UNLIMITED ROOMIE APPRECIATION THREAD

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

Because a lot of us need this thread every now and then. 

Sooooo, we have an extra room. And when you need income, the thing to do is rent it out. I was thinking of running an ad, but my daughter wanted to get someone she knows. OK, sounds good.

First person she asks, who I like, expects her to take her to work every day at 3 AM. Daughter understandably says fuck, no. Then the other day, she says her friend Melissa needs a place. She vouches for her. Awesome.

Yesterday evening, she says Melissa will be bringing her boyfriend and little brother. Oh, and they won't have any money for a couple of weeks. I say FUCK NO. She says they're living in their car and I feel like an asshole. Just because nobody gave a fuck when I was in that situation doesn't mean I have to be a dick. So I say OK, but if they don't come up with *something* in two weeks, or they fight and bring the cops out, they're gone.

They move in late last night, I was in bed already.

This morning I get up and my douchebag is hanging on the outside knob of the bathroom door. Nobody used it, it's not wet, they just moved it. I didn't have it in the way, or where anybody had to touch it. WTF?

I go to the living room. Somebody left the lights and ceiling fan on all night, I turn them off. Note to self, explain that this shit costs money.

There's a big piece of junk mail on the hassock. I grab it to throw it in the trash and weed goes everywhere. The hassock is in the line of sight of the front door. Good thing nobody knocked. Note to self, etc.

I go to brush my teeth, the cap is off of my toothpaste. Somebody used it, which isn't a big deal, but if they didn't bring toothpaste I have to assume they didn't bring toothbrushes, either, and used mine. I'd've GIVEN them fucking toothbrushes if they needed them, the ones I get come two to a package and I always have extras, but fuck that now. And if you're gonna sneak my toothpaste, have the courtesy to put the damn cap on. I get my stuff out of the bathroom and put it in my closet.

I go out to the deck for a smoke. There's a cigar butt on the rail, and ashes and smudges where they stubbed it all over the rail, EVEN THOUGH THERE'S A BIGASS ASHTRAY RIGHT THERE.

OK, I get the translation: Somebody's telling me "FUCK YOU".

I talk to my daughter. She talks to Melissa and tells her to get her bf in check.

Ten minutes later they go wandering outside and he leaves the front door wide open. WITH THE AC ON.

Me and my daughter need to make a run to the store. Have to wait for them to move their car, they have her blocked. But that's OK because there's just the one driveway, not a lot of parking.

We're at the store and we're bickering. I'm saying I don't have a problem with Melissa but that guy really, REALLY has to go. Daughter wants me to shut up. I CAN'T. I'm getting adrenaline rushes and shit.

We get home, and he's parked in the driveway AT THE OUTSIDE END. Daughter tells me to go tell him to move his shit and peels out to make a few blocks and cool off.

I go in and say "YOU MOTHERFUCKING MORON, MOVE YOUR GODDAMN CAR NOW." He says "She told me to park it there." I say "THE FUCK SHE DID, YOU'VE BEEN FUCKING SHIT UP SINCE YOU GOT HERE AND I'M NOT GONNA BABYSIT YOUR MORON ASS LIKE A BRAIN DAMAGED TWO YEAR OLD."

He smirks and walks just as slow as he knows how. I want to hit him with a chair. Little snot nose trying to be all hard because his face is tatted up and shit. Fuck him.

They go outside, he moves his shit, my daughter pulls in, they talk. She comes in and wants to know why the fuck I talked to him like that. I'm like "What, he can disrespect us nonstop and I'm supposed to suck ass with him? I don't think so." I explain that guys like that are the ones who have tantrums and break shit and put their fist through the wall. Guys like that are the ones who have tantrums and put WOMEN through the wall. I can't live with that motherfucker. I've been through it. She's seen it. She remembers it.

She gets it. I see the light come on.

Melissa is welcome to stay but he has to go. She tells them. They all go. Melissa's welcome back any time, but without him. I don't think we'll be seeing her though.

And that was my day. My daughter rocks.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Fucking hell, dude. Just no. Glad they're gone, too bad about Melissa.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

Yeah, I hope she wakes up. Ouch.

[Ben Shapiro]

But if he caves in he can't be a alpha male. Fucking douche-bag.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

He can be alpha. IN HIS CAR.

[Salty]

He can be alpha. IN HIS CAR.

Some people just don't get simple territorial politness. Or they DO get it and they're also pieces of shit. Good for you.

[Ben Shapiro]

He can be alpha. IN HIS CAR.

[Pæs]

Fuck roomies. Especially fuck those ones but also fuck roomies. I resolved not to have any, even if my shit gets fucked up by bills, when the ones I had demolished a few walls in a rental home and installed a massive extractor to turn a spare bedroom and a study (with a wardrobe in between) into a grow room.

[Reginald Ret]

My housemate smokes indoors.

...

That's about it, i got lucky.
Or i am the bad housemate, that is actually more likely.

[LMNO]

The best part about the OP?


"She gets it. I see the light come on."


You're a good parent.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I need a new housemate and am dreading it.

[Dildo Argentino]

The best part about the OP?


"She gets it. I see the light come on."


You're a good parent.

I second that.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I actually found a new housemate fairly painlessly and she seems like a good 'un, a little purple-haired lampworker kid who makes pot candy and cleans houses on the side. PRETTY SWEET.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

Thanks, guys. 

Nigel, that's IDEAL. Congrats!

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Yeah, I lucked out. It's temporary, she's just waiting for her boyfriend, the son of a lamper friend of mine, to get together enough money to buy his own shop so he can move out here and get a place with her. I think the temporary part is good though, I can re-evaluate whether I really still need a housemate.

I think the kids are really going to like her, she's close to their age.