The "I'm Thinking of Making" Thread

[Jenne]

Thanks!  I'll definitely PM if something goes...awry...

[LMNO]

Can I ask what the occasion is, and what your guests are expecting?

[Jenne]

Dinner.  And they're kids--they expect to get what we put in front of them.

This is the 2d duck from the duck story of El Turbaconducko.

Did I tell that story here?

[AFK]

If so I didn't hear it so it bears repeating. 

[LMNO]

um... it's thawed, right?

[Jenne]

It's WAY thawed.  Been in the fridge for oh 4 days...

[Jenne]

Ok, so we needed duck for the turbaconducken.  And we already had the turkey/hen.  My husband works downtown, where all the immigrant shops are.  This includes, of course, a place where they butcher chickens and ducks.  Place smells like a hole.

Anyway, we go there one day in December to get the duck.  A bunch of Chinese women were lined up at the glass-fronted counters.  Dead and bled-out naked raw chicken in piles inside the glassfronted displays.  The Vietnamese workers would grab one by its neck, hold it up for inspection, and usually had to put it back for some arbitrary reason or other.

My husband and I were roundly ignored.  It's noon, on a Friday, and the place was about as big as a water closet (smelled like one too).  Finally we get the lady ringing us up to answer the question of "Do you have any ducks?"

"Tomorrow.  You come back tomorrow!" was the response.

"Tomorrow?"  My husband repeats.

"Yes, tomorrow.  You come back."

"Will you  have duck tomorrow?" he asks (he's wily, that one).

"Probably not.  But you come back for duck tomorrow."  Heh.  Ok.

We ask for her phone number, and she pulls out a piece of receipt from the register tape and scrawls her phone number on there with a sticky hand.  You can guess where the "sticky" came from.

My husband takes the paper, from the very edge of the corner, and stuffs it in his pocket as we leave.  We go across the street to Vietnamese grocery store.  We look through piles and piels of frozen birds, nada.

We find another grocery store, a distributor warehouse, across the street.  The place is cheek by jowl with cheap Asian goods, sold in bulk.  We ask if they have duck.  They do!  How much per lb?  Aparently, only $5/lb.  Excellent.

And then we find out we have to buy 6 of them, as this is a warehouse, and the ducks come 6 to a box!  But we're desperate for duck.  So we buy a box of 6 and give 4 as Xmas gifts, we keep 2.

That's our duck story.

[AFK]

Great story.  9/10.

I had to deduct one point for failing to work in a "bill" pun. 

btw, what is turbaconducken? 

[LMNO]

The butchers would have had some good ducks, too.  I suggest you go back someday.

Close Death doesn't smell good, but the resulting taste is fantastic.


Local butcher:




THEY SELL THONGS.

[Jenne]

Hey, we TRIED to get the fresh one--they were fucking up our chi!    I think that was because we were getting in the way of their patronage of more worthy ilk.  But yes, we will return...at least for a hen.

Nice thong.

RWHN, you can pun for me--I wouldn't begin to DARE to know where to go with that one... "This bill ain't just for ducks?"  Meh

[Jenne]

K, am rendering like a madwoman.  RENDERING, I SAY!

Ooh, forgot--need to chill ze wine!

[LMNO]

I'm heading to practice at 7:30... email me if you run into problems.

[Jenne]

Not a prob, Bob.  Duckling is in the hotbed.  Repeat:  Duckling is in the hotbed.

He looks all cute all by himself all salted and peppered!

[LMNO]

Pics?  Does it look like you got a lot of fat off?

[Jenne]

Ok, so we needed duck for the turbaconducken. 

[snip]

That's our duck story.

Did I mention how we were told to find this fowl butcher?  --> did I get my point back, RWHN?

We were told to go to this one street, across from the 7-Eleven, and follow our noses.

Yuh-huh.