The Kitchen Chronicles

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Okay, not giving up on this "cooking" thing.  It's a skill, like any other.  I can master it.

DAY 1:

Roger is in the kitchen, starting out small.  Making fried turkey baloney sammiches on toast.  Put bread in the toaster, when TGG and her BFF walk in.

TGG:  What ARE you doing in here?

Roger:  Making a spot of lunch.

TGG:  Your wife is gonna have your ass.  You know you're not allowed in here.

Roger:  I DO WHAT I WANT!

Nurse Enabler walks in.

NE:  What are YOU doing in the kitchen?

Roger:  ENOUGH!  For TOO long have I been held down by The Man!  It is time to FIGHT THE POWER!  WHO'S WITH ME?

Two pieces of toast pop up.  I look, and throw my hands up in the air in a fashion similar to the toast popping up.

Roger (screaming):  REVOLUTION!

(note: the baloney burned during all of this)

[LMNO]

 

[EK WAFFLR]

 

[Junkenstein]

Roger:  ENOUGH!  For TOO long have I been held down by The Man!  It is time to FIGHT THE POWER!  WHO'S WITH ME?

Two pieces of toast pop up.  I look, and throw my hands up in the air in a fashion similar to the toast popping up.

Roger (screaming):  REVOLUTION!

NO JUICE

NO PEACE

NO JUICE

NO PEACE

[Cainad (dec.)]

VIVA LE REVOLUCION!

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

 

[Suu]

You need to start small, Roger. Try boiling water.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

If I may make a suggestion: anything that is dry-cooked, like frying, is fairly advanced. I usually recommend starting with wet foods, like soup or pasta.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

If I may make a suggestion: anything that is dry-cooked, like frying, is fairly advanced. I usually recommend starting with wet foods, like soup or pasta.

That sounds like good advice.

Too bad I already decided on eggs.  Eggs are wet.  What could go wrong?

[Junkenstein]

If I may make a suggestion: anything that is dry-cooked, like frying, is fairly advanced. I usually recommend starting with wet foods, like soup or pasta.

That sounds like good advice.

Too bad I already decided on eggs.  Eggs are wet.  What could go wrong?

Lies and bullshit. The frying pan is the first and simplest thing that you should master. All scottish children learn how to shallow and deep fry in a variety of oils and lards shortly after being able to stand. Many important life lessons are learnt around boiling oil.

The Virtue of good timekeeping
What happens when ice/water meets boiling oil
What happens when boiling oil meets you
What happens when you forget about the boiling oil

All these and more, can only be truly understood while eating something fried to perfection. You may think you know the answers. You may be right, but you will never truly know.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

If I may make a suggestion: anything that is dry-cooked, like frying, is fairly advanced. I usually recommend starting with wet foods, like soup or pasta.

That sounds like good advice.

Too bad I already decided on eggs.  Eggs are wet.  What could go wrong?

[tarod]

What happens when boiling oil meets you

Hilarity ensues. 

[Suu]

If I may make a suggestion: anything that is dry-cooked, like frying, is fairly advanced. I usually recommend starting with wet foods, like soup or pasta.

That sounds like good advice.

Too bad I already decided on eggs.  Eggs are wet.  What could go wrong?

I've been known to cook gourmet feasts, and I still haven't mastered the scrambled egg.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I cook a mean egg.

CONSTANT ATTENTION, Roger. You can't take your eye off it for a second. If they're scrambled, you have to keep 'em moving, at a slow but constant rate.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I cook a mean egg.

CONSTANT ATTENTION, Roger. You can't take your eye off it for a second. If they're scrambled, you have to keep 'em moving, at a slow but constant rate.

I can do that.

This is gonna be EASY.