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Topics - Doktor Skinsaw

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527
The Richard Nixon school of ballet and the arts / Creating a pention
« on: October 26, 2010, 04:56:56 pm »
I can't find the post that started that meme! Has it been archived? It's such a classic, and I wanted to show it to Mr. Language.

528
The Richard Nixon school of ballet and the arts / ATTN: DOK HOWL
« on: October 20, 2010, 09:04:29 am »
THIS

is now your theme song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jioVHnLjpSw

529
The Richard Nixon school of ballet and the arts / HEY EOT
« on: October 16, 2010, 04:59:31 pm »
If you're not gonna wear that scarf I made you, you should give it back to me. Because it has like $100 worth of yarn in it and I don't want it to go to waste and get all moth-eaten.

530
The Richard Nixon school of ballet and the arts / HEY FREEKY
« on: October 16, 2010, 02:49:24 am »
I saw this and thought of you: http://mykidisanasshole.wordpress.com/

531
The Richard Nixon school of ballet and the arts / Retirement dream home
« on: October 12, 2010, 06:11:41 pm »
So I've begun to think about what I'm going to do in ten years or so, when the kids go off to college. There's really no reason I should keep this vast monstrosity of a house, and I'd like a bigger yard, so the logical thing is to sell this and buy a small house on a big lot. In my obsessive style, I've been looking at houses for sale, and found this: http://www.google.com/maps?f=q&source=s_q&hl=en&geocode=&q=+%096149+NE+FAILING+ST+Portland,+OR+97213&sll=45.548946,-122.656392&sspn=0.010098,0.023689&ie=UTF8&hq=&hnear=6149+NE+Failing+St,+Portland,+Multnomah,+Oregon+97213&t=h&z=16

I want it SO FUCKING BAD. It's a third of an acre flag lot in the middle of a large city block, accessible via a long driveway. It has NO STREETFRONT. It's like a little hidden wonderland!

Here's the property outline: http://portlandmaps.com/detail.cfm?action=summary&propertyid=R161652&address_id=591300&x=7664231.811&y=694193.214&state_id=1N2E19DD%20%20600&site_name=6149%20NE%20FAILING%20ST&city=PORTLAND&ResultCount=1

Duuuuuuude!!!!

Also it's only $100k, but the house is listed as a "major fixer, not livable".


532
Techmology and Scientism / Colony collapse disorder - mystery solved?
« on: October 07, 2010, 07:09:57 pm »
Finally, the nutjobs will have to stop blaming cell phone towers!

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/10/07/science/07bees.html?_r=1&hp

533
Aneristic Illusions / Illiterate clown elected to Congress
« on: October 05, 2010, 06:30:29 pm »
Has no one posted this here yet? I can't believe it!

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/39495001/ns/world_news-americas/?GT1=43001

I love you, Brazil.

Quote
SAO PAULO Voters the world over complain about having clowns for politicians, but Brazilians embraced the idea on Sunday by sending a real one to Congress with more votes than any other candidate.

Francisco Everardo Oliveira Silva, better known by his clown name Tiririca, received more than 1.3 million votes in Sao Paulo state in Brazil's presidential and congressional elections. That was more than double the votes of the second-placed candidate in Brazil's most populous state.

Tiririca caught the attention of disillusioned voters by asking for their support with the humorous slogan: "It can't get any worse" and a promise to do nothing more in Congress than report back to them on how politicians spend their time.

"What does a congressman do? The truth is I don't know, but vote for me and I'll tell you," the 45-year-old said in his campaign advertisements.

The clown, whose stage name means "grumpy," usually appears in public wearing a blond wig, a red hat and a garish outfit. He survived a last-minute attempt by public prosecutors to bar him from running because of evidence that he is illiterate.


534
This is a breakup letter.

After almost twenty years of patiently, affectionately dealing with your bumbling, your baffling cluelessness, and your technological ineptitude, I have finally had it with your shit. Sending my mortgage twice? I could deal with it if you would fix it. One week and a dozen phone calls later, you have not, and you still don't seem to understand what you did wrong. Goodbye.

Hate hate hate! I seriously cannot believe these people. Why have I been so patient with them? They charge overdraft fees if you have held funds but aren't actually overdrawn (like when you get gas and the station holds $100 in advance, but only charges the actual purchase amount). They have made MANY errors. But this... this is unbelievable. It's the last straw. The worst part is that the woman "helping" me doesn't seem to care, misinformed me and never apologized, and won't follow up on anything or return calls. She has MANY times insinuated that the error was my fault, and not a glitch in their system; despite there being no way I could have created the error. A week and MANY phone calls later I asked to speak to her supervisor; she said he would call me between 3:30 and 4, but he never called me. I am so done with them! As soon as my account is no longer held hostage to their error I am pulling EVERYTHING and switching to another credit union. I already have an account open and ready.

535
The Richard Nixon school of ballet and the arts / FUCK
« on: October 01, 2010, 11:01:00 pm »
I spent all day yesterday sorting my murrini, and now... somehow... I have  misplaced the whole bag of them. About a pound of murrini. Worse yet, I can't finish today's project until I find them.  :x

536


At around 5, EFO came in and said "Mom. The front steps are covered in cones and there's a guy sitting there, just laughing."

MORE TO COME

537
Or Kill Me / ALL RIGHT, MOTHERFUCKERS
« on: September 30, 2010, 07:19:52 pm »
STOP USING A FUCKING SUBJUNCTIVE WHEN AN INDICATIVE IS CALLED FOR. OK, BITCHES???

JESUS MOTHERFUCKING DINGOES ON A POPCORN BUCKET, SAYING "WOULD BE" IN PLACE OF "IS" NOT ONLY DOESN'T MAKE YOU SOUND MORE EDUCATED, BUT IT DOESN'T EVEN FUCKING MAKE ANY SENSE.

IF YOU ARE RUNNING A BUSINESS AND THE ASSHOLE YOU PUT IN CHARGE OF YOUR WEBSITE PUTS SOME FUCKING RETARDED ASS BLITHERING ON THERE LIKE "THE BASIC ELEMENTS OF A BICYCLE WOULD BE A FRAME..." ETC. FUCKING FIRE THE MORON BEFORE HIS IDIOCY DESTROYS YOUR REPUTATION, YOUR BUSINESS, AND YOUR LIFE. BUT FIRST SET HIS FACE ON FIRE AND BEAT HIM WITH A COPPER PIPE, OK?

FUCK!

538
The Richard Nixon school of ballet and the arts / Another pet peeve
« on: September 25, 2010, 07:28:07 pm »
This one is with a particular conversation. It goes like this:

Childless person: "Hey, want to come to this marginal-sounding event tonight?"
Me: "Gee, thanks... but I'll be home with my children."
Childless person, smugly: "You see; that's why I didn't have kids, LOL"

What? The hell is that? No one has ever said to me "You see; that's why I don't have a sex life" when I've turned down an invitation because I had a date. It doesn't even make sense.

1. If I am genuinely bummed about missing the event (which 99% of the time I am not) that is a dick thing to say.

2. I am not bummed. The children are an all-purpose convenient excuse, and it's built right in to doing what I wanted to do anyway, which is stay home. If I'd wanted to go out, I would have made plans to go out. However, I don't want to go out. I want to hang out at home with my kids. I like my kids, and enjoy spending time with them. In fact, I went to significant lengths to acquire them in the first place, and I want to get to see them a little before they move out.

So when someone asks me if I want to go do something later on a day when I have kids, I have several factors I need to weigh. They go like this:

Will this get me laid? (Y/N)
Will this cost me money? (Y/N)
Will this make me money? (Y/N)
Is there free food? (Y/N)
Is this person a close friend I rarely get to see? (Y/N)
Do I have a social obligation which I can discharge by going? (Y/N)
Will this be more fun than hanging out with my kids? (Y/N)

If it weighs in heavily enough to my benefit, then I'll go. But most likely I won't, because I don't really want to.

There are a few people in my life who will be butthurt if I post this where they can see it, because they will (I know, it's weird) take it personally and interpret it as my saying that I like my kids better than I like them, and actually would rather spend time with my kids than with them. Which is true of almost everyone, but I never just outright say so because that would be rude. A lot of people assume that kids are just something that happens by default, kind of by accident, and that's true sometimes. Maybe a lot of the time. Not all of the time. Among our peer group of highly educated hipsters it's probably not even true very much of the time.

There are advantages to not having kids, advantages to not having friends, not having a boyfriend, not having a house, not having a career, not volunteering, not having anyone relying on you, not having responsibilities. Sure. These things are not for everyone, and many people make different decisions about their lives based on what's important to them. I would never tell anyone that they would be better off without something that is very important to them just because it gets in the way of my entertainment for an evening. It is like someone telling you that you should just drop that education thing because, man, it really gets in the way of their good time. There are advantages to not having to show up at class.

539
The Richard Nixon school of ballet and the arts / WHERE IS MY CONCUBINE?
« on: September 24, 2010, 07:17:44 am »
Am I Don Johnson or Swanson & Swanson?

540
The Richard Nixon school of ballet and the arts / Things that are cute
« on: September 23, 2010, 01:41:34 am »
I had such a shitty day today that the only thing that made me feel better was looking at pictures of dormice and those baby meerkats Net posted. So, I decided to share the love, and made a FB page. http://www.facebook.com/pages/Things-that-are-cute/129764580405783

You like things that are cute, right? Help me fill it with shitloads of cute things. FUCK.

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