believers float up to heaven, they'll take the meek with them.


*Actually, nails might not work. I suggest a nut and bolt set-up.

I like the cut of your jib! I'm thinking superglue them all together. Let the fuckers know it's all or nothing. And if Jehovah bottles it and fucks off, we have got all his faulty monkeys together in a pile, so we can douse them all with petroleum, and light the fuckers up. There really is a way to turn this right around!

Come to think of it, maybe we are the armageddon they've been warned about. Wouldn't that be a doozy! 

[BadBeast]

Don't nail the believers to trees.

Nail* them TO THE MEEK.

That way, when the believers float up to heaven, they'll take the meek with them.


*Actually, nails might not work. I suggest a nut and bolt set-up.

I like the cut of your jib! I'm thinking superglue them all together. Let the fuckers know it's all or nothing. And if Jehovah bottles it and fucks off, we have got all his faulty monkeys together in a pile, so we can douse them all with petroleum, and light the fuckers up. There really is a way to turn this right around!

Come to think of it, maybe we are the armageddon they've been warned about. Wouldn't that be a doozy!  

That, my friend, would truly be the frosting on the cake lake of fire!