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Messages - Prelate Diogenes Shandor

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1
Literate Chaotic / Re: Ominous Fortune Cookie
« on: Yesterday at 06:48:42 pm »
*One way to seem more learned is to hide your ignorance

2
Literate Chaotic / Re: Very Short Stories (3 sentences)
« on: Yesterday at 06:21:36 pm »
I came. I saw. I retreated.

3
Literate Chaotic / Re: ITT: Original Story Ideas
« on: Yesterday at 06:20:22 pm »
A TV show that teaches children that they should share even when big business says its not ok. The show's villains are businessmen who try to stop them from doing things like transferring non-transferrable items, sharing their steam and netflix logins, and copying CDs and mp3s. The show will also teach them how to do these things things discretely so that the evil businessmen won't bother them. I legitimately think we need a children;s show like this.

4
Literate Chaotic / Re: ITT: Original Story Ideas
« on: January 12, 2019, 04:55:47 am »
Satirical comedy. It starts in a factory in the flyover states, where a redneck woman is talking to a coworker. She launches into an anti-immigration tirade, "they're living off the government, they're bringing drugs, they're taking our jobs". The friend replies that they don't believe that. The redneck woman then launches into a convoluted story about how immigrants pushed her out of her previous career as a drug dealing welfare queen. This flashback forms the bulk of the movie.

(like, I can't be the only person who's noticed that those arguments, taken together, imply that the speaker's ideal preferred job is drug dealer)

5
Aneristic Illusions / Re: General Trump hilarity free-for-all thread
« on: January 10, 2019, 06:51:49 pm »
Plus the wall idea also plays into his obsession with one-upping China

6
Literate Chaotic / Re: ITT: Original Story Ideas
« on: January 10, 2019, 05:29:32 pm »
Skit spoofing the Left Twix-Right Twix commercials. The skit introduces "Far Left Twix" which is made by political prisoners in a gulag, and "Far Right Twix" which is made by black slaves and/or made out of jews.

EDIT:
Another idea:

"For He's A Jolly Goodfellow" - The tale of Santa Claus' sordid past as a hitman for the mob

7
Literate Chaotic / Re: ITT: Original Story Ideas
« on: January 09, 2019, 03:26:44 pm »
Two related ideas that could either be combined or done seperately

*"Dementtio" In the shop of a lonely puppetmaker a puppet shaped like an old man comes to life

*A puppet in the image of a particular old man comes to life and gains the original's memories as the original loses them to senility

8
Literate Chaotic / Re: ITT: Original Story Ideas
« on: January 09, 2019, 04:09:34 am »
A ridiculous homeopathy superhero who was born when somebody got menstural blood on freshly laundered hotel linens and, by the principle of dilution the union of the diluted egg in the menstural blood and the diluted sperm in he hotel sheets created a superhuman creature

9
Literate Chaotic / Re: ITT: Original Story Ideas
« on: January 04, 2019, 09:07:22 pm »
A retelling of A Christmas Carol goes off the rails when the narrator confuses Jacob Marley with Bob Marley, Bob marley with BOB Dobbs, and BOB Dobbs with Lou Dobbs

EDIT:
Another idea:

A skit advertises "breath mints for your butthole"

10
Literate Chaotic / Re: ITT: Original Story Ideas
« on: January 01, 2019, 07:06:45 pm »
*Agent 420: Pot Smoking Superspy

*Angry heavy metal cover of the Spongebob theme

*"The Messianic Obstacle Course"- Four Jesuses run a footrace over a patch of stormy water, treating the small waves as hurdles and the large waves as climbing walls

EDIT:
Another idea:

*Blazing Saddles except with a gay sheriff instead of a black sheriff, and it's titled "Flaming Saddles"

11
Literate Chaotic / Re: ITT: Original Story Ideas
« on: December 30, 2018, 10:55:10 pm »
In a world of 12 Monkeys/Terminator 1/Bill & Ted style time travel where the past can't be changed Adolph Hitler's paranoia and madness are driven by time travelers impotently attempting to kill him unaware that the past can't be changed. This causes World War 2.

12
Apple Talk / Re: ITT, You Suggest Ridiculous Movies
« on: December 28, 2018, 05:24:34 am »
Santa Claus Conquers The Martians
Space Zombie Bingo
Catnapped! (Totsuzen! Neko no Kuni Banipal Witt)
Dune
The Day Time Ended
Rubber
Pom Poko
Arise: The SubGenius Video
Let's Visit the World of the Future
FDR: American Badass
Helen Keller Vs. The Night Wolves
Postal
Dick: The Devil Dared Them To
Jackass 2.5
The Star Wars holiday special
2001: A Space Travesty
2001: A Space Odyssey
Top Secret
Manos: The Hands of Fate
L'Age d'Or
Salo: The 120 Days of Sodom
The Bloody Pit of Horror/The Crimson Executioner/Il Boia Scarlotto
The 5000 Fingers of Doctor T
Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film For Theaters
Plan 9 From Outer Space
The Wiz
UHF
The Year Without A Santa Claus
Super Mario Brothers
Forbidden Planet
Army of Darkness
Greaser's Palace
Big Trouble In Little China
Dudes and Dragons
Curse of the Dragonslayer
The Dunwich Horror
Castle Freak
From Beyond
Virtual Nightmare
Cube
Cube 2: Hypercube
House 2: The Second Story
Starcrash
Casino Royale (The 1967 version with Peter Sellers and Woddy Allen)
Plan 9 From Outer Space
Rogue One
Surf Ninjas
The Man With The Screaming Brain
Bam Margera Presents Where The Fuck Is Santa Claus
Yellow Submarine
Kung-Fu Hustle
Paint You Wagon
Cowboys Vs. Aliens
Escaflowne
Rendezvous With RagNaRok
Phallus In Wonderland (surprisingly not a porno, even thougn the entire plot revolves around penises. It follows a violent space barbarian rock star whose telepathic penis is stolen by censors. And it's a musical. Written by and starring the thrash metal band GWAR.)
Soldier Jack: The Man Who Caught Death In A Sack
the original Power Rangers movie
Meteor Man
Mystery Men
Constantine
Attack of the Giant Leeches
Battlefield Earth
Night of the Lepus
Cheech and Chong's The Corsican Brothers
Futurama 2: The Beast With A Billion Backs
Pee-Wee's Big Adventure
Kung-Pow: Enter the Fist
Day of the Dolphin
Masters of the Universe
The Golden Child

13
Literate Chaotic / Re: Very Short Stories (3 sentences)
« on: December 28, 2018, 04:53:33 am »
Now I will read a haiku.
"Man from Nantucket
does autofellatio.
Very long penis."

14
Literate Chaotic / Re: ITT: Original Story Ideas
« on: December 28, 2018, 04:51:30 am »
Dreidel Beyblade

EDIT:
A town of pod people discover that they are gradually being picked off and replaced by The Thing From Another World, which in turn is replaced by realistic looking androids, who then become possessed by Satan

15
Aneristic Illusions / Re: General Trump hilarity free-for-all thread
« on: December 24, 2018, 07:09:47 am »
I'm fine with the troops being removed, but the Taliban is pure evil - philosophically on a level comparable to the nazis or the confederacy or imperial japan (although not nearly as much of an actual threat as these were) - and should be considered an active adversary subject to drone strikes, sabotage, and assassinations for as long as it exists

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