Life of Nobody

[Adios]

I think about Granny a lot. The things she saw in her lifetime and the way she must have thought about them. I mean things like electricity, cars, running inside water. Miracles like television and radio, people walking on the moon. I can relate quite a bit as I have seen a lot of these in my lifetime as well.

The last vehicle Granny ever drove was a mule drawn wagon. When she wanted to go somewhere she would always have to find a ride. I think this caused her some aggravation.

I don't know how it all came to happen but one day Daddy was going to teach Granny how to drive a car. We had plenty of open spaces so it all seemed to be a fine idea. So first Daddy drove and had her watch as he explained how all the things worked.

Now for some reason all those open spaces were ignored. I watched as Granny drove down the road with Daddy sitting real close. All we had were dirt roads and some blind hills and there were ditches on either side of the road. Some things even a kid knows aren't going to end well.

I guess Granny was doing pretty good though. Now our old dirt road ended at the state highway which was blacktop and a pretty busy road for those days. Granny had done real good with the gas pedal and steering so Daddy was a little relaxed. As they approached the stop sign Daddy told her she had to stop and to just ease on the brake.

I guess Daddy forgot about the brake when he was showing her things because Granny pulled back on the steering wheel and hollered "Whoa!". For some reason the car ignored her and she hollered it louder. They were at the stop sign now and Daddy was screaming about the brake pedal, Granny was hollering "Whoa!" and the car was still going. Of course cars were coming on the highway so Daddy dove on the floor and used his one hand to push the brake and the other to steer the car into the ditch.

Nobody was hurt during all of this and that was the last time anybody ever tried to teach Granny to drive.

Well, I say no one was hurt, but that doesn't include the butt whipping I got when I was rolling on the floor laughing when Daddy told the story.

[Adios]

I had been off the farm for a while staying with some other relatives or parents or some other place I can't remember. It was time to crop the tobacco though so as many of the family that could was going home to the farm. Papa had long quit growing cotton as there wasn't much money in it and growing cotton was too hard on the soil.

A family had moved in the house for the farm workers and they had 3 sons and a girl my age. Her name was Rayleen. So after saying hello to the family I walked up the road to see her. She was telling about this new machine they had for cropping tobacco that Papa would be bringing in.

We were all excited on the day Papa brought it home and we were all there to see it. It was really something too. It was big and green. It was pulled by a tractor and the really neat thing was croppers could sit down while they cropped! No more bending over all day. The seat was adjustable so it could be raised as we worked our way up the stalk. Now the stringer sat right in front of the cropper and as we cropped we would hand the leaves right to the stringer. Once they got the stick full a hanger would take it and hang it right there in the middle!

There were places for 8 croppers and 8 stringers. Once the middle was full the tractor would haul us back to  the barn and the cropping machine was unloaded and back out we went. I was in heaven because we could talk to each other and the work was lots easier. Of course Rayleen was my stringer.

About halfway through the day we had a full stick so I was cropping and piling the leaves between my legs waiting for a hanger to take the stick. Rayleen from somewhere pulled out a bottle of Jack Daniels and we each took a good pull. This pattern continued until the bottle was empty.

About Jeff Davis county, Georgia in those days. It was a dry county which means no alcohol was allowed in. Period. Rayleen and I were pre-teens. My cropping was getting real bad, I was missing about every other stalk, Rayleen's sticks were falling apart and we were taken back to the barn.

Papa called us over to find out what was going on. Rayleen couldn't talk. I was trying to but then just fell on my face and started laughing. Granny was a teetotaller and did not think it was very funny. Papa did but had to go behind the barn to laugh. Meanwhile I am laying on the ground and I couldn't get up, Rayleen was sitting and laughing, Granny was beating my shoulders with a tobacco stick. Daddy and all my uncles were behind the barn with Papa.

Rayleen and I were taken home and not allowed to work the next for which I shall be forever grateful. The following day we went back to work but I wasn't allowed to work with Rayleen and we were both searched every day after that.

It was a helluva summer.

[Adios]

I'm shit at critique so don't take my word for it. Just the overall feeling I got from it is all. All the others seemed to tell a particular story. The last one seemed like it was the setup to a story. Probably about Purkle. There was nothing wrong with it. I'm not saying it wasn't as well written as the rest, just that it left me waiting for the next part. Which is a good thing, btw.

You asked for it and my muse showed up to grant your wish! 

[LMNO]

Those were great reads.

[Adios]

Those were great reads.

Thank you sir.

[BadBeast]

 Hawk, when you get all these collected, and printed into a manuscript, you are going to have publishers fighting each other in the street to get your book on their shelves. You have the soul of a natural storyteller, and the easy to read style of Mark Twain. It would be interesting to see a couple of pieces that were more dialogue driven though. You obviously have your narrative bone good and strong, and some well driven dialogue can only enhance what is already a fine body of writing. I am totally enjoying every single piece so far, and looking forward to the next instalment every time.  
(No pressure or anything though, . . . . . . . )

[Adios]

Hawk, when you get all these collected, and printed into a manuscript, you are going to have publishers fighting each other in the street to get your book on their shelves. You have the soul of a natural storyteller, and the easy to read style of Mark Twain. It would be interesting to see a couple of pieces that were more dialogue driven though. You obviously have your narrative bone good and strong, and some well driven dialogue can only enhance what is already a fine body of writing. I am totally enjoying every single piece so far, and looking forward to the next instalment every time.  
(No pressure or anything though, . . . . . . . )

Thanks so much, and I do hope to get it published. I have wanted to write this for decades but I allowed fear of rejection to stop me.

It makes me soar to know you are all enjoying it.

[Adios]

I was out hunting one day and for some reason my cousin Crockett wanted to come with me. I don't know why we called him Crockett, we just did. He wasn't even a hunter and liked to stay around the house most of the time. So I let him come. We walked down the railroad tracks until we got to the spot I wanted to go in the woods at.

On one side of the tracks was a dirt bank about 20 or 30 feet high. We sure spent a lot of time trying to climb that bank that summer but we never made it even once. It was almost straight up and loose dirt. But we didn't care because it was something to do.

As we started off in the woods I had my hand in my coat pocket and when I pulled it out I dropped 3 shotgun shells. I was talking to Crockett so I wasn't watching as I reached down to pick the shells up.

Suddenly he screamed like I have never heard anybody scream and too off running. I was standing there with my mouth hanging as he almost walked up that bank and sat down still screaming.

All I could do was stare and hope I wasn't going to have to shoot him, he was one of my favorite cousins and I would have missed him. I finally realized he was no immediate threat so as I was watching him I started counting the shells in my hand and I got to 4. I had only dropped 3 shells so I glanced down.

The very next thing I remembered after that was sitting right beside Crockett panting. My heart was racing and it took a while for both of us to calm down.

When I looked at my hand I held 3 shotgun shells and 1 rattlesnake, I never found the shells or the snake after that. It was a very good thing it was a chilly morning and the snake was sluggish, but one doesn't stop to think about all that when one is holding a live rattlesnake.

From that day forward I always looked before I picked up anything.

We were never able to climb that damn bank again either. I knew how to motivate us to do it, but I didn't want to.

[Jasper]

When I read these last three, I kept finding myself with these slack jawed grins from ear to ear.

[Adios]

When I read these last three, I kept finding myself with these slack jawed grins from ear to ear.

That's alright, I had the same grin when I wrote them. 

[Adios]

I loved hunting. Every chance I got I was in the woods and it wasn't always about bringing game home. Just being out there and walking around watching the wildlife and the sounds they made was a great thing to do.

Back in those days I could really smell things. Before smoking and living in cities dulled my sense of smell.

There was this little path that you had to know was there to even follow it and it looked like it ended in a big wall of brush. If you knew just which limb to lift there was a small creek you could step over into one of the prettiest little meadows I have ever seen. Many days I would go there and just lay in the grass and watch the clouds go by. It was my special secret place.

So one day I was hunting because we needed meat on the table. I could have sworn I could smell a squirrel but I couldn't find it. I stood perfectly still for about 30 minutes. Nothing. Finally I just gave up and thought I was imagining the whole thing.

After I gave up I reached down and lifted the limb and ducked my head down to go into my meadow.

This is when things got real interesting. A buck was drinking out of the creek in exactly that spot at exactly that time. Now I had ducked and when I stuck my head in the buck lifted his head. There we were, nose to nose, touching.

Now I don't know what that deer was thinking but my head was screaming incoherent things about running. Everything seemed to happen in slow motion then. I screamed, the deer squealed. I jumped backwards dropping my shotgun and the deer jerked around so hard he fell over and rolled.

When we both got to our feet we were headed in different directions as fast as we could go.

Then I got the giggles while muttering to myself things about being the great white hunter as I went back to get my shotgun.

I didn't go into the meadow that day.

[Adios]

On one of his visits from Florida Uncle Rodney brought a dog with him. It wasn't much to look at and it never did anything except eat.

Honestly once a day I would go lift his head just to make sure he was still alive. We had 3 huge Oak trees in the front yard  and the yard was all white sand Papa had brought in so we wouldn't have grass around the house for snakes to lay in.

That dog would dig a shallow hole and just lay in it all day. Granny was always fussing about having to fill the holes back in. I took over filling them back in and feeding that worthless dog. I cussed Uncle for ever bringing that worthless hound to the farm.

Well summer turned to fall and hunting season was in. I came out of the house with my shotgun and that dog went nuts. He was barking and jumping around and coming at me. I pointed my shotgun at it and started backing back up the stairs.

I decided he was just stupid and wasn't going to hurt me so I didn't shoot him. I started walking off to the field to hunt quail and that worthless dog was following me. I yelled at him. I threw sticks at him. I threw rocks at him. Nothing worked. I just got mad.

So then that dumb dog got right in front of me. I figured he would get tired and go home sooner or later and I was ignoring him.

Then the dog stopped right in front of me. I was just mad enough at him to not walk around him so I kicked him right in the rear end.

Holy Cow!

Suddenly there was about 20 quail taking off all around me and that dog. I was so startled I jumped back and fell down. The dog was shaking his head like he had been hit by one of them.

Then this stupid dog walked over and looked at me like I was the dumbest thing he had ever seen and I thought he was going to take my shotgun from me.

As it turned out he was a very well trained pointer born and bred to bird hunt. That dog sure got a lot smarter that day. After that me and that dog were best friends and I got more quail that fall than ever before.

Just goes to show I guess.

[Adios]

One day Daddy and all of my Uncles and us kids were down at the old pond. The men had rifles and were shooting snapping turtles off of the logs that were in the water. We had a lot of those turtles and if we didn't kill them they would eat all of the fish.

They were drinking and having a lot of fun being together and shooting turtles and us kids were just having fun being allowed to hang around with them. They even let us take a couple of shots every now and then. With the rifle, not the whiskey.

This went on the better part of the afternoon and we all went back to the house when Granny rang the dinner bell. We were all hungry and it had been a good day.

It was about to get a lot better.

Granny was under 5 feet tall and all of my uncles and my Daddy were over 6 feet except one. We were all about to sit down to eat and Granny started yelling. Seems she had caught the smell of whiskey on one of the boys breath.

Boy, was she mad. Granny always made her own brooms by taking straw and tying it in a bundle. She went for one of them really mad about us kids being with them while they were shooting and drinking. I got out of there real fast and was in the front room.

The house had a real wide hallway that went from front back and all of a sudden I saw 5 grown men running down the hall yelling "Now Mama" while she was dusting their backs and heads with that broom. They were all holding their arms over their heads and Granny was with them step for step.

It was the funniest thing I had ever seen and I started laughing. Those boys hit that front screen door so hard and so fast they tore it right off the hinges. I had tears coming out of my eyes from laughing.

Granny stopped chasing them at the front door and when she turned around to go back to the kitchen she smiled and winked at me. I was helpless on the floor with laughter.

The boys didn't stop until they were outside the fence and they just kind of stood around not saying much. Finally Granny went back to the front door and told them they could come in and eat after they fixed the screen door and that they deserved to eat a cold supper.

Granny and I giggled all through our nice hot supper.

[P3nT4gR4m]

Dude, you've got what, a decade or so on me? Yet your life is from a hundred years ago. It's totally awesome!

[Adios]

I never knew how backwards the deep south was until much later in life.