Attn Nasturtums, Remington, and other younger members:

[The Good Reverend Roger]

We did this shit to you on purpose.

We burned up the fucking planet, used up all the fun, smashed the economy, and handed you over to the safety Nazis so you wouldn't miss any of the cool shit that we wrecked.  This wasn't an accident, or simple neglect...We did it to you because we hate you.

We hate you for your youth, for your idealism, and for the years and years you have left ahead of you.    We hate you because you don't ache all the time, and we hate you because you can sleep at night.  We especially hate you because you haven't yet had time to mire yourself in shitty compromises and shattered integrity.  But that will change.  Oh, yes.

When you wonder why we were allowed to go berserk in public on strange drugs and the effects of assorted STDs, just remember that the fun we had is only gone because we regulated it out of existence, and made dangerous drugs so illegal that they're the only kind you can get, anymore.  Hell, even the weed nowdays is so amped up that the most you can do after smoking it is to sit in front of the tube and giggle at Rachel Ray.  Our STDs could be cured with a shot...yours kill you or stick with you for life.

And we aren't particularly interested in protecting you from any of this...no, those Safety Nazis are just there to make sure you don't ENJOY any of it.  That's why there's such a controversy over having high schools provide condoms.  Everyone - even the religious nuts - knows you're going to have sex.  It's been that way forever...young people are walking bags of hormones, after all.  But most adults WANT you to get infected, pregnant, or both.  This is to PUNISH you for the very same immorality that we had so much fun with, because we can't anymore (as far as you know).

If any of you had any sense, you'd kick the VD scabs right off of us, and then pummel us senseless before selling us to body modification perverts.  But we thought of that, and trained THAT sort of response out of you as well.

Sorry about that.

Or Kill me.



 

[hooplala]

We apologize for all the fun we've hoarded.  It wasn't fair of us to keep My Lai all to ourselves, but there's something about a collection of bodies in a ditch that just gives a thrill.  It's like an emotional goose in the ass.  Sure, you could have added to it, but look what your generation accomplishes:  tossing a puppy off a cliff.  A fucking puppy.  Come one, young ones, you can do better.

Hiroshima and Nagasaki... just another day at the beach.

Consider our glory:  we had a president who actually loathed the country he ruled, can you top that?  Just try it, me boyo.  We had buddhist monks burning themselves in the streets.  We had hippies and yippies being beaten and gassed because they tried to have a say in how their country was being ran.  Who did they think they were?  Trust me, kiddo, they learned.  And fast.

We had Agent Orange, what do you have?  Sparkling vampires.

Are you getting this now?  Are we penetrating?

Don't be pissed off because we had the meeting of Dick Nixon and Elvis "one more piece of pie" Presley, be pissed off because we had Ozzy Osbourne biting a head off a bat.  And a dove.  You have Miley Cyrus... I'm sure it will all work out in the end.

[LMNO]

However, on the plus side, the porn you kids are making is a lot stranger than the stuff we grew up on.



So, there's that.  Enjoy your prolaped anuses.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

However, on the plus side, the porn you kids are making is a lot stranger than the stuff we grew up on.



So, there's that.  Enjoy your prolaped anuses.

Yeah, but who is WATCHING it?  Oh, yeah.  Old perverts.

[LMNO]

However, on the plus side, the porn you kids are making is a lot stranger than the stuff we grew up on.



So, there's that.  Enjoy your prolaped anuses.

Yeah, but who is WATCHING it?  Oh, yeah.  Old perverts.

Damn right we are.  If the kids are gonna put me on an ice flow, I might as well watch them shove a baseball bat up their ass.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

We apologize for all the fun we've hoarded.  It wasn't fair of us to keep My Lai all to ourselves, but there's something about a collection of bodies in a ditch that just gives a thrill.  It's like an emotional goose in the ass.  Sure, you could have added to it, but look what your generation accomplishes:  tossing a puppy off a cliff.  A fucking puppy.  Come one, young ones, you can do better.

Hiroshima and Nagasaki... just another day at the beach.

Consider our glory:  we had a president who actually loathed the country he ruled, can you top that?  Just try it, me boyo.  We had buddhist monks burning themselves in the streets.  We had hippies and yippies being beaten and gassed because they tried to have a say in how their country was being ran.  Who did they think they were?  Trust me, kiddo, they learned.  And fast.

We had Agent Orange, what do you have?  Sparkling vampires.

Are you getting this now?  Are we penetrating?

Don't be pissed off because we had the meeting of Dick Nixon and Elvis "one more piece of pie" Presley, be pissed off because we had Ozzy Osbourne biting a head off a bat.  And a dove.  You have Miley Cyrus... I'm sure it will all work out in the end.

I think what Hoops is trying to say - and I explain this only because I assume that your education prevents you from understanding simple paragraphs is this:  Our shitty job of raising you is no excuse for you not being serious about having a good time.  We have worked very hard to give you the same sort of horrors that twisted us out of recognition, and what have you done with them?  Nothing.  I swear, it's like we tortured people and listened in on your conversations for nothing.

Abbie Hoffman once said "Never trust anyone over 30".

He was right, but we didn't listen then and you won't listen now.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

However, on the plus side, the porn you kids are making is a lot stranger than the stuff we grew up on.



So, there's that.  Enjoy your prolaped anuses.

Yeah, but who is WATCHING it?  Oh, yeah.  Old perverts.

Damn right we are.  If the kids are gonna put me on an ice flow, I might as well watch them shove a baseball bat up their ass.

This is why The First Church of the Wrath of Baby Jesus™ (Tucson) allows abortion in cases of self defense.

[Rumckle]

And you bastards made sure it would stay that way.

You told us that it wasn't any fun going and getting our heads smashed in for a cause. We'd be much better off sitting down watching TV. After all, you've already set up the government. There's nothing to worry about, because those brave souls getting hickory to the head made the world a better place for us to grow up in.

So now we will sit back, and be lied to. Because venturing outside isn't safe.

We will stay the hell away from shrooms, and LSD and Amphetamines, because they aren't safe. But we won't worry, you gave us Ritalin and Zoloft to replace them. Hell, you won't even let us enjoy cigarettes.

Then again, with all this safety maybe we will live longer. It would at least give us more of a chance to fuck the world up even more than you guys managed to. And if we are lucky, maybe we will invent time travel, then you'll get yours.

Don't be pissed off because we had the meeting of Dick Nixon and Elvis "one more piece of pie" Presley, be pissed off because we had Ozzy Osbourne biting a head off a bat.  And a dove.  You have Miley Cyrus... I'm sure it will all work out in the end.

Can't we at least have Ozzy Osbourne biting the head off Miley Cyrus?

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Then again, with all this safety maybe we will live longer. It would at least give us more of a chance to fuck the world up even more than you guys managed to. And if we are lucky, maybe we will invent time travel, then you'll get yours.

I'm not worried.  If time travel was going to be invented, I'd have been strangled at birth by my offspring, or at least 30,000 people would suddenly appear on "A" Mountain, and moon me.

And don't bother sending anyone into the future, either.  They won't like you anymore than you like us.

[Freeky]

We did this shit to you on purpose.

When you wonder why we were allowed to go berserk in public on strange drugs and the effects of assorted STDs, just remember that the fun we had is only gone because we regulated it out of existence, and made dangerous drugs so illegal that they're the only kind you can get, anymore.  Hell, even the weed nowdays is so amped up that the most you can do after smoking it is to sit in front of the tube and giggle at Rachel Ray.  Our STDs could be cured with a shot...yours kill you or stick with you for life.

This is to PUNISH you for the very same immorality that we had so much fun with, because we can't anymore (as far as you know).

If any of you had any sense, you'd kick the VD scabs right off of us, and then pummel us senseless before selling us to body modification perverts.  But we thought of that, and trained THAT sort of response out of you as well. 

Way to rub it in, Rog. 

[The Good Reverend Roger]

We did this shit to you on purpose.

When you wonder why we were allowed to go berserk in public on strange drugs and the effects of assorted STDs, just remember that the fun we had is only gone because we regulated it out of existence, and made dangerous drugs so illegal that they're the only kind you can get, anymore.  Hell, even the weed nowdays is so amped up that the most you can do after smoking it is to sit in front of the tube and giggle at Rachel Ray.  Our STDs could be cured with a shot...yours kill you or stick with you for life.

This is to PUNISH you for the very same immorality that we had so much fun with, because we can't anymore (as far as you know).

If any of you had any sense, you'd kick the VD scabs right off of us, and then pummel us senseless before selling us to body modification perverts.  But we thought of that, and trained THAT sort of response out of you as well. 

Way to rub it in, Rog. 

That's my job.

[Remington]

I'd like to say that this generation will do better, that we'll fix things, but I have a sneaking suspicion that that's what you guys told yourself when you were young. The cycle will go on, I don't doubt that.

Hope for the future, though? Yes, I have some. Each new generation is a fresh chance, to at least fix some of the problems. I know the chances are against us, that we're likely going to lapse into the same selfishness that the older generation did... but I can't help but feel that the chances get better every time. Despite how the media likes to spin it, the world is improving. We've got less wars, an exponentially increasing technological curve, and an increasingly aware population. A half-aware sheep is still a sheep, but it's progress.

That's the reason why freedom of the Internet is so fucking important: it's a medium that instinctively rebels against control and regulation. Oh, you people try, but we all know how that ends up. Loopholes are found, exploited, and spread in a matter of hours. With the internet, people have tasted actual freedom, and it's a taste they cannot forget.

Plus, religion is at an all-time low. The Information Age requires critical thought... no, it demands it. Everyday we're inundated with a tidal wave of information, opinions, and data: we're in a position where we are forced to start determining what's crap and what's not. Religion (especially fundamentalist religion) works best in a cloistered environment, where the impressionable children can be kept away from all that nasty reality that contradicts the Faith. Today's world is anything but. When you come into contact with people who hold different beliefs than you (internet comes into play here too), you end up examining your own. Less religion and ideological seclusion means less dogma, which is good for everyone.

The world's changing, Roger, and it's changing for the better. We're just waiting until all you fuckers die off... and I mean that in the best possible way.


Hopeless optimist,
-Remington

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Plus, religion is at an all-time low.

Just wait.  As things grow more complex, religion will reappear.  It always does...we thought we had rid the world of evangelism in the late 80s, but they came back stronger than ever in 2000.

[Remington]

Plus, religion is at an all-time low.

Just wait.  As things grow more complex, religion will reappear.  It always does...we thought we had rid the world of evangelism in the late 80s, but they came back stronger than ever in 2000.

Can you blame them? Interpreting reality objectively is fucking hard work!

Religion's like a clingy mother:
-She packs your lunch for you, with little pre-cooked ideologies all set up in a row for your consumption. Don't try packing your own lunch, Mama's here for you.
-She's always inquiring about the friends you make... God forbid you start hanging out with the wrong kind of people!
-When you give the whole "free-thinking" thing a try and find it to hard, she's always glad to take you back. You did your best, deary, it just wasn't enough. Here, have a cookie.
-There's a musty smell coming from the closet in her bedroom. When you ask her about it, she quickly changes the subject.
-She never, ever goes away.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Plus, religion is at an all-time low.

Just wait.  As things grow more complex, religion will reappear.  It always does...we thought we had rid the world of evangelism in the late 80s, but they came back stronger than ever in 2000.

Can you blame them? Interpreting reality objectively is fucking hard work!

Religion's like a clingy mother:
-She packs your lunch for you, with little pre-cooked ideologies all set up in a row for your consumption. Don't try packing your own lunch, Mama's here for you.
-She's always inquiring about the friends you make... God forbid you start hanging out with the wrong kind of people!
-When you give the whole "free-thinking" thing a try and find it to hard, she's always glad to take you back. You did your best, deary, it just wasn't enough. Here, have a cookie.
-There's a musty smell coming from the closet in her bedroom. When you ask her about it, she always changes the subject.
-She never, ever goes away.

And, to steal someone else's line (Who?  I can't remember), "Mother loves you.  Mother loves you to death."

2,000,000 years hiding in caves from angry spirits.
500 years of rational thought.

Guess which one wins?