Riddle me this PD...

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I think Richter has a case of the Holies. 

[Cain]

Tiger.

No matter what anyone asks in an interview, if it's a "if you were a category x, what kind of x would you be?" the only correct answer is tiger.

[ñͤͣ̄ͦ̌̑͗͊͛͂͗ ̸̨̨̣̺̼̣̜͙͈͕̮̊̈́̈͂͛̽͊ͭ̓͆ͅé ̰̓̓́ͯ́́͞]

Pumpernickel.

I'm too dense and kind of nasty.

[Richter]

Tiger.

No matter what anyone asks in an interview, if it's a "if you were a category x, what kind of x would you be?" the only correct answer is tiger.

I need to recharge the Holy^tm but I've got something for that.  Charlie Sheen and traditional Chinese medicine.

[Richter]

Pumpernickel.

I'm too dense and kind of nasty.

HORSECOCK.
Nancing about won't distract us from what you mean. 

[Oysters Rockefeller]

Banana Bread, because it's fucking awesome.

I wake up, drink ludicrous amounts of jack daniels, look at myself in the mirror and ask

"What would banana bread do today?"


So it's pretty much pinball and hookers every day. It's actually gotten pretty...ehem...stale.

[Cain]

Tiger.

No matter what anyone asks in an interview, if it's a "if you were a category x, what kind of x would you be?" the only correct answer is tiger.

I need to recharge the Holy^tm but I've got something for that.  Charlie Sheen and traditional Chinese medicine.

You may also claim you are a warlock, then.

[Kai]

A whole wheat bun. With a hamburger on it. That I eat the hell outta.

Yeah, I eat the hell outta myself. What of it?

[Richter]

Tiger.

No matter what anyone asks in an interview, if it's a "if you were a category x, what kind of x would you be?" the only correct answer is tiger.

I need to recharge the Holy^tm but I've got something for that.  Charlie Sheen and traditional Chinese medicine.

OH DAMNIT.

Drop that shit ont eh interviewing manager and he WILL shit himself in terror.

TIGER. 
The Demon answer.

TIGER.
JUST waht he did not want to hear.

TIGER.
That maciavellian motherfucker across the table from him is DAMN sure more adept at the game that he is.

He's stuck in a room now.  With a hunter.  A devious bastard, a sly fucker who probably dicked his secretary on the way in.  A man more than his equal. 
He'll try to "casually" chug from the bottle of blood beside his coffee, hoping to somehow equal the beast quotient.  OR "Accidentally" drop that Panera baguette down his trousers, to get the ground greatcat penis in it closer to his own shrivelling fearfull manhood somehow to fortify him.

He KNOWS.  The first one who moves is going to break teh surface tension, ripple the calm morning glass surface of the lake, and it is all going to explode into violence. 

Scream and leap.  NO other option.

The winner will walk out of the room calmly.  No one will say anything.  This is the way of things, the necessary atavistic remnant of brutality in the "civil" ages.  The looser will be calmly wiped from records and schedules.  the winner, certainly the better man, will take his place. 
The higher ups will send down a gym bag of work out clothes and a few clean towels, and the tailor will be along to fit you for your suits.

Sit down at the desk of the man you have just replaced, who's broken cadaver you have left behind in that room.  It will be sheetrocked over before then end of the day, like it was never there.  Relax into his leather covered chair. Take the scotch from the bottom left hand drawer, and have a short drink before you begin acquainting yourself with the life you have taken from him.

Look out over it all, savor, and imagine what you will take next.

[Oysters Rockefeller]

A whole wheat bun. With a hamburger on it. That I eat the hell outta.

Yeah, I eat the hell outta myself. What of it?

I-

But...?


You win.

[Richter]

A whole wheat bun. With a hamburger on it. That I eat the hell outta.

Yeah, I eat the hell outta myself. What of it?

ONE DAY.  ONE goddamn FINE day, when you're old, published to shit, and tenured beyond anyone else and researching at a university, who are going to publish a book.

"The great, dirty, and awesome things I have said and done."

The students who read it will be ashamed they have not had half of that much fun.

[Sir Squid Diddimus]

I am gingerbread.

BECAUSE I FUCKING SAID SO

[Kai]

A whole wheat bun. With a hamburger on it. That I eat the hell outta.

Yeah, I eat the hell outta myself. What of it?

I-

But...?


You win.

Damn right.

Because the bread isn't the answer. It's what you do with it. The only acceptable answer being, Eat the Hell Outta It.

[Deepthroat Chopra]

I think today I'm brioche. If only the poor would eat me, instead of starting a revolution.

[EK WAFFLR]

BAGEL

Because Hole.