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Topics - LHX

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1
Literate Chaotic / Looking for help / feedback on a thing I did
« on: January 24, 2013, 05:34:34 pm »
Peace Fams -

Back in the day (like '05 or '06) between here and one of the other Discordian boards that I think doesn't exist anymore, I had crafted some stories of a particular style that was very much informed by a lot of the stuff that y'all had put on my mind -

Over time I have aggregated a bunch of these stories and recently have found time to put them all together.

Only issue is, I don't know if they are shit or not, and beyond that, I don't know what to do with them beyond let them exist.

Writing is not my profession by any stretch, but I wouldn't mind playing around with ways to put these out for people to check -

They can be found here: http://reale.ca/true-stories-of-things-that-happened/

I am hoping that people at least find them to some degree interesting or entertaining and ultimately not a waste of time -

Please let me know if you have any thoughts / feedback / suggestions -

Any insights are monumentally appreciated x 1000000000000000

Peace

2
Richard Nixon Presents: Alaska / New Mobile Keyboard Technology
« on: October 22, 2012, 04:32:17 pm »
So damn cool

http://fleksy.com/

3
Richard Nixon Presents: Alaska / piece of fuck
« on: October 18, 2012, 04:02:51 am »
the only thing that bugs me about this forum now is that every time i pop my head back in here over the last 3 years i get emotional and then i bounce because i feel soft and it affects what i do on the daily

4
i dont know if anybody saw this portfolio before

but you should check it:

http://www.sharperfx.com/portfolio.htm

5
Literate Chaotic / Sports
« on: October 17, 2012, 05:39:40 am »
she stumbled while she was walking
looking good but he just got this jacket and the way that drink was wobbling -

wasn't bout to let her spill on it

god damn get yourself together
at least keep your shit straight

at the local japaneasy waiting for the hot plate

just because he's white it dont mean he want a fork
and
just because he aint smiling it dont meaning he's on the dark side of the force

the messenger said 'come forth'
he came fifth: still got in the door

his slate was clean
bust a mean move on the floor

moonwalk -> headspin -> flip to electric slide
only one at the party guzzling the rice wine

or how they call it: sake
in his head was like the theme song to Rocky
far from sloppy
confident but not cocky

when told he couldnt do something
response was like "watch me"

that kind of dude
be your best friend one day: next day - challenge you

on some duel to the death shit
no meat: sometimes shellfish

and dont even get him started on the true meaning of 'selfish'

the universe and its rightful owner
dead man to the organ donor

good girl kept it tight
chump was lying when he said he boned her

or bagged her
tagged her

how ever you wanna call it
yea your idea's good
but your pitch needs polish

nobody gonna buy it
not even your loving parent

how the fuck you gonna get high
when you cant even pay the rent?

these 'put the cart before the horse' kids
not seeing trees OR the forest

you could tell he was hungry:
dude was eating raw porridge

6
Richard Nixon Presents: Alaska / This is for BMW
« on: December 16, 2010, 04:00:09 am »
Yo

If you are still around these parts:

I love you, motherfucker.

Word is bond.

Peace

7
Richard Nixon Presents: Alaska / Piss
« on: October 02, 2010, 07:41:04 pm »
go rain on a parade

8
Literate Chaotic / I Get the Strangest Letters, Pt.IV
« on: October 29, 2009, 02:48:33 pm »
Dear LHX,

HA HA - as if the regular names aren't bad enough, do you still not mind being referred to by that ridiculous alias?

How have you been?

"Can't complain"? as the locals sometimes say?
"Not bad", perhaps?

We see that you have been keeping yourself busy, and we must admit that we are proud to see this trend having developed within yourself.

It seems that the lesson has effectively sunk in, and we admire how you find solace from the dramas that used to plague you by trying to keep yourself consistently overwhelmed with your little projects and tasks.

It is cute. Your 'serious face' is adorable.

We like how you've been handling the sleep deprivation, and it has been nice to see that you still try to find ways to get in touch with us in your spare time.

Although we know that you do try to keep your conscious self well-grounded and understanding that horrible things may well be approaching, we want to confirm that the act of doing so does not actually prevent these things from happening.

Now, we're not saying that you are trying to fool anybody, but we just want to make sure that it's known that if you ARE trying to fool anybody, you are not.

You are not fooling anybody.

There are still more places that you will need to visit. A few "empty spots on the passport", if you will.

Loss, disfigurement, generalized scorn, and various new forms of disease and abandonment are all candidates to arrive shortly.

As well, some of the old adversaries may drop by once again to make sure you haven't forgot about any of the things that you may feel you have already overcome.

Yes, we understand that there may be a generally threatening undertone to this letter, but we also know that if you have really made it to that "place" that you have been trying to get to, you should be able to handle this with relative ease.

Keep in mind that if you were to face us now, we would still destroy you.

Keep finding the comedy in the situation.

If you find that your head is up your ass, do whatever you have to do to take a shit.

Keep filling your notebook with that Science,

See you soon,


W__________ et al

9
Bring and Brag / Alternate Celebrity Names
« on: October 17, 2009, 02:15:15 am »
1. Melt Gibson
2. Dandy Glover
3. Uma Thirstman
4. Jerry Signfest
5. Bruce Willits
6. Debbie Moore
7. Johnny Depth

10
Or Kill Me / ring ring - yo its for you
« on: February 27, 2009, 02:33:29 am »
we will get large incomes and re-write history

11
Or Kill Me / winning perspectives
« on: January 23, 2009, 12:47:28 am »
"IT'S NOT FAIR"

"IT'S NOT MY FAULT"

"HOW COME I NEVER CATCH A BREAK"

"NOBODY UNDERSTANDS"

"HOW COME THEY NEVER LEAVE ME ALONE"

"NOBODY GAVE ME A CHANCE"

"I'LL DO IT LATER"

"IT DOESN'T MATTER"

"NOBODY CARES"

"THEY'VE GOT IT IN FOR ME"

"IT'S TOO HARD"

12
Literate Chaotic / "If you can type, you can make movies"
« on: January 16, 2009, 10:29:22 pm »
uh oh

http://www.xtranormal.com/

apologies if this has been posted already...

enjoy

13
Literate Chaotic / Great... Another one
« on: October 12, 2008, 04:16:05 am »
http://www.tarvu.com/

somebody really has to consolidate all these joke religions



they all remind me of unnecessary re-makes or bad sequels

14
Or Kill Me / can you hold my wallet for me while i jump?
« on: October 10, 2008, 03:03:51 pm »
somebody found this message on a abandoned computer terminal at the public library

*************************************************************

you and them have something in common

and im sure from your perspective - i have something in common with them too


where does that leave us?


wherever that may be - let's figure it out quick so we can see how we can help each other

perhaps more importantly - let's figure out where we won't be able to help each other out much


like - here is some examples:

1. dont look to me for anything that has anything to do with money aside from how to get food to eat and tools to use
- that means no advice - no lending - no borrowing

2. try to avoid leaving me alone with your woman for extended periods of time

3. unless you factor in the 'after-life' as a part of your long-term time line - im not the person to ask about long-term strategies (though i'm getting a bit better at this)


now - im not sure if i can articulate any good qualities - but th

************************************************************

That's where it ended


************************************************************

in a dream about a UFO landing on the planet - he was not surprised about the news - a reaction of calm acceptance

when he awoke and recalled this dream, he felt satisfied that he had reacted that way

************************************************************

a nest constructed hastily by two birds - one male, and one female about to lay eggs

the nest was tucked away safely, but due to its small size, it proved surprisingly disastrous

as the five young birds grew, the nest was simply not large enough to suffice, and two of the birds plunged to their death - forced out of the nest - before they were able to fly


************************************************************

rumor has it that the Penguin learned some of his umbrella tactics from Mary Poppins

************************************************************

there is no amount of generosity or kindness that can compensate for a single act of treachery

one can learn politeness and etiquette, but treacherous acts are defining, and when they occur, they are never exceptions to the rule

redemption is tricky - difficult - psychologically messy - but always possible



ego and redemption do not get along well together

***************************************************************

some crazy weather we're having

15
Literate Chaotic / Sometimes Villains Get the Best of You
« on: July 09, 2008, 04:57:38 pm »
to whom it may concern:

ive never been much of a duck and cover kind of guy
but
when Complexitron caught wind that i was lurking around his hood
he got PISSED

i had to duck and cover my way out

plus i was wearing a pink shirt that day


if it wasnt for a unforeseen and unprovoked attack by Administrator and a couple of his thugs - i wouldn't have even been in the situation in the first place

the bottom line was: Administrator was up to some bad shit, and the only way i could look after it was by retrieving a sub-miniature component located deep in Complexitron's main factory

anyway - to make a long story short - i didnt grab it this time around

maybe next time



in a recent fan letter - one youngster asked me how i handle failures like these

well young man - it might be considered a little hard on yourself to view these types of un-successes as failure

best thing to do is head back to the lab and re-group - maybe consult some of the others around for some insights or strategies - and then head back out and dive into the mix again

see: something that needs to be done will always need to be done until its done

i know we live in a place where we use time to threaten ourselves and others
but
anything with a clock-related deadline is just another trick

Plan A might be 'get it done by Monday at noon'
but Plan B is always 'get it done ASAP'


lesser villains could possibly be dealt with like clockwork
but
when youre dealing with SUPER-Villains, its just not reasonable to think that they can be thwarted according to some sort of time schedule

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