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Commit a crime, go to church

Started by Precious Moments Zalgo, September 27, 2011, 10:32:13 PM

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Nephew Twiddleton

Quote from: Disco Pickle on September 28, 2011, 01:53:15 AM
Quote from: Nph. Twid. on September 28, 2011, 12:41:29 AM
Quote from: memy on September 28, 2011, 12:38:32 AM
Quote from: Jenkem and SPACE/TIME on September 28, 2011, 12:25:00 AM
What's got your panties in a bunch?

That people expect me to not wear panties. I'm a dude, it's considered unsightly. So this "normalcy" character won't let me bunch up my panties. It's an all-around unpleasant experience. But then if I were allowed to wear panties, I'd be satisfied and there would be no need for bunching.

It's like a catch-22 for women's underthings, if you catch my drifty-drafty boxers. But that's for another, more private discussion.

I would definitely go to a church where they charged for drinks, assuming the drink is substantially larger than the thimble they insist on serving the blood of Christ in.

He's only human and only has so much blood to go around sir. He needs to keep some of it so he can regenerate and serve up some more next Sunday.

CHRIST WAS NOT HUMAN! 

god damn Irish heathens, don't even know that he was from somewhere in the vicinity of Betelgeuse.

We know. Who do you think sent him here as an advance scout? Got himself nice and killed there in the desert. That's why we landed our colony ships on the Aran Islands instead of in Judea.
Strange and Terrible Organ Laminator of Yesterday's Heavy Scene
Sentence or sentence fragment pending

Soy El Vaquero Peludo de Oro

TIM AM I, PRIMARY OF THE EXTRA-ATMOSPHERIC SIMIANS

Kai

Quote from: Nph. Twid. on September 28, 2011, 03:47:49 AM
Quote from: Disco Pickle on September 28, 2011, 01:53:15 AM
Quote from: Nph. Twid. on September 28, 2011, 12:41:29 AM
Quote from: memy on September 28, 2011, 12:38:32 AM
Quote from: Jenkem and SPACE/TIME on September 28, 2011, 12:25:00 AM
What's got your panties in a bunch?

That people expect me to not wear panties. I'm a dude, it's considered unsightly. So this "normalcy" character won't let me bunch up my panties. It's an all-around unpleasant experience. But then if I were allowed to wear panties, I'd be satisfied and there would be no need for bunching.

It's like a catch-22 for women's underthings, if you catch my drifty-drafty boxers. But that's for another, more private discussion.

I would definitely go to a church where they charged for drinks, assuming the drink is substantially larger than the thimble they insist on serving the blood of Christ in.

He's only human and only has so much blood to go around sir. He needs to keep some of it so he can regenerate and serve up some more next Sunday.

CHRIST WAS NOT HUMAN! 

god damn Irish heathens, don't even know that he was from somewhere in the vicinity of Betelgeuse.

We know. Who do you think sent him here as an advance scout? Got himself nice and killed there in the desert. That's why we landed our colony ships on the Aran Islands instead of in Judea.

You're both wrong, He's an Aeon from the Pleuroma, and you all have been worshiping the damned Demiurge for the past 2500 years.
If there is magic on this planet, it is contained in water. --Loren Eisley, The Immense Journey

Her Royal Majesty's Chief of Insect Genitalia Dissection
Grand Visser of the Six Legged Class
Chanticleer of the Holometabola Clade Church, Diptera Parish

Nephew Twiddleton

Quote from: ϗ, M.S. on September 28, 2011, 05:34:10 AM
Quote from: Nph. Twid. on September 28, 2011, 03:47:49 AM
Quote from: Disco Pickle on September 28, 2011, 01:53:15 AM
Quote from: Nph. Twid. on September 28, 2011, 12:41:29 AM
Quote from: memy on September 28, 2011, 12:38:32 AM
Quote from: Jenkem and SPACE/TIME on September 28, 2011, 12:25:00 AM
What's got your panties in a bunch?

That people expect me to not wear panties. I'm a dude, it's considered unsightly. So this "normalcy" character won't let me bunch up my panties. It's an all-around unpleasant experience. But then if I were allowed to wear panties, I'd be satisfied and there would be no need for bunching.

It's like a catch-22 for women's underthings, if you catch my drifty-drafty boxers. But that's for another, more private discussion.

I would definitely go to a church where they charged for drinks, assuming the drink is substantially larger than the thimble they insist on serving the blood of Christ in.

He's only human and only has so much blood to go around sir. He needs to keep some of it so he can regenerate and serve up some more next Sunday.

CHRIST WAS NOT HUMAN! 

god damn Irish heathens, don't even know that he was from somewhere in the vicinity of Betelgeuse.

We know. Who do you think sent him here as an advance scout? Got himself nice and killed there in the desert. That's why we landed our colony ships on the Aran Islands instead of in Judea.

You're both wrong, He's an Aeon from the Pleuroma, and you all have been worshiping the damned Demiurge for the past 2500 years.

damn, those 2 and a half millennia have flown by like a motherfucker! I didn't know I was that old!
Strange and Terrible Organ Laminator of Yesterday's Heavy Scene
Sentence or sentence fragment pending

Soy El Vaquero Peludo de Oro

TIM AM I, PRIMARY OF THE EXTRA-ATMOSPHERIC SIMIANS

Telarus

Quote from: ϗ, M.S. on September 28, 2011, 05:34:10 AM
You're both wrong, He's an Aeon from the Pleuroma, and you all have been worshiping the damned Demiurge for the past 2500 years.

:spittake:



:D
Telarus, KSC,
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(0o)  Tender to the Edible Zen Garden, Ratcheting Metallic Sex Doll of The End Times,
/||\   Episkopos of the Amorphous Dreams Cabal

Join the Doll Underground! Experience the Phantasmagorical Safari!

BabylonHoruv

I am quite curious as to their definition of church.  It seems that Muslims (who have services on Friday) and Jews and Seventh Day adventists(who have services on Saturday) are excluded.  The church of Nascar(Dale Earnhart died for your sins y'all) though seems to be acceptable
You're a special case, Babylon.  You are offensive even when you don't post.

Merely by being alive, you make everyone just a little more miserable

-Dok Howl

Jenne

Muslims, Jews and 7th Day Adventists share this one factor:  the NIGHT before a holy day is considered PART of that holy day.  So for Adventists, they really "worship" from sundown to sundown--Friday to Saturday.  Jews, same thing (is what Shabbas is...).

Muslims seem to do EVERYFUCKINGTHING by lunar calendar.

BabylonHoruv

Quote from: Jenne on September 28, 2011, 09:51:01 PM
Muslims, Jews and 7th Day Adventists share this one factor:  the NIGHT before a holy day is considered PART of that holy day.  So for Adventists, they really "worship" from sundown to sundown--Friday to Saturday.  Jews, same thing (is what Shabbas is...).

Muslims seem to do EVERYFUCKINGTHING by lunar calendar.

Yep,  a sizeable portion of pagans too.

I'm pretty sure services are still held during the day for the most part though.

Actually Wiccans or other groups that don't hold their services on a weekly basis become even more problematic for this scheme.
You're a special case, Babylon.  You are offensive even when you don't post.

Merely by being alive, you make everyone just a little more miserable

-Dok Howl

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

Assuming that the convicts are allowed to attend the participating religious service of their choice (and the church apparently has to agree to participate, so it's not totally unrestricted choice on the part of the convict) I approve of this for the simple reason that it's corrective rather than punitive... connecting a petty criminal with a supportive community will probably do more to prevent recidivism than locking them up to punish them.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Mesozoic Mister Nigel

Quote from: Jenne on September 28, 2011, 09:51:01 PM
Muslims, Jews and 7th Day Adventists share this one factor:  the NIGHT before a holy day is considered PART of that holy day.  So for Adventists, they really "worship" from sundown to sundown--Friday to Saturday.  Jews, same thing (is what Shabbas is...).

Muslims seem to do EVERYFUCKINGTHING by lunar calendar.

Speaking of which, I'm baking a honey cake right now for Rosh Hashanah dinner. :)
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


memy

Quote from: Nigel on September 29, 2011, 01:34:39 AM
Speaking of which, I'm baking a honey cake right now for Rosh Hashanah dinner. :)

I actually plan to heat up some syrup soaked pancakes with a side of special hashbrowns for Hash Roshanah tonight. Is that a Kosher substitute?
ma-ma-say ma-ma-sah ma-ma-co-sah

Precious Moments Zalgo

Quote from: BabylonHoruv on September 28, 2011, 09:46:08 PM
I am quite curious as to their definition of church.  It seems that Muslims (who have services on Friday) and Jews and Seventh Day adventists(who have services on Saturday) are excluded.  The church of Nascar(Dale Earnhart died for your sins y'all) though seems to be acceptable
The article says there aren't any mosques or synagogues in Bay Minette.
I will answer ANY prayer for $39.95.*

*Unfortunately, I cannot give refunds in the event that the answer is no.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

Quote from: memy on September 29, 2011, 01:44:17 AM
Quote from: Nigel on September 29, 2011, 01:34:39 AM
Speaking of which, I'm baking a honey cake right now for Rosh Hashanah dinner. :)

I actually plan to heat up some syrup soaked pancakes with a side of special hashbrowns for Hash Roshanah tonight. Is that a Kosher substitute?

:lulz: If there's any honey in it, then I think it's close enough. As far as I know; I'm not Jewish. My best friend is.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Jenne

Quote from: Nigel on September 29, 2011, 01:33:53 AM
Assuming that the convicts are allowed to attend the participating religious service of their choice (and the church apparently has to agree to participate, so it's not totally unrestricted choice on the part of the convict) I approve of this for the simple reason that it's corrective rather than punitive... connecting a petty criminal with a supportive community will probably do more to prevent recidivism than locking them up to punish them.

I choose to think in this vein, too.  If only because, while my dad was in the clink, it helped him form ties with the guys in there that were linked to religion.  They were more apt to get along and be productive.  Kept a lot of despair and anger at bay.  I think religion can help foster purpose...and the church schema might be one that's closer to "real life" for a lot of them.

Dalek

So Alabama is bringing in it's own version of indulgences? Way to totally miss the century you live in.

Jenne

Pretty sure 'Bama WISHES it was still the early times...that way their current "worldview" would be supported and they wouldn't have "issues" like getting immigration "reform" through, etc.

Assholes.