Just a little bile that's been percolating.

[Doktor Howl]

A long time ago, I got in a fight with my old friend Sam, over Jane, a new friend of mine that he had some mistaken impressions about.  Sam was wrong about the situation, and I told him so.  It led to a big fight...Sam & I were never the same again.  Sure, we talked here and there, but it was never really the same.

Then a little while ago, Sam & Jane got into another spat.  In this case, Sam was in the right, and Jane was in the wrong.  I told Jane she was wrong.  She got very upset with me..."You sided with SAM ever ME?", and she hasn't spoken to me since, despite my attempt to explain that in both cases, I said what I thought was RIGHT.  I wasn't "taking sides".

So now I don't really have a friendship, it seems, with either Sam OR Jane.

The lesson is, of course, that most people - at least part of the time - view "friends" as "people who have my back, not because I'm right about something, but so that I won't be wrong alone".  In addition, if I am friends with someone, I am not to ever stick up for another friend if there is a conflict.

Some people like having "friends" who will do these things.  I don't.  If I'm right, I want the support.  If I'm not, I'd prefer to be discreetly or at least politely told I'm wrong.  It IS, after all, possible to have someone's back without agreeing with what they're saying.

Also, If I'm right, and my "friends" side with the opposition because "You don't need the help, and we don't want this other person to get upset", then I think I need to find new friends.   Fuck, for that matter, when people tell you "I was gonna get involved, but you can handle yourself", then they aren't friends, either.

Lastly, when I apologize - rightly or wrongly - to a "friend", and they throw it back in my face, I'm fucking done with that person.

Sorry for venting.  This shit's been eating on me a bit.

[LMNO]

I get the sense there's a lot of "Monkey Mind" going on behind all this.

[Doktor Howl]

I get the sense there's a lot of "Monkey Mind" going on behind all this.

Probably.  I am, after all, a primate.

[LMNO]

I was thinking more along the lines of them, not you.

There seems to be this pack mentality/attitude around power plays and "right-ness".  Being "right" gives you an edge in the pack, and your niche circle of packmates do what they can to remain "right".  To say someone is "wrong" is to diminish their pack status.  So it's not about "right" and "wrong", it's about power and status.

[Doktor Howl]

I was thinking more along the lines of them, not you.

There seems to be this pack mentality/attitude around power plays and "right-ness".  Being "right" gives you an edge in the pack, and your niche circle of packmates do what they can to remain "right".  To say someone is "wrong" is to diminish their pack status.  So it's not about "right" and "wrong", it's about power and status.

Ah, gotcha.

[navkat]

1. We're all guilty of feeling butthurt over dumb shit that we damned well know better about.
2. Having someone's back is like "Dude, you fucked up and were wrong...but I'm not going to let them beat the shit out of you over it."
3. A friend is someone who goes "you acted like an idiot--but I love you and I'm not leaving your side because most of the time, you're awesome."

I think.

[Doktor Howl]

You People have the right to eat terribly and get no thiamine in your diet, causing you to eventually undergo a neural disruption that makes you strip off naked and run down the street making chicken noises.

[navkat]

I'd just be happy if Google could help me figure out the root cause of my involuntary fasciculations and severe memory loss before I have to accept that it's time to see a doctor about the possibility of early-onset Parkinsonianism or whatever.

Hoping it's just benign old stress.

[Doktor Howl]

I'd just be happy if Google could help me figure out the root cause of my involuntary fasciculations and severe memory loss before I have to accept that it's time to see a doctor about the possibility of early-onset Parkinsonianism or whatever.

Hoping it's just benign old stress.

They told me it was the stress, and they gave me benzodiazapam.

I still have the symptoms, I just don't care.

[Salty]

Can I do that and still maintain a balanced diet? Please?

As for the OP, I think sometimes people are afraid of disrupting their own personal status quo. Even for people who question such things in the world at large it's difficult to do so in there own little world because they work so hard to get it right. it's hard to get that stuff right.

But that's no excuse. If you're drowning and an actual friend is holding out a cattle prod maybe you should think about whether you're actually drowning or not. Maybe there's no water and that's just a helping hand. Or something.

[Doktor Howl]

But that's no excuse. If you're drowning and an actual friend is holding out a cattle prod maybe you should think about whether you're actually drowning or not. Maybe there's no water and that's just a helping hand. Or something.

But that's not how you bet.

[Salty]

I never bet on a friend. Actually I don't like gambling at all. It disrupts my bowels.

[navkat]

I'd just be happy if Google could help me figure out the root cause of my involuntary fasciculations and severe memory loss before I have to accept that it's time to see a doctor about the possibility of early-onset Parkinsonianism or whatever.

Hoping it's just benign old stress.

They told me it was the stress, and they gave me benzodiazapam.

I still have the symptoms, I just don't care.

Ahhhhhh benzos. Ativan, Klonopin and Valium. The screaming isn't nearly as loud until morning.

[Doktor Howl]

I'd just be happy if Google could help me figure out the root cause of my involuntary fasciculations and severe memory loss before I have to accept that it's time to see a doctor about the possibility of early-onset Parkinsonianism or whatever.

Hoping it's just benign old stress.

They told me it was the stress, and they gave me benzodiazapam.

I still have the symptoms, I just don't care.

Ahhhhhh benzos. Ativan, Klonopin and Valium. The screaming isn't nearly as loud until morning.

Lorezapam.

So, early afternoon.

[Oysters Rockefeller]

People would rather be an idiot surrounded by yes-men than they would be somebody who has to admit to being wrong.

But I prefer friends over "friends" any day. Fake people get fake love.