So, I just grabbed a pack of post it notes...

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

I worked at a supermarket deli once. They put up signs for the stupid people not to amputate the other stupid peoples' fingers like "BE A HERO - DON'T FORGET TO ZERO!" i.e., set the space between the slicer blade and the machine flush so it doesn't stick up.

Like anybody's putting their fucking HAND there.

I suspect the reason that sign was there was because someone somewhere did just that, whether accidentally or out of DERP. To me that sounds like, "DON'T LEAVE THE KITCHEN KNIVES SITTING OUT ON THE FUCKING COUNTER"

My money's on DERP.

There were little pictures on the sides of the slicers, too. Hands with airborne amputated fingers. 

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

I worked at a supermarket deli once. They put up signs for the stupid people not to amputate the other stupid peoples' fingers like "BE A HERO - DON'T FORGET TO ZERO!" i.e., set the space between the slicer blade and the machine flush so it doesn't stick up.

Like anybody's putting their fucking HAND there.

I suspect the reason that sign was there was because someone somewhere did just that, whether accidentally or out of DERP. To me that sounds like, "DON'T LEAVE THE KITCHEN KNIVES SITTING OUT ON THE FUCKING COUNTER"

Or, in our case, DON'T PUT THE KNIVES IN A FULL SINK OF SOAPY WATER AND WALK AWAY.

[Triple Zero]

On a related (post) note, the security guy stuck an official (letterhead) notice on my filing cabinet two years ago.

Task Procedure -
* Open drawer to file or retrieve paperwork.

I shit you not. I enjoy pointing it out to people.

There's also a safety instruction -
* Do not stand on lower drawer to reach a higher level.

It's about four feet high.

There's people that make a living off of these things.

Are you sure he isn't one of us? I make the same kind of notes, especially the first one. Though I usually try to get them ever so slightly and subtly wrong.

And Dok, did you ever read the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy? There's a story in it very similar to yours. About a guy whose final straw before breaking down in maddening screaming sanity was finding there were instructions on a packet of toothpicks. He then built an inside-out house with padded walls on the outside, so he could put the world in an asylum. He also was the only guy who knew where the dolphins went ("so long, and thanks for all the fish!").

[P3nT4gR4m]

I had the same reaction the first time I noticed the warning on my vending machine coffee cup - ** CAUTION - CONTENTS MAY BE HOT **

The only thing that kept me sane was the thought of someone burning their hands when they picked it up to read the message.

We've made Darwin obsolete - it's survival of the weakest from here on in