I feel violated.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Having seen Andrew Zimmern (Bizarre Foods) eat Mongolian cuisine... I don't imagine the real stuff would go over well with Americans.

Whole sheep's head... or sheep heads boiled down into jello... Goat organs wrapped in intestines... Rotten butter inside a cow's stomach...

I didn't see a single "pick the ingredients yourself and we'll fry them on a hot chunk of iron" dish.

Bad shtick is bad, worse when its sold as 'ethnic'.

Real Mongolian food sounds pretty tasty. Dumplings and stews and barley porridge and things like that.

I read somewhere that American-style "Mongolian BBQs" actually have their origin in a particular style of Japanese grilled cuisine.

It seems quite a bit like the 'Japanese Steakhouse' places... though the Japanese owners of one place I frequented said it was very much a Japanese/American invention.

I believe the 'Mongolian' aspect came from the Mongol soldiers cooking style centuries ago. According to legend/history (one or the other or both) they would place their shield on the fire, and use their sword/dagger to chop and cook the meat on the hot shield.

That sounds 100% made up for various practical reasons, including that even after they started making shields out of iron, the strapping was still leather.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Having seen Andrew Zimmern (Bizarre Foods) eat Mongolian cuisine... I don't imagine the real stuff would go over well with Americans.

Whole sheep's head... or sheep heads boiled down into jello... Goat organs wrapped in intestines... Rotten butter inside a cow's stomach...

I didn't see a single "pick the ingredients yourself and we'll fry them on a hot chunk of iron" dish.

Bad shtick is bad, worse when its sold as 'ethnic'.

Real Mongolian food sounds pretty tasty. Dumplings and stews and barley porridge and things like that.

I read somewhere that American-style "Mongolian BBQs" actually have their origin in a particular style of Japanese grilled cuisine.

It seems quite a bit like the 'Japanese Steakhouse' places... though the Japanese owners of one place I frequented said it was very much a Japanese/American invention.

I believe the 'Mongolian' aspect came from the Mongol soldiers cooking style centuries ago. According to legend/history (one or the other or both) they would place their shield on the fire, and use their sword/dagger to chop and cook the meat on the hot shield.

That just sounds retarded, but gives me an idea for a theme restaurant in which you cook rice in a sweaty kabuto.

[Bebek Sincap Ratatosk]

Having seen Andrew Zimmern (Bizarre Foods) eat Mongolian cuisine... I don't imagine the real stuff would go over well with Americans.

Whole sheep's head... or sheep heads boiled down into jello... Goat organs wrapped in intestines... Rotten butter inside a cow's stomach...

I didn't see a single "pick the ingredients yourself and we'll fry them on a hot chunk of iron" dish.

Bad shtick is bad, worse when its sold as 'ethnic'.

Real Mongolian food sounds pretty tasty. Dumplings and stews and barley porridge and things like that.

I read somewhere that American-style "Mongolian BBQs" actually have their origin in a particular style of Japanese grilled cuisine.

It seems quite a bit like the 'Japanese Steakhouse' places... though the Japanese owners of one place I frequented said it was very much a Japanese/American invention.

I believe the 'Mongolian' aspect came from the Mongol soldiers cooking style centuries ago. According to legend/history (one or the other or both) they would place their shield on the fire, and use their sword/dagger to chop and cook the meat on the hot shield.

That sounds 100% made up for various practical reasons, including that even after they started making shields out of iron, the strapping was still leather.

Obviously. In fact, as far as I know this legend exists only in Mongolian BBQ's.

It reminds me of the story of how kebab was invented... The Persians claim it was because their soldiers cooked small pieces of meat on their swords over a fire.  Also the story that Steak Tartare was invented by the Tartar soldiers who put tough cuts of meat under their saddle before they went out for the day, then had a nicely tenderized piece of meat for the evening meal... becuase tenderizing meat using your ass and your horses ass seems yummy to me.


ETA: Also, Wiki covers the origin of Mongolian BBQ:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mongolian_barbecue

Although Mongolian barbecue first appeared in Taipei in 1951[5], the stir-frying of meats on a large, open surface is supposed to evoke Mongolian foods and Mongolian traditions. The preparation can also derive from Japanese-style teppanyaki, which was popular in Taiwan at the time. The very first Mongolian Barbecue restaurant (Gengis Khan Mongolian BBQ) was opened in 1976, and was located in downtown Taipei, Taiwan.
American restaurants such as HuHot Mongolian Grill and BD's Mongolian Grill claim that soldiers of the Mongol Empire gathered large quantities of meats, prepared them with their swords and cooked them on their overturned shields over a large fire.[6][7] A German restaurant chain with the same concept claims that the Mongolian soldiers cooked their meals on a heated stone.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Inspired by Roger, a serendipitous Groupon, and the eternal allure of questionable food, E.O.T. and I went to the mongolian grill down MLK last night.

It was... an experience. I kind of understand the reviews now.

[LMNO]

Nigel, tell us a story!  Tell us about the time you went to a questionable Mongolian grill!

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

*rapt attention*

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

We walk into the place and there's the unmistakable tang of cleanser in the air. It is, as many reviewers state, very clean. Very. Clean. A small herd of fat Europeans waits for a table, but before long we are handed two plastic cups and directed to a two-seater near one of the many large windows. We fill our cups with our soda fountain beverages of choice, and place them on our table.

I notice that the building appears to have once been a Tastee Freez.

We go to the back of the ingredients line and snag bowls. The food is unassuming, but quite fresh. The meats are clearly purchased frozen, already thinly sliced. I select beef, squid, and shrimp, and soon require a second bowl as the first is overflowing. We move to the sauce line, which contains exactly the same everything I've seen in previous visits to Mongolian grills, the last of which must have been twenty years ago.

I sauce the shit out of everything. E.O.T. follows suit.

They slap the shit on the grill, a couple minutes later it's done and we eat. We even sample a couple of items from the very limited pre-cooked selection. Pretty decent, actually. Not bad at all, especially not for $12 for two all-you-can-eat meals. I look around and notice that everyone in here is really fat.

We finish our first plates and head back to the line like good little pre-fat Americans. The surly Latin-American chefs seem to be struggling a bit, but it's not clear why, exactly. They hand us our food and here's where we run into the only real problem we have; they have run out of Mongolian sauce. We want Mongolian sauce. We aren't totally clear on what the fuck it is, but we want it. And then we realize that they have also run out of wilverware. What the fuck kind of restaurant runs out of silverware? And why do there appear to be only three employees in the whole place? The cook who took the empty Mongolian sauce bottle into the back has not reappeared and we are becoming impatient. How long does it take to refill a plastic squeeze bottle? Why the shit do they only have one bottle of this stuff, and it's at the grill, and not on every table? Jesus fuck! Finally, more silverware materializes, and is just sort of slapped down in the dishwasher tray because apparently they're too busy to put it away. Forlorn about the lack of Mongolian sauce, we get forks and go back to our table to pick despondently at our food, and just then the cook reappears with the bottle. Finally properly condimentized, we once more return to our table and gorge.

Our bellies distended with all-you-can-eat meats and vegetables, our last act was to get a dish of the soft-serve and "chocolate" syrup. It is not entirely clear whether the soft-serve is made of an actual dairy product, but it's definitely not ice cream. Not terrible. Not something I will willingly put into my mouth a second time.

Engorged, we depart. It is now clear to me why the reviews are overwhelmingly positive while simultaneously glowing with faint praise like "It's clean" and "Avoid the white rice". This is food that is not great, but is hard to complain about. This is all you can eat. We paid six bucks a plate.

This is America.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Fuck yeah.

All the bland stuff you can shove in your face for less than $10, and UNLIMITED DATA.

That's fucking AMERICA, right there.  Also, your retailer for that unlimited data must sweet talk you and kiss your ass to get the purchase you already know you want, or the experience is RUINED.  Same thing with the food.  It must be JUST SO (which has nothing to do with quality, and everything to do with INDULGE MY WHIMS) or they have ROBBED YOU.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

I hate it when I look around a restaurant and every single customer is really fat. It makes me feel like I need to GTFO. NOW. Before I get those hanging blobs on my legs. 

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Nigel's experience made me laugh a bit, then THINK a bit, which is NEVER GOOD.  And what I thought was that even the Americans with the understanding that our disposable culture and TOO MUCH CRAP FOOD is something toxic, most often only understand that it is toxic to them personally, without considering that it's the same to the rest of the world.

This is due to our media depicting the rest of the world as a bunch of shoeless morons living in mud huts and fleeing floods with baskets of kittens on their heads, or students throwing molotov cocktails in obscure Asian locations.

This is due to a lack of exposure to the rest of the world, by being isolated and brainwashed by media, that shows the rest of the world as incapable children.  The truth is, Most Americans are grindingly, pathetically provincial and cling desperately to ideology that they believe has to work in loud opposition to something, anything, so they don't feel like a sheep in a pen maintained by wolves, which is of course what they are.

As a matter of fact, many Americans believe that if you aren't loud and domineering, nobody will pay attention to you and someone will eventually wander over and take everything you have without your say in the matter.  This is because, in effect, the government, or someone with enough money, CAN do this while everyone turns a blind eye and keeps their nose to the ground.  This is why they turn to blaming other socioeconomic, religious, and racial groups for their ills, instead of the big faceless money, as a coping mechanism that keeps the heat off the real enemies and the problems within understanding.  This is why they have guns and are afraid of their neighbors, and shoot Black kids for no discernable reason.

Most Americans are used to a massive amount of market competition in the act of selling CRAP. Therefore they market the hell out of CRAP until you are psychically exhausted and spiritually drained by a bombardment of media advertising, and by the time you get to the retail outlet that sells this CRAP at the lowest advertised price, brainwashed into believing that you desperately need this item, you get to a minimum wage salesperson who is required to spend massive amounts of time following you around with toilet paper to wipe your arse, if only you would buy some CRAP.  This is why, overseas, Americans get pissed off when they demand exclusive attention and service for a prolonged period of time, and are denied..And then mortally offended when a salesperson refuses to have the life sucked out of them by Americans who think it's a massive philanthropic favor to buy the CRAP from them.  Whereas, everyone else in the world merely goes to buy CRAP from the closest store when they actually feel that they need it, with no fuss or bother.

Most Americans have to pay for all their medical insurance and expenses.  As getting work requires education, they have to get huge government loans to go to college, and because of this, by the time they are 21 the culture and government has made sure that they are in massive debt in the tens of thousands.  This effectively prevents Americans from immigrating anywhere, and also why the smart ones are often grim and shy while on vacation outside of their own country, unless they are hawing and yelling amongst their own.  They know they're fucked. This is why they're very willing to convince themselves that they're #1 and that the rest of the world is out to get them.  Most Americans who understand their own quandary are the real patriots, however, by the time they understand this, they hole up in the countryside, leave, or file Chapter 11 and check into the funny farm because it's too late to imagine having a zero balance ANYWHERE.

And this is precisely why Americans are arse biscuits.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

WE LIVE HERE FOR THE FREEDOM 

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

They've got us by the balls, and they have us terrified of economic collapse because HOW WILL WE PAY OUR MORTGAGE AND OUR STUDENT LOANS AND OUR CREDIT CARD BILLS?

The thing is, collapse is the only thing that might potentially get us out of this shit. If a large percentage of the population opted out, we would have THEM by the balls. Stopped paying back loans, and stopped buying crap that isn't actually necessary. It wouldn't take a month. It would hurt the little guys, but it would devastate the big guys.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

It would be worth the hurt to pull that off.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

It would be worth the hurt to pull that off.

Absolutely.

It's pretty low-risk, too. People get late on payments all the time, and all that happens is they get charged late fees.

Get a few million people to all deliberately be late at once, and refrain from buying stuff, and the whole system goes tits-up practically overnight.

[ñͤͣ̄ͦ̌̑͗͊͛͂͗ ̸̨̨̣̺̼̣̜͙͈͕̮̊̈́̈͂͛̽͊ͭ̓͆ͅé ̰̓̓́ͯ́́͞]

It would be worth the hurt to pull that off.

Absolutely.

It's pretty low-risk, too. People get late on payments all the time, and all that happens is they get charged late fees.

Get a few million people to all deliberately be late at once, and refrain from buying stuff, and the whole system goes tits-up practically overnight.

What's preventing this from happening?