Into The Night With Enrico And So-Called Friends

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

Hoshiko is demanding more hostages.

I apologize but I have to take another night's audience members into captivity.

Sorry.

<gathers audience members into trucks, after hodding and trussing them.>

[Enrico Salazar]

Hoshi gets no hostages until she guests on the show as she has been promising Enrico for five years now.

Soon he will think it is his breath if this keeps up.

[Bella]

That's okay.
I was getting hungry anyway.

Enrico?
Does this mean we can go out for dinner now like you promised?
I'm really looking forward to seeing what the "surprise menu" you mentioned is all about.

Edit: Crap. If Hoshi doen't get her hostages does that mean we don't go to dinner now?

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

Well, too late. The trucks have already driven off to her lair.

Which is somewhere east of tequilarium country.

[Enrico Salazar]

Don't worry Bella,

Shecky can take over show as guest host if Enrico leaves. Or, if he is too stoned or drunk there's alway . . . *sigh* Diabo.

Come.  Come with Enrico to studio canteena.  Just remember, if it wriggles, stab it with a fork.  If it slithers, let it go.

[Bella]

Wriggles - stab it.

Slithers - let it go.


Got it. This sound like my kind of meal fer sure.  

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

I'll stab it for you.

We need more stabbinations around here.

[Hoshiko]

What is this about me not showing up for your show? The invitation got lost in the mail! It was my agent. I ran into some traffic.

Do you have those hostages? I'm not getting any younger.

[Enrico Salazar]

Your agent will hear from Enrico.

You can have any hostage you want you want my little Cheeto . . . you may have LMNO, if you can afford the Riunite, or you may have Roger who has been passed out under Diabo for a few days, or the Baron who is cowering behind the couch, or the other Baron who is lurking backstage somewhere  . . .

Or any of the nameless fucks in audience.

Choice is yours.

Remember people of Enrico's audience:  You signed waiver.

[Hoshiko]

Are those cameras on? I just want you all to know one thing.

<leans in closer, lowers glasses>

That's not fluoride in the water supply.

<grabs some trail mix and a bloody mary from the coffee table, walks out>

[Enrico Salazar]

(melts to couch, fanning himself with a dirty rag)

Enrico's heart is all a-flutter!

(turns wearily to camera)

Into The Night With Salazore And Friends will return after these words from our sponsors . . . someone get Enrico a glass of goose-sweat.

[Bella]

Are those cameras on? I just want you all to know one thing.

<leans in closer, lowers glasses>

That's not fluoride in the water supply.

<grabs some trail mix and a bloody mary from the coffee table, walks out>

Sniff.......she makes her Aunti Be.lla so damned proud.

[Baron Von Stevenstein]

<lurks somewhere in the backstage >

here you go.

<hands Enr!co a glass of goose sweat>

[Hoshiko]

<sneaks back in, takes a seat on the couch and pours another drink>

Kind of quiet in here, isn't it? *sip*

Yeah, well... seeing as how you're jsut all so obliging when it comes to hostages, I thought I'd make things a little more difficult. Doesn't seem like there's anyone here to stop me, so I give you Hoshiko's Bad Poetry Hour!

<a few boos from the audience>

I'm wired for explosives.

<silence>

We'll start with a nice easy one... This is entitled Kalamazoo and it's by a real actual poet. Ahem.

On the outskirts are celery marshes
Which only a few years ago
Were as wet as a drugstore in Kansas
And as worthless as marshes could grow,
Well some genius bethought him to drain them
And to add in a short year or two
About eighty-five thousand dollars
To the income of Kalamazoo.

Wet as a drustore in Kansas?  

The Michigan Insane Asylum
Is up on the top of the hill,
And some irresponsible crazies
Meander around there at will,
And they frequently talk to a stranger,
And they sometimes escape, it is true,
But the folks are not all of them crazy
Who hail from Kalamazoo.


<looks up>

Remind you of anyplace?

Well, that was a worthless waste of time. Let's move on to a poem by annonymous. I can't wait, can you?

<cricket>

This one's called Number's Game.

10 years of failed marriage
2 in seperate beds
8 months of constant fighting
400 times you've wished me dead
5 years of depression
6 hours in this bar
8 glasses os whisky
19 shakey steps to my car

<glances up>

Oh Dear... you see what that is? That's what we call foreshadowing, kids. This is not good.

<continues>

2 minutes to find the keys
7 miles home to bed
3 boxes of tablets
not 1 minute of regret.

see you in hell.

What, that's supposed to be BAD? I liked that. I could really feel it, it had a nice ending to it. Hugh, who prepared the bad poems?

<Gets out some burlap bags, wraps up the lurking Barons>

I'll take the rest of that Trail Mix too, if you don't mind.

[Cain]

The Michigan Insane Asylum
Is up on the top of the hill,

Doesnt Eldora live on a hill?