Pterodactylocalypse

[Cramulus]

troof, pterodactyls fucking hate broken image links

[Thurnez Isa]

troof, pterodactyls fucking hate broken image links

fixed

[fomenter]

oh great i gotta get me one of these now..



http://www.techeblog.com/index.php/tech-gadget/feature-world-s-largest-shotgun-with-video-demonstration-  watch the video

[Richter]

Can't see video from work, but that's a Punt Gun.  You mount them on small boats for wiping out whole flocks of game fowl at once.

[fomenter]

Can't see video from work, but that's a Punt Gun.  You mount them on small boats for wiping out whole flocks of game fowl at once.

yes a punt gun, picture large scale destruction of a rack with hundreds of skeet at once..,

[Triple Zero]

I'm at home. 2nd floor. There are big windows here, so I'll turn off the lights first (it's dark outside right now). I figure if they can't see me, they have no reason to risk cutting their wings on broken glass.

I live 200ft from a big hospital. Right across the road. I'm not sure what to make of it, I absolutely despise the place, it's a brooding shithole of bureaucracy. But they do have a helicopter ... I wonder how useful a helicopter is against pterodactyls however.
They do have a lot of useful things in the hospital. But at first they're probably all busy keeping all the patients alive and shit. Which is doomed to fail, because no help is coming. Maybe I can manage to cross the road and offer to help out at the hospital (actually help out--it's not like anybody is going to want websites any time soon so I might as well make myself useful), but meanwhile biding my time and gaining the trust of the medical crew there, making friends there is probably really useful.

If there's any chance, even just half a minute without pterodactyls in sight, I'll pull my bike inside, cause it's right next to the door and don't want anyone taking it or pterodactyls pooping on it and it means I can keep it unlocked and ready for action instead of the crappy lock that sometimes has me fiddling for half a minute before I get it loose.

considering food. for some reason I have just acquired nearly 4lb of dried chick peas. I believe they are fairly nutricious, so that should last me quite a while. I will consume my perishables first, of course. I also have about 40-50 multi vitamin pills left.

I have quite a bunch of empty soda bottles, which I will rinse shortly and start to fill with tap water immediately. With some bad luck the water system can be one of the first to go (or become polluted), maybe within the hour. so I collect as much water as I can first, and if electricity and water system permit, I will then continue for a second pass of actually cleaning and properly disinfecting the bottles using boiling water from my electric waterboiler, before re-filling them with cold water.

As long as there's electricity and internet, I will check Twitter for the latest updates. I will get in touch with my gf (who is in Germany fighting brontosaurs) and my family (various places in the Netherlands, but at least none of them seem to be up against Raptors). I will check my book collection for survival guides and download one of necessary. I will also get the "print page" version of the CRAZY PREPARED thread for reference. I just notice I have a printer. I will connect it and start printing useful docs as long as electricity allows. As soon as the power goes, so will the internet and I will close my laptop, saving its batteries until I can think of the most useful thing to do with it. On its most economic setting, it can last at least three hours on a fully charged battery.

There are large gardening tools in the shed in the backyard that might make decent weapons. If I can get a chance I will try and collect them.

There are two rooms in this house filled to the brim with old random stuff that belongs to my aunt. Who knows what could be in there.

I realize I probably don't stand much of a chance to actually take on a pterodactyl and kill it. I think. How big are these things, anyway?

[Adios]

Pterodactyls are good with ketchup.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Luckily, I have a lot of ammo. I take to lurking in the doorway hoping to lure one close enough to shoot, and then dragging it in the house and butchering it for food.

They taste a lot like chicken.

Eventually, I die of malnutrition.

[Zenpeanut]

I would play a continuous loop of shooped soundbites of Tyra Banks (I could have sworn there was a past thread in which the pterodactyls fucking loved Tyra Banks) telling them to avoid this particular house.

[Iason Ouabache]

If I'm at my apartment then I am completely and utterly fucked. I'm on the ground floor but I have too many windows to do my any good.

If I'm at work then I'm more than safe. My lab is at least 4 layers of concrete away from the outside world. The generator has enough juice to last me for awhile. There is enough food in vending machines to last me about a month with rationing. If they do somehow get in through the roof there are enough metallic and wood implements to use as weapons. Maintenance shop has some nice power tools plus a belt sander to help sharpen everything up. I've got energy drinks as far as the eye can see so I'm ready to throw down!

[Triple Zero]

aiyaiyaiBIKAAAAAWaaaaaaaghsplat!

[LMNO]

It's dark.  Oh God, it's dark.  They cut the power lines to the building five hours ago, and trapped us here on the 33rd story when the elevators stopped working.  A handful of co-workers said they were going to take the stairs, and we haven't heard anything from them since except a single phone call from Sheila, which lasted all of thirty seconds.  She was crying; then a muffled, "no..."  Then silence.

Huddled in the center of the floor, we peeked around our cubicles while the sun went down.  We could see them circling the building, searching.  Massive shadows passed back and forth as their wings blotted out the sun.  Half an hour after sunset, there was an explosion from down on the street, and the lights went out.  Henry started screaming; that was all they needed.  They could hear him through the plate glass windows.  We watched with horror as one of them slammed headfirst into the building, sending shards of glass flying everywhere.  Most of us ran, but some were frozen to the spot as they saw another one following close behind the first, its horrible mouth opening to reveal rows and rows of jagged teeth.  For some, that was the last thing they saw.

I ran for the stairs, slamming the fire door behind me, and ran up to the floor above.  I didn't know what Sheila and the others had found, but I wanted no part of it.  Running down the hall towards the executive suite, I glanced to the side, out the window.  The moon was just a sliver, but I could see dozens of monstrous shapes gliding by.  Somewhere, I could hear screaming.  I dove through the door of the suite, and slammed it behind me.  I crawled to the large oak desk, and curled up beneath it, trying to clam my heartbeat.  I waited.

It's cold.  I'm hungry.  I have no idea what's going on outside.  I chose the suite because it's one of the only rooms that don't have windows to the outside, but while they can't see me, I can't see them, either. 

Wait.  I think I hear something.  Awkward footsteps, something being dragged along the carpet in the hallway outside.  A heavy thump right outside.  OH SWEET GOD THEY HAVE THUMBS THEY CAN OPEN DOORS—

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

cmon gaiz.

make dactyl love.

not war!

The damned pterodactyl was  right behind me... I knew I could never get away from it, not with the distance I still had to make to the door of my house. My back prickled as I sensed it swooping closer, and I wheeled around in desperation, ready to fight to the last with my bare hands. But why wasn't the cursed beast attacking me already? Instead, it had landed, and was prancing a bit awkwardly and making a strange creeling call. Mesmerized, I could only stand and watch its hypnotic dance and the bobbing of its head as it pranced ever closer. It wasn't until it was nearly upon me, wings spread, that I noticed it was a male.

It pinned me every so carefully up against the side of my garage, and I was stunned by the heat and urgency with which it was rubbing its firm, satiny body against me, until I could feel the throb and swell of its penis growing erect. Unbidden, I felt in myself a matching heat spreading from my loins, and for the first time I realized what was about to happen... so wrong! But I had no choice. The razor-sharp beak of the wicked animal clacked softly, only inches from my ear. And, I realized with a thrill of the forbidden, I wanted it! I wanted to feel its hot pterodactyl prod inside me. I caressed the beast, tentatively at first, running my hands over its dry, slightly velvety hide, and it responded with increased enthusiasm. I reached down and grasped its hard, wet, and slightly prehensile erection, and it let out a soft "creeeeeel" in my ear. I slid to my knees and breathed hard against the silky membranous skin for a moment, letting the rich aroma of pterosaur musk drift to my brain.

I let the head slip into my mouth and press against my tongue, melting into the heat and instinct of sucking. I caressed the base of its tail while pulling
it in as deep as it could, pressing my nose into the beast's skin, sliding my tight-kissed mouth up and down his length, slowing and quickening with the rhythm of his clacking, and his wing-claws on my shoulders and in my hair. I felt the throb and beat of his blood and the flexing of his haunches as my pterodactyl lover went weak-legged against me, and I held him close with one arm, keeping him tight to my face while with the other hand I stripped off my button-front dress to press my sex-wakened breasts against his knobby little knees. I pulled off his beast-organ with a wet little "pop" and edged myself to my back, and the creature fell atop me, eagerly thrusting. I pulled my soaking panties down to offer my wet pussy to his ready pterodactylhood, and he entered me, plunging deeply with a reverberating screech. I answered his cries with my own wails of ecstasy, as he bucked and thrust into me, his prehensile penis bringing me to the brink of prehistoric bliss in our unholy, unnatural, and anachronistic coupling. Finally, in a crescendo of clacking and creeling, my new master pulled out of me and I spasmed into orgasm as I watched his hot custard-colored lizard cream rocket forth and cover my tits with pungent Mesozoic cum.

I no longer fear the pterodactyls, as I have learned that their blood-thirst can be quenched... with good good loving.

[LMNO]

"his ready pterodactylhood"

[the last yatto]

 
notice them on primevil and some scifi movie that wasnt the one below
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0452668/