Excuse me while I vomit.- Trigger Warning for Rape and Rape Culture.

[Freeky]

That post was awesome, and I'm going to put that info graph URVERWAIR!

Awesome! Well I have a deadline for my community project volunteering that I need to sort out, and tomorrow is my off duty feminist day (I gotta look at kittens and puppies and not stuff like this for one day a week, or else I'll turn into some kind of all froth and rage cliché about second wave feminism and be all made of straw or something whilst gleefully getting all stabbity stab-stab on my housemates /sarcasm), so I will see you spags..... Later.

I am sure Nigel and Garbo can clarify any points of interest about the post.

Later, lady!

[Eater of Clowns]

I appreciate how informative this thread has been.  Both on the subjects of trigger warnings and rape culture.

[Luna]

Awesome stuff, Pixie, thank you.

[Placid Dingo]

This is great. It took me for a moment to realise that the poster felt 'odd' because I wasn't used to seein anti-rape messages specifically addressed to men.

I've always been very respectful and worried about people's limits. Too much so. Ive had to teach myself that approaching women, talking about sex, or being more overt, loud etc was OK. So sometimes I do see things like 'if a woman is walking leave her alone' or 'don't be sexually overt' etc and feel a bit... I dunno. Uncertain. Just because the limits I always assumed were there aren't as restrictive as I thought so sometimes I'm not certain how far is too far.

I mean, the obvious is obvious. Consent is king. But sometimes that fringe of what will make someone uncomfortable vs just being appropriately direct-fun-etc isnt intuitive. But as a positive (or possibly just as a male?) I haven't ever felt like I'll be drawn and quartered for an honest mistake.

Hopefully what I'm saying is clear.

[Placid Dingo]

That being said, considering my background and the way I was brought up, it's a fair call that I'm not the intended audience which may explain my reading of things like dont come up to a woman walking alone... I'm picturing daytime, university, good vibes etc because coming up to a woman at night alone, on a street is intuitively creepy.

I'm really hoping I'm not just rambling shit at this point.

[LMNO]

I think the myths about rape and victim blaming that constitute what feminism terms as being rape culture go hand in hand, because what the media and society see as "really real rape for realness" is only a fraction of rapes committed. The scary man in the bushes rapist or the sleazy spike your drink at the bar guy is the common perception of it, and anything outside of that perception falls prey to what some feminist blogs has called the "Not My Nigel!" response ,(which, in the context of peedee and peedee only, I find the phrase hilarious. the concept, not so much.) where people cannot see their friends, colleagues, partners, siblings or children as the perp for something that sits outside of what they know about rape. 

When you are deep in "Not My Nigel!" country, victim blaming happens, because no one wants to believe that their loved ones and pillars of their lives and communities is capable of something so heinous and taboo in our culture.

This, I think (I feel?) was perhaps the intention of the Reddit thread.  Of if it wasn't, it almost turned out to be.  While you did get apologists (how could you not?  It's the internet), you got a lot of posts by guys who weren't "pervs in the bushes" and didn't assault some random woman.  They were posts by all the other rapists, the guys who thought they didn't fit the profile of Back-Alley Rapist, so there was no way they could be rapists.  And a lot of them (according to their posts, at least), when confronted with what they did were horrified. 

Of course, of course, that doesn't absolve them.  But for me, the thread wasn't about absolution or apologies.  It was about the many, many ways rape manifets, and how it doesn't hinge on anonymity, or violence; it hinges on consent.



Incidentally, I'm quite sure I may have mis- over- or under-stated some positions, ideas, stances, or concepts in the above post.  I apologize in advance, but I'm ready to have poo thrown at me because of it.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Wait a minute.  Sex with a sleeping person is rape?

[LMNO]

I'm pretty sure, yeah.  It works on the same principle as if you have sex with someone who's passed out at a party.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I'm pretty sure, yeah.  It works on the same principle as if you have sex with someone who's passed out at a party.

So, waking up and midnight and going to town is a bad thing?

I'm going to have my wife arrested for rape.

[LMNO]

I'm pretty sure a married, or committed couple has a different set of boundaries (but marital rape exists) that include some sort of implied consent (but marital rape exists) in circumstances like that (but marital rape exists).

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I'm pretty sure a married, or committed couple has a different set of boundaries (but marital rape exists) that include some sort of implied consent (but marital rape exists) in circumstances like that (but marital rape exists).

I think we all know marital rape exists.  No argument there.  The implied consent thing might also apply in a non-marital relationship, given that everyone is on board ahead of time.

Some absolute statements are perfectly valid ("Don't drug your date's drink"), and some are leaning into being just silly because of the absolutism of the statement.

[LMNO]

Are you suggesting we E-Prime statements about rape?







Although, that would certainly be effective.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Are you suggesting we E-Prime statements about rape?







Although, that would certainly be effective.

How about:

"Rape is the act of having sex with someone without their prior consent or ability to give consent."

[LMNO]

So long as "having sex" is a broad enough definition to cover something like jamming a plunger handle into someone's ass, then sure.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

So long as "having sex" is a broad enough definition to cover something like jamming a plunger handle into someone's ass, then sure.

It's your thing, do whatcha wanna do.