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Topics - Cramulus

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31
GASM Command / [GASM] Secret Text Vault
« on: February 07, 2012, 05:53:20 pm »
Quick idea. Here's the prank:

We create a little archive of text files. These files appear to be the "discordian secrets". They might be actual Discordian texts, sermons, etc. They might be stuff we made up. It might be single pages from existing stuff. Some of it might be gibberish.

The vault is password protected. On the page somewhere, there's a unique string that appears nowhere else on the web.

Then we create posters that contain that string, as well as the password to the vault. The password might be a puzzle of some sort, or we could just be straightforward about it. The posters are distributed and put up in cities all over the place.


People who are intrigued by the posters will google the string. This leads them to the website. Those that figure out the password get access to these secret files. In their minds, this is a reward. That text will get more of their attention. They'll tend to think that these files are "significant".


---that's the whole idea! It's just a really roundabout hook for Eris. If we can present it in a way that's surreal, intriguing, and makes you feel like you've discovered some kind of secret conspiracy, you'll be more likely to be CURSED with the MADNESS.

32
The Great Poop Prank of 2006
a true story by Professor Cramulus

You had asked about Discordian weddings. I have a story about a Discordian wedding, but it's in the middle of a story about one of the greatest pranks I've ever pulled.

It was 2007. I was living in the Obnoxious Jerk Cabalhouse in Stamford CT. The OJC was a group of loud Discordian spags that spent most of their time shouting for no reason and carrying on like assholes. That's another story.

My cabalmate Golden Rod was the priest at his Sister's wedding. The sister didn't really know anything about Discordia, she just knew that he was a registered minister in Connecticut (Thanks ULC!). Golden Rod warned her that a Discordian wedding would probably have some sort of awful twist. She said that would be cool.



The Back story

Now let me back up a bit. Golden Rod and I are best friends. In the year that this story takes place, I was pulling an epic prank on him.

Golden Rod was a master at the video game Halo. He played in national tournaments. He won money. He played every day. At this point in our story, he was kind of deep into it. You couldn't even talk to him, he'd be glued to the TV in his room for 8-12 hours at a time.

Golden Rod had just bought his first computer of his very own. There had always been one in the house, but he had never owned one. He was kind of a newbie at computers. When he installed AOL Instant Messenger, all sorts of people came out of the woodwork to say Hi. Prior to this, he was only online for like 15 minutes per week. So if you actually caught the crazy bastard online, you'd want to say Hi.

One night, I sneaked into Golden Rod's room and changed his AIM Profile to say, "Hi, this is <name omitted>'s roommate, and I'm pulling a prank on him. I'd like your help. Please contact him some time in the next 3 days and tell him you had an incredible dream, and he was in it. Make up anything you want, but during this dream, he craps his pants. You can use AIM, but it's better to call him, e-mail him, or contact him some other way. Please don't spoil the joke by telling him what's really up!"

Without going on too much about Golden Rod's personality, this was really the perfect prank for him. Believing that multiple people were having dreams about him is the sort of thing that would get into his head. He would be skeptical, but a part of him would really want to believe that something mystical was happening.

For the next week, the messages poured in. "I just had this crazy dream, dude! I was on the subway, and there was this homeless guy, and he shit right on the floor... and when he turned around, IT WAS YOU!"

At first, Golden Rod was amused. But after three or four people had told him similar stories, he began to suspect something was up. But here was the problem - a lot of the people who were coming out of the woodwork to talk to him weren't even friends. A bunch of them were people he had met online, or at some remote show or convention - he hadn't talked to them in YEARS. There was no way somebody contacted all of these people. He couldn't figure out what node connected all of them (it was himself, all along!).

Some of my friends delivered FANTASTIC performances. Golden Rod grilled them hard and they held up under pressure, acting shocked when they heard other people were having similar dreams. Some of their performances had him convinced that at least SOME of these poop dreams really happened.

By day 3, Golden Rod started to get worried. "I honestly don't understand what's going on," he told me, "It's either an elaborate prank, in which case somebody has been VERY clever, or Eris is sending me some message through the dreaming."

"Maybe it's a prophecy," I said, "Maybe you're going to crap your pants."

"That's what worries me," he told me, "Every time I fart, I think to myself, oh fuck, it's happening. I've been crapping like crazy so I don't shit myself at work or something."

"I know what's going to happen," I replied, smirking, "You're going to be stuck in traffic on I-95, and there will be no bathroom. You'll shit your pants, then you'll have to sit in it for an hour."

"That is the worst thing I can imagine," he said, brow furrowed with genuine worry.

"Maybe you should just get it over with," I suggested. Golden Rod's brow furrowed again. Then there was silence. He was really considering crapping his pants on purpose!

I saw his brow furrow again. "I'm gonna do it," he said.

I waited.

He couldn't do it.

"You might as well do it here in the apartment while you've got clean underwear in the other room," I said.

He told me I was right. He tried to crap himself again. But he couldn't bring himself to intentionally shit his pants.

He was so confused. Are all mystical experiences like this? he wondered. If this is a prank, I can't figure out who's behind it. On the other hand, if Gods really are real, why am I worshiping this awful fecally-obsessed harpy?




The Wedding

A few days passed. Golden Rod had worked himself up to a state of poop-anxiety. He said his butt-cheeks were clenched all day. He was seeing poop everywhere. He knew the prophecy was coming true, whatever it was.

A cabalmate of mine ("Hideously Superfluous K") actually crapped his pants by accident after eating at a buffet. This was a sign.

It was Saturday. Golden Rod was wearing his finest, officiating over his sister's wedding. It was a beautiful day, despite the cranky constipated infant (being held by Golden Rod's mother).

Golden Rod said some nice words, he said some silly words, he said some sweet and sentimental words. Then he wrapped up the ceremony with a "You may kiss the bride." The bride and groom began making out.

All hell broke loose.

The infant SUDDENLY and EXPLOSIVELY recovered from her constipation. You know what happens when you put your thumb over a hose nozzle and water sprays everywhere? Liquid shit blasted out of the kid's diaper. It got all over the flower girl's head and face. Golden Rod's mom was covered in shit. It kept coming out. The mom ran towards the bridesmaids, trying to pass off the fecal spray hose. The bridesmaids panicked, screaming, flailing around, falling all over each other, getting covered in shit. The whole congregation exploded in laughter, terror, disgust, amusement, you name it. Golden Rod raised his hands into the air, concluding the ceremony by shouting "ALL HAIL DISCORDIA".




Waiting for the other shoe to drop...

At this point, I wasn't sure what to do. Should I tell Golden Rod that this has been an elaborate prank? Or should I just never tell him, leaving him with a feeling of unease and mystery for the rest of his life?

Eventually I realized that it's a prank, and it's for MY entertainment, so I should try to wrap it up.

I tried to tell Golden Rod, I really did.

I went into his room one day while he was playing Halo. I put his AIM profile up on the screen. He didn't even know what an AIM profile was, but it was the key to the poop dream mystery. It was the only point shared by all these different branches of his social network. I said, "When you get a chance, check this out."

He said, "I will," but he didn't look up. I went to bed, locking my door behind me.

Golden Rod never did check out the monitor. His girlfriend eventually came home and closed the window without reading it.

The next day, before bed, I went back into his room. "Did you check out that thing?" I asked.

"Nah," he said, "Christie closed the window. What was it?"

"Check it out," I said, putting the profile back up on the screen. I surpressed my giddy giggle and left the room.

He didn't check it out. Hours later, his computer restarted itself, and the window was closed.

The third day came. I told myself that if he didn't get it today, Eris probably wanted him to be left in the dark.

I said, "I know you didn't see this, but you really do need to look at it. You'll thank me later." I turned the monitor towards Golden Rod, who was busy blasting people with an assault rifle in Halo.

"Yeah sure," he said, waving me off. I figured he wouldn't see it. I went to bed and locked my door.

That night, Golden Rod DID check it out before he went to bed. I remember waking up briefly at 4:30 AM to him yelling "MOTHERFUCKER!" in shock and surprise.

But nobody was awake. He couldn't flip out about it, nobody was there to hear his outrage. And my door was locked. So Golden Rod bottled it up and went to bed.




The next day, I drove into Connecticut for a party at a friend's beach house. Golden Rod was there, but we didn't talk about the prank. The party stretched late into the night. Eventually, the sun was coming up over the Atlantic Ocean.

Somebody said, (totally randomly) "I had the weirdest dream the other day."

At this point, steam began to come out of Golden Rod's ears. His eyes bulged. "I saw," he said, breathing heavily, "I saw my AIM profile..."  All that rage he had bottled up began to escape.

I grinned. "And...?"

"And.... YEEEEEAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGHHH!" ---- that was the sound he made as he choked me.


The next 30 minutes were spent as he called up every single person that told him about their dream. This was 5 AM so he woke up everybody he called. This one poor girl was in the hospital with meningitis, she couldn't even sit up, and he yelled at her all the same. "YOU WERE IN ON IT TOO?" he shouted into the cell phone. She hung up on him. He called back and kept yelling. Eventually, his phone ran out of batteries.

"That's it," he said, "I'm out of here."

He pushed a rowboat into the ocean and paddled away.




He actually did get lost at sea, and was stranded in the boat with no water as the sun came up. When he eventually came back, he was sunburned like a lobster, dehydrated, crashed out on my friend's deck.

"All I have to say," he said to me, thoroughly exhausted, lying face down in the sand, "is that you got me. You got me real good."



And that is the story of the Great Poop Prank of 2006.

33
Think for Yourself, Schmuck! / MOVED: Discordian Weddings
« on: February 07, 2012, 02:53:03 pm »
This topic has been moved to Principia Discussion. If we don't keep this place organized, it'll become self aware and destroy us.


http://www.principiadiscordia.com/forum/index.php?topic=31571.0

34
Last week, 3 million of us beat back America's attack on our Internet! --- but there is an even bigger threat out there, and our global movement for freedom online is perfectly poised to kill it for good.

KROM - a global treaty - could allow nations to conduct warfare over the Internet. Negotiated in secret by a small number of rich countries and corporate powers, it would set up a shadowy new regulatory body to transmit startling pornographic imagery -- and even impose scatological web filters -- on people they say have harmed their business.

Europe is deciding right now whether to ratify KROM -- and without them, this global attack on Internet freedom will collapse. We know they have opposed KROM before, but some members of Parliament are actually attracted to shock porn -- let's give them the push they need to reject the treaty. Sign the petition -- we'll do a spectacular delivery in Brussels when we reach 500,000,000 signatures!

35
Bring and Brag / MOVED: Kopyleft / Creative Commons art
« on: January 26, 2012, 10:02:05 pm »

36
Think for Yourself, Schmuck! / The Spirit World of Ideas
« on: January 25, 2012, 03:40:02 pm »


The Spirit World of Ideas

Quote from: http://www.principiadiscordia.com/forum/index.php/topic,26428.msg926484.html#msg926484
Memetic processes occur in a space which is not tied to physical geography. We can think of memetic interactions as taking place within "meme space", a virtual place that occupies the memory of a communication network. This is analogous to a "cyber space" which occurs within one's mind. It is within this meme space that we will visualize memetic systems and nodes interacting with one another.

Memetics is a tool for describing the process through which culture is generated and inherited. The basic idea is that memes (units of cultural inheritance) are transmitted (and modified in the process) between communication nodes. A node could be an individual or an organization - anything capable of transmitting information and receiving feedback. Ideas are refined through feedback loops - for example, if a company produces an offensive commercial, they receive feedback in terms of sales and PR, and if they're intelligent, they will change how they communicate until they're getting better feedback. Our culture is a complex network of these feedback loops.

Typically, we look at the world from a human-centric point of view - we are independent actors, we have free will to choose our own actions, and information is nonliving -- it's inert, it's just data!

There is another way of looking at things though, and I think this is sometimes a more useful way of understanding behavior/culture/current events. I call it the Spirit World of Ideas. (sometimes called "memespace")

In the Spirit World of Ideas, information is the real life force in the cosmos, and we are just the dumb hardware designed to carry it.

An idea has its own life cycle. Small ideas are like bugs - they have a short life span, so reproduction is a challenge. Big ideas start off small, but as they gain representation in the world, they acquire defenses, they make redundant copies of themselves, they diversify, they mutate, they better reward their hosts. (Much like flowers - bees don't carry pollen for flowers with no nectar!)

To explain this way of thinking, let's look at a big idea -- say Christianity. Christianity started off as a small cult. Something about that idea provided a benefit to people, so they internalized it, talked about it, spread it, reaped the benefits (benefits like status, community, and mayyyybe some spiritual experiences). Lots of versions of Christianity appeared - the gnostics, the catholic church, et cetera. Christianity planted itself in a lot of different types of soil. Some soil was more fertile than other soil.

Christianity competed with other ideas for territory, particularly the Roman religion. The territory isn't physical, like churches or kingdoms, the territory is people's minds. (meme space) The Roman religion defended its territory by destroying the physical idea carriers. Christian writings were suppressed. This is natural selection in action -- only the most coherent, powerful, and organized versions of Christianity survived. It's like using vaccines to build a super-virus.

You can see how we can talk about ideas independently of human beings. We can describe ideas as their own semi-autonomous cellular organisms, capable of living, reproducing, producing waste, and one day dying. If we describe ideas as organisms with their own identity, then it makes sense to look at humans as the environment in which these ideas live. We humans are the landscape of the Spirit World of Ideas. We are a physical site where bundles of ideas compete, a bridge between the twin planes of biology and information.

In the Spirit World of Ideas, what we think of as Free Will is just the process of one idea within that bundle beating the others. It's able to exert more control over its host than its competition by exploiting the reward systems of that particular biological landscape. Your process of choosing (be it a religion or what to have for lunch) is an act of natural selection. Speaking to other people about ideas is like being a bee, carrying pollen for our own reasons, yet in doing so, we perform an essential role in something else's reproductive process.



That's the brief explanation about how to see the Spirit World of Ideas.

37
The Richard Nixon school of ballet and the arts / Your Sex Life In 2012
« on: January 24, 2012, 08:28:09 pm »
The board is quiet today! And the rest of my work for the day consists of mindlessly transcribing mountains of text, so I've been distracting myself. So here's a shitty internet meme. I never do these things, so forgive me this once.



My answer was from a grammar textbook...

"Ask and answer yes/no questions about the simple past."

FUCK

38
Bring and Brag / Makin dudes poop. Making poop dudes.
« on: January 24, 2012, 03:04:53 pm »
We are makin dudes poop
We are makin dudes poop
We are making poop dudes

Who knows

What poop dudes do
in the dead of the night
in a dream that's divine

They have poop mouths
and poop jobs
This they realize
with poop eyes

so full of shit

Lights out, naked in the stall
reliving the creation myth
   (except Kronos isn't THAT hungry)
those poop dudes poop the divine

Their ideas are so hot you'll shit too.
Stay the fuck back, monkey!
MY ideas, MY poop!

When you hear the poop idea,
you'll be a little dude too--
a dude made out of poop

We are makin dudes poop
We are making poop dudes

who knows?

who gives a shit?

Lo! Sing it from the mountains and streams!

Hey hey! Hurl it from the plateaus and bridges!

Then pee






39


You see that link right underneath the topic of this post, to the left of the timestamp? That's a Single Post link. It's a link to THIS POST itself, but none of the replies. This is a new feature here at the PD forums, and I'd like to play with it.

This is a contest to find the best single-posts in the archives of the PD forums.



How is this different than the "Best Post Of The Day" thread? Generally, the POTD thread is to draw attention to great posts that have just been made. This thread is about going back in time and finding single posts that are cool to read. You're not allowed to post anything from the POTD thread.

Remember, you're looking for awesome posts, not awesome threads. Finding a great single post may take a bit of hunting.


Behind the curtain: The "Real" Goal is to find some great content that we can use to lure more victims collaborators to the Peedy forums. We want to find great little snippets which are funny, clever, intriguing, creative, enlightening, beautiful, or charges you up. Look for stuff that people would pass around, link their friends to, etc.

Eventually, Faust may code us a sexy single-post display format, so we can link people to single posts and it'll be set on something like Official Stationary. At that point it'll be pretty easy to mine this thread for links to blast out onto the net.


OKAY GO!

40
Principia Discussion / Zen Without Zen Masters
« on: January 23, 2012, 04:46:53 pm »


I just picked up Zen Without Zen Masters by Camden Benares, aka the Count of Five.

If you're into Discordian Zen, you'll dig this book. The book contains about 120 koans, each one is only a few paragraphs long. I'll share a few in this thread.

For those of you into Discordian History, you'll enjoy the numerous appearances of Mal and Omar. A few of the chapters describe conversations which took place between some of the classic Discordians -- conversations which are also referenced in the Principia. For example----


Reality

In a discussion Bert said that reality can be described in many ways, but the description that an individual accepts is the one that conforms to that individual's preconceptions. Omar expanded on this by defining objective reality as the fantasy that has received the majority vote and subjective reality as personal fantasy. Mal concluded the discussion by saying "Reality is the original Rorschach."











Here's some others I liked:

Illusion and Reality

Expounding on his knowledge of gurus and their system,s Ralph said, "Any system that prepares you for enlightenment by a description or a nondescription gives you the tools to build the illusion of enlightenment. If this is done with skill it is perhaps impossible to tell the difference between the illusion and the reality."

Lucas replied, "Perhaps there is no difference."









Belief and Creation

Today I heard about a new thing called whatamores. I now believe in whatamores. If you can live in whatamores and if we can form a mutually acceptable definition, we will discover large amounts of circumstantial evidence proving the existence of whatamores. When we believe enough, there will be whatamores. Do we really want any?




Science and Magic

Science and magic are frequently different maps for very similar territory. Following the past of least resistance, science ignores magic's hard-to-travel path. Magic uses myth and science uses ambiguous terminology: Semantically, both say the same thing. Each principle is expressed as "An unknown something is doing we don't know what." Each law is a variation of "It did it again."




The Artist's Enlightenment

An artist, depressed and almost unable to paint, consulted Sam, a Zen-oriented therapist, for aid in coping with his problems. He asked what the fee would be, explaining that his income had dwindled since he was doing fewer paintings. Sam said his fee would be two paintings. The first, to be titled Despair, was to be completed before the therapy began; the second was to be titled by the artist and was to be started when the therapy ended.

The artist painted Despair and presented it to Sam, who looked at it and then threw it into the blazing fireplace. The artist walked out. He returned a few days later with the second painting.


41
The Richard Nixon school of ballet and the arts / Cards Against Humanity
« on: January 20, 2012, 06:47:53 pm »


I wanted to share this kopyleft game I found on the net. You can buy a deck real cheap, or make one yourself. They give away the PDF for free, you just have to print it (preferably on cardstock) and cut it out.

http://www.cardsagainsthumanity.com/

The game has a lot in common with Apples To Apples. Everybody gets 10 white cards, which are basically nouns.

You take turns being the Czar. The Czar draws a black card, which is like a category or question. Everybody passes the Czar a white card (face down) which they think best answers that question or fits in that category. Then the Czar decides which of the white cards was the most hilarious answer. That player gets a point.

For example:



We've been talking a lot about copyright and the entertainment industry. If we don't like the MPAA et al, what's the alternative? Cards Against Humanity is facing in the right direction, it's an example of a cool game that came from the copyleft movement. The creators set up a kickstarter, quickly received 300% of the money they wanted for the game, and released it to the public. They got paid, and we all get free entertainment.

I am printing these out RIGHT NOW.

42
Principia Discussion / Dudeism
« on: January 18, 2012, 03:35:52 pm »
There must be a topic about this somewhere already...

From what I can tell, Dudeism is another neophilic irreligion. It seems like a mix of Taoism and the Big Lebowski.

Quote from: http://dudeism.com/
An ancient philosophy that preaches non-preachiness, practices as little as possible, and above all, uh…lost my train of thought there. Anyway, if you’d like to find peace on earth and goodwill, man, we’ll help you get started. Right after a little nap.


Quote
The idea is this: Life is short and complicated and nobody knows what to do about it. So don’t do anything about it. Just take it easy, man. Stop worrying so much whether you’ll make it into the finals. Kick back with some friends and some oat soda and whether you roll strikes or gutters, do your best to be true to yourself and others – that is to say, abide.

I found it because I found this weird version of the sacred chao while looking for copyleft imagery. This Discordian thinks dudeism and eris are in accordance, check it out:  http://dudeism.com/smf/index.php?topic=1973.0

Like us, they've even got their own version of the Tao Te Ching, the Dude De ching: http://dudeism.com/tao/ - this was clearly written in the same way we wrote the Chao Te Ching; they started with a chapter from the Tao Te Ching and played with it until it felt like something from The Big Lebowski.




much like Discordia, this is a big joke with a note of no-this-is-for-real at the core

43
Propaganda Depository / Pamphlet Brainstorm Thread
« on: January 18, 2012, 03:18:28 pm »
This thread is for brainstorming trifold pamphlets. The idea here is to just throw out a bunch of pamphlet ideas, even if you have no intention of making one.

     
Kopyleft Notice: Any text or idea posted in this thread could be picked up and developed by somebody else. so don't post content you're not comfortable giving away.

Here's the rough structure... this is mainly to help you get started, you don't have to have the full concept thought out. Feel free to post bits of a concept, and leave a bunch of ???????s in the parts you haven't figured out. We'll chat about the idea and maybe come up with something to put in the blank spots.



Concept: a short description of the pamphlet's intention or goal. Is there a specific issue you want to raise awareness of? a specific idea that you want to draw attention to? Is there something you want to combat or address? A common misconception you want to challenge?

Front Cover: Generally, this is a title and an image. Sometimes you draw people in with a big question.

Inside: You've got about 200 words per panel to make your point. I wouldn't go over 200 or 300 words per column. And you should probably think of what images would go with the text. The body of the pamphlet is actually 4 pages, which people generally read in the following order:

Inside (left): a brief summary
Inside Flap: (the back of the inside right column)
Inside Center,
Inside Right


and finally, there's the

Back Cover: closing words and a hook. This could be our website, an e-mail address, or a way to get involved. The back cover launches the reader into action.



I have been ITCHING to make something awesome and then go blast it everywhere. So let's see if we can come up with something cool which will be fun to distribute.

44
This has been my obsession as of late.

It started when I discovered that Rodney Dangerfield had a hip hop single called "Rappin' Rodney"



Behold and Despair: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FLGxWPtgodo

It's pretty catchy, actually. And No, Rodney doesn't "rap", he just delivers a bunch of his classic one-liners with some backup singers. The whole thing is hilarious because (1) there is no way in hell that this was Rodney Dangerfield's idea (2) at one point in history, this is what music producers thought rap music should sound like.


45
Principia Discussion / The Golden Appleocalypse
« on: January 13, 2012, 05:52:49 pm »


         IMPENDING DOOM HAS ARRIVED

       And Five Days Prior to This Occasion The Apostle The Elder Malaclypse Shall Walk the Streets of Whittier Bearing a Sign for All Literates to Read thereof: "DOOM", as a Warning of Forthcoming Doom to All Men Impending. And He Shall Signal This Event by Seeking the Poor and Distributing to Them Precious MAO BUTTONS and Whittier Shall be Known as The Region of Thud for These Five Days.      -Principia Discordia, p53

It's 2012. So obviously the world is really ending* this year. There are a few great end-game scenarios.

Maybe this will be the "end of the mayan 4th world" and the 5th world will begin and Quetzalcoatl will be elected president.

Maybe the technological singularity will happen and our world will be replaced by some kind of digital dystopia. Things become obsolete faster than they can be manufactured. Machines learn to learn and they stumble forward without us like toddlers taking their first shaky steps.

Maybe the American Election will tip the global scales of power and snakes and blood and fire will spill out of it.

Maybe Terrence McKenna is right, and by Dec 21 2012, we will have gone through every possible combination of ideas and cultural movements, we'll run out of "novelty", and in order to deal with it, humanity will become something new.

Maybe there'll be a neuroscience breakthrough and we'll become part machine, part of the internet, leaving or old human shells behind like obselete 5.25 inch disk drives.

Maybe aliens or Cthulhu or Niburu or Bachmania or something.

Maybe the worldwide protest movements will succeed, the world order will crumble, and be replaced by a new one.

Maybe the Internet's tangled distributed nervous system will become self aware and a new organism will be born, a collective consciousness with its own free will which is both made by us and independent of us.

Maybe Iran's nuclear weapons program will succeed and there'll be an international spark which causes a full-scale nuclear war, wiping all of us from the face of the earth.

There are a million ways that 2013 could look completely alien to us here in January of 2012.
















         









                 
We Discordians are not required to believe the "correct" things, in fact, life's a lot more fun with a few creative delusions. I love to get wrapped up in Apocalypse Hysteria. Before the Y2K thing happened, I was out there with a giant sign warning people about THE END. During the Rapture I screamed myself hoarse. And I'm planning on getting all bent out of shape about 2012.

If you've never gone completely batshit about the end of the world before, you should try it out. You get a chance every few years, but I think this one is special.

Discordians have their own Eschatology. According to our mythology (which we are forbidden to believe), before the world ends, Malaclypse the Elder will return and pass out Mao buttons to poor people in California1.

In the Illuminatus! Trilogy, Malaclypse's last words to humanity go something like "When our day comes, the sun will rise in the west!" Then he walked into the Pacific Ocean and was never seen again.

Our calendar ends with The Aftermath [of Bureaucracy] fading back into Primal Chaos, the unformed and undefined state of things-to-come. The interesting part (to me at least) is not the return to Chaos, but the transformation of Bureaucracy into Aftermath. (this transformation is the essence of Discordian Alchemy). Those worldwide protest movements are working on it.

This is the new age of Discordian mythology. When the Planet Eris was discovered, it marked the beginning of the New Discordian Era. We're a non-prophet organization so we didn't see that coming. But it was probably an omen of some kind.



But we don't quite have enough information to get really tweaked out about it. If I'm going to work myself up into a good froth by this December, we're going to need some more predictions about the End Times.


Eris has spoken to me. I can tell it's really her. She says that many of you have a vision of the apocalypse. And what's really going to happen* is probably a goulash of your weirdest and truest ideas.

So here's my question for you, Discordians: What's going to happen? How is this world going to end? How will we be sure it's coming? How will we get worked up into a good froth about the Apocalypse? What are we going to be freaking out about over the next year?

PROPHECIZE, SPAGS

When somebody asks me why I'm going so crazy about December 2012, I want to look them right in the eyes and say......

THE END TIMES ARE HERE.
NOBODY EXPECTS THE TRUTH---
---IT'S EVEN WEIRDER








*for real this time

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