Self-Enlightenment Through Bullshit

[vexaph0d]

Secondary Title: Operation Mindfuck for the Operationally Mindfucked.

This is probably Intellectual Dadaism Revisited, but I never studied Dadaism or Absurdism or any of that horse manure, or the PD for that matter, so I still got dibbs on being original.

Anyway, society has reached such an incredible level of clusterfucked over-beaurocratic dogmatic cocksleaze culture-void confusion at this point, that practically anything at all can have a lasting effect on everything, which is nothing at all.

That is to say, simply, just spout some completely random meaningless bullshit, and I guarantee that it can (and will, god knows) be interpreted 13 ways from Sunday, and at least 10% of the time it will result in at least a small engorgement of somebody's dubiously existant Pineal Gland.  Since it's a Discordian forum I'll go along with the overused lingo, what the fuck why not.

EXAMPLE the First: It's a well-known fact that Boris Karloff, the famous actor, used to eat dog shit to get his complexion just right before every scene.

In this example we learn nothing that's of any use to anyone, but it probably will make the reader (or, unluckily, the hearer) think about eating dog shit.  This is an improvement over having them think about what's going to be on TV this evening.

EXAMPLE the Second: Well, you know what they always say -- You can't ride a wet horse to Germany. or You know what they say -- You can't get far with a rabid weasle in the bushes outside your 2nd floor window.

This means even less, and has the immediate effect of either getting you labeled the conversation's current fuckwit.  This is of course preferable to being called the conversation's sage, because being the sage always has a lot of baggage with it.  Like actually having to say something worthwhile at least half the time.

If the world we live in is 98% bullshit anyway, and you're expected to "make it" out there by being serious about it, then what happens if you just keep spouting bullshit yourself?  You short-circuit the system

I don't know what the fuck I'm typing about, in all honesty.

[Triple Zero]

nice writings. only problem i see, is if you keep regularly spouting bullshit people will start to ignore it. you have to bait them first into thinking it might actually be something interesting, otherwise it'll just get filtered away in the shitstorm of noise they already have to deal with.

[LMNO]

::Points to Enrico's Parable of the Sacred Bull::

[B_M_W]

::Points to Enrico's Parable of the Sacred Bull::

I think it was something like "If their not smart enough to figure it out, fuck em". Right?

[Triple Zero]

"if you always tell people sense or truth, they will never think for themselves, bullshit keeps them on their toes"

[LMNO]

::Points to Enrico's Parable of the Sacred Bull::

I think it was something like "If their not smart enough to figure it out, fuck em". Right?

THE PARABLE OF THE SACRED BULL
By Sexual Deviant and Beloved Ex-Dictator, Enrico Salazar


As Enrico stepped off tuna boat onto fine soil of this country he was immediately molested by a strange man in a rumpled suit with crazed eyes. Normally this would not bother Enrico at all, on the contrary, he advertises for it . . . but this man wasn't interested in Enrico's crotch at all, he was only interested in talking religion and philosophy. He asked Enrico, "Do you believe there is such thing as a true religion?"

Enrico snorted and replied "Isn't pornography the religion in this country?"

He told Enrico that it was not, which saddened Enrico for a few moments; it was after all why Enrico had come to this country in the first place. Immediately his visions of becoming a pope of porn melted away . . . he would have to find other ways to get people to accept his 'host', he realized. He was only sad for a moment, of course, because Enrico rarely has to do much persuading, being the virile testicle squid he is.

The man pulled a medallion from under his shirt and waved it before Enrico's eyes. Enrico, in turn pulled seventeen medallions from under his shirt and waved them around too, thinking 'what strange customs these beautiful people have', but was distracted from his inner monologue by the man saying "This is called the Sacred Cow."

"Sacred Cow?" Enrico asked, then added: "In Enrico's homeland that is Beatrice Arthur."

"No no," the man said. "Cow! See Ayche Aye Oh. Cow. It is the singular version of Chaos."

"Chaos." repeated Enrico.

"Yes," the man said. "Chaos is the natural state of the universe. Aspects of chaos are order and disorder. Both are natural, so do not shun the disorder as false, it is true."

"You speak bullshit," Enrico laughed. "Enrico likes that."

"This is not bullshit. This is truth that will set you free."

"No." said Enrico. "Is bullshit. But, bullshit is important."

The man's eyes widened in amazement. "Bullshit? Important? Why?"

Enrico was surprised that the concept of Bull hadn't been taught to this man. What else was going to be different in this country?

"Bullshit is very important." Enrico told the man. "Bullshit should be spread far and wide. Always spread bullshit wherever you go."

"Why?" asked the man.

"Is simple. If you speak to someone and tell them truth you have made them think nothing, is true?"

"No, they think about what you said."

"How many peoples do you know?" Enrico asked. "Most peoples, they are not completely right in the head. Most peoples accept your information like a baby goat accepts your root. If you give them bullshit, though, the person will later find out about it, become angry, but then they will need to go look up the information themselves. They will need to use their own head gravy, instead of relying on other peoples to do their thinking for them . . . in this way bullshit is very very important. So spread bullshit everywhere, my fine friendly faggot."

Enrico was about to leave when the man called out to him "But what if they never find out that the information is bullshit?"

Enrico turned back to the man. He shrugged. "Fuck em. If they are that stupid, they deserve to stay that way."

And that is how Enrico taught the silly man about the Sacred Bull.
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