PI with Malice Aforethought: CPD

[The Good Reverend Roger]

CPD sits in her antebellum mansion in Georgia and laughs at you, on camera. 

"This looks familiar", she says with a sneer, "For I have seen South Park.  An amusing little cartoon, that used to use Isaac Hayes as the voice of 'chef'.  Mr Hayes was content to assist in making fun of everything and everybody.  Catholics, Jews, Canadians, you name it.  Then one day, the writers decided to make fun of Scientology; Mr Hayes, belonging to that cult, ragequit the show, because all the things that had been funny before suddenly weren't funny anymore."

She pauses, to sip on a mint julip and tag the button on a remote she holds in her hand.  Behind her, near the wall, a young man wearing a speedo and a shock collar falls to the floor in convulsions.  CPD giggles, though in a very lady-like way.

"So Discordia was funny, it was witty, and it was all fun and games, until YOUR values were attacked.  Then it was Isaac Hayes time, wasn't it?"

She smiles at you.  It would be a pleasant smile, if you couldn't see her eyes.

"The late and unlamented Doktor Howl once said that the first rule of Discordianism is that 'everything is funny when it isn't happening to you', and that the second rule of Discordianism is that it's still funny even when it DOES happen to you."

She turns to the man behind her, who is trying to rise to his feet.  "Well, IS it funny to you, Little Billy?"

The man merely groans, but nods his head in the affirmative.

"Oh, how excellent.  First rate", she says, and then presses the button again.  The man shrieks and falls back to the floor.  CPD smiles, amused.

"Little Billy remembers Discordia.  He remembers the promise of Eris.  Sometimes he laughs like this for days.  He is serious about having a good time in the End Times."  Another sip of mint julip.  "There used to be many people like Little Billy, but they have all gone, sailed away in a cloud of butthurt at some perceived betrayal involving atheism or drugs or the glories of the free market system."

Another charming smile.

"But where did they go?  It's not like you can go somewhere where Eris can't find you.  The only thing that running away achieves is that you are no longer in on the joke.  But I am still in on the joke, and I shall dance at the end of the world."  She stands up, and begins dancing slowly, to a tune that exists only in her head.  To the tempo of this silent music, she pushes the button repeatedly, treating it almost like a tamborine.  Behind her, Little Billy dances, too.  A different kind of dance.  A wisp of smoke rises from his neck.

The screen goes dark, as her dance speeds up, her thumb jabbing the button viciously. 

The screen is dark.  There is only audio.

Giggle.

[LMNO]

I am intensely aroused.

[Junkenstein]

I always thought the milgram experiment had to be a fetish for more than a few people.

I was right.

[Eater of Clowns]

LMNO has made it apparent that this becomes a lot more disturbing when you think of Little Billy as a VOLUNTEER.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

LMNO has made it apparent that this becomes a lot more disturbing when you think of Little Billy as a VOLUNTEER.

Little Billy, you may recall, was up for ANY PROGRAM.  That little moron would volunteer for ANYTHING.  Especially if it in any way involved a woman.

Milgram Porn.  It's the 21st century way.

[Junkenstein]

I'd ask what would life be like if we got into the heavier stuff. You know, like Stanford Porn.

Then I remember we've been into that for years

Further predictions of the future - Within 10 years female prisoners will be able to opt for webcams in cells for reduced time/financial gain. 

[Eater of Clowns]

LMNO has made it apparent that this becomes a lot more disturbing when you think of Little Billy as a VOLUNTEER.

Little Billy, you may recall, was up for ANY PROGRAM.  That little moron would volunteer for ANYTHING.  Especially if it in any way involved a woman.

Milgram Porn.  It's the 21st century way.

Milgram Porn
It's not that we don't give a fuck about your heart condition, it's that we do.

Milgram Porn
It does what it's told.

Milgram Porn
Because you're not ready for Harlow Porn.

Milgram Porn
Turn the dial up to 10.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I have the fucking jimjams now.

[LMNO]

Holy crap.  The bottom of this barrel just keeps going.

[Junkenstein]

Milgram Porn
Turn the dial up to 10.

I think we've found our website slogan.

[P3nT4gR4m]

Milgram Porn
Turn the dial up to 10.

I think we've found our website slogan holy crusade.

ftfy

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Milgram Porn
Turn the dial up to 10.

I think we've found our website slogan.

Yes, someone tell Faust.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

Little Billy lives.
Well, kind of...

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Little Billy lives.
Well, kind of...

Balls.  That little bastard got smashed flat by Jimmy Walnuts' crew, just for spitting in the road.

[Eater of Clowns]

Milgram Porn
But who is the confederate?

Milgram Porn
We do it because they must learn.

Milgram Porn
You willl listen to the one in the coat.

Milgram Porn
Can't you hear the screams?

Milgram Porn
Milgram Porn.