A Treatise On Calling People On Their Bullshit.

[Roly Poly Oly-Garch]

I'm kind of with RWHN in that I often bristle at the word retard and for pretty much the same reason...being around people who got very offended by it. Most of the time though, I don't even notice it. In Roger's post, for instance, until it was pointed out, it blew right by me.

But like Roger I only ever bother bristling out loud if there's some shit's and giggle's in it. Dated a derby girl for about a year. We'd go drinking after practice. She's still in her hot-pants and fish-nets. Cat calls would happen. I'm not the jealous type, and she sure as fuck wasn't a dainty little flower in need of my protection, but if I'm in the mood for a little wrasslin', dude's getting thumped.

Also, I use "bitch" purely and exclusively as a term of respect. Just getting that out there in case I ever accidentally hit someone's PC bone by forgetting to edit out "that bitch separated shoulders for recreation, so she sure as fuck wasn't afraid to beat down some 22-year-old drunken douche-bag, if she thought it needed to happen."

[Doktor Howl]

I'm kind of with RWHN in that I often bristle at the word retard and for pretty much the same reason...being around people who got very offended by it. Most of the time though, I don't even notice it. In Roger's post, for instance, until it was pointed out, it blew right by me.

In whose post?

[Pope Pixie Pickle]

I offer a hypothetical scenario. A group of people are in a social situation, and someone says something that is sexist, racist, homophobic yada yada. Imagine this group is a bunch of white guys, and it's a rape joke or similar mysogynistic bullshit, some flippant assed comment on a person of colour, or a non-hetero person.

So you're in the pub with your mates, having a generally good time, and someone pipes up with this crap. If you laugh out of discomfort, or shuffle on your seat and say nothing, YOU ARE TELLING THEM THAT THIS SHIT IS NORMAL, ACCEPTABLE. You are reinforcing the shitty status quo.  You may disagree with them, you may think it's a shitty thing to say, but if you don't OPEN YOUR FUCKING MOUTH AND CALL THEM ON IT, you are just as bad as they are. They may claim that they don't actually believe the shit they are saying, or "I was just being ironic" or some lame assed crap, but they need to be reminded that although they may not believe it, some wankers MIGHT. And by telling their shitty joke, laughing at it, or not rebuking someone, you are telling them that this shit is okay. It's a pretty dickish move. I think it is especially important to do this if you are a straight man, a white man or someone who isn't usually shat on by this behaviour, cos the wimmens, the POC and teh Gheys need allies in the War Against Bullshit.

Now, I realise that in some places, like work, that calling people out on their crap may not be the best thing to do on a personal level, especially if it doesn't relate directly to you/a colleague, and in a recession where your ass might get fired and another job might be not forthcoming. We all have to eat, pay bills, keep ourselves housed and clothed. It would be fucking awesome if we could speak up and not jeopardise our livelihoods, or personal safety, but if you are broke or in hospital or dead, you aren't much use to the practice of Calling People On Their Bullshit.

In a social situation, however the stakes aren't anywhere near as high.  All you have to lose is a douchenozzle, and we could all stand to have less of them in our lives. If you don't lose someone, and they start to, heaven forbid, THINK BEFORE THEY SPEAK or start calling people on their crap, well, you have just done the world a solid. If you do this, I wont salute you, or buy you a drink (unless you did it with Style and Wit, then I'll buy you a drink for being a Glorious Faggot) cos you have merely been a decent biped, and by rights, this should be your default setting.

OR FUCKING KILL ME.

I think the optimal response in this situation would be to counter with an equally offensive remark targeted at the offender.

Yea, like the next time my housemate makes a fat joke about some lassie imma point out his imminent bald patch, because I know he's sensitive about it., and watching him froth will be amusing. and then I shall utter "well now you know how it feels for people to make derogatory remarks about your appearance."

[Pope Pixie Pickle]

Urgh, living here is really not good for my stress/rage levels, especially as last week, when I tried to enforce my boundaries with one of them concerning manners, he flipped out and yelled at me.

He later told Payne that he was out of line, BUT STILL HAS NOT APOLOGISED TO ME, the one he flipped out at.

And Payne still considers him a friend. (he has, however said that the Ginger One will have to find a new place to live at the end of the tenancy, but...uuurgh.) I don't quite get it, if the shoe were on the other foot I'd be hella pissed at anyone that was out of line with Payne.

Man, I hate living here.

I wrapped the other one's dreadlocks today with embroidery thread, but subtly implied that I would only do so after we had all participated in the housecleaning, like some weird pavlovian housetraining. The approach is working, though!

[Doktor Howl]

And Payne still considers him a friend.

You don't side against your SO in a case like this, or even condone the other person's behavior.

Payne needs Holy Instruction™.  Give it to him.  WIFF A MEATHAMMAH!

[Pope Pixie Pickle]

And Payne still considers him a friend.

You don't side against your SO in a case like this, or even condone the other person's behavior.

Payne needs Holy Instruction™.  Give it to him.  WIFF A MEATHAMMAH!

Payne did not condone the behaviour, but I think he needs to summon up his rage gland and stop being  as reasonable to the guy.

[Triple Zero]

Differences in regional language use are really relevant. For example, the words "cunt", "fanny", and "bloody" are used entirely differently in the UK than in the US.

"Fanny" -- comparing something to a fan.

Anyway, I'd be careful using the word "retard" among people that I know have a mentally challenged person in their family or close friends. But that's just me.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

As a 30 bostonian- fanny is one of two things. A) the name of a really old woman b) the word that a really prudish old person uses in place of the word ass. Or butt. Or backside. Really its that silly sounding. Its on par with bum-bum.

[MMIX]

As a 30 bostonian- fanny is one of two things. A) the name of a really old woman b) the word that a really prudish old person uses in place of the word ass. Or butt. Or backside. Really its that silly sounding. Its on par with bum-bum.

So is a fanny an asshole or a buttock? Inquiring  minds &c

[Epimetheus]

As a 30 bostonian- fanny is one of two things. A) the name of a really old woman b) the word that a really prudish old person uses in place of the word ass. Or butt. Or backside. Really its that silly sounding. Its on par with bum-bum.

So is a fanny an asshole or a buttock? Inquiring  minds &c

It's the full package, as far as asses go.

[Doktor Howl]

And Payne still considers him a friend.

You don't side against your SO in a case like this, or even condone the other person's behavior.

Payne needs Holy Instruction™.  Give it to him.  WIFF A MEATHAMMAH!

Payne did not condone the behaviour, but I think he needs to summon up his rage gland and stop being  as reasonable to the guy.

Everything has a time and a place.  There is a time and a place to be reasonable.  Sometimes, you aren't supposed to be reasonable.  This is one of those times.

[Pope Pixie Pickle]

And Payne still considers him a friend.

You don't side against your SO in a case like this, or even condone the other person's behavior.

Payne needs Holy Instruction™.  Give it to him.  WIFF A MEATHAMMAH!

Payne did not condone the behaviour, but I think he needs to summon up his rage gland and stop being  as reasonable to the guy.

Everything has a time and a place.  There is a time and a place to be reasonable.  Sometimes, you aren't supposed to be reasonable.  This is one of those times.

yep, has been a week since Ginger one flipped out at me, and still no apology... I could understand if it was a couple of days after Payne spoke to him (apparently he did not want it to seem forced)  I have decided that WE as a couple need to have a chat about this and then both hold the ginger one to account. I are putting my foot down.

I think I have let Payne take the lead on this (bad move) because he doesn't have much luck in making friends, and is a long way from home. Also Payne is a do most anything to avoid conflict kind of guy.

Man I had doubts about the situation before we moved in. I should have listened to my instincts on this one.

[Doktor Howl]

I should have listened to my instincts on this one.

I want that on my tombstone.

[Pope Pixie Pickle]

I should have listened to my instincts on this one.

I want that on my tombstone.

AMEN! FUCKING PREACH IT!

[Roly Poly Oly-Garch]

I'm kind of with RWHN in that I often bristle at the word retard and for pretty much the same reason...being around people who got very offended by it. Most of the time though, I don't even notice it. In Roger's post, for instance, until it was pointed out, it blew right by me.

In whose post?

Heh...see...I really don't notice it.