Something for Me - Ranting on Getting Lost

[Zurtok Khan]

"I don't like you," is what I'd like to say when I look in the mirror.  But, that would be a lie.  "I don't know you well enough to know," would be closer to the truth.  But, I geuss that's where we're all caught, between hating ourselves and loving ourselves, and between knowing ourselves, and wondering what we really know.  Or not.  What do I know, anyway?  Not alot.

This is just the next leg of the journey, and I'm tired, my feet hurt, and I'm sick of eatting pinecones, metaphorically speaking, of course.  I read a book by Robin Hobb (excellant fantasy writer, actually writes on an adult level...) wherein a character could see the future he was going to create.  He knew what he had to do, and he always had his goal in mind.  Life for him was directed, he always knew.  Well, then the character gets to the point where his mission is fulfilled.  He has no idea what to do, no direction.  He's lost.  Well, in comparison to the rest of us, he's not.  But, everything is relative, I suppose.

I don't know if I feel lost.  In some ways I feel found.  I have no fucking clue what I'm up to, what the next step will be, or anything.  But, I'm becoming content with it.  I have no goal in mind, at the moment.  Sure, I'd like a waystation on the side of the road for a bit of rest on this journey.  But, I can do without it.  Bring on the pinecones.

I would also like to tell you that I am not instating the 30-seconds-before-it-happens Anticipating Everything Cabal, or 'Kitty Cat' for short, because it amuses me.  This is the essence of the cabal, the greatest feeling in the world is uncertainty, particularly the uncertainty one most urgently feels anticpating something that is happening very, very, very soon.

Oh, and here are the face raping bats for Hugh, along with tequila for everyone.  Oh, and Roger, you can have a icepick, I'm sure you know something fun to do with it.

(The above was really more for me then it was for you.  Strange are the ways of Goddess.)

[Bob the Mediocre]

(The above was really more for me then it was for you.  Strange are the ways of Goddess.)

Yeah, that's the way it works sometimes. When I was writing Lie to Yourself, I felt a little like I was screaming at myself.

I did kinda like this though.