PD: The Movie: First Draft completed!

[Placid Dingo]

I like the idea, but can actually see it standing alone as a fiction piece.

I have big plans for Cain - Kai - Pterodactyl Handler for the big finale.


SCENE 8.
A church. The camera pans across the audience, HOWL'S voice echoing in the background. At the end of the pew we see a man sitting, his hat obcuring his face. This is CAIN. We see him give a small smile, then quietly leave.

Howl: There's no world out there any more for normals! There's no time for your starch ironed shirts and your blonde streaked hair. You need weird! And you need it now! Repent from your white fences! Repent from normal sleeping patterns! 2:00 is time for howling to the moon, drunkenly discharging your guns at aeroplanes, not goddamned sleeping! Repent from meat and two veg! Repent from the missionary position! Repent from aversion to public nudity! In this way ye shall be saved...

CUT TO HOWL'S face.

Howl: Or kill me!

CHURCH-GOERS stand and start to move out. CUT TO Faust and RWHN.

RWHN: Look at them. They're still sleeping with their eyes open.

Faust: And we're not?

*BEAT*

RWHN:  That one might be OK.

CUT TO 'alternative looking' GIRL.

Faust: Black sheep are still sheep.

CUT TO HOWL with an ELDERLY LADY. HOWL is dictating a note for the LADY.

Howl: That's two, as a numeral... girls... then numeral one... cup. OK? Just let me know if there's any questions.

He turns to face another MAN.

Howl: Phillip. How's it going? (quieter) did you try the... you know?

Phil: I did, Reverend. It didn't work. The vapo-rub just made everything burn. I still couldn't... you know... (whispers) get it up. I wanted to try these (pulls out a container of viagra) but I had to check to make sure it was spiritually sound...

Howl: (Takes the bottle, looks, and returns it) If the vapour rub didn't work, that means there's a demon inside you Phil. A bigass sex hating demon. As your Reverend, I advise you to take three of these. Or four. One won't beat this creature.

Phil: The bottle says...

Howl: You going to listen to the bottle, or your spiritual advisor?

Phil: Yes Reverend. Thank you. (Exits)

CUT TO RWHN, looking at the camera.

RWHN: Within 24 hours, something will happen to you. Don't be afraid. It's the beginning of a story. 

[Jenne]

  This is glorious.  Needs more females (I think we post a lot here...Badges would be a great addition, for instance), but the whole thing is pretty awesome.

[Placid Dingo]

Females at present

Suu, Squid (both together in the journey to Dr James)

Nigel (in the ECH plot line)

Freeky (villain)

[edit for genderfail]

Who's Badges? and anyone I need to add, can I please be explicitly told (I'm still newish)

I appreaciate that all the women in power are villains, (The four 'know stuff' characters at present seem to be Dr James, The Mayor, Cram, Howl)

I'll see if i can redress at all.





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Revised opening sequence; 'scene one goes for slighlty less than a minute in its entirety. It introduces some backstory for Payne, Nigel and Faust, and foreshadows some ideas related to 'the great conspiracy.'




SCENE 1.

PAYNE is sitting by the seaside, beside ADRIANA. They have an ice-cream each. PAYNE'S is chocolate, ADRIANA'S is strawberry. Every so often the screen is distorted or warped, suggesting the imposition of a secret outside influence. Changes between scenes are rapid, and possess a tone of unreality.

Adriana: Shall we discuss ice-cream? (distortion)

Payne: We can discuss whatever you want.

CUT TO PAYNE and ADRIANA in the ocean, kissing passionately.

CUT TO ADRIANA and PAYNE in a small room, with a number of serious looking CONSPIRACY THEORISTS. NIGEL and FAUST are in the room.

Nigel: (to Faust) Shall we discuss milkshakes? (distortion)

FAUST turns to PAYNE, holding up a document.

Faust: This research could pave the way for advanced methods of enraging monkeys!

CUT TO PAYNE and ADRIANA on a grassy hill. PAYNE kisses ADRIANA on the neck.

Adriana: I love you.

CUT TO a few seconds of panic. We can hear screams and panic and recognise the room the CONSPIRACISTS used, but it is impossible to see what's happening.

CUT TO MAN holding a copy of Atlas Shrugged.

MAN RAND: Ayn Rand... (heavy distortion) Illuminati blueprint....

CUT TO seven seconds of heavy distortion.

CUT TO close shot of FAUST'S FACE

Faust: Shall (distortion) we (distortion) discuss (distortion; the last word distorted beyond recognition.)

CUT TO the room as seen before, mid meeting. There's about five seconds of silence; the frenzied tone seems to have become more relaxed. PAYNE moves to speak; he seems to be making a response to something previously said. Before he can speak, POLICE burst through the door. There is panic and we recognise the scene directly after Adriana's line. MAN RAND pulls a gun and is instantly shot dead.

Someone: Run! Split up!

It's difficult to see what is happening. NIGEL darts past the screen, followed by FAUST who trips and has his ankle grabbed by a POLICEMAN. NIGEL throws a brick, hitting the POLICEMAN in the head. FAUST escapes.

CUT TO PAYNE who has outrun the others. He looks around frantically.

Payne: Adriana!

There is a scream, clearly ADRIANA'S that drowns out the rest of the noise.

SCENE TWO

We see PAYNE'S face as he lies in bed. His eyes flash open. He lies in bed. There is a noise outside. He sits up, turns the lamp on and gets out of bed. He walks over to his window, opens it and climbs out.

[The Wizard]

Just for clarity's sake, what are the main plot lines and there characters?

[Placid Dingo]

Beginning

Payne's dream
Introduction of Characters at Cram's house
Pterodactyl attack (most characters here)

Middle

Visiting the mayor plotline (Payne, ECH, 000 and Nigel)

Visiting Dr James, being kidnapped by Cain and Freeky plotline (Squid, Suu, Twid, Dr James, Richter, Cain, Freeky, LMNO)

Developing a small scale anarchist commune that inexplicably succeeds admirably. (Cramulus, Ratatost)

Rodger is kidnapped and makes the hideous transformation into Dr Howl (Howl, Faust, RWHN (also some overlap with Freeky))

End
Broken temporarily into two groups. One at Crams place (which turns into a ship)
The other at the Pterodactyl handler's lair, where everyone ends up for the big finale.

Did you want me to spell out plans for the ending? there's still some detail to finalise

[The Wizard]

Nah, that's fine. The ending plans were spelled out pretty well in a previous post.

Thanks, mate.

Oh, and who murdered me?

[Placid Dingo]

Actually no one's murdered you, you're fine

Ending has changed (or become a bit better articulated) So if anyone wants it spelled out I'll do so. Otherwise I'll just keep sending out snippets.




This sequence follows the path of the new opening sequence.
-------
SCENE THREE.

PAYNE is standing on a thin balcony, overlooking the city. We here NIGEL'S voice; she speaks the following passage in a gravelly exaggerated 'dark superhero' voice. As she speaks the camera pans across the city. There are a number of unstable looking skyscrapers; essentially vertical shanty-towns.

Nigel (V.O): It never should have been this way. It began with the regulation of the Internet, the public mockery of dissident opinions. Tribes were turned on each other. Birthers. La Rouchans. Objectivists. Every minority who dared question the dominant paradigm was turned on the others Furries and Socialists dolled up like Crips and Bloods. They said we were dangerous. And then we were dangerous. And then we disappeared into the jails. And then we disappeared into the underground jails. And then we just disappeared. The raids began, and anything that represented creativity, disorder or critical thinking was taken and destroyed.

By now the camera has done a full pan and arrived back at PAYNE'S porch. He is standing beside a crouched figure in a jacket and hat, looking the other direction. It is not yet revealed that this is NIGEL, whose voice over has been in fact spoken out loud.

NIGEL: Hello Payne.

Payne: Hello... Rorschach-Batman?

NIGEL turns her head.

Payne: Nigel! What's up?

Nigel: There's a gathering of Discordians, at Professor Cramulus's mansion. I know you don't trust phones so I cam to get you in person.

Payne: OK, cool. Thank you. Let's go.

Nigel: (to camera) You come too.

[The Wizard]

Ah, glad I'm not dead!

Anywhere else you need ideas?

[Jenne]

Badges is currently "Badge of Honor."  She's a longtime poster here.

[Placid Dingo]

Nothing in particular at this stage, but feedback is good.

If you spot a good place for badge let me know, I would like more female roles. Hopefully a heroic one (though Suu's in a fairly heroic role, and I might need to crank up the awesome on Squid's character)

I knew of Badge of Honor, but I also knew there'd been a few Badgers around here.





This is the last (for now) rewrite of the opening sequence. It replaces the obvious fourth wall thing with a more subtle into to the characters, and sets up a few characters better (We see Squid is a maker-of-things, the back story of Nigel-Payne-Faust)

----------------
SCENE FOUR

CRAMULUS is looking at the camera, pipe in mouth. He sports a glorious moustache. There's is a crazed look in his eyes.

Cramulus: Music!

CRAMULUS throws a baseball.

CUT TO PAYNE ducking, the baseball rebounding off the wall just above his head.

CUT TO a table with a rock on it, tied to a piece of string. Beside it is a hampter in a cage. The baseball dislodges the rock which falls off, using a pulley to pull up a curtain revealing images of snakes, cats and Glen Beck. This frightens the hamsters, whose fearful running powers the music.

CUT TO a wide shot of various Discordians holding conversations.

CUT TO CRAMULUS standing beside RATATOST

Cram: Payne! Nigel!

Payne: Professor.

Cram: Payne, Nigel, Fourth wall (the camera) Meet Ratatost. Rat, this is Payne, Nigel and the Fourth wall.

Ratatost: Hello. I'm...

As RATATOST speaks he raises his drink. Suddenly a sword blade slices it clean in half. He cries out in surprise. SUU has been careless with her sword.

Suu: I'm so sorry I...

Cram: You cut that mans glass clean in two!

Suu: I was showing...

Cram: What a wonderful sword! Let me look. (He touches the sword) stylish, yet practical.

Suu: Squid forged it for me.

Squid: I even put LED's in the hilt for night battle.

Cram: (nodding thoughtfully) Of course... genius. Where did you get metal of this quality?

RICHTER enters the scene

Richter: That'd be me. I know some people. I am some people, too.

Cram: I should have known. Oh, by the way Richter, do you have any more of those self detonating teapots?

SUU notices someone, and moves to walk off. She approaches DR HOWL. He is dressed as a priest.

Suu: Rodger?

Howl: Suu! I'm taking confession; want to sit on my lap and tell me you're sorry?

Suu: Who the fuck let you become a Priest?

Howl: Guy at the local church disappeared. I'm just doing my civic duty by caring for the flock in his absence.

Suu: He just randomly disappeared?

CUT TO a large, man sized crate in the back of a truck. Sounds and movement inside the crate suggest someone trying to escape. A sticker on the crate says it is destined for Mexico.

Howl: (too sincerely) Yeah.

Camera pans to where PAYNE is talking to LMNO and RWHN

Payne: If Reptilian Shapeshifters didn't want Ike spreading the word, they'd stop him. We all know that. And we all think he's mad, but he's part of a corporate effort to flood us with insane conspiracies to make the truth harder to get to...

LMNO: I wonder what goes on in that head of yours.

PAYNE: Well, thanks to the streaks of aluminium oxide in my hair, you'll never know.

RWHN: Who'd believe seriously in Shapeshifting Lizards anyway?

PAYNE: (Slight reference to Dark Night's Joker. Zoom in to Payne's face) Well you would say that, wouldn't you... Reverend. (Notices Faust) Oh hey, Faust!

FAUST has walked by, and turns to see PAYNE.

Payne: This is LMNO, Reverend What's-His-Name. Guys, this is my friend Faust from the Para-politics groups from before the raids.

Faust: Heya.

LMNO: (Spots someone) Sorry guys, (walks off) Trip! Trip!

Camera follows LMNO, who approaches 000.

LMNO: Trip! Hey dude, I've got something for you.

000: Oh, thank you.

000 takes the gift.

Camera pans to CRAMULUS talking to Ratatost.

RAT: I was hoping for a favour, Professor.

[Jenne]

Badge USED to be "Rabid Badger of God."  That's a good indication of her board persona--she's spunky and quite pretty.

I'll be a board nanny if you want--that's what I tend to do around here mostly besides bitch about life.

[Placid Dingo]

Sounding good. I have no idea where everyone will fit.

Jeanne, I'm thinking I might even throw you in with the Anarchists. And I might send Badge into Rodger's plot, which solves a couple of issues for me.







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SCENE ELEVEN.

ECH, 000 and NIGEL are walking through an excessive number of high security doors. ECH passes through each one using a different identification; handprint, pupil recognition, secret code, voice recognition, card swipe and DNA test. Eventually they walk into a secret file storage area. PAYNE is already there, lying on the ground, looking through a file . He guiltily scrambles to his feet shoving the file down the back of his pants.

ECH: Who the hell are you?

*A BEAT*

000: This is our friend Payne.

Nigel: We're not sure why he's here.

ECH: How the hell did you get in?

Payne: (Pointing to a door) The downstairs entrance was unlocked.

ECH: (to self) Goddamn cleaners. (to all) This is where we keep the sensitive materials. This is the place to look for info on your guy. (To Payne) Well, I guess you got a head start on the rest of us. Find anything good?

CUT TO a shot of ECH from behind PAYNE.

Payne: No.

Camera pans down until we see the file he's tucked into the back of his pants. It's labelled FROND.CO.

CUT TO a shot of all four looking through files.

000: Aha!

ECH: What?

000: There's something in here about 'The Pterodactyl Handler'. It's just a quick reference.

ECH: It's enough.

ECH leans over a small computer.

ECH: We can do a cross reference over the computer now that we have a search term.

PAYNE walks off into the background as the others work on the computer. He pulls out a phone.

Payne: Hey. Run a search for me. I need you to cross reference Pterodactyl Handler with Frond.co. Let me know any crossover. Alright. Thank you.

Hangs up.

[Triple Zero]

What does *A BEAT* mean? What kind of beat?

[Placid Dingo]

A short pause.

Jo: I like John. (a beat) Not that I don't like Cameron as well.

To me a pause expresses more of a thoughtful silence, whereas a beat is people taking a moment to respond.





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SCENE 12.

Shot of SUU, RICHTER, SQUID and LMNO looking horrified.

CUT TO DR JAMES SEMAJ lying in his chair, apparently dead, covered in blood. He suddenly jerks awake. The GROUP scream, frightening DR JAMES, who screams.

Dr James: Lord! I'm sorry, I must have drifted off...

He notices the red puddle and touches it. He looks down and picks up a about a quarter full of red liquid.

Dr James: Blast. Can we pick up some more cranberry juice Twid? And ah some bleach?

Twid: Of course. We have company sir.

Dr James: Oh right, right. Come in, please, take a seat. Sorry for the ah... I accidentally... the whole bottle. I'm Dr James Semaj by the way.

Shakes hands with the group.

Squid: We've been told you're a friend of Dr Cramulus.

Dr James: Oh, yes. Yes, we used to work together until the ah... (looks uncomfortable) the centipedes experiment. We decided it was best to do science separately then.

Richter: The professor and a number of the rest of us were set upon by pterodactyls the other night. I was hoping you might be able to shed some light on who could be responsible.

Dr James: I think I can do that. Follow me.

[LMNO]

In this instance, it's the same as "pause".  It means that there is a brief break in the dialoge.  Can often be used comedically, or dramatically.

For example, a CSI: Miami eposide will look like this if written:

COP: Yeah, so we found the skull about twenty yards up the road from the body.

HORATIO CAINE: I guess he got *BEAT* ahead of himself.

(YEEEEAAAAAHHHH!)



Often it also could signify a blank stare, or a confused look.