Pungenday, Discord 28, YoLD 3174
A new spin on Mafia, by Pope Telarus, KSC, Tender to the Edible Zen Garden.

The Cards:

“The portrait of J.R. “Bob” Dobbs is a trademark of SubGenius Foundation, Inc. and is used with permission.”

Background:

“Project Chanology” began in January, 2008 with a YouTube message to the Church of Scientology from an internet collective (a “disorganization”) named Anonymous. The project was started in response to the Church of Scientology‘s attempts to remove material from an exclusive promotional interview with Scientologist Tom Cruise from the Internet in January 2008.

Saying that they are “everyone and everywhere”, with “no leaders”, Anonymous stated they view Scientology‘s actions as internet censorship, and asserted the group’s intent to “expel the church from the internet”. What began as DDOS attacks and mass-faxing of pure black pages lead to worldwide protests as other, less public actions of Scientology came to light. Anonymous gathered outside of Church of Scientology locations worldwide on Feburary 10, 2008, as well as the weekend of March 15th (the Ides of March and Church of Scientology founder, L. Ron Hubbard’s birthday). Scientology, in response, and lacking any “leaders” or “faces” of the movement to take to the court system, has labeled Anonymous as “cyberterrorists” and has had possible members followed.

The Church of the SubGenius is a group that satirizes religion, conspiracy theory, UFOs and popular culture originally based in Dallas, Texas. The Church of the SubGenius claims to have been founded in the 1950s by the world’s greatest salesman J. R. “Bob” Dobbs. “Bob” Dobbs (above) is a cartoonishly “Ward Cleaver”-like man smoking a pipe, and Master of SLACK. During the 1980’s, in response to the Catholic Church incorporating and selling stock-shares to it’s congregation, the Church of the SubGenius began offering lifetime membership for $30, with the offer of “Eternal Salvation or TRIPLE Your Money Back!”

“Pull The Wool Over Your Own Eyes”
-The Book of the SubGenius

X-Day

The book of the SubGenius speaks of, among other weird things, X-Day. The Book predicts that X-Day, the “scheduled end of the world” would occur on July 5th, 1998. On X-day, an army of alien invaders known as the X-ists (which is short for “Men from Planet X”) would land on the planet Earth and destroy all of the world’s “normals”, “pinks”, and “glorps,” while the members of the Church of the SubGenius would be rescued by a rival army of Alien Sex-Goddesses from Planet X and taken away into space.

Needless to say, July 5th, 1998 came around and the events prophesied failed to manifest*. This did not discourage members of the Church, and they have been meeting and celebrating July 5th as the SubGenius “X-Day Devival” ever since. Reverend Ivan Stang, current head of the Church, has argued that X-Day is a religious holiday for the Church, and members of the Church should take the day of July 5th as vacation or holiday: “…if you can’t get off the planet, at least get off from work.”

In 2008, an unknown member of the SubGenius invited all of Anonymous to the 2008 Devival, “to await The Rupture: the arrival at 7 AM, July 5th, of the Escape Vessels of the Alien Sex Goddesses, and the final fulfillment of the prophecy of our founder and leader, J.R. “Bob” Dobbs.“

Many of Anonymous chose to attend. The Scientologists also sent agents to the event, posing as members of Anonymous. It was a Wild Party! And then…..

The Aliens Arrived

Landing on Earth after a ten year running hyperspace battle, the X-ists and Sex-Goddesses‘ forces have been severely depleted. The Sex-Goddesses quickly set-up anti-matter shields around the grounds of the Devival (near Sherman, New York), began to repulse the ground troops of the X-ists, and then send high-speed craft to gather up any SubGeniuses that did not make it to this years Devival. The X-ists immediately captured whole national governments, to be conditioned and then eaten by their “Elder Gods”. Once this was done, they infiltrated and assumed control of other organizations that cause their members to behave like sheep, in order to harvest other “pinks”.

The leaders of the Church of Scientology have defected to the X-ists. The X-ists know of Scientology‘s agents within the anti-matter shield, and have begun to bombard the area with Sonic Neuro-Disrupter Rays. The Sex Goddesses‘ technology has held out so far, drawing energy from the massive party still raging on inside the glowing, translucent dome of anti-matter.

…And So The Game Begins

X-Day: Rules

Play is broken down into Game Setup, and Game Play.

Game Setup: During Game Setup, a facilitator determines how many Anonymous cards, and Scientologist cards to include in the Deck (see table at the end of the rules). The deck will also include one Alien Sex-Goddess card, and one J.R. “Bob” Dobbs card. Before play begins, the facilitator may read the first 2 pages of these rules to set the scene. If players are all familiar with Anonymous, Scientology, and the Church of the SubGenius, the first page may be skipped.

Shuffle the deck, and deal one card to each player, including the dealer. Cards assign roles to each player, and are to be kept secret until that player is out of the game, except for the Alien Sex-Goddess card. That player reveals that he or she is an Alien Sex-Goddess, and becomes the facilitator for the rest of the game. Other players take on the roles of Anonymous, the Scientologists, and “Bob”. Players should know how many Scientologist cards start in play (see table at the end). When someone dies they reveal their card. Dead players do not have to close their eyes during the Attack phase of the game, and may not comment upon the actions done in the Attack phase.

Game Play: The Alien Sex Goddesses have divided the due-paying SubGeniuses from the mass of Anonymous, and are using the quantum uncertainty from trying to guess which of Anonymous are Scientlologists as a secondary power source running the shield stabilizer(see Win conditions).

Game play is divided into two phases, which cycle until one of the Win conditions are met. The Alien Sex-Goddess will narrate play as one phase moves to the next, as well as tracking the Scientologists‘ actions during the Attack phase.

The game begins by the ASG narrating the first attack phase:

I. The Attack phase, where the X-ists bombard the gathering with Sonic Neuro-Disrupter Rays. The noise grows above the sound of the bands and crowd, eating into everyones brains as peircing white pain. The crowd passes out [ASG instructs all players to close their eyes].

• The Scientologists then snap awake [ASG instructs the Scientologist players to open their eyes] and “marks one of the Anonymous with ‘laser pointers’, blowing their head to pieces with concentrated Sonic Neuro-Disrupter Rays” [Scientologist players may communicate nonverbally to select a target to kill, pointing and thumbs-up/thumbs-down work well]. The Scientologists then fall unconscious to avoid detection [ASG instructs the Scientologists to close their eyes.]
• Afterward, J.R. “Bob” Dobbs, Master of Slack, has managed to harmonize with the Sonic Neuro-Disrupter Rays, allowing him a moment to select one player and ask the ASG if that player is a Scientologist or not [ASG asks “Bob” to open his or her eyes, and select a player, receiving a yes or no answer]. “Bob” then feigns unconsciousness, as he is a Master of Slack and does not want to be killed by the Scientologists during the next attack [“Bob” closes his or her eyes.]

II. The Defense phase, where the Alien Sex-Goddesses technology has adjusted to the new attack. [The ASG instructs all players to open their eyes and describes the horrible white noise fading into to the music of the Alien Sex-Goddesses PA Systems, and the horrible sight of a newly headless corpse.]

• During the Defense phase, the players may socialize (hey, it is a party). At some point someone must accuse one of the players of being a Scientologist, and the players will vote on if that person is a Scientologist or not (usually a second is required before voting).
• If voted guilty of being a Scientologist ,the Alien Sex Goddesses load that person into a Sonic Cannon and fires them at the X-ists troops (hey, these are aliens under a siege). That person is dead. If voted innocent, someone in the crowd must select the next person to accuse.
• Once the crowd has selected the person to sacrifice, the ASG narrates the next wave of X-ist Sonic Neuro-Disrupter Rays, and play cycles back to the Attack phase. [ASG narrates the next wave of Attack.]

Win Conditions:
The win condition for Anonymous and “Bob” is to successfully eliminate all of the Scientologists from the crowd of Anonymous, at which point the Alien Sex Goddesses take everyone away in their intergalactic pleasure-ships. Praise “Bob“!

The win condition for the Scientologists is to eliminate (and/or cause the crowd to eliminate) enough people so that the number of Scientologist players left is equal to the number of Anonymous. “Bob” counts as an Anonymous for this purpose, if “Bob” is still alive. At this point the ASG narrates the failure of the defensive shields as the quantum uncertainty gets near 50-50. As the next wave of attacks begin, peoples heads start exploding all over the festival grounds. Hail Xenu.

Rough Player Guide
(Total Players)=Anonymous+Scientology (+2 for “Bob” and the ASG)
—————-
( 7) = 3+2(+2)
( 9) = 5+2(+2)
(11) = 6+3(+2)
(13) = 8+3(+2)
(15) = 10+3(+2)