The fucking TANK is coming.

[saturnine]

Cram! Cram!

Suu!

THE TANK!

Get psyched! Get scared!

Also, what the fuck? I logged onto PD? For the first time in like a year and a half? What?

I'm clearly holding a can of beer in my hand.

[Cramulus]

HO HO HO HOLY SHIT! How's it going you saturnine cat?

things are awesome up here. I'm living in NY again, still doing the same stuff. Got a new blog thing up. http://cramul.us ..

You guys gotten up to any cool adventures recently?



in honor of your posting I will go take a shot right now

[saturnine]

YEEEAH

Stoked to hear shit is awesome. Stuff is stressful here -- jobs changing, lack of money, that kind of shit. Working hard to keep our chins up, you know?

I'm in the middle of a HUGE chore and drinking spree. Drunk vacuuming is so much more fun.

I have the itch to throw a party soon, by the way! Let's get your ass back up to Middletown!

But dude ... what I really need you to be concerned about is THE TANK.

[Cramulus]

sorry to hear things are tight, financially! I'm pulling myself out of that funk too. Maybe these posters will help?


I will be down for a party, but timing is tricky for me. My GF and your roommate are not exactly on the best of terms; I have to be delicate. but with enough advance warning I can probably swing something.




in honor of your posting I will go take a shot right now

[Richter]

SHIT.

I saw this thread and I had to listen to THIS  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v-TAxm00jOg 

AND get another beer. 

CRAPFUCK.

[Jasper]

Tank?

[saturnine]

OMFG CRITICAL MASS BUILDING

BUILDING

RICHTER! YESSSSS

Fucking Boring Wednesday Night. Everyone blitz!

Cram: Yeah, I know the whole thing is kinda touchy. Me, I'm neutral. I'm Sweden. Would C get miffed if you came to a party at our place solo? Shoot me a PM if you need to. I don't have any dates in mind or anything yet. Just an itch to ROCK.

Richter: DUDE THAT SONG IS SO KICKASS. Normally only metal makes me want to, like, put on brass knuckles and wreck shit. But JAZZ? That must be some heavy jazz! ANYTHING by The Seatbelts that you can get your hands on is worth your time. Also, HOLYSHIT HI HOWVEYOUBEEN?!?!!?!?!?!1

BUT SERIOUSLY. I WANT YOU TO KNOW ABOUT THE TANK.

Just to begin to introduce you to the topic material, here's a story that serves as the setup.

Wednesday, May 17, 1995, Shawn Nelson, a U.S. Army veteran and unemployed plumber, drove his Chevrolet  van to the National Guard Armory in Kearny Mesa neighborhood. Although the gate to the vehicle yard was usually locked after 5:00 p.m., employees at the armory were working late, and left the gate open. The vehicle yard was completely deserted. Nelson likely used a crowbar to break open the tank hatches. Though the tanks did not require an ignition key to start the engine, since they simply used an ignition pushbutton, the first tank he broke into would not start, and neither would the second. As Nelson lowered himself into the third tank, a 57-ton M-60 Patton, he was finally noticed by a Guardsman, who approached the tank. Nelson was able to start the vehicle, and with little chance of stopping him, the Guardsman rushed to a phone and called police. As ammunition was kept in another building none of the vehicle's weapons could be loaded or used by Nelson.

Nelson led police on a 23-minute, televised chase through the streets of the Clairemont neighborhood in San Diego, California. The tank had a top speed of 30 miles per hour (48 km/h), making the chase slow compared to police chases involving automobiles, but it was no less dangerous. The 57-ton tank easily plowed through road signs, traffic lights, and, in what is probably the most famous image of the chase, crushed a van up against an RV, and then plowed straight through the RV. He even attempted to knock down a bridge by running in to the supports, but got impatient and gave up after he failed to topple it with the first few hits. He eventually became caught on a concrete median of State Route 163, as he attempted to cross the median into the oncoming traffic. Four police officers climbed onto the tank. San Diego Police Officer Paul Paxton, a Gunnery Sergeant at the time with Alpha Company, 4th Tank Battalion, a locally based Marine Corps Reserve unit, was able to open the hatch after another officer tossed a pair of bolt-cutters to him, gaining access to the turret. The officers ordered Nelson to surrender, but he said nothing and began lurching the tank back and forth in attempt to free it from the median. The Officers on the turret had to struggle to maintain their footing. Officer Paxton's partner, Richard Piner, leaned in and shot Nelson. The bullet struck Nelson in the shoulder, traveling through his body. It was an immediate fatal wound, and despite being quickly pulled out of the tank and rushed to the hospital, he died.

[Jasper]

And this person is dead, what the hell?  They're coming?  Like, a tank hijacking public menace, a militaristic ram raider of epic proportions in undead terms?

Run, motherfucker.

[saturnine]

The person isn't coming.

The tank is coming.

I mean, seriously: RUN MOTHERFUCKER.

[Richter]

DAMNIT!  NOT A FUCKIGN TANK!  WHO BRINGS A FUCKING TANK TO A CAR CHASE?

I've been good.  Life has been this skidmark of work, practice, drink, sleep and repeat since July, stopping only when I run out of clean trousers.  Crazy fun, if needing a breaking maneuver so I can read and post more.

What's all up with the Middletown crowd these days?

[Cramulus]

shitbutt! that crapstick's fucking oh my god jizz tangler

[the last yatto]

http://www.thinkgeek.com/homeoffice/pets/b861/
^
Cat tank

[saturnine]

I DON'T THINK

you understand how serious this motherfucking shit is.

I want you to know that I'm completely cribbing from other internet sources. But from everything I can tell, this thing is relatively/completely unknown, not a meme, hasn't gone viral, none of that shit. PD gets the raw uncut shit. I mean, this is the shit that brought me back from a year and a half of silence.

According to http://thelivingdoorway.blogspot.com/2010/08/tank-tank-2003.html, my favorite metal blog:

In theory that tank is still sitting somewhere in San Diego. The legend, as told to me, was the tank was left where it was stopped... but that is ridiculous, because it was in the middle of a highway. It really doesn't matter. Where ever it is, there are apartments near by. There was a fellow who lived in those apartments, Jason Amanda and, as the story goes, had a small phobia of this tank. A friend of his, Brock Bousfield was going to visit him from Oakland, left him answering messages... as the tank, for about a month. The final day he showed up, playing the last songs on a boombox (hmmm, maybe this happened in the 80's).

It is part prank call, part urban legend (parts of the story get so distorted. I heard about it from a friend of Brock not long after it happened and I don't remember it accurately). This is a photo of Brock (aka Nero):



Another source says... (http://jellobiafrascat.livejournal.com/2008/01/26/)

Ok, got all that?

flash forward a few years. The TANK was left in the spot it was stopped and has become kind of a monument. Across from it, directly, are apartments. One of these apartments housed a young man by the name of Jason. Jason had a crazy electro-artist friend who decided one day that he would pull off one of the biggest pranks ever involving Jason and the TANK that sits outside Jason's window.

Artist friend decided he was going to come visit Jason, but didn't want to tell Jason, he wanted to make it a surprise. He decided to leave Jason a series of phone messages that would intrigue/frighten Jason and make for great laughs in the end. These phone messages would be once a day for 30 days leading up to artist friend's arrival. These phone messages became mini songs, all done in Fruity Loops, all with the Mac Voice vocoder singing on them...

...all in the character of the TANK.

Jason had no clue who the hell was leaving these weird, sometimes catchy, sometimes terrifying songs on his answering machine once a day. The perfect prank. He didn't know who the hell it was until artist friend showed up on his doorstep on the last day with a boombox playing the last "phone message".

Great story, right? The Fucking Tank is a legendary album now. Some of it is incredibly catchy and you'll never the get the lines "I'M IN THE TANK. OUTSIDE. YOUR HOUSE." or the lines "FUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOU YOU PIECE OF SHIT. YOU PIECE OF SHIT." out of your head. Some of this is really dumb. Some of it is REALLY creepy ("YOUR MOTHER DOESN'T LOVE YOU." or "GET IN THE TANK AND DIEDIEDIEDIE..."), especially the stuff that says Jason's name ("JASON AMANDA YOU EAT SHIT.")

ALL THAT SAID...

Wanna hear one of the best Discordian pranks of all time?

FUCKING TOTALLY RELENTLESS IN ITS ENDURANCE
OBNOXIOUS IN ITS REPETITION
ROBOTIC IN ITS INSISTENCE

http://www.mediafire.com/?u5y3ls7bvk41icq

[the last yatto]

What's with the tub boy photo?

[leln]

  This was an amusing way to start my morning, thanks guys.