Topics

526

Bring and Brag / My head is empty

« on: January 20, 2009, 11:43:49 am »

I sit on my front porch
and I light a cigarette.
I try to sing for you but
my head is empty of song.
My time for you is gone
and I can no longer instill
that hope, and the want
into my voice or my cry.
My former desire has gone
awry from where I longed.

The well from which you
used to spring has run dry,
is now a wall of rocks, a
ring wherein nothing rises.
This circle which could be
a home is instead a tomb,
a litany of can-not-have, a
tome of imperfect endings.

I hate this word processor.
It turns my poetry into a
study on perfect grammar.
You cling to the devil to whom
you think you have sold your
soul, and in the meantime
leave your spirit to bend
and twist in the wind you
made in your passing by.
Foolish, I wait for it to wake.


(revised)

527

Propaganda Depository / Nigel podcasts, for fuck's sake

« on: January 17, 2009, 11:43:16 pm »

I started doing it too, for the purposes of annoying more people.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=017jxz7UhjU&feature=channel_page

528

Apple Zone / Hey, you thread-bumping dicks

« on: January 13, 2009, 08:27:17 pm »

You're just discouraging people from participating by cluttering the place up with a bunch of old, stupid threads that were worthless when they were new. It stopped being funny several years before you were born.

I'm feeling too mellow to work up a good rage, but I thought I'd point that out.

529

Or Kill Me / Too old

« on: January 09, 2009, 04:07:52 pm »

Too old for this.

This is what you tell yourself you with your unfinished degree and your kids and your broken lonely heart.

Too old to go back to school. Too old to find love again. Too old to ever save enough for retirement. And you think the world has passed you by and that this dissatisfaction is yours for the rest of your rapidly shortening life.

And four years from now you’ll still be telling yourself the same thing except now you’ll wish you’d gone back to school/spent more time with your kids/been a little more openhearted back then before it was too late. Now you realize how young you were then how much time you still had. Now it’s too late.

Pretty soon you’re 50 and the kids are gone. You’re alone in your house you still have no retirement plan and no degree and no partner. Bitterness has slowly settled into your features breaking them down into individual ridges separated by crevasses. Now it’s truly too late too late for spending more time with the kids too late for you too late for the education you always wanted too late for anything but continuing your wage-slave job and paying off the house in ten more years. You’re certainly too old to think about dating now. That’s what you should have done five years ago before your looks really started to slip. And gone back to school when the kids started high school before you were too old

To late too late too late

Once you were 28 34 44 50 58 65 and it wasn’t too late back then if only you’d realized. If only if only if only

530

Bring and Brag / 101 things to say to children that will be greeted with silence

« on: January 08, 2009, 02:14:43 pm »

A project me and my housemate have been working on. We don't have 101 yet.

1. I think you'll be alright. You might even be able to have children some day.
2. Better wrap it up, H.P. Lovecraft, or you'll end up a shut-in.
3. Hey grownups!
4. We're using double entendres!
5. At least you can fake-cry. You always have that comfort.
6. Sounds like it's whine O'clock!
7. Oh, you wanted to have guns and vote? Maybe you should have thought of that before you decided to be FIVE.
8. We're Scientologists now.
9. I'm sure we all recall the disastrous events of October 1929.
10. Let's talk taxes.
11. Would you describe yourself as cosmopolitan?
12. You have very exacting standards about how things are done and I'm not sure that I can uphold those standards.
13. People would think that you were listening to Led Zeppelin and you had used up all the albums, so that you could no longer "get the led out".
14. Stop touching me. I feel about people touching me like Russia feels about Greece.
15. The face you're making reminds me of Henry Kissinger.

531

Bring and Brag / Me as Eris

« on: January 08, 2009, 04:59:35 am »

My friend B painted me as Eris. It's disturbing!

Borderline NSFW due to nipple: http://sinmonkey.com/files/NigelEris.jpg

532

Discordian Recipes / WTF is Nigel eating

« on: January 01, 2009, 10:59:10 pm »

My contribution to the Discordian recipe threads.

Right now I'm having rockfish in spicy tomato sauce.

Step 1:

Get a bunch of tomatoes, onions, garlic, and jalapenos
Simmer them for hours, can them for later

Step 2:

Get some rockfish
Simmer it in that tomato stuff, with some salt

Remove fish, reduce sauce

Serve over rice.

533

Bring and Brag / Breaking up

« on: December 17, 2008, 09:30:21 pm »

He started distancing himself as soon as her husband moved out. Maybe he couldn't deal with her availability, and what that meant about her feelings for him, even though they were on the table long before that. He is a mess in a lot of ways, and she is a mess in a lot of ways, and together, they are just a compounded mess. In some ways they have been good for each other, but in some of the same ways they've been good, like allowing each other a respite from the harshness of their respective situations, they've also been unhealthy, by taking it to the point of drunken irresponsibility. A respite should not be an escape, and a relationship based on escapism has nowhere to go.

She feels lost in the lack of support from him. She grew dependent on him, and now that he's not here she doesn't know what to do. She can't even seem to get much work done, she hasn't been productive at all this week. It's funny because it seems like she hardly leaned on him at all when she was processing the really hard part of losing her husband... this part... but now that she's losing him, it's even harder because there's just a void where he used to be, and she wants to go to him but she can't. There's nothing there for her to go to.

And... she just misses him. He is completely unique and unlike anyone else she has ever known, and he is the only person she's ever met who really, truly seems to fit her. Except she misses what they had, not what they have. So she thinks this is the right thing. She cannot, at this point, cope with being rejected sexually and intimately, scooted to the sidelines of his life, and deal with his selfish, manipulative wife moving back into his house, to either hear about them getting back together, or know that he's withholding details of his life to spare her. Either way, the situation is unsalvageable. The only way for her to salvage HERSELF is to walk away from this completely, permanently.

Maybe her complete withdrawal will help push him back into an unhealthy marriage even more completely... but she can't afford to know, or allow it to affect her decision. She is going to wait a couple weeks, then ask him to please drop off her laptop and any other stuff she left at his house over at her sister's. She figures that if she gives it a couple of weeks, it won't seem as much like an angry symbolic gesture as like simple closure. Or, maybe he'll just do it on his own.

So, she's drinking tea instead of wine and trying to sleep at night and sometimes she stands in the kitchen and screams and screams at the unfairness of life, or it hits her in the middle of checking her mail or feeding her pets and it hurts like she's been punched in the gut, and she know that she will always miss him and always love him, but that in time it won't hurt so much, and then it won't hurt every day, and then someday she will only think about him part of the time, and someday, she will think about him hardly at all. And things will be OK.

534

Or Kill Me / Therefore, the gods are DICKS

« on: December 15, 2008, 11:27:22 pm »

I believe that sometimes, the gods make people who are so different from the usual mold that it is a challenge for them to simply live a normal life.

And they say, This one will have a hard time in life, they will see more and feel more, and it will make them love us more closely, because they will understand the nature of reality a little more keenly.

And they take these ones for themselves, and make them very different from others, though they seek to live the same kinds of lives.

They live as best they can, struggling, and many people love them, but they always feel a little lonely, and not quite find a pure meeting of minds.

The gods say, I will take and take this one, and he will be a complement to this other one, but they will not meet soon in life. They will have to wait until life has overcome them, and they have learned from it.

They will meet many others who admire them and want to be close with them for a while, who will love them and have good things together, but they will not be able to meet and be truly happy together; they are not the complement to this one.

After a time the unusual ones become guarded and close, they become fearful, and not able to give themselves wholly, because they have given themselves, and not been wholly accepted; they have not found their complement. If they were to open themselves and ask the gods, What am I do do? They would receive their answer, but they have closed themselves and cannot hear it until they open again.

But when they open again, they will hear the answer, when they have learned enough for them to know their complement. Even though life has been difficult, when they are ready and they have struggled through obstacles and become strong enough in living to be able to know their partner, this part of life will open and they will recognize their helpmeet, the one who is loved enough by their own gods to be the complete match for them, the one who will love them for all the unusual qualities they hold, nourish them and hold them in all their wholeness, and when this happens all parts of their life and consciousness, and everyone they touch, will be richer.

535

Think for Yourself, Schmuck! / Intermittens #4

« on: December 11, 2008, 05:33:18 pm »

Now accepting submissions for Intermittens #4... I am thinking this will be the "Lollercaust issue" and you know what that means!


For this issue can we all just knock the fuck off with the "but not all" qualifier? I think that people here are literate enough to TOTALLY GET that if you MEANT "ALL", you would have SAID "ALL".

Adding more words does not always convey more meaning.

Am I way off base here? I think it just trains people to think they DO mean "all" unless specified otherwise. If anyone misunderstands "some" to mean "all" they need to STOP BEING SO FUCKING LITERATELY LAZY.

"Some" "Most", and "Many" DON'T MEAN ALL. We get it.








post edited for legal reasons

536

Apple Zone / Shameless whoring

« on: November 29, 2008, 03:47:23 pm »

Last night I killed myself putting beads on the Internet.

537

Literate Chaotic / Epiphanies

« on: November 29, 2008, 04:16:36 am »

Earlier today I wrote about an epiphany I had at one point in my life and what it meant to me; how it shaped my Discordianism. Then I started thinking about such epiphanies in general, and wondering if there might be a lot of good stories out there, so I thought I'd start a thread to ask you guys whether you have any interesting epiphanic stories you'd like to share? I'll repost mine:

One day about seven years ago, I was driving home from work. It was evening, late summer, absolutely gorgeous out with the sunlight sliding from golden to plum as the sun set. The leaves on the trees were just starting to yellow. It was the hardest time I've ever gone through in my life: A man I had fallen in love with, hard, had recently broken my heart and moved to Chigaco. My husband had left me a little over a year earlier, with a two-year-old and a six-month-old baby. I had the kids six days a week, but was paying my ex child support due to an "error" in the divorce paperwork, wherein my ex had calculated child support as if he had full legal and halftime physical custody. I'd just hired a lawyer to file for an adjustment to our parenting plan/child support, and my ex was being vindictive. I was getting up at horrorshow-thirty to drive the kids to their babysitter before work, working a full nine hour day, and then picking them up after, going home, making dinner, putting them to bed. I paid the babysitter $400/month, my ex $265/month, and the house I was renting and trying to buy was $700/month. My piece of shit 1977 Plymouth Arrow leaked fluids like an open wound, stalled out at every full stop, the passenger door flew open every time I took a sharp left, and the muffler had rusted through some time before. Problem was, I only made $12 an hour.

So I was feeling kind of sorry for myself. Actually, I was severely suicidally depressed, on tranquilizers most of the time, and the only thing that kept me going was my children.

And then, as I rounded a corner and my passenger door flew open, I had an epiphany; things could get, arbitrarily, infinitely worse at any moment with no warning. My home could burn down, my children could die, I could become catastrophically ill and unable to keep my house or care for my kids.

And then the world was beautiful again, and I relearned how to be happy.

For the most part my Eris is a reflection of the arbitrary universe I see around me, sometimes beautiful and sometimes devastating, and it is up to me to be the comforting, stable mother-nurturer. I don't need an external one.

538

Literate Chaotic / Why are you here?

« on: November 20, 2008, 07:17:45 pm »

I was thinking about the various reasons different people come to this board and the extremely varied topics here... obviously, most people enjoy certain types of threads and projects more than others. Why are you here?

I'm here to have fun. I like the repartee, the funny, the exchange of ideas. I like the argument. I like the bizarre things people share about their thought processes and their lives. I like that it gives me things to think about, to keep my mind sharp and quick, and diversify my thought base. I like watching ideas evolve from sensical to completely nonsensical and then back into something sensical, but completely different from where they started. I like reading about prank ideas and sharing my own prank ideas. I'm not here to create my Discordian legacy, I'm not here to change the political landscape, I'm not here for Deep Important Things, but if something I tap out on my keyboard ends up being worth saving, that's rad.

What are you guys here for?

539

Literate Chaotic / The positive side of classical Eris

« on: November 20, 2008, 02:58:29 am »

I was just reading Wikipedia (yeah, I know) and came across this:

In Hesiod's Works and Days 11–24, two different goddesses named Eris "Strife" are distinguished:

    So, after all, there was not one kind of Strife alone, but all over the earth there are two. As for the one, a man would praise her when he came to understand her; but the other is blameworthy: and they are wholly different in nature.
    For one fosters evil war and battle, being cruel: her no man loves; but perforce, through the will of the deathless gods, men pay harsh Strife her honour due.
    But the other is the elder daughter of dark Night (Nyx), and the son of Cronus who sits above and dwells in the aether, set her in the roots of the earth: and she is far kinder to men. She stirs up even the shiftless to toil; for a man grows eager to work when he considers his neighbour, a rich man who hastens to plough and plant and put his house in good order; and neighbour vies with his neighbour as he hurries after wealth. This Strife is wholesome for men. And potter is angry with potter, and craftsman with craftsman, and beggar is jealous of beggar, and minstrel of minstrel.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eris_(mythology)

I had always thought the ancients perceived Our Lady as a royal bitch and pain in the ass, it's kind of nice to see that they recognized that there was a Hodge to her Podge.

540

Think for Yourself, Schmuck! / What to do about Intermittens #4

« on: November 16, 2008, 05:54:29 am »

... nevermind









post edited for legal reasons