Portland, get your shit together.

[East Coast Hustle]

Really, it's not that hard. I know you don't want nasty things like "industry" and "jobs" in your fair town, but enough is enough. Yeah, you have two culinary schools here, in this supposed foodie's mecca, but let's face it - culinary school grads usually aren't good for much more than running the salad station in a real restaurant and, frankly, neither of your schools is particularly well-respected as far as culinary schools go anyway. And just because you've got an abundance of student externs and recent grads willing to work for peanuts is no reason to become shortsighted.

Sure, I want more than the $9/hr you can pay some poor WCI grad. I'm used to making $15/hr or more, but given the relatively low cost of living here and the fact that your little town is just so adorable, I'd settle for $12/hr. That means that, for a 40-hour week (since none of you seem much interested in working very hard and no one hires a kitchen position for 50-60 hours out here) I would make a little less than $500 a month more than some assclown who doesn't know how to cook a steak medium-rare because he was too busy trying to learn how to make foam emulsions like his favorite character on Top Chef. Add in workman's comp and payroll tax and all that, and I'll probably cost you about $600 more a month. Or, to put it another way, You'd have to sell an extra 2 or 3 entrees a night to cover the extra cost of hiring me. Every interview I go to I hear sob stories about sous chefs who drove customers away because they just couldn't get their shit together or couldn't be bothered to work hard enough to do things right. Do you think it's possible that hiring someone with experience and a proven track record of success might sell you more than an extra 2 or 3 entrees a night? Do you think it's possible that paying someone what they're worth and giving them incentive to succeed might in turn create positive growth in your customer base in a town that seems rife with culinary inconsistency?

In short, DO YOU HAVE ANY FUCKING IDEA HOW TO SUCCEED IN THE RESTAURANT BUSINESS?

It's no wonder that the food carts are so successful here. People know that that one-man show is gonna have the same good (or bad) food every time they eat there, and those guys are smart enough to take advantage of lower overhead by putting out a good consistent product for a decent price. They're probably kicking the shit out of you, financially speaking, while you fret over your inability to draw more than 20 or 30 covers a night in a space that's costing you 10 grand a month between rent and utilities. And you probably put yourself in debt up to your eyeballs to get that space and keep your dream alive.

I could help you. I could be a very reasonable and productive way for you to claw your way out of debt and out of the heap of mediocrity that seems to infest the restaurant scene here. You have access to the best and freshest ingredients in the world here, and also to some very food-savvy customers who would spend alot of money at a place that satisfied their needs. All I ask in return is to be fairly compensated for my skills and to be allowed to flex my creative muscles in a place where they will do some good.

But that's OK, Portland. You keep sitting on your hands like you've always done and worrying more about the pitfalls of success and growth, and I, like almost every other thing you should strive to keep and brand as your own, will probably flee to the relative economic and cultural mecca up north, where someone wants to take advantage of my abilities.

It's really sad, Portland. You and I could have really been something special. I'd promise to visit you on weekends, but we both know that would be a lie.

[Freeky]

That sounds like something to put on a resume.

[East Coast Hustle]

I'm seriously considering doing that, but I have an interview for a sweet corporate chef job in downtown Seattle tomorrow so hopefully it will be a moot point.

[East Coast Hustle]

In fact, I'm going to post this on Craigslist right now.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Now you know why most restaurants here fold in less than a year.

There was a fucking amazing vegan restaurant here called Nutshell, but they lost their chef and then, stupidly, replaced him with someone who had nowhere near his skill level. The outcome was predictable.

[Freeky]

I'm seriously considering doing that, but I have an interview for a sweet corporate chef job in downtown Seattle tomorrow so hopefully it will be a moot point.

Good luck. Hope you get the job.

[East Coast Hustle]

turns out that craigslist now charges $25 to post a job ad so I guess I won't be sharing my feelings there, but I might just make flyers to post around town.

[East Coast Hustle]

Now you know why most restaurants here fold in less than a year.

There was a fucking amazing vegan restaurant here called Nutshell, but they lost their chef and then, stupidly, replaced him with someone who had nowhere near his skill level. The outcome was predictable.

It's really sad. I really like this town and it would be so easy to succeed here if someone would just pull their head out of their ass and let me do what I do best.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Now you know why most restaurants here fold in less than a year.

There was a fucking amazing vegan restaurant here called Nutshell, but they lost their chef and then, stupidly, replaced him with someone who had nowhere near his skill level. The outcome was predictable.

It's really sad. I really like this town and it would be so easy to succeed here if someone would just pull their head out of their ass and let me do what I do best.

I really think it's a "who you know" sort of thing.

Even then, it's not easy. My ex #2, who is a notorious asshole but quite a competent chef, knows everyfuckingbody and still found it hard to find a job.

[East Coast Hustle]

yeah, I've definitely felt some resentment when I tell people I moved here from Maine to be a chef here.

Ironically, these are the same people who would call you a racist if you said something like "Mexicans should stop immigrating here and taking our jobs!"

It bugs me that I'm looked down upon for moving here solely BECAUSE I wanted to be part of the food scene here when most of these assclowns are just stuck here whether they want to be or not.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I'm seriously considering doing that, but I have an interview for a sweet corporate chef job in downtown Seattle tomorrow so hopefully it will be a moot point.

If you get the job, put that on resumes to OTHER restaurants.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

yeah, I've definitely felt some resentment when I tell people I moved here from Maine to be a chef here.

Ironically, these are the same people who would call you a racist if you said something like "Mexicans should stop immigrating here and taking our jobs!"

It bugs me that I'm looked down upon for moving here solely BECAUSE I wanted to be part of the food scene here when most of these assclowns are just stuck here whether they want to be or not.

Fuck 'em, none of them are local-born. They're half from Wisconsin and half from California, and they're trying too hard with the "you're not from around here" attitude. They don't even know what that attitude is, so they're trying to project what they think it should be.

Real locals are me and Trish. You saw how Trish reacted to you being from Maine. She got all excited and wanted to go there. These phony locals who've only lived here for two years can go fuck themselves with a hot dog.

[East Coast Hustle]

Yeah, I used to see that same attitude from people who'd lived in Seattle for 3 or 4 years and I took every opportunity to call them out on it. If you're really proud of your city, you should be thrilled that people all across the country view it as someplace they should aspire to live in.

I submitted this rant to the Portland Mercury to be considered for the "I, Anonymous" column. We'll see if they have the nutsack to publish something so critical.

[Triple Zero]

turns out that craigslist now charges $25 to post a job ad so I guess I won't be sharing my feelings there, but I might just make flyers to post around town.

Do it, cause reading that, well it might be a bit too hard on a resume, but might work very well on a kind of very open sollicitation, given that you perhaps just list an email address or a phonenumber you wouldn't write on other applications (just, so you can still apply to people that may feel offended by it or something).

But someone smart (which is what you want) might just see it and realize this is what you need, so go for it!

[P3nT4gR4m]

turns out that craigslist now charges $25 to post a job ad so I guess I won't be sharing my feelings there, but I might just make flyers to post around town.

Do it, cause reading that, well it might be a bit too hard on a resume, but might work very well on a kind of very open sollicitation, given that you perhaps just list an email address or a phonenumber you wouldn't write on other applications (just, so you can still apply to people that may feel offended by it or something).

But someone smart (which is what you want) might just see it and realize this is what you need, so go for it!

I think trip could be on to something here.