News:

PD may suddenly accelerate to dangerous speeds.  If PD splits open, do not look directly at resulting goo.  PD is still legal in 14 states.

Main Menu

Jim, I Almost Escaped.

Started by The Good Reverend Roger, January 18, 2010, 04:37:17 PM

Previous topic - Next topic
Print
Go Down Pages1 2 3 4 5
User actions

The Good Reverend Roger

January 18, 2010, 04:37:17 PM Last Edit: January 19, 2010, 04:05:15 PM by The Good Reverend Roger
Shortly after texting you, I realized that I couldn't breathe.  My chest was locked up, I was sweating like a pig, and the worst part was that I was pretty sure I wasn't dying.  When stuff like this happens, though, there is only one answer:  Speed, and lots of it.

So I rolled the Ducati out of the garage, put on the chaps and jacket, slammed the helmet on, and punched up Elvis' A Little Less Conversation on infinite repeat, and blasted down Tangerine Road so fast I didn't dare look at the speedometer.

A little less conversation, a little more action please
All this aggravation aint satisfactioning me

Tangerine Road has a section with some very deep dips in it, you have to understand, and it is very difficult to control a bike under the best of circumstances.  The last thing you want is to hit a gravel patch, for example.

A little more bite and a little less bark
A little less fight and a little more spark

Or a Coyote, for that matter.

Close your mouth and open up your heart and baby satisfy me
Satisfy me baby

Blood and fur and a completely out of control bike.  It was all I could do to stay on the damned thing, Jim.  It was like trying to ride an angry wolverine.

Come on baby Im tired of talking
Grab your coat and lets start walking

In a semi-controled skid now, nowhere to go, so I guess it's time to put the bike down.  And just for a moment, I thought I heard the angels sing...or maybe it was just the rising chorus of the best damn Vegas anthem ever.

Come on, come on
Come on, come on
Come on, come on...

But then it isn't Elvis singing, just for that horrible half second, it's more like Francis from the pills video.

WHAT'S UP?

Since you're sliding at almost the same speed as the bike when you let go (and you have to let go, because if the bike flips over, you get to meet the sausage creature), there's a strange optical illusion...it looks like a giant invisible fist is crumpling the bike up, or maybe that it reached crush depth.

And then you stop sliding and start rolling.  And then you find a big stand of mesquite and cactus, which is like a very uncomfortable crash net.

Then you finally get up, and take stock of the situation.  Your ass has a huge welt on the right side (chaps have no ass in them, or you wouldn't be able to sit down, and jeans help...somewhat), you're limping, your right arm hurts like hell, and the bike is now scrap metal, worth about $35.

But you know what?

I can breathe again.  But I am still stuck in this trap.

Or Kill Me.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Dysnomia

#1
January 18, 2010, 04:41:57 PM
 :x  HOLY SHIT ROGER




at least you were wearing a helmet?   :x
It's all fun and games, till someone gets herpes.

http://cdn.smosh.com/smosh-pit/122010/mow-the-lawn.gif

The Good Reverend Roger

#2
January 18, 2010, 04:42:32 PM
Quote from: Sparkley Pink Shit on January 18, 2010, 04:41:57 PM
:x  HOLY SHIT ROGER




at least you were wearing a helmet?   :x

Of course.  Otherwise, I couldn't listen to Elvis.

Also, leather jacket, gloves, boots, and chaps.  That's why I still have that "skin" stuff.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Suu

#3
January 18, 2010, 04:46:17 PM
But if you gotta go down, may as well do so by listening to a great song, even though it always reminds me of the Las Vegas TV show, but that's not a bad thing.
Sovereign Episkopos-Princess Kaousuu; Esq., Battle Nun, Bene Gesserit.
Our Lady of Perpetual Confusion; 1st Church of Discordia

"Add a dab of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you're laughing at it."

Dysfunctional Cunt

#4
January 18, 2010, 04:52:20 PM
Damn Roger, I'm glad you are ok!

I understand that trapped feeling.

That is why it's for the best that I don't own anything that can go that kind of speed.... 

At least that is what I keep telling myself.  I might even convince myself one day  :|

Dysnomia

#5
January 18, 2010, 04:52:47 PM
I did a tap dance to that song junior year of highschool.   :D  
It's all fun and games, till someone gets herpes.

http://cdn.smosh.com/smosh-pit/122010/mow-the-lawn.gif

Cainad (dec.)

#6
January 18, 2010, 04:54:31 PM
Dear god, man. Glad you're okay, and that you can breathe again, but for crying out loud... we'll miss you an awful lot if you ever run into the sausage creature.

The Good Reverend Roger

#7
January 18, 2010, 04:54:42 PM
Quote from: Khara on January 18, 2010, 04:52:20 PM
Damn Roger, I'm glad you are ok!

I understand that trapped feeling.

That is why it's for the best that I don't own anything that can go that kind of speed.... 

At least that is what I keep telling myself.  I might even convince myself one day  :|

When that feeling gets on top of you, you turn into a dumb brute, and the fight/flight instinct is all that matters.  HAVE TO GET OUT.  You'll gnaw your arm off with your very own teeth, if you have to.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Remington

#8
January 18, 2010, 05:00:53 PM
Quote from: Cainad on January 18, 2010, 04:54:31 PM
Dear god, man. Glad you're okay, and that you can breathe again, but for crying out loud... we'll miss you an awful lot if you ever run into the sausage creature.
^^
THIS.
We might even get all teary-eyed and stuff.
Is it plugged in?

The Good Reverend Roger

#9
January 18, 2010, 05:01:20 PM
Quote from: Remington on January 18, 2010, 05:00:53 PM
Quote from: Cainad on January 18, 2010, 04:54:31 PM
Dear god, man. Glad you're okay, and that you can breathe again, but for crying out loud... we'll miss you an awful lot if you ever run into the sausage creature.
^^
THIS.
We might even get all teary-eyed and stuff.

Allergies.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Dysnomia

#10
January 18, 2010, 05:02:04 PM
Quote from: Remington on January 18, 2010, 05:00:53 PM
Quote from: Cainad on January 18, 2010, 04:54:31 PM
Dear god, man. Glad you're okay, and that you can breathe again, but for crying out loud... we'll miss you an awful lot if you ever run into the sausage creature.
^^
THIS.
We might even get all teary-eyed and stuff.

yeah THIS.
It's all fun and games, till someone gets herpes.

http://cdn.smosh.com/smosh-pit/122010/mow-the-lawn.gif

Freeky

#11
January 18, 2010, 05:03:07 PM
Quote from: Sparkley Pink Shit on January 18, 2010, 05:02:04 PM
Quote from: Remington on January 18, 2010, 05:00:53 PM
Quote from: Cainad on January 18, 2010, 04:54:31 PM
Dear god, man. Glad you're okay, and that you can breathe again, but for crying out loud... we'll miss you an awful lot if you ever run into the sausage creature.
^^
THIS.
We might even get all teary-eyed and stuff.

yeah THIS.

Triple this'd.

Richter

#12
January 18, 2010, 05:12:59 PM
Elvis' confessions of need aren't a bad way to go, considered.

Sounds like you almost hit that magic velocity though, he one where the right direction will take you out of a world of shit.  You were right though, describing how the bike hit crush depth, physics wield the same force in ANY place, regardless of location.  

Glad you're still ambulatory.  Agreed on expressions of this, and good landing!










 
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on May 22, 2015, 03:00:53 AM
Anyone ever think about how Richter inhabits the same reality as you and just scream and scream and scream, but in a good way?   :lulz:

Friendly Neighborhood Mentat

The Good Reverend Roger

#13
January 18, 2010, 05:15:32 PM
Quote from: Richter on January 18, 2010, 05:12:59 PM
Elvis' confessions of need aren't a bad way to go, considered.

Sounds like you almost hit that magic velocity though, he one where the right direction will take you out of a world of shit.  You were right though, describing how the bike hit crush depth, physics wield the same force in ANY place, regardless of location.  

Glad you're still ambulatory.  Agreed on expressions of this, and good landing!



It was largely luck, a malevolent deity, and the fact that time got REALLY SLOW for a second.  If I'd have thought about it, I would have cartwheeled down the road in a hideous mashup of steel and flesh.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

#14
January 18, 2010, 06:40:34 PM
That was a fucking brilliant accounting of the accident, but I am still pissed.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."

Print
Go Up Pages1 2 3 4 5
User actions