Safe Spaces?

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Got it.

For instance, I have a group of friends who call themselves 'plurals'. Their safe space is a community where they can talk about all the voices and people and whatever that live inside their head and share the body without being told they're guano loco and mocked for believing what they say is real.

Another example I've encountered is people who've suffered from whatever the current term for multiple personality disorder is. They can give a voice to each splinter or alter and allow those sides to express themselves.

The overall idea is that feeling free to express this stuff and talk about it all will lead to healing. Once you've laid all the ugly parts out you can clean them off and figure out how it all fits together to make it easier to function and decide what you want from life.

What sometimes happens is that people become entrenched in the 'you-can't-criticize-me' part and expect everyone to take everything they say as gospel because they are special snowflakes.

What bothers me about this whole thing is the whole climbing under the blanket and huffing each other's farts part of it.  The above examples are PERFECT.

What you have is a few people who have decided that they are MPS or whatever you call it, and they can play this fantasy¹ out, with positive reinforcement only, which allows them to burrow deeper into that fantasy life with the full support of the people around them.

I've attended some VA group counseling, back during my dark days (1996-1999), but there was never any "safe space" aspect to it.  If what you said was bullshit, you got called on it.  The idea was to bring you back to functionality, not tell you what a darling little snowflake you are.




¹  People with genuine multiple personalities are almost NEVER aware of the multiple personalities.  It is also the number one faked or fantasy mental illness.  Don't like yourself?  Just pretend to be a crowd!

[Cainad (dec.)]

I've always heard of "safe spaces" in the context that it is not a physical space, but a communication environment.

For example, a forum where it is not ok to be a man and post about getting emotional and crying would not be a safe space for that communication because people would mock and belittle that.

There are forums where being openly female or gay is not safe because people will harass you.

Safe spaces, in that context, exist both online and in face-to-face interactions, but they're not tied to a geographical location.

I wrote some things and then decided that this was better.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Safe space is a term defined here, 

http://geekfeminism.wikia.com/wiki/Safe_space

So, it's sort of an enforced SHUT UP.

We just throw that sort of person who would misbehave in that manner out of the group.

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

One other "safe space" thing I've done was a mommy support group where you were allowed to say things about how much being a mom blows, which I think is an important one because moms don't get a lot of safe spaces for that kind of thing. It's a voluntary, temporary agreement: go in, bitch and moan and get it out of your system, then go back to the real world where people will call you on your bullshit and also judge you for every little thing you do ever. I can see how that can ultimately result in fart-huffing, but I think as a temporary thing hiding out in blanket forts every once in a while can be a positive experience.

[Cainad (dec.)]

What bothers me about this whole thing is the whole climbing under the blanket and huffing each other's farts part of it.  The above examples are PERFECT.

What you have is a few people who have decided that they are MPS or whatever you call it, and they can play this fantasy¹ out, with positive reinforcement only, which allows them to burrow deeper into that fantasy life with the full support of the people around them.

I've attended some VA group counseling, back during my dark days (1996-1999), but there was never any "safe space" aspect to it.  If what you said was bullshit, you got called on it.  The idea was to bring you back to functionality, not tell you what a darling little snowflake you are.

I guess that's the other edge of the sword.

A safe space for PTSD victims would be one where some schmuck who thinks "all'a these sissies just need to be told what's what, and suck it up" is not permitted to put his two cents in the conversation. Because fuck that guy.

ETA: or sufferers of clinical depression, etc. All of those mental disorders in which a lot of yahoos feel the need to "help" by weighing in with their folksy tough-love wisdom.

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

This thread is super interesting to me. Mostly, I deal with people who can't hack it for one reason or another. Seeing other examples is awesome. It also reminds me I need to get out more. :P

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

One other "safe space" thing I've done was a mommy support group where you were allowed to say things about how much being a mom blows, which I think is an important one because moms don't get a lot of safe spaces for that kind of thing. It's a voluntary, temporary agreement: go in, bitch and moan and get it out of your system, then go back to the real world where people will call you on your bullshit and also judge you for every little thing you do ever. I can see how that can ultimately result in fart-huffing, but I think as a temporary thing hiding out in blanket forts every once in a while can be a positive experience.

Dude the amount of guilt and shaming mothers go through is ridiculous. I can see the support group being a good thing.

[Pope Pixie Pickle]

the potential for fart huffing is why I come here, to check my head.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

One other "safe space" thing I've done was a mommy support group where you were allowed to say things about how much being a mom blows, which I think is an important one because moms don't get a lot of safe spaces for that kind of thing. It's a voluntary, temporary agreement: go in, bitch and moan and get it out of your system, then go back to the real world where people will call you on your bullshit and also judge you for every little thing you do ever. I can see how that can ultimately result in fart-huffing, but I think as a temporary thing hiding out in blanket forts every once in a while can be a positive experience.

I see it as a control mechanism and a fart huffing device.

I can see it being very useful in therapy, particularly for recent victims.  Done outside of a medical environment, I see it at best as amateur psychology hour, and at worst, a method of telling people to SHUT UP and accept whatever is put in front of them.

[P3nT4gR4m]

I wonder if there are two kinds of safe spaces? Like one happened because people are genuinely affected by some shit that people can type at them on the internet, like "triggers" as I keep hearing about (I think I get the rough gist without necessarily identifying)

Then there's a bunch of fuckheads with dumb ideas who have been trolled and constantly get the piss ripped out of them for ... whatever.

Maybe certain negative tendencies from the latter have potential to manifest in the former?

[The Good Reverend Roger]

What bothers me about this whole thing is the whole climbing under the blanket and huffing each other's farts part of it.  The above examples are PERFECT.

What you have is a few people who have decided that they are MPS or whatever you call it, and they can play this fantasy¹ out, with positive reinforcement only, which allows them to burrow deeper into that fantasy life with the full support of the people around them.

I've attended some VA group counseling, back during my dark days (1996-1999), but there was never any "safe space" aspect to it.  If what you said was bullshit, you got called on it.  The idea was to bring you back to functionality, not tell you what a darling little snowflake you are.

I guess that's the other edge of the sword.

A safe space for PTSD victims would be one where some schmuck who thinks "all'a these sissies just need to be told what's what, and suck it up" is not permitted to put his two cents in the conversation. Because fuck that guy.

ETA: or sufferers of clinical depression, etc. All of those mental disorders in which a lot of yahoos feel the need to "help" by weighing in with their folksy tough-love wisdom.

Actually, we kind of let anyone say whatever they wanted.  Probably 33% thought, at least initially, that it was all sissy and they were fine.  This was allowed to be conveyed, and then questioned by the two group psychologists.  The end result was that the idea was brought into the light and discredited, rather than surpressed to fester.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

One other "safe space" thing I've done was a mommy support group where you were allowed to say things about how much being a mom blows, which I think is an important one because moms don't get a lot of safe spaces for that kind of thing. It's a voluntary, temporary agreement: go in, bitch and moan and get it out of your system, then go back to the real world where people will call you on your bullshit and also judge you for every little thing you do ever. I can see how that can ultimately result in fart-huffing, but I think as a temporary thing hiding out in blanket forts every once in a while can be a positive experience.

Dude the amount of guilt and shaming mothers go through is ridiculous. I can see the support group being a good thing.

I understand support groups.

I don't see them as being the same as "safe places" as described in this thread and at the links.

[Cainad (dec.)]

What bothers me about this whole thing is the whole climbing under the blanket and huffing each other's farts part of it.  The above examples are PERFECT.

What you have is a few people who have decided that they are MPS or whatever you call it, and they can play this fantasy¹ out, with positive reinforcement only, which allows them to burrow deeper into that fantasy life with the full support of the people around them.

I've attended some VA group counseling, back during my dark days (1996-1999), but there was never any "safe space" aspect to it.  If what you said was bullshit, you got called on it.  The idea was to bring you back to functionality, not tell you what a darling little snowflake you are.

I guess that's the other edge of the sword.

A safe space for PTSD victims would be one where some schmuck who thinks "all'a these sissies just need to be told what's what, and suck it up" is not permitted to put his two cents in the conversation. Because fuck that guy.

ETA: or sufferers of clinical depression, etc. All of those mental disorders in which a lot of yahoos feel the need to "help" by weighing in with their folksy tough-love wisdom.

Actually, we kind of let anyone say whatever they wanted.  Probably 33% thought, at least initially, that it was all sissy and they were fine.  This was allowed to be conveyed, and then questioned by the two group psychologists.  The end result was that the idea was brought into the light and discredited, rather than surpressed to fester.

Point taken.

[Cain]

One other "safe space" thing I've done was a mommy support group where you were allowed to say things about how much being a mom blows, which I think is an important one because moms don't get a lot of safe spaces for that kind of thing. It's a voluntary, temporary agreement: go in, bitch and moan and get it out of your system, then go back to the real world where people will call you on your bullshit and also judge you for every little thing you do ever. I can see how that can ultimately result in fart-huffing, but I think as a temporary thing hiding out in blanket forts every once in a while can be a positive experience.

I see it as a control mechanism and a fart huffing device.

I can see it being very useful in therapy, particularly for recent victims. Done outside of a medical environment, I see it at best as amateur psychology hour, and at worst, a method of telling people to SHUT UP and accept whatever is put in front of them.

Never ever go roaming on Tumblr.

Or, if you do, at least screenshot the outrage for the rest of us.

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

One other "safe space" thing I've done was a mommy support group where you were allowed to say things about how much being a mom blows, which I think is an important one because moms don't get a lot of safe spaces for that kind of thing. It's a voluntary, temporary agreement: go in, bitch and moan and get it out of your system, then go back to the real world where people will call you on your bullshit and also judge you for every little thing you do ever. I can see how that can ultimately result in fart-huffing, but I think as a temporary thing hiding out in blanket forts every once in a while can be a positive experience.

Dude the amount of guilt and shaming mothers go through is ridiculous. I can see the support group being a good thing.

I understand support groups.

I don't see them as being the same as "safe places" as described in this thread and at the links.

Having a space where no one is allowed to give you shit or advice as a mom is totally a Safe Space IMO. It is stunting people's ability to speak freely, but it's done to serve the purpose of the group and is entered into voluntarily. There is a difference between a Safe Space that's just about working through this shit so you can get on (support groups or group therapy) and a Safe Space that is for doing other things but we won't talk about X or Y because someone will get triggered/upset.