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Messages - Prelate Diogenes Shandor

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Literate Chaotic / Re: ITT: Original Story Ideas
« on: Today at 05:19:45 am »
Skit: One of the police precogs is racist and always blames a black person for every crime. To avoid prosecution for a crime he definitely did commit our protagonist must find the minority report.

Aneristic Illusions / Re: Random News Stories
« on: September 21, 2017, 09:55:23 pm »

“Do you worry 100 years from now someone’s going to try to take that memorial down like they’re trying to remake our memorials today?” Kilmeade asked Zinke, who is attending a ceremony in Shanksville on Monday.

“Well I’m one that believes that, you know, we should learn from history," Zinke replied. "And I think our monuments are part of our country’s history. We can learn from it.

“Since we don’t put up statues of Jesus, everyone’s going to fall morally short. And I think reflecting on our history, both good and bad, is a powerful statement and part of our DNA.”

sorry if this is the wrong spot

I think society's optimal response to this kind of bullshit is to call their bluff and instead of taking the statues down start putting up commemorative statues of people who either deserted and/or stole supplies from the confederate army because that's history too, and it's worth commemorating. (on a similar note we also need statues of axis deserters)

Also someone needs to spin the last part as Zinke promoting idolatry

Literate Chaotic / Re: ITT: Original Story Ideas
« on: September 21, 2017, 06:39:47 pm »
It occurs to me that the "overly elaborate and exotic death" coversation from Austin Powers 1 could easily be transplanted into a cop movie as a discussion between the by the book cop (doing Dr.Evil's lines) and the loose-cannon cop (doing Scott Evil's lines) talking about someone they've just caught in the act of committing a capital offense

Aneristic Illusions / Re: General Trump hilarity free-for-all thread
« on: September 20, 2017, 04:41:38 pm »
Let's be positive. A nuclear war with Korea woukd reverse global warming

Literate Chaotic / Re: ITT: Original Story Ideas
« on: September 18, 2017, 11:29:05 pm »
A combination of Pinnochio, Child's Play, Child's Play 4: The Bride of Chucky, and Big Trouble in Little China. A puppet comes to life but wants to become a real. In order to do this he must find and marry another living puppet and then kill her. This will appease the blue fairy who will then allow her power to be invoked to transfer his soul into the body of a real boy.

some other misc ideas:

*Comedy Skit: The Phantom of the Opera is sued for identity theft by the actual Angel of Music

*A relatively realistic giant mech film where the mechs merely walking tears up the street like a Ratte Land Cruiser

Literate Chaotic / Re: ITT: Original Story Ideas
« on: September 17, 2017, 07:26:06 am »
Some ideas:

*A retelling of the Robin Hood legends that makes it clear that King Richard's pointless and unproductive wars of aggression were an even larger reason for the excessive taxes than Prince John's opulent lifestyle was

*A parody of those "I learned it by watching you" anti-drug PSAs. Father confronts son about secret hidden stash of drugs. Son says "i learned it by watching you". Twist ending, the end card and narration make it clear it's actually a PSA about not bogarting your drugs. The issue wasn't the drugs but the fact they were hidden.

*This isn't a story idea, but it is an idea for something artsy. Basically I would like to call the bluff of all the people who say that all the statues of confederate officers should stay up because they're a record of history, and call these people's bluff by also putting up beautiful commemorative statues of people who deserted and/or stole from the confederate army, or who were secretly union spies, or who defected from the confederacy to the union, or who surrendered unnecessarily while employed as confederate soldiers. Because that's history too, and it's worth celebrating.
**A similar line of statues, these ones scattered across the world, commemorating and celebrating people who deserted and/or stole from Axis armies would good too. This and the previous line of statues would collectively known as the "monuments to the conscientious"
**I also have an idea for another line of statues commemorating people who throughout the years have killed or attempted to kill tyrants, including but not limited to the guy who stabbed Gadaffi, all the various people who tried to assassinate Hitler, and John Hinckley Junior

*Horror film based on the song "They Long to Be Close to You". This would be similar to Hitchcock;s The Birds and Roko's crow idea above, but would be further complicated by frequent freak meteorite impact related accidents

*Retooled version of the "i learned it by watching you" PSAs blaming the crusades for jihadist terrorism

The language of mages cannot be spoken by those with no magic in their blood. All known words of the language of mages have been discovered by non-magic folk via a phenomenon similar to the Scunthorpe Problem
I love this.

Thank you.

Although I can't shake the feeling that someone else here may have posted something similar to this already.

Another idea:

A crazy-ass sci-fi fantasy movie that starts with that bullshit intro from Dragnet about the story being true

Literate Chaotic / Re: ITT: Original Story Ideas
« on: September 15, 2017, 05:59:59 pm »
The language of mages cannot be spoken by those with no magic in their blood. All known words of the language of mages have been discovered by non-magic folk via a phenomenon similar to the Scunthorpe Problem

Literate Chaotic / Re: ITT: Original Story Ideas
« on: September 14, 2017, 04:05:22 pm »
A story similar to the premise of The Ring except that ghost isn't allowed to just call you like the ghost in The Ring, you have to be served with papers before the seven day countdown can begin

Literate Chaotic / Re: ITT: Original Story Ideas
« on: September 14, 2017, 05:15:43 am »
A few random ideas:

*Superheroes go up against a supervillain known as the "Wing Nut", this is an unstable character who experienced a mutation which caused feathered wings to grow out of his back, an experience which convinced him that he was actually an angel. So now he goes around enforcing brutal old testament rules. Several people have been found murdered by having large stones thrown at their heads. The heroes need to stop his reign of terror.

*Some comedy conspiracy thriller where the puppet master turns out to be a muppet pastor.

Literate Chaotic / Re: ITT: Original Story Ideas
« on: September 14, 2017, 05:04:16 am »
A swashbuckling garbagologist (i.e., an anthropologist who studies modern society by studying its waste) uses a form of divination based on garbage to track down a powerful artifact accidentally discarded by a chaos magic group, before a neo-nazi skinhead street gang can get hold of it and use it for their own destructive ends.

The first half kind of sounds like the spooky garbagemen that the witches were replaced with in the BBC's Macbeth Retold

Literate Chaotic / Re: ITT: Original Story Ideas
« on: September 10, 2017, 06:07:45 am »
A group of strangers wake up in a locked cell. They discover that a failed novelist has kidnapped them in order to force them into awkward situations, so that he can study human nature and thereby improve his writing. Some of those situations involve certain people acting out particular stereotyped roles (under threat of death, if they fail to do so suitably well). It's like a cross between Saw and Whose Line Is It Anyway.

Or a backwards version of Misery

A young man encounters logistical problems related to the fact that, everywhere he goes, large numbers of crows congregate. In his childhood he didn't realize the scope of the problem because, attached to a military family, he rarely stayed in the same town for more than a year. However, after getting his own apartment and a job, he found that many structures in his home town cannot handle the weight of thousands of crows perching on them. The stench of crow corpses (caused by so many crows perching upon other crows that they are crushed) is also a problem. The crows, despite their interest, maintain a respectful distance from him, but coworkers and friends are not safe from building collapses caused by abnormal crow congregations, and nearby ecosystems are disrupted as all local crows migrate to a small area, ceasing to eat (or do much of anything, other than watch).

Literate Chaotic / Re: ITT: Original Story Ideas
« on: September 09, 2017, 03:29:49 pm »
A combination of The Matrix and Hellraiser highlighting the masochistic tendencies one would need to have to live in the post-apocalyptic wasteland of zion rather than the relative comfort and security of the pod farm. EDIT:The protagonist is a combination of Kirsty Cotton and Cipher who exited the Matrix unwittingly similarly to Kirsty's solving of the Lament Configuration without knowing what it was. Now after being reinstalled she's being hunted by a combination of Morpheus and Pinhead who wants to take her back into the wasteland. Also dying in the matrix doesn't make you die in real life in this movie, it just wakes you up, and the mirror scene is thus replaced with something more closely resembling Frank's first encounter with the Cenobites of the Gash in Hellraiser, where he gets ripped apart by hooked chains that appear out of nowhere EDIT: "Welcome to the desert of the real, we have such sights to show you"

Literate Chaotic / Re: ITT: Original Story Ideas
« on: September 09, 2017, 02:14:38 am »
*Superhero comedy about a second-string member of a superhero team whose power is that he has 4 extra arms. As if the odd awkward power weren't enough he also chose the unfortunate superhero name "Mister Hands" without realizing that this was already the stage name of an adult-film star who notoriously died in an adult-film-related accident

*Skit: Parody of Legends of the Hidden Temple in which the losing teams are gorily sacrificed to Tezcatlipoca (I know Lucas Bros Moving Co already did something kind of like this, but theirs seemed more in the context of the show being presented as a Running Man knockoff)

Literate Chaotic / Re: ITT: Original Story Ideas
« on: September 07, 2017, 03:33:56 am »
Story similar to The Matrix where the world turns outmto be a simulation, except instead of robots the simulation is run by an extremist sect of buddhists who have completely missed the intent behind the principle of non-attachment to material posessions

Literate Chaotic / Re: ITT: Original Story Ideas
« on: September 02, 2017, 04:27:51 pm »
Tweaked version or spoof of The Wizard of Oz wherein in addition to the Scarecrow, the Tin Man, and the Cowardly Lion, there's also an alcoholic knight who needs a liver

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