An Edict To Smartphone Users Who Wish Remain Human And Not A Bionic-Cabbage

[Salty]

1. Forget texting, I know asking you to refrain from doing EVERYTHING while driving is a waste of time. If the fact that you're more likely to kill someone doing that than if you were drunk won't stop you (and it won't) nothing will.
However, if you could restrict your activites to stoplights and stopsigns, I think that would be just super. Really, anytime you can find to use your phone when the car is not moving is just top- notch.

2. The Internet and vast social networks, while awesome, useful, and providing of important human experiences are not to be favored over real, meat-space life events to the point of absurdity or detriment to your health and/or interpersonal relationships. The balance between the two is easier to maintain on a computer because you can walk into another room and leave it. When it's tiny, in your pocket, and used heavily for multifarious purposes it's more difficult to let go.
OR
Won't somebody PLEASE think of the children!?!


3. You probably use your phone as an alarm clock. Regardless, when you go to bed set the phone away. Don't sleep with the fucking thing. That's when it drinks your soul.

4. Stop your self-righteous, holier-than-thou, my phone is better because of *blank* and this other ones are STOOOPIDNEENERNEENER horseshit. Nobody cares and you sound like a douche. These things are little miracles even when they're pieces of crap. Use your miracle, do good deeds, STFU.

5. Meals are important. See 2.


EDIT: For less really fucking stupid. 

[Elder Iptuous]

yeah.  have you got one yet?

i got one about 2 months ago, coming out of the stone age. (seriously, i think my previous phone was from 2002 and still going; a good statement for samsung products, i must say)

these things are insidious, the way they do you....

oh... hold on.
i got a msg....

[Salty]

Man, I have THREE right now. Had my personal one for a year.
That's how I know to avoid the above.

One great thing about it, you know who the truly interesting people are: people more interesting than your phone.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

yeah.  have you got one yet?

i got one about 2 months ago, coming out of the stone age. (seriously, i think my previous phone was from 2002 and still going; a good statement for samsung products, i must say)

these things are insidious, the way they do you....

oh... hold on.
i got a msg....

My samsung is from 2004, and still working pretty well. No intentions of replacing it anytime soon. I can call and text and that's all I need from it.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Points one and four are valid, but the rest are all really fucking stupid.

[Salty]

 
Ah, I do love this place. No one gets a free ride on the stupid train.

I was a bit extreme on those points because I've found myself too engrossed when I should be paying attention to other things. They could use a touch-up.

Point three was a bit of silliness. Point two could use some alteration.

Like any sad, sunken-eyed basement-dwelling sockfucker who spends too much time on the Internet should be made aware, there's a point where enough is enough and you need to step away from the computer. Phones making access to the same functions and activities easier and more portable make it harder to do that.

I was mostly yelling the above to myself, and thought some others might see similarities.

I used to take such care to taste my food. Slowly. Now I hardly pay attention.  Not saying everyone is like this or needs to follow the above, just some. Me.

[tyrannosaurus vex]

I HAS DROID.

And I would like to say OP is 80% correct, 20% jealous.

I do not text while driving.

But the thing is fucking indispensable since it does pretty much anything a laptop does, in 10% of the space and the battery lasts approximately 900% longer. I use it for GPS/navigation, Internet ("Oh look, you spent all morning bitching about Obama's tax hikes and I just shot you down with a fucking telephone and 2 minutes of Google-Fu."), in-car audio, snapping pics of the kids, checking weather forecasts, reading up on current events, IRC, and watching YouTube.

On one hand, I realize all this shit is ridiculous. On the other hand, this is all stuff I do every day anyway. The phone just makes it faster, more convenient, and more efficient.

[BabylonHoruv]

My wife is an addict, like bad level doesn't spend social time with anyone without being on her phone or laptop level addict.  This post speaks to me in a really direct way.

[Jenne]

My wife is an addict, like bad level doesn't spend social time with anyone without being on her phone or laptop level addict.  This post speaks to me in a really direct way.

I'm trying to break my husband of this.  I'll publicly call him out if he's at a social function and CHECKING THE FUCKING NEWS ON HIS FUCKING IPHONE.  GET OFF THE FUCKING PHONE.  Enjoy life, enjoy this function you literally dragged my tired, post-op ass to!  Quit reading about things that will not go away when you are next home and have time to sit on your ass and read about them.

I do hate that he'll answer the phone and not use the hands free while driving.  Bugs the shit outta me.

/whining about the mate and his third hand

[Jenne]

Still refusing to carry a mobile phone device. Still enjoying the quiet

You're a rebel, Liam, of the first water.  I couldn't do it.  I am too hooked on my machine, but not to the point where I won't go out, or enjoy those I'm with, or even turn it off once in a while.

So yeah, WHO HERE DOESN'T EVAR TURN OFF THEIR PHONES?  Hmmm?  You know who you are!

[Reginald Ret]

Still refusing to carry a mobile phone device. Still enjoying the quiet

Me too!



PS i just really hate phonecalls: no body language, no visual cues as to their subculture and thus what specific greetings and stuff are proper, etc etc.

[Jasper]

Still refusing to carry a mobile phone device. Still enjoying the quiet

You're a rebel, Liam, of the first water.  I couldn't do it.  I am too hooked on my machine, but not to the point where I won't go out, or enjoy those I'm with, or even turn it off once in a while.

So yeah, WHO HERE DOESN'T EVAR TURN OFF THEIR PHONES?  Hmmm?  You know who you are!

I do not have your culturally acquired desire to be out of contact and under the radar.  I honestly do prefer receiving my transmissions in a timely manner.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Still refusing to carry a mobile phone device. Still enjoying the quiet

You're a rebel, Liam, of the first water.  I couldn't do it.  I am too hooked on my machine, but not to the point where I won't go out, or enjoy those I'm with, or even turn it off once in a while.

So yeah, WHO HERE DOESN'T EVAR TURN OFF THEIR PHONES?  Hmmm?  You know who you are!

I carry mine everywhere when I leave the house and check it periodically for emergencies.

When I'm working it's sequestered in another room and I check it only during breaks. I've learned my lesson.

[Jasper]

I would consider sanctioning my use if I had a smartphone (because of email and forums).  I could easily do nothing but poke at my smartphone, given the opportunity.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I have to get a new plan because the ex is finally ready to ditch the family plan we've had for ages. I don't know if I have to get a new phone yet, or if I can start my own plan with the phone I have.

This actually kind of sucks.