Unlimited family butthurt thread

[Nephew Twiddleton]

As a late comer to this debacle, I'd like to say that the text message exchange read like your godmother/aunt is baffled and bewildered at your failure to capitulate to her adult directives. She's having trouble accepting that you're all grown-up. Like her! Only more articulate! And, y'know, with reasons for the shit you say.

You're not respecting your elders, Twid. Tsk-tsk. Try the father line and report back. :P

I've been out of contact with my entire family, except for monthly-ish e-mail exchanges with my mom for 10 years and it's reached a point where she's resigned to it and I'm unloading baggage without dumping it on her.

I think that's a really big part of it. As far as my generation goes, I'm the second born. My cousin, who I've been mentioning here (not the heroin addict but his sister) is the first born. And she told me yesterday "I had to explain to my mother (the same aunt who was called a bitch) that we aren't a clump of babies, but real people who have positions on things and who get offended by shit"

It reminds them of their own mortality and how things have changed and they aren't changing with 'em. Some day, that will be you. And that's the part that makes us bitchy. Because we know some day we're going to be arguing with our descendants and wondering what the fuck those bastards have been smoking.

She actually made a pretty interesting argument-

Our generation will never be able to totally agree on anything. We're incapable of groupthink like theirs. We're too used to being plugged in. We're too selfish to agree with everyone else. And that's a good thing.

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

As a late comer to this debacle, I'd like to say that the text message exchange read like your godmother/aunt is baffled and bewildered at your failure to capitulate to her adult directives. She's having trouble accepting that you're all grown-up. Like her! Only more articulate! And, y'know, with reasons for the shit you say.

You're not respecting your elders, Twid. Tsk-tsk. Try the father line and report back. :P

I've been out of contact with my entire family, except for monthly-ish e-mail exchanges with my mom for 10 years and it's reached a point where she's resigned to it and I'm unloading baggage without dumping it on her.

I think that's a really big part of it. As far as my generation goes, I'm the second born. My cousin, who I've been mentioning here (not the heroin addict but his sister) is the first born. And she told me yesterday "I had to explain to my mother (the same aunt who was called a bitch) that we aren't a clump of babies, but real people who have positions on things and who get offended by shit"

It reminds them of their own mortality and how things have changed and they aren't changing with 'em. Some day, that will be you. And that's the part that makes us bitchy. Because we know some day we're going to be arguing with our descendants and wondering what the fuck those bastards have been smoking.

She actually made a pretty interesting argument-

Our generation will never be able to totally agree on anything. We're incapable of groupthink like theirs. We're too used to being plugged in. We're too selfish to agree with everyone else. And that's a good thing.

That is pretty true. And it's something to keep in mind when dealing with relatives.

[Bebek Sincap Ratatosk]

Wow Twid, I feel for ya... Family is a hard line to walk, but I think you're walking it well. I spent a decade completely out of touch with my family because I abandoned their religion. I was honest and sincere with them, but they couldn't handle it. I gotta say, after awhile the hole they left got filled up (horrifically, with the spags from here in some sense). In the past few years, though, they've come around. They finally realized that it was better to have me in their life, even if I didn't agree with their beliefs.

Stick to your ethics, stick to your guns. They will eventually realize that they want you as a part of their life, even if you're all grown up, making your own decisions and have the balls to disagree with them. Or if not, you have us and we're far more sophistically dysfunctional than most families out there! 

[trippinprincezz13]

Oohh, good luck Twid man.

I'm putting it off.

I really am.

Because I'm pretty sure at this point I have to say, "Mom, I'm sorry but... you, my dad, your husband and my siblings (and my nieces and nephew) are it. Fuck em. Your family can rot."

That'd probably be easier for all parties, probably.  And there's a certain amount of relief to be had from just saying "Fuck it.  I'm done."

I guess the part that hurts the most is that she is my godmother. And I have to. I hve to be ready to say the final fuck you. Especially if she is digging her heels in to support an unsupportable position, if only because that's her husband.

But what can I say?

I haven't hated anyone in my family, blood or no, except for this guy. And I don't hate easily.

I know I'm a few pages back, but, honestly, I don't even know my godparents. I'm pretty sure I know who they are but haven't had any contact since I was really young. My mom's dad died before I was born and after my grandmother died when I was 6, all the petty drama and in-fighting boiled over and the only living family (on my mom's side) that she keeps in contact with is a cousin and aunt. At one point when I was on rocky terms with my parents I tried reconnecting with her sister, but after the initial niceness, it turned into nasty jabs here and there about my mom from my aunt and cousins - and just because I was having problems with them at the time didn't mean I wanted to hear all her past drama dredged up. Then, what do you know, after I reconnected with my parents, stopped hearing from her. Whatever.

I've decided in my ripe old age of 27 that be it friends or family, the drama and negative energy just aren't worth it. I have enough friends and family in my life that do care about me and act like decent human beings that I don't need to go where I'm not wanted or deal with behavior I find repugnant. I certainly understand the desire to connect to family, but if you try, and they can't even muster up enough respect to hear you out or try to understand what the problem is, do you really want to call those people your family? I know it's hard, but I don't think you're out of line there and with the guilt-tripping and apologist remarks from your aunt, it just doesn't seem to be worth putting yourself through.

Good luck, man

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Oohh, good luck Twid man.

I'm putting it off.

I really am.

Because I'm pretty sure at this point I have to say, "Mom, I'm sorry but... you, my dad, your husband and my siblings (and my nieces and nephew) are it. Fuck em. Your family can rot."

That'd probably be easier for all parties, probably.  And there's a certain amount of relief to be had from just saying "Fuck it.  I'm done."

I guess the part that hurts the most is that she is my godmother. And I have to. I hve to be ready to say the final fuck you. Especially if she is digging her heels in to support an unsupportable position, if only because that's her husband.

But what can I say?

I haven't hated anyone in my family, blood or no, except for this guy. And I don't hate easily.

I know I'm a few pages back, but, honestly, I don't even know my godparents. I'm pretty sure I know who they are but haven't had any contact since I was really young. My mom's dad died before I was born and after my grandmother died when I was 6, all the petty drama and in-fighting boiled over and the only living family (on my mom's side) that she keeps in contact with is a cousin and aunt. At one point when I was on rocky terms with my parents I tried reconnecting with her sister, but after the initial niceness, it turned into nasty jabs here and there about my mom from my aunt and cousins - and just because I was having problems with them at the time didn't mean I wanted to hear all her past drama dredged up. Then, what do you know, after I reconnected with my parents, stopped hearing from her. Whatever.

I've decided in my ripe old age of 27 that be it friends or family, the drama and negative energy just aren't worth it. I have enough friends and family in my life that do care about me and act like decent human beings that I don't need to go where I'm not wanted or deal with behavior I find repugnant. I certainly understand the desire to connect to family, but if you try, and they can't even muster up enough respect to hear you out or try to understand what the problem is, do you really want to call those people your family? I know it's hard, but I don't think you're out of line there and with the guilt-tripping and apologist remarks from your aunt, it just doesn't seem to be worth putting yourself through.

Good luck, man

Thanks Trippin.

Just got off the phone with my godmother. Understanding reached.

I don't expect to be hearing the word faggot in a family setting again.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Also, apparently one of my uncles was a switch hitter too.

I never knew.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Oh, also I got an apology.

[Luna]

Glad to hear it worked out, Twid.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Me too.

Twid
will see if he gets offended on xmas

[Luna]

Me too.

Twid
will see if he gets offended on xmas

If you do, you can always pull out something like:

"Hey, you all keep saying I'm so much like my grandfather...  Would grandpa have put up with being disrespected by members of his own family?  If he said he didn't want to hear something, would he REALLY have tolerated it being rubbed in his face again the very next time he saw somebody?  I don't think so... and I won't put up with it in silence any more either.  Stop."

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Oh, also I got an apology.

Sounds like you just earned a whole lot of respect in your family... you're doing your grandpa proud!

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Me too.

Twid
will see if he gets offended on xmas

Betcha anything that if you do, and you call it out, it stops immediately.

Sometimes stepping up is all it takes to earn their respect, and once you have their respect, even as a younger person, you now have the power to dole out The Shame.

Use it wisely.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Some words I learned from an older, wiser family member: "Well. I don't really think that's appropriate."

Makes grown men blush and apologize. My dad says I channel my grandmother.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Ooh... I like that.

Immediate shame no fuss.

Luna- i think at this point if i hear that particular word again or similar i can say "the resident faggot objects to the f word. Thank you and please redirect your tongues to pie tasting" its out there now. May as well use it.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Though as a white male i may well use that for misogynist/racist comments. But i think i made the case that my generation and my sisters generation wont tolerate it. The difference is im a grown man and dont care about speaking up about it.

Twidsister was pretty instrumental in the this is not acceptable at all argument.