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Topics - Mesozoic Mister Nigel

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526
Discordian Recipes / Greasing the pasta
« on: December 15, 2010, 02:30:11 am »
 I have a question for you cookery snob fuckers, especially ECH. You are vehemently against oiling any noodles, I know. But your reasoning - that the sauce will slide off the pasta - doesn't seem to work for me. Is that because I use fat, not oil? I keep a tub of animal fat, rendered every time I roast anything, that I use in place of almost all oils in cooking, including when I need to grease pasta for purposes of running a cafeteria for my children. It seems to make sauce stick more, not slide off.

Opinion on this? Does it make a difference that I use grease, not oil? Don't tell me not to do it, because I won't listen. Nobody is paying me to do this shit and my job is for it to be reasonably presentable, palatable, and versatile enough to work for three little assholes who don't all want the same thing on their noodles, plus one boyfriend who may or may not be late.

528
Think for Yourself, Schmuck! / Just call me hipster to my face
« on: December 10, 2010, 06:33:16 pm »
Categories.

Everyone who thinks they know what a hipster is has some mental image or another, usually of a 1990's Poindexter type in Buddy Holly glasses and a cardigan; the hipster archetype which hasn't actually existed for 15 years, yet which still remains in place as the hipster gold standard.

Now, the word "hipster" has expanded, and almost everyone fits someone else's definition of "hipster". There's the lumberjack hipster, the glam hipster, the artist hipster, the retro hipster, the hip-hop hipster, the vintage hipster, the emo hipster, the longshoreman hipster, the academic hipster, the mod hipster, the white trash hipster. There's even hipster mom. Many of the people who are dismissed or reviled as hipsters actually fit into the much more versatile category of "young person", which covers most of the least-liked characteristics attributed to hipsters; they don't know who the fuck they are yet, so they're experimenting with various cultural trends and personas in an attempt to figure it out. Bless their dear little souls, they're fucking obnoxious.

Are they hipsters? Probably. In fact, almost certainly. About the only way to not be a hipster anymore is to be a redneck, which is a perfectly valid option as long as you really are a redneck and not a hipster adopting a redneck persona. Of course, if you neither know nor care what a hipster is, you're probably not a hipster. You also probably shop at Wal-Mart and hope your husband gets a promotion at the mill before Tammy and Billy need braces. If you are reading this and pretending to not know what a hipster is, you're lying to make yourself sound cooler on paper.

Everyone decries the label of hipster, claiming "authenticity", whatever that is. Every hipster thinks they're authentic. Just ask one. Ask yourself. But goddamn, we love our categories. Especially if we can shove people we don't like into some box right over there. Niggers. Terrorists. Hipsters. They aren't really people... they're other.

Did I mention categories? Cabbages? Grayfaces? Categories give us a way to feel better about our group, because we're not them. You might call it elitism. You might, because it is.

Basically, "hipster" is yet another monkey tribal division that separates people you like from everyone else. And like all other monkey tribal divisions, it's essentially meaningless.


Ook ook, motherfucker.

529
The Richard Nixon school of ballet and the arts / ATTN: CRAMULUS
« on: December 10, 2010, 08:30:19 am »

532
The Richard Nixon school of ballet and the arts / Dear EOT
« on: December 03, 2010, 11:16:44 pm »
Look, Antony wrote a song about you. http://www.swanlights.com/

533
Techmology and Scientism / New Life
« on: December 03, 2010, 08:28:10 pm »
This is amazing and wonderful and also happens to be one of the places we were stranded this summer: http://gizmodo.com/5704158/nasa-finds-new-life

534
The Richard Nixon school of ballet and the arts / Hey Geekdad
« on: December 01, 2010, 11:07:43 pm »
I have attempted to tolerate it for several days, but I am epileptic and your avatar enrages me. Fuck you. Go die in a hole.

Thanks,

-Nigel.

535
The Richard Nixon school of ballet and the arts / Whoever the fuck
« on: November 24, 2010, 05:11:41 pm »
had the idea to arm airline passengers with batons and booze, I am stealing your idea thank you.

537
Back when I was a kid, which was a long time ago indeed, stuff that was cool was cool. It was cool to like stuff that was cool, and of course everybody thought the stuff they liked was cool. "Cool shirt, dude!" was not a condemnation, but an accolade. Nobody was embarrassed to admit that they were into something because they thought it was cool; a cool band, a cool car, a cool chick. Maybe, if you were a nerd, a cool computer or a cool calculator... computers and calculators were REALLY cool back then, because they were now, and damn if they weren't hot rats.

Back then, the opposite of cool was lame. You think Depeche Mode is cool; your best friend thinks they're lame. You think the Police are cool, and maybe Elvis Costello is cool, and Violent Femmes are definitely cool, but REO Speedwagon is fuckin' lame. Heshers and rockers are lame; punk and New Wave is cool. Of course, the heshers and rockers think New Wave is lame and will beat your ass every chance they get, which in your opinion makes them lamer.  Punks think everyone else is lame, and they beat up the heshers and rockers, but they leave New Wavers alone for some reason... probably because they know you think they're cool.

That band T-shirt is fucking cool, man, and that kid who got a T-shirt with a picture of himself on it is cool, and using a lunchbox as a purse is TOTALLY cool. It's cool to like these things because you think they're cool. You aren't sure if you're cool, but your friends are definitely cool. You would hang out with that one guy; yeah, he seems cool. Your best friend's little brother is pretty cool for a kid.

Somehow, though, cool isn't cool anymore. If you like something because you think it's cool, people will judge you and find you insincere, and probably therefore inauthentic. "You're only into them because you think they're cool" is an insult. People are afraid to look like they think something's cool, because they fear the labeling that comes along with it. You come across a Knight Rider T-shirt at Goodwill and at first your heart leaps... Knight Rider! That's so cool! But wait... if you buy it, people will think you're wearing it to be retro, because that's cool. Nope; must avoid the appearance of trying to be cool.

God fucking forbid anything or anyone be desired or admired because of being cool. EVERY FUCKING THING had better be "authentic", or YOU WILL BE JUDGED, AND FOUND WANTING.

539
The Richard Nixon school of ballet and the arts / Open Bar
« on: November 11, 2010, 09:50:01 pm »
It's that time again.

I swear that after this post I'm going to go into my studio.

540
The Richard Nixon school of ballet and the arts / Bijijoo again!
« on: November 11, 2010, 02:18:58 am »
This time, he has an interview in Salon, and he talks about me a little bit. :)

http://www.salon.com/life/feature/2010/11/10/presidential_ham_slide_show

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