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Messages - Prelate Diogenes Shandor

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1
Literate Chaotic / Re: Ominous Fortune Cookie
« on: Yesterday at 06:38:45 pm »
"A letter of great importance will reach you after it's too late"

"Your true love will expose himself to you under the moonlight"

"the instrument of your death draws closer"

"All recrimination occurs because people dare to be different"

"You have a flair for adding a spurious dimension to any story"

"You have a deep appreciation of shallow media"

"You will become acquainted with liability law"

"You are a lover of words, but one day you will shut up"

"Your emotional nature is histrionic and overwrought"

"Sources hazy, try again"

"When you look down all you see is dirt; when you look up all you see is emptiness"

"Integrity is doing the right thing, even when it's a bad idea"

"You are not judged by the efforts you put in, you are judged by caprice"

"One does not simply walk into Mordor"

"You will be broken on Fortune's wheel"

"Serious romance is the restless ghost of infatuation"

"Nobody can reach the end of the rainbow"

"Fair is foul and foul is fair"

"Faith is a useless emotion"

"That is not dead which can eternal lie, and in strange eons even death may die"

"Keep following your dreams and you'll be in for a rude awakening"

2

America has always had this schizophrenic self identity, and we can only put off this fight coming to a head for so long no matter what we do.

This is accurate, unless you are implying that there will be sort of resolution.  Which isn't necessarily so...and is, in fact, very doubtful.  One hideous possibility - and the one that history proposes - is that this tacky shit is the new normal.  Whomever attains power spends all their time trying to erase his/her predecessors, and boasting about what a great leader he/she is.  Meanwhile, nothing gets done, constitutional rules are not enforced (as all sides and the media just pretend nothing happened), and pretty soon the only stable thing that exists is the military.

Ho ho ho.

Lol, no, there will be no resolution. Every time things get this bad it's like a game of Russian (collusion) Roulette. Maybe it'll break out into full blown civil war, maybe it won't. Maybe we'll survive, maybe we won't. It's anybody's guess, but we have do this every 50 years or so to keep the blood moving.

80 years

3
Aneristic Illusions / Re: General Trump hilarity free-for-all thread
« on: March 27, 2017, 07:49:32 am »
Meanwhile, the Trump is continuing to make the best deals

http://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/germany-dismisses-white-houses-intimidating-300bn-bill-for-defence-dl7dk629k

Quote
Donald Trump handed the German chancellor Angela Merkel a bill — thought to be for more than £300bn — for money her country “owed” Nato for defending it when they met last weekend, German government sources have revealed.

The bill — handed over during private talks in Washington — was described as “outrageous” by one German minister.

What's the plan here? This is just insanely stupid on so many levels I can't even.

That, combined with naming names when shaming hard-line conservatives for disloyalty, and the laundry-list of derp Trump seems to carry with him, should make for the best/shortest US Presidency EVER.

Actually I think he's already been in office longer than William Henry Harrison was

4
Literate Chaotic / Re: ITT: Original Story Ideas
« on: March 27, 2017, 01:29:14 am »
Two ideas:
*a story whose villain is a weeaboo obsessed specifically with WW2 era Japan

Weeaboos cant be obsessed with WWII era japan because Japan only developed cutesie culture in the wake of being completely emasculated (I use that term not in any derogatory way, really) by US occupation in the wake of nuclear annihilation.

And modern Japan doesn't have samurai and ninjas (well, maybe people who are heir to a title, and some practitioners of a middling martial art, but not like samurai samurai or ninja ninjas) but people are obsessed with them anyway.

EDIT:
Anyway, speaking of WWII, here's another WWII related idea:

Alternate history. The Axis powers won World War 2. One of the last pockets of resistence manages to send someone back in time to try and change things. Their plan is to go back to the beginnings of the fascist movement and install someone incompetent at the head of it to sabotage it. The patsy they find for this is Adolph Hitler. They create our timeline.

5
Literate Chaotic / Re: ITT: Original Story Ideas
« on: March 27, 2017, 01:06:23 am »
A stop-motion animation fiom using actual dead bodies

6
Aneristic Illusions / Re: General Trump hilarity free-for-all thread
« on: March 26, 2017, 07:16:12 am »
The GOP seems a lot like a dog that actually caught the car it was chasing, much to its own surprise, and has no idea what to do with it now.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=jc9aZh4MQhc

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pfmkRi_tr9c#t=00m51s

7
Literate Chaotic / Re: Ominous Fortune Cookie
« on: March 25, 2017, 04:06:48 am »
I have a few suggestions I came up with a while ago for a similar thread on another forum:

"Warm feelings will not protect you from dying of hypothermia"

"Keep your eyes open and you will see true horrors"

"You have a reputation for being brusque and overly blunt"

"Someone close to you is waiting for you to die"

"Life is too short to stay married"

"Your efforts will go unrewarded"

"An unpleasant surprise is waiting for you"

"Consume less. You're fat enough now"

"A very attractive person has an insult for you"

"There is no greater pleasure than necrophilia"

"Your will find the answers you seek, but learn that you have asked the wrong questions"

"You will flee to many exotic places in your lifetime"

"A bird in the hand will shit on you"

"Follow your bliss and poverty will follow"

"Money cannot buy happiness, buy it can buy Ecstacy"

""You have failed"

"Evil will always win because good is dumb"

"Freedom and love are temporary illusions created by an intellect trying to justify an existence without meaning or purpose"

"Man has no preeminence above the beasts, for everything is meaningless"

"You will be denied an award due to suspicions of doping"

"Adversity is the parent of injury"

"Necessity is the mother of starvation"

"Serious trouble will befall you"

"You will bring ruin to those that you love"

"Your thoughtlessness is a detriment to others"

"You will be plagued by nightmares"

"They're coming to get you"

"Illuminati run the country. Wear a hat made out of foil"

"You will get diabetes from eating too many cookies"

"Your lover has been unfaithful"

"Criminals will find your posessions pleasing"

"There are some things man was not meant to know"

"Hot times await you in the next world"

"Nothing is certain except death and taxes"

"The police are catching up to you"

"You will find misery in a new career"

"You will be revealed as a fraud"

"Your house is being robbed"

"You will be haunted by the past"

"You excel at failure"

"Beelzebub has a devil set aside for you"

"You will find true love in a cemetary"

"Death stalks us all"

"Repent, for the end is near"

"You will develop an embarassing medical problem"

"A secret admirer is stalking you"

"Now is the time to take a long walk off a short pier"

"Rest has a detrimental effect on your career"

"Attenuate your desires"

"You will be taken advantage of for your patience and understanding"

"An exciting disease in in your future"

"You will be given the chance to take part in an exciting crime"

"Death waits for no one"

"An acquaintance will frame you for murder"

"Poverty is in your future"

"A surgeon will misread your chart"

"Nobody can do the impossible"

"Superior technology will triumph over the human spirit"

"You are never helpful with your help or advice"

"You will endure razot-sharp edged criticism today"

"A family member will yell at you"

"Laugh at the grief that poisons your heart"

"Tomorrow will be worse"

"Your spouse will find happiness with a new love"

"The cure for grief is suicide"

"A live dog is better than a dead lion"

"With an abundance of wisdom comes an abundance of grief"

"He who increases his wisdom increases too his sorrow"

"A devious lie could save your life"

"Look what you have done. There will be no forgiveness"

"All of your sorrows will vanish after death"

"Your success will inspire feelings of sour-grapes"

"The thing you dread will be worse than you imagined"

"You are forever cursed"

"You have made a terrible mistake"

"Hormone therapy is no substitute for a womb"

"You will die alone and unremembered"

"You will be disfigured but nobody will notice"

"People are laughing behind your back"

"Your failure will be celebrated"

"Your value system is dying"

"You will free yourself of ignorance only to latch on to folly"

"No amount of success can stave off senescence and death"

"Trophies and awards are no comfort on your deathbed"

"Someone dangerously incompetant will be given authority over you"

"If you run as fast as you can you may have a chance of not falling behind"

"You will suffer a humiliating injury"

"You will die an untimely death"

"Do not stop seeking until you find, and when you find you will be disturbed"

"Don't bother looking for fault, it is all around you"

"There is inequity in the places of justice"

"That which is crooked cannot be made straight"

"You will have a reaction to MSG"

"There is not a man on earth who does good and sins not"

"Your co-workers take pleasure in your gullibility"

"You will be mistaken for a criminal"

"Decrepitude is in your future"

"You are a person who can be safely ignored"

"A wrongful conviction os in store for you"

"There is nothing you can do to correct your mistakes"

"'Fortune-Telling is the beginning of Ignorance' -Tao Te Ching 38"

"'When the Tao is forgotten, there is righteousness. When righteousness is forgotten, there is morality. When morality is forgotten, there are law and ritual; these have only the superficial appearance of goodness' -Tao Te Ching 38"

"'The highest virtue is inaction' -Tao Te Ching 38"

"It takes a bad memory to have good memories"

"Don't cry, it's a waste of good suffering"

"Your suffering will be legendary, even in Hell"

"There is a secret song at the center of the world and it's sound is like razors through flesh"

"Your car is being stolen"

"Your lover will laugh at your small penis"

"The worst is still to come"

"Death is only the beginning"

"Flies are naturally attracted to you"

"A shiv is your passport into the hearts of others"

"Fleeing adversity is the source of your strength"

"Land is always on the mind of a falling lemming"

"You cannot love life until you get your daily fix"

"You will become narcissisistic if you believe in yourself"

"You will have to pay your lover"

"Keep an eye out for muggers"

"Now is the time to try heroin"

"A new voyage will fill your life with untold misery"

"Death awaits you very soon"

"Your natural incompetance dooms you to failure"

"Now is the time to abandon your convictions"

"Stop worrying and agonizing. Give up."

"Your darkest dream is coming true"

"Life does not get better by chance, only worse"

"Do not worry, you will have great peace in the grave"

"A detractor is hiding his or her contempt for you"

"You will be rewarded for being a kiss-ass this week"

"A close friend will betray you"

"You will soon debunk a miracle"

"War conquers all"

"The early worm gets the bird"

"Hope brings about disappointment"

"Trying is the first step towards failure"

"You will acquire a fortune"

"Today is not your lucky day"

"You will go on a long journey for 6-10 years when the cops catch on to you"

"Machiavelli Say: 'It is better to be feared than loved'"

"Machiavelli say: 'There are two methods of fighting, the one by law, the other by force; as the first is often insufficient, one must have recourse to the second'"

"Machiavelli say: 'A prince never lacks legitimate reasons to break his promise'"

"A nightmare you have will come true"

"Your best friend will marry your lover"

"If you feel you are right, you're even stupider than you look"

"Everyone agrees. You are the worst."

"Your golden opportunity passed by recently"

"You will always be surrounded by sycophants"

"Stop dreaming. Start giving up."

"Sinister forces control your destiny"

"Fortune favors the rich"

"A journety of 25000 miles will take you nowhere"

"Happiness comes from a good lie"

"You will be unsuccessful in love"

"A lifetime of heartache is in store for you"

"Nothing ever happens for a reason"

"God is dead"

"When you have become old and wise you will also be withered and crippled"

"Failure is an opportunity for admonition"

"Neitzsche say: 'What is good? All that heighten feeling of power'"

"Neitzsche say: 'There are no facts, only interpretations'"

"Neitzsche say: 'Whoever not have two-thirds of day for himself, is a slave, whatever he may be: a statesman, a businessman, an official, or a scholar'"

"Neitzsche say: 'Convictions more dangerous enemies of truth than lies.'"

"Neitzsche say: 'Visit to an asylum show you how little belief worth'"

"Neitzsche say: 'Merit itself is offensive.'"

"Neitzsche say: 'Unpleasant, dangerous, qualities can be found in every nation and every individual.'"

"Neitzsche say: 'Whoever fight monsters risk becoming a monster'"

8
Literate Chaotic / Re: ITT: Original Story Ideas
« on: March 24, 2017, 06:45:09 pm »
Superhero comic that starts out like a Christian propaganda comic but takes a hard right turn when G9d starts sending old testament style disasters again to punish people's so-called sins and the heroes are forced to kill him with an Ultimate Nullifier

EDIT:
Another idea:

something about mohammed's splitting of the moon being a prefiguration of Goatse

9
Literate Chaotic / Re: ITT: Original Story Ideas
« on: March 24, 2017, 03:57:02 pm »
A sequel to Batman Forever focusing on a legal drama in which the Riddler takes several social media sites to cpurt claiming to have intellectual property rignts to the concept of data mining

10
Literate Chaotic / Re: ITT: Original Story Ideas
« on: March 23, 2017, 05:39:40 pm »
A team of superheroes fight uptight and/or wingnut supervillains such as The Puritan, The Teatotaler, The Rednecromancer (who is trying to reanimate the confederate army), and Officer Buzzkill of the DEA (who attacks medical weed dispensaries)

11
Literate Chaotic / Re: ITT: Original Story Ideas
« on: March 21, 2017, 05:33:05 am »
Modernization of Macbeth about an overambitious pro baseballer who wants to be the leagues #1 star player and is willing to kill anyone who gets favored over him by companies making endorsement deals. The witches are three crooked umpires; "fair is foul and foul is fair". Or possibly they are concession stand workers. There is a scene that implies that eye of newt and so forth are the ingredients that go into hotdogs; possibly in the brew scene we see them made into hotdogs, or else the famous rhtme of disgusting ingredients is replaced by simply "hotdogs hotdogs; hotdogs hotdogs; hotdogs hotdogs; hotdogs hotdogs"

12
Literate Chaotic / Re: ITT: Original Story Ideas
« on: March 20, 2017, 10:32:27 pm »
Skit: Ronald McDonald, Col Sanders, and the Burger King are the weird sisters making their potion.
"What makest thou?" "a meat without a name"

13
Literate Chaotic / Re: ITT: Original Story Ideas
« on: March 18, 2017, 05:33:23 pm »
A young man encounters logistical problems related to the fact that, everywhere he goes, large numbers of crows congregate. In his childhood he didn't realize the scope of the problem because, attached to a military family, he rarely stayed in the same town for more than a year. However, after getting his own apartment and a job, he found that many structures in his home town cannot handle the weight of thousands of crows perching on them. The stench of crow corpses (caused by so many crows perching upon other crows that they are crushed) is also a problem. The crows, despite their interest, maintain a respectful distance from him, but coworkers and friends are not safe from building collapses caused by abnormal crow congregations, and nearby ecosystems are disrupted as all local crows migrate to a small area, ceasing to eat (or do much of anything, other than watch).

Could the theme song be They Long To Be Close to You ("Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near...")?

After a batch of a popular soft drink is recalled because of a production mistake causing it to have poisonously high levels of strychnine, some of the resulting deaths have unexpected consequences: the drink was extremely popular among a clique associated with a private bittorrent tracker, who have become revenants, their bloated corpses no longer paying rent but still using superhuman strength to defend their hoard of pirated movies from anyone who gets too close to their building.

In the sequel they could get into open conflict with the commercial film and record industries, which in many ways are themselves undead

14
Literate Chaotic / Re: ITT: Original Story Ideas
« on: March 18, 2017, 05:25:28 pm »
I just had an idea for a transgressive art film. The specifics of the plot don't really matter, a bog standard hollywood action or suspense or romance plot would work, but the gimmick is that the entire cast and production staff are all either felons or accused felons. I'm thinking Bill Cosby and OJ Simpson as the stars and Roman Polanski as director.

15
Literate Chaotic / Re: ITT: Original Story Ideas
« on: March 12, 2017, 08:20:41 am »
The train-going-through-a-tunnel-as-a-metaphor-for-sex trope expanded into an entire documentary about railroads that is really a documentary about sex told through allegory

EDIT
Another idea:

they say children are a gift from god so how about a comedy skit about god giving people various badly thought out and/or passive-aggressive gifts

EDIT:
Another idea:
A superhero cartoon about a guy who works at a stadium concession stand wih two anthropomorphic toon animals until a bizarre stadium food accident grants them stadium food related powers turning them into the stadium food related super heroes Hot Dog, Taco Cat, and the hoagie themed Sub Human

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