All the Nigels, part I

[Doktor Howl]

One fine spring morning, Nigel woke to find that "she" was a "they".  On the other side of the bed from her was another Nigel.  They looked at each other, and smiled.  It should have been disturbing, but it was actually sort of comforting.

Without the need for conversation, they went to the studio.  One Nigel ran the torch, while the other arranged UPS shipping.  The day's work was over in half the time, and they both went out back and enjoyed a nice cup of tea by the fire pit.  When their kids came home from school, they took the whole thing in stride.  One mom is good, two moms are better.

The next morning, all four Nigels got out of bed, smiling.  It was really nice having 3 people that understood you so completely that no words were necessary.  One ran the kiln, one ran the torch, one handled shipping & receiving, and one sat on the internet, bullshitting around on various boards.  The other three Nigels were fine with this, of course, as they were each at the same time working and screwing off.  Later that night, they all got merrily drunk, laughing at unsaid jokes.

The next morning, all 8 Nigels woke up, feeling oddly well.  Well, maybe not so odd.  They had twice the number of people to sleep off the previous night's drinks, after all.  Four of them continued what they'd done the day before, 2 of them put beads up on various vendor sites, and 2 went grocery shopping. 

The next day, 8 of them did the same thing, 4 of them cleaned up around the house, and the remaining 4 went and got jobs at my bar, which was right down the street.  They didn't really need the extra income – only one person had to eat, of course – but why be idle?  As for me, I have one employee for taxes, and a pack of help.

The next day, all 32 of them took the day off to celebrate the 100% score they got on their university exam, as 31 of them stayed at home reading the material, while one took the test.

Two days later, I remarked how nice Nigel looked when they came into the bar, in preparation for the shift.  The 128 smiles I got in return really made my day.  I was beginning to wonder, though, how long this would go on.

To be continued

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

SQUEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

[Doktor Howl]

SQUEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

Chapter II will be up this afternoon or tomorrow.  After that, I'll be gone for 5 days.

[navkat]

Oh, this one's gonna get gory. 

[Doktor Howl]

Oh, this one's gonna get gory. 

Yeah.   

[Don Coyote]

It's a good thing that not all of them need to eat, because PDX would run out of hipsters quickly.

[Doktor Howl]

It's a good thing that not all of them need to eat, because PDX would run out of hipsters quickly.

Thought along those lines right away, but it was too predictable.  I have something else in mind.

[Juana]

The thing is, is that I can picture this. And it's both awesome, funny, and terrifying.

[Oysters Rockefeller]

This is roughly 96.3 percent hilarious.

[Richter]

PDX wouldn't hold all that.  They'd have to export.  "Carrying capacity" has no method to adjsut for Nigel, though, so eventually, even China would collapse.  It would be hillarious all the way.  Can't wait to see where this goes.

[AnnaMaeBollocks]

Dok:

Please send me a Nigel in the mail, to my address in central TX. I want to take her to the governor's mansion.

Thank you.

[Doktor Howl]

Dok:

Please send me a Nigel in the mail, to my address in central TX. I want to take her to the governor's mansion.

Thank you.

It is both dangerous and unlawful to send Nigels through the mail.  Penalties include fines up to $100,000, ten years in prison, and/or the postmaster comes by with a big fucking bat and about three friends, and they fucking your shit into tiny little fagbaskets.

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

What if we fedex her instead?

[AnnaMaeBollocks]

Dok:

Please send me a Nigel in the mail, to my address in central TX. I want to take her to the governor's mansion.

Thank you.

It is both dangerous and unlawful to send Nigels through the mail.  Penalties include fines up to $100,000, ten years in prison, and/or the postmaster comes by with a big fucking bat and about three friends, and they fucking your shit into tiny little fagbaskets.

Plane, then.

Mr. Perry needs to meet this woman.

Will youtube. 

[Don Coyote]

What if we fedex her instead?

Some should tell her about why we can no longer use fedex. I can't. I lost my pills and I want to sleep this week.