The Discordian and the Douche Bag

[Dell Ray]

Once upon a time, a heshe (I don,Äôt know which) by the name of Nate decided he was disgruntled by the way her government leaders were handling their affairs.  They were called the Douchepublicans and they lived in the land of Douche.  Their self-righteous and greedous ways had gotten their state of affairs into a pickle (metaphorically speaking).This pickle was very large indeed, and we all know it takes a lot of vinegar to make a very large pickle.

It came to pass, the leaders of Doucheland made legislation to acquire all of the vinegar in the land so they could properly pickle their pickle in a most peculiar way:

They devised a devise to pickle their pickle...
a bag as big as could be.
The bag had a bladder devise on it,Äôs bottom,
a bladder one hardly could see.
The bladder was hooked to a lever devise
so the liquid there-in could be let.
So the douche-bag was done...with pickle inside,
a pickle no douche could forget!

Vinegar is a disinfectant and a deodorant.  And a fertile land with no deodorant can become quite pungently-putrid if not cared for in a proper manner with a proper PH factor.  Doucheland stank rank from the under abundance of vinegar the government had so zealously conscripted.

Nate was not happy with the way his government was wasting Doucheland,Äôs resources, and devised a plan to retrieve the much coveted pickle liquid...and much to her discord, he formed an aneristic group called, ,ÄúThe Sacred Order of Massengill,Äù (later known as the Massengillians).  Their quest...TO SEEK AND LIBERATE THE LAST KNOWN SOURCE OF VINEGAR!

The Massengillians grew strong quickly, and a fisherman by the name of Anus moved through the ranks and quickly became a leader in the new order.  Anus was Nate,Äôs second in command, and Anus became well known for his dissonant strategies as well as his entendre.  Eventually,the Massengillians came up with a plan to steal the pickling liquid and give the much needed substance back to the people.

Meanwhile, unbeknownst to the Massengillians, a counter-plan was made by the Douchepublicans to foil the Massengillians,Äô plans.  It seems that moles had infiltrated the Sacred Order.  The Douchepublicans devised a plan to assassinate the leader of the Massengillians (Nate) with hopes their dirty deeds would halt the uprising...and in that very discussion-spawned-plot to exterminate Nate, the leader of the Douchepublicans posed the question that would be answered in Massengillian perpetuity , ,ÄúIf we kill Nate, will we create a marter...or should we let Nate pull the lever to the Douche-bag, make her a hero, and release some of the liquid there-in to appease the masses,Äù, to which a dastardly confidant replied in words that will resonate in history books and the tongues of the oppressed, ,ÄúBETTER NATE THAN LEVER! ,Äú

Thus, Nates,Äô doom was sealed...but not the fate of The Sacred Order of Massengill!

Stay tuned for the next chapter entitled, ,ÄúHeinous Anus and the Massengillians,Äù. 

[GIGGLES]

I TOTALLY READ YUOR POST!

[East Coast Hustle]

I think this is probably the gheyest thing I have ever seen in my life.

ECH,
sad sad panda