FUCKING ORANGE EATING CONTEST

[President Television]

 

[Suu]

I'm withdrawing.

I can't repel testicular fortitude of this magnitude!

[President Television]

For the record, I would be participating if I had the oranges, time or money.

[Cramulus]

DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO ADD, OR ARE YOU JUST GOING TO STAND THERE WITH YOUR MOUTH OPEN STAIRING AT THE SKY LIKE THAT SCUNT WHO WORKS AT THE CARWASH? DANGER WILL ROBINSON, IF IT STARTS RAINING YOU'RE GOING TO DROWN AND I'M GOING TO SLAP YOUR CAR LIKE I'M E. HONDA IN THE BONUS STAGE OF STREET FIGHTER 2 WHERE YOU DESTROY A VEHICLE AND TAKE A DUMP ON AN INDIAN.





GUESS WHAT, TURDS-FOR-PIGTAILS? I AM NOW EATING MY SIXTH ORANGE.

[President Television]

I don't have a car. 

[Cramulus]

                  NOT ANYMOAR!
                          \

[President Television]

                 NOT ANYMOAR!
                          \

That man is horrifying and looks exactly like one of my DnD buddies, only white instead of native.

[Freeky]

ALL RIGHT, MOTHERFUCKERS, ITS TIME FOR THE TRUE CITRUS EATING CHAMP TO SHOVE HER COCKFIST UP YOUR ASSHOLES WITH MOTHERFUCKING ORANGE POWER. SO Y'ALL BETTER BEWARE, FREEKY TAKES NO PRISONERS.

[President Television]

ALL RIGHT, MOTHERFUCKERS, ITS TIME FOR THE TRUE CITRUS EATING CHAMP TO SHOVE HER COCKFIST UP YOUR ASSHOLES WITH MOTHERFUCKING ORANGE POWER. SO Y'ALL BETTER BEWARE, FREEKY TAKES NO PRISONERS.

EXCEPT FOR ORANGES. IN HER GAPING MAWFACE. OM NOM NOM

[Freeky]

HAY CAPTAIN SLACK. YOU KNOW WHAT?



YOU FUCKING KNOW WHAT???!


























, YOU COCKGOBBLING PUSSY JUGGLING SISSY BOY!


ORANGE # 2, DOWN THE HATCH!

[NWC]

YOU ARE ALL SO LUCKY I DON'T HAVE ANY ORANGES. NO ONE BEATS ME WHEN IT COMES TO CITRUS EXTREMISM. I ONCE ATE 33 CLEMENTINES IN ONE DAY, SO MUCH THAT THE ACID ATE THROUGH MY STOMACH, GIVING ME PAIN FOR THE 2 FOLLOWING DAYS. THEN I DIDN'T EAT ANOTHER CLEMENTINE FOR 5 YEARS.

FUCKING EXTREME.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

THIS THREAD IS THE BEST THREAD IN THE HISTORY OF THREADS, AND I ACCEPT YOUR ORANGE-EATING CHALLENGE EVEN THOUGH YOU NOW HAVE A FOUR-HOUR HEADSTART ON ME, CRAMULUS.


NO MORTAL MOTHERFUCKER CAN EAT MORE ORANGES THAN I CAN EAT AND IT IS PROVEN BY THE FACT THAT I ONCE ATE SO MANY ORANGES THAT I GAVE BIRTH TO A CITRUS DEMON-SPAWN WHO WILL PUSH YOUR ORANGE-FAILING ASS DOWN THE GODDAMN STAIRS.

YES, THAT'S RIGHT, YOU ARE ABOUT TO LOSE, AND EVEN RICHTER'S MAGNIFICENT SPHINCTER CANNOT COMPETE WITH THE GASTROINTESTINAL WONDER THAT IS MY STOMACH AND INTESTINES.

I WILL DIGEST THE MOTHERFUCK OUT OF THOSE FUCKING ORANGES, WITH BOTH HANDS TIED BEHIND MY BACK, AND YOU WILL PALE AND FLINCH BESIDE MY GLORY.

[Suu]

BOW TO ME, PLEBEIANS!

FOR I, SOVEREIGN PRINCESS KAOUSUU OF THE SOVEREIGN PRINCIPALITY OF KAOUSUU HAS WALKED TO THE BODEGA AROUND THE CORNER AND PURCHASED ANOTHER 5 ORANGES FOR GREAT FUCKING JUSTICE.

THIS FLORIDIAN WILL NOT FALL TO THE LIKES OF YOUR HEDONISM, NEPOTISM, JINGOISM AND GAY WANGO AND OR TANGOISM. THIS IS WAR, MOTHERFUCKERS!

8 ORANGES. DOWN THE HATCH SINCE THE CHALLENGE WAS MADE.

I WILL PISS PURE CITRIC ACID FOR DAYS.

MY IRRITABLE BOWEL SYNDROME WILL CAUSE AND ERUPTION OF EXTREME VITAMIN C OVERLOAD MAGNITUDE FROM MY COLON THAT NO ONE WITHIN 362 MILES OF PROVIDENCE WILL BE ABLE TO SURVIVE.

[Cramulus]

ugghhhhhhh struggling through number seven...

goddd suuu whyyyyyyyyyyy you gotta raise the bar??

[Captain Utopia]

WHAT THE NOSEFUCK CRAM?  IMMA SICK OF YOU AND YOUR FASCITRUS AGENDA.  IT'S ALWAYS ORANGES WITH YOU ISN'T IT?  LAST WEEK THE "OH EVERYBODY FUKKIN LOOK AT ME, I BET I CAN STUFF TWENTY ORANGES UP MY ARSE" THREAD, THE WEEK BEFORE THAT THE "LETS ALL THROW ORANGES AT THE HOMELESS, IT'S CHARIFUN, FOR ERIS" BULLSHIT.  WHOSE PAYROLL ARE YOU ON, REALLY?