Prophet Replacement Service

[Junkenstein]

Who's your pick for next Mexico?

The current signs point to Obama.

[Junkenstein]

Who will win the World Cup?

Coca-Cola, Mcdonalds and various other corporate entities. Just like every other one.

[Junkenstein]

Let's hear it.

Waffles writes his autobiography "I know fucking everyone" in 2033 making outlandish claims linking him to practically every celebrity of the past 50 years. While an elaborate hoax, the media and said celebrities desperate to extend their 15 seconds take kindly to his claims and proceed to manufacture evidence linking themselves to him.

This spirals and leads to his eventual assassination in 2035 by a lone gunman who claims that the entire idea was his and it is, in fact him who knew the various people. Evidence proving such is suppressed to give conspiracy theorists something to try and complicate further just to see how convoluted it can get.

The "Truth" is declassified in 2095 and is widely regarded as fabricated.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

I'd like a prognostication.

Twids spiritual exploitations eventually lead him back to a rather extreme branch of the Roman Catholic Church. The 2029 earthquake in Vatican City convinces a sizeable number that God is displeased and the Schism occurs. Ending up in a "man behind the man behind the man" position enables him to live a lifestyle of relative luxury in a secure compound.

Being in a secure compound with 2029 heavily armed version of the Westboro Roman catholic church is pretty much exactly as pleasant as it sounds however.

Those closest to him write a "I knew him when" book and make a sizeable profit from talk shows.

I suppose I always wanted fame.

Follow up questions:

Do I eventually get canonized for spurious reasons, if so, what I am the patron saint of, and are the 2029 Vatican guard Swiss Cyborgs? Oh God, is Weltburger one of the Swissborgs?

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Hook a girl up.

Nigel enjoys brief political fame and small election success despite wanting it around 2024. While a newspaper darling for about 6 weeks, they eventually realise that she's just not going to stop.

Vicious hatchet jobs occur on all sides leading to Nigel eventually having to flee to the free federated states of Italy in 2026. Despite repeated requests for extradition the Italian authorities never quite get around to it and most of the butthurt subsides by 2028.

Needless to say, history repeats in 2032.

[EK WAFFLR]

Let's hear it.

Waffles writes his autobiography "I know fucking everyone" in 2033 making outlandish claims linking him to practically every celebrity of the past 50 years. While an elaborate hoax, the media and said celebrities desperate to extend their 15 seconds take kindly to his claims and proceed to manufacture evidence linking themselves to him.

This spirals and leads to his eventual assassination in 2035 by a lone gunman who claims that the entire idea was his and it is, in fact him who knew the various people. Evidence proving such is suppressed to give conspiracy theorists something to try and complicate further just to see how convoluted it can get.

The "Truth" is declassified in 2095 and is widely regarded as fabricated.

[Junkenstein]

I'd like a prognostication.

Twids spiritual exploitations eventually lead him back to a rather extreme branch of the Roman Catholic Church. The 2029 earthquake in Vatican City convinces a sizeable number that God is displeased and the Schism occurs. Ending up in a "man behind the man behind the man" position enables him to live a lifestyle of relative luxury in a secure compound.

Being in a secure compound with 2029 heavily armed version of the Westboro Roman catholic church is pretty much exactly as pleasant as it sounds however.

Those closest to him write a "I knew him when" book and make a sizeable profit from talk shows.

I suppose I always wanted fame.

Follow up questions:

Do I eventually get canonized for spurious reasons, if so, what I am the patron saint of, and are the 2029 Vatican guard Swiss Cyborgs? Oh God, is Weltburger one of the Swissborgs?

Yes, Gin, yes and No.

Pretty sure on that order.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

As DOUR is bleeding from the eyes due to an overdose of future and Tucson, I am taking this opportunity to usurp oust seize for my own ends offer my humble services as a replacement Prophet.

Oh, outstanding.  The job is yours. 

muhaha

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I'd also like to note that allayous bastards that posted in this thread, despite not asking MY spiritual advice in recent memory on account of "you couldn't be arsed", well fuck the lot of you.  In fact, you all get 30 DAYS OF TUCSON, starting immediately upon you reading this.

Snub a prophet the moment he gets a little godsmack, will you?  Oh, I know a trick worth two of that!

Venomously venomously,
Roger

[Junkenstein]

As DOUR is bleeding from the eyes due to an overdose of future and Tucson, I am taking this opportunity to usurp oust seize for my own ends offer my humble services as a replacement Prophet.

Oh, outstanding.  The job is yours. 

muhaha

Fine, I was going to keep the hat anyway.

[Reginald Ret]

I'd also like to note that allayous bastards that posted in this thread, despite not asking MY spiritual advice in recent memory on account of "you couldn't be arsed", well fuck the lot of you.  In fact, you all get 30 DAYS OF TUCSON, starting immediately upon you reading this.

Snub a prophet the moment he gets a little godsmack, will you?  Oh, I know a trick worth two of that!

Venomously venomously,
Roger

That's not why your advice is not asked. It is that everyone who receives your advice kills themselves. Painfully. With a crate of sodabottles.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

I'd also like to note that allayous bastards that posted in this thread, despite not asking MY spiritual advice in recent memory on account of "you couldn't be arsed", well fuck the lot of you.  In fact, you all get 30 DAYS OF TUCSON, starting immediately upon you reading this.

Snub a prophet the moment he gets a little godsmack, will you?  Oh, I know a trick worth two of that!

Venomously venomously,
Roger

A whole thirty days? Shit. That's the point of no return....

[EK WAFFLR]

I'd also like to note that allayous bastards that posted in this thread, despite not asking MY spiritual advice in recent memory on account of "you couldn't be arsed", well fuck the lot of you.  In fact, you all get 30 DAYS OF TUCSON, starting immediately upon you reading this.

Snub a prophet the moment he gets a little godsmack, will you?  Oh, I know a trick worth two of that!

Venomously venomously,
Roger

TUSCON ME, HOLY MAN!

[Junkenstein]

I'd also like to note that allayous bastards that posted in this thread, despite not asking MY spiritual advice in recent memory on account of "you couldn't be arsed", well fuck the lot of you.  In fact, you all get 30 DAYS OF TUCSON, starting immediately upon you reading this.

Snub a prophet the moment he gets a little godsmack, will you?  Oh, I know a trick worth two of that!

Venomously venomously,
Roger

Today is my first day of enduring 30 days of Tucson.

So far today:

A (woman, probably) in what can best be described as a 5th hand fake fur coat appeared in the yard demanding car batteries. Because reasons. Needless to say, we don't have them. This was obviously a cunning ruse to keep all the batteries for myself. Being directed to one of the numerous breakers yards (There are 2 literally within sight of the place) the complaints about "Customer service" began.

Being told that:
"You are not my customer. You will never be my customer. You are wasting my time." is apparently offensive and a letter of complaint is on the way. No prizes for guessing who runs the complaints department.

Then all craneage got cancelled because wind. We may get 20-30 minutes today. Smallest lift to be completed will take approximately 6 hours. I get to have the meeting later slowly explaining standing time costs on a 750T crane.

That sound? It's laughter, I promise.

[Nephew Twiddleton]