LMNO-PI

[Mangrove]

OB - I'm warning you now. Behave or I will instigate a new rule that bar staff must wear really boring & unflattering polyester uniforms...and you know what that means, don't you?


...yes, that's right. No more corsets.

 Trust me, I'll do it!!

[The Open Bar]

[Malaul]

[East Coast Hustle]

[Sepia]

[The Open Bar]

uhh..sorry everyone.

sorry mang'

sorry El.

i wouldn't do anything to jeopardize the corset wearing. please, no polyester uniforms...i promise i won't interupt El's story again!!

 

[Sepia]

[Gimoz]

There are no words for describing the ?ºberness of this story.
MORE!!!111one11

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

   

[LMNO]

With the cold iron crowbar in hand, I inclined my head in Erin,Äôs direction.  ,ÄúLook, if you don,Äôt want to deal with this, you can stay here with Mang.  Not only would he enjoy the experience, he,Äôd also the closest to the Bar, so you,Äôd be perfectly safe.  Not to mention, I think OB has a crush on you.,Äù

,ÄúWhat do you mean?,Äù

,ÄúLook to your left.,Äù  A bouquet of flowers had appeared, hovering in the air, and lowered itself into a vase which rose from the bartop.  Then a box of chocolates appeared.  ,ÄúSee?  What a hopeless romantic.,Äù

A voice emanating from nowhere in particular said, ,ÄúI heard that.,Äù

Erin patted the railing, smiled, and said, ,ÄúUm,Ķ thanks, uh, ,ÄòOB,Äô, but I really have to take care of this.,Äù  Straightening up, she looked at me with steely determination, and said, ,ÄúSomebody, somewhere, is trying to scare me, and just recently tried to hurt me.  So I,Äôm in for the long haul.  Let,Äôs go do this.,Äù

,ÄúFair enough.,Äù  I turned, and began searching out our Troll.

It wasn,Äôt hard to find her:  There was only one place in the Bar that people were reluctant to go.  A moat of empty tables and chairs surrounded a hazy mass that only slightly resembled a young woman with wings on her back.  From a distance, it looked like an out-of-focus photograph, but it shimmered, like a heat mirage.  Then you could hear her:  From where we were, it was a low buzzing, like cicadas from a mile off, but as we drew closer, you could start making things out.

,ÄúMeep,Ķ3.14592,Ķ A FAGGOT WHO LOVES TO MASTURBATE WHILE EDITING POSTS INTO PERVERTED MESSAGES,Ķoracles are dumb, and psychics are always wrong,Ķ meep,Ķ 65358979323846264,Ķ I sprinkle you with fairy dust...,Äù

Erin stopped.  ,ÄúWhat,Äôs going on?  What is that?,Äù

,ÄúThat, is the Aini collective.  Millions of nano-bots, all loosely connected by a driving urge to annoy as many people as possible.  The thing is, each of the bots has a tiny spark of independent thought, which makes her a bit tough to talk to if you don,Äôt get her attention first.,Äù

,Äúmeep,Ķ 3383279502884,Ķ Stop changing what I say...,Äù

,ÄúBut why does,Ķ she... it,Ķ,Äù Erin trailed off, dumbfounded.

,ÄúI know, she has that effect on people.  Let me handle it.,Äù

,ÄúHow?  How are you going to be able to deal with nano-bots?,Äù

,ÄúThe thing is, she thinks she,Äôs a fairy.  She,Äôs convinced herself so much so, that she actually plays by the ancient rules of fairly lore.,Äù  I hefted the crowbar.  ,ÄúHence the cold wrought iron.  Oh, which reminds me,ÄîTurn your pockets inside out.,Äù

,ÄúI don,Äôt have pockets.,Äù  She motioned downwards at herself, and I foolishly looked.  Her tight red dress clung to her hips like clingfilm, detailing the smooth curves of her body, a shallow dip where her thighs met, the gentle and slight protrusions of her hipbones.  It was the promise of heaven, the inevitability that all men succumb, the literal birthplace of desire.

,ÄúTHEY HAVE CARNAL RELATIONS WITH GOATS!!... Meep,Ķ,Äù

Aini,Äôs incessant ranting brought me around again.  We were now face to faces, the bots coalescing, trying to approximate a face and a body, but their independence made them unable to agree on an appearance.  The result was not unlike seeing the corpse of a young girl covered with insects.

,ÄúAini, I want to talk with you.  This is Erin.,Äù

,ÄúThis is Erin,Ķ 1971693993751058209749445923,Ķ I want to talk with you,Ķ meep,ĶI ate yew.  Yum!  Squirrels are stupid,Ķfairy dust,Ķ,Äù

,ÄúI,Äôm serious.  Hey!  Are you listening?,Äù

,ÄúAre you listening?...I didn,Äôt say that, why are you making me say that?... 06647093,ĶGOAT FUCKER!,Äù

,ÄúEnough of this shit,,Äù I muttered as I drew back with the crowbar, and swung it as hard as I could at Aini,Äôs head.  The front part of her face sheared off, as hundreds of bots died, falling to the floor, no more than silicon and nanowires.  

Aini shrieked, and quickly rose from the table, up, and up, her faux wings pretending to flap, as the nanobots quickly re-arranged themselves to form a bow in her hand.  ,ÄúI shoot an arrow at your head!,Äù she cried, and let loose a stream of bots.  Erin screamed, and ducked under a table.

,ÄúFuck you.,Äù  I swung again, and the ,Äòarrow,Äô dissolved into angry dust.  Using the crook of the crowbar, I hooked Aini,Äôs foot, shearing it off at the knee.  ,ÄúOB!  Window!,Äù I yelled.  A beautiful stained glass window appeared in the wall, just as I hurled Aini,Äôs leg.  It shattered in a beautiful rainbow of glass, the shards of which disappeared before falling among the other patrons.  A few cheered and clapped in appreciation of the show.  I owe Agent Compassion for that move, I thought.  Damn, I owe her a dollar.

,ÄúAini! Listen up,,Äù I yelled.  ,ÄúI need your hyper math!,Äù

,ÄúOh.,Äù  She fluttered down.  ,ÄúWhat,Äôs up?,Äù

I sighed.  Why is it always this hard?  I handed her the slip of paper I got from the face-raping bat.  ,ÄúThis looks like machine code.  I need to know what it says.,Äù

,ÄúDid you know I can find out anyone,Äôs IP address and then change it at will?  It,Äôs easy!... Meep,Ķ,Äù

I swung the crowbar again, this time catching her in the side with a satisfying crunch.  I could hear the thousands of tiny robots pulverized.  Damn, it felt good.  ,ÄúPAY ATTENTION!,Äù

,ÄúOw!  Dammit!  Ok, ok,Ķ It,Äôs mixed format,Ķ it,Äôs repeating ,ÄúXVI,Äù and ,Äú16,Äù a few times,Ķ  Oh look, the inevitable ,Äú23,Äù,Ķ  It,Äôs throwing a lot of purposeful gibberish between ,Äú7,Äùs and ,Äú8,Äùs,Ķ ok, a few words here... ,ÄúNeztach,Äù,Ķ ,ÄúHod,Äù,Ķ Stupid psychics,Ķ  Ok, skipping a bit,Ķ  Ah.,Äù

,ÄúWhat?,Äù

,ÄúHope you like the bohemian scene.,Äù

,ÄúAini,Ķ,Äù

,ÄúWhatever this is, and wherever you got it,,Äù Aini said with what approximated a knowing grin, ,Äúit came from the shop at 42nd and 13th.  Don,Äôt forget your beret... meep,Ķ,Äù

I knew when not to push it any further.  I abruptly turned around, grabbed Erin by the elbow, and quickly walked away.  ,ÄúDon,Äôt look back,,Äù I muttered.  The crowd parted for us as we made our way back to the front of the bar.

,ÄúGOAT FUCKER!!... I didn,Äôt say that, you made me do it,Ķ 64709384460955058223,Ķ yer not kewl, and yew know it[/size],Ķmeep,Ķ meep,Ķ,Äù[/size]

,ÄúJust ignore her,,Äù I said.  ,ÄúIt will soon seem like a dream.,Äù

,ÄúIt already seems like a dream.,Äù

,ÄúMang!  More drinks!  Make ,Äòem doubles!,Äù  

Mangrove,Äôs nose awaited us, with the rest of him behind it.  ,ÄúHell, after that performance, why don,Äôt you just take the bottle?,Äù

,ÄúFine by me.  Make it scotch.,Äù

Mang rolled his eyes.  ,ÄúBut of course.  Erin?,Äù

Demurely, she said, ,ÄúBetter make it scotch for me, as well.,Äù  She turned to me, and said, ,Äúso, did you understand anything she was babbling about?,Äù

,ÄúYeah, one or two things.  I have to work out some of the details, but I know where we have to go next.,Äù

,Äú,ĶAnd that would be,Ķ,Äù

,ÄúWhat do you know about poetry?,Äù

,ÄúIt,Äôs usually bad, and it takes place in coffee shops?,Äù

,ÄúRight both times.  But don,Äôt worry.  The coffee there is excellent.,Äù

[Mangrove]

if i had a literary agent i'd call him/her and tell them to sign you right away.

[LMNO]

Just because you're in it....




Seriously though, this last chapter kicked my ass.  I'm glad for the weekend so I can have a chance to recharge.


Maybe it's time to start thinking of some sort of plot here...

[agent compassion]

   Yay! Now I'm in the story too! :pockets the dollar:

[Malaul]

LMNO
you are just amazing
can I keep you?

[Bob the Mediocre]

Yeah. You do a suspiciously good aini...