Hostile Reactions to Mundane Things

[Cramulus]

[Doktor Howl]

I had a great day, and have nothing to complain about.

This pisses me off.

[Kai]

I reread 48 Laws of Power recently. One of the Laws is something like "spurn the misfortuned, surround yourself with the fortunate". IOW, surround yourself with positive, empowered people, and stay far away from negative pessimistic people. The people I surround myself with affect my growth. If I surround myself with genuinely happy people, I will tend to become more happy. On the other hand, surrounding myself with depressed people will probably make me more depressed. Whatever qualities I desire myself, those are the people I should spend time with.

Which is the point by which I come to this rant. There is a time and place for anger, but frankly, getting upset at things like kids in tight running shorts or cyclists on the road (assuming they are doing it safely) is not worth my time and effort. And I really don't want to be around someone that gets pissed off at such little things, because it's going to negatively effect my attitude.

[Juana]

^ This.

It sounds to me like Cram's roommate is just needlessly bitching. Those aren't the kind of things worth getting worked up over.

[Jasper]

Odd.  I reread it like three days ago.

Even though I have to deal with unlucky miserable people (can't escape roommates or family), I don't let it into my head like I used to.

[Cain]

I reread 48 Laws of Power recently. One of the Laws is something like "spurn the misfortuned, surround yourself with the fortunate". IOW, surround yourself with positive, empowered people, and stay far away from negative pessimistic people. The people I surround myself with affect my growth. If I surround myself with genuinely happy people, I will tend to become more happy. On the other hand, surrounding myself with depressed people will probably make me more depressed. Whatever qualities I desire myself, those are the people I should spend time with.

Which is the point by which I come to this rant. There is a time and place for anger, but frankly, getting upset at things like kids in tight running shorts or cyclists on the road (assuming they are doing it safely) is not worth my time and effort. And I really don't want to be around someone that gets pissed off at such little things, because it's going to negatively effect my attitude.

Law 47 has some useful advice on this topic as well, which I have been trying to consciously apply for the last couple of years.  After all, if it's annoying when other people do it, then it is especially counterproductive to be found doing it yourself.

Also, perhaps by amazing coincidence (or not) the way in which I generally try to enact Law 47 is described by Alicorn in her Living Luminously Sequence.  To whit:

When the person exhibits a characteristic, habit, or tendency you have on your list (or, probably just to aggravate you, turns out to have a new one), be on your guard immediately for the fundamental attribution error.  It is especially insidious when you already dislike the person, and so it's important to compensate consciously and directly for its influence.  Elevate to conscious thought an "attribution story", in which you consider a circumstance - not a character trait - which would explain this most recent example of bad behavior.  This should be the most likely story you can come up with that doesn't resort to grumbling about how dreadful the person is - that is, don't resort to "Well, maybe he was brainwashed by Martians, but sheesh, how likely is that?"  Better would be "I know she was up late last night, and she does look a bit tired," or "Maybe that three-hour phone call he ended just now was about something terribly stressful."

Reach a little farther if you don't have this kind of information - "I'd probably act that way if I were coming down with a cold; I wonder if she's sick?" is an acceptable speculation even absent the least sniffle.  If you can, it's also a good idea to ask (earnestly, curiously, respectfully, kindly!  not accusatively, rudely, intrusively, belligerently!) why the person did whatever they did.  Rest assured that if their psyche is fairly normal, an explanation exists in their minds that doesn't boil down to "I'm a lousy excuse for a person who intrinsically does evil things just because it is my nature."  (Note, however, that not everyone can produce verbal self-justifications on demand.)  Whether you believe them or not, make sure you are aware of at least one circumstance-based explanation for what they did.

http://lesswrong.com/lw/2a5/on_enjoying_disagreeable_company/

[Telarus]

Submitted OP to the ShutUpYouAreAnIdiot.com blog, which has had a woeful lack of activity this year.

Sitting as a draft right now with a link to cramul.us. Let me know if you want to change anything before I publish (or if you just want me to yank it).

[Cramulus]

Submitted OP to the ShutUpYouAreAnIdiot.com blog, which has had a woeful lack of activity this year.

Sitting as a draft right now with a link to cramul.us. Let me know if you want to change anything before I publish (or if you just want me to yank it).

ERRRR I'm a bit paranoid about my roommate finding it

I'd kind of prefer that this be kept here where I'm sure it'll be buried under mountains of crap in about 5 minutes

sorry!

[Telarus]

No prob.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Every time I see it, the title of this thread makes me delighted at the idea of hostile reactions to mundane things. Like, really excessively hostile reactions to really, really mundane things.

Like salt shakers.

Maybe that's the answer to how you should deal with it... just step it up a notch. Become enraged and just start screaming and ranting at napkins, and mustard packets, and benches.

[Jasper]

YES

I like that. 

"WHAT THE TURDSPLOSION ARE THESE?!  CIRRUS CLOUDS?!  WE NEVER GET FFF- AUGH CIRRUS, REALLY?  YOU ASSHOLES!"

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

YES

I like that. 

"WHAT THE TURDSPLOSION ARE THESE?!  CIRRUS CLOUDS?!  WE NEVER GET FFF- AUGH CIRRUS, REALLY?  YOU ASSHOLES!"

[Cain]

I also have another technique I sometimes use when I think I'm going to have a hostile reaction to mundane things, a little trick that helps me.

I lay on my back and hang my head over the edge of the couch or bed. Then, like you're trying to cure hiccups, drink warm salt water from the far edge of a glass. The altered ...blood flow and and subsequent shift in consciousness will help you focus on what you need to.

[Jasper]

Wow, great!  It works!

[The Android]

A few of my roommates have these extremely negative and hostile reactions to very mundane occurrences. It puts me on edge.

Yesterday, we were driving to the bagel store for breakfast. Sunday was apparently Race day in Tarrytown. There were a lot of people on bikes, wearing numbers as if they were in a race. This set my roommate off for some reason.

First he was bitching about how shitty the bikers are for being in the street and getting in everybody's way. They're acting like they're cars! Oh god oh god. They think they're so important, but it's so shitty of them to bike on roads. People have places to go, can't they understand that? God I hate stupid people....  Except that the bikers weren't in our way, they were actually on another road. And my roommate, the one excreting all this anger, doesn't even drive.

We parked, and got in line at the bagel store. There were some runners from this local prep school standing behind us in line. They were clearly a track team, all wearing matching t-shirts and running shorts. After we sat down, my roommate got so worked up over these kids. They didn't talk to us or even look at us, but he hated their tight shorts. He was outraged because he could see their butts. "You shouldn't be wearing fucking banana hammocks in public!" and swearing and gnashing and getting all worked up over these kids. "Self improvement REALLY IS masturbation!"

The irony of the situation is that his vulgar screed was pissing off the family sitting next to us and he wasn't even aware. His ranting was far more objectionable and offensive than some guys on bikes, or some high school kids wearing jogging shorts.

When the rant crescendoed in a tirade about how we should line these people up and kill them with shot guns, I was like, "Woah... take a breath, dude. It's just shorts." And he calmed down, he realized he had been in hate mode all morning for basically no reason... eventually he got fixated again on some mundane thing and got all twisted out of shape about it.


I've gotta keep that kind of negativity at arm's length -- it can really infect you.

It's so easy to hate on "stupid people". And it feels very rewarding to be outraged. But it's not a fun vibe to be around.


I found myself wondering how to orient myself to it. I wanted to object to his objections. I wanted to say, "dude, we're in a public space, sometimes you're going to see things you don't like and you're gonna hafta deal with it." But I also myself didn't want to get consumed by the critical nitpicky energy. If I wanted to preach tolerance, maybe the best thing was to practice tolerance and keep my mouth shut. And just remove myself from the situations which piss me off so much.

Your friend seems rather amusing to me.