Intermittens Issue 2: Submissions/Discussions

[Payne]

Basically, what I'm after for turn at editing is an examination of what the building blocks of "modern" Discordia are, mostly in terms of what the general consensus is at PD. So far, the articles that I would like to include are my own take on what that is.

Few of the following articles I want to include have been given the final okay by their authors, and I have a number more I'll need to search for. The following list is just to set the tone of what I'm putting in:

STFU With Your Hippie Shit -CAIN
State of a Union? -HSD
Larry King Interview -ENRICO
Short Circuits - Part 70 - Inaction  -LHX [Can't find where I yoinked this from straight away, I'll link later]
Memo from Ramses -Unknown Author, found by Cramulus
Barbed Wire -PAYNE

I'm going to cull some more "funnier" stuff from the Lollercaust thread, and probably include Cainads thing "who killed lulz".

Anyone else have suggestions for what you'd like to see included?

Any criticisms of what I've done or not done so far would be appreciated also.

This project is likely to run for a couple weeks (more than long enough between issues).

[Requia ☣]

http://www.principiadiscordia.com/forum/index.php?topic=18565.msg615870  Here's my first horrormirth column.  I may want to pick a more recent subject when it gets closer to the release date.

[Cramulus]

I really like this post, but it needs to be remixed^*:

as of.. i think 2005 1/2 or somewhere like that, "discordianism" is no longer supposed to make chuckles and lails (except at the expense of particular specific persons).  RAW is old hat, the PD (for which this forum and its mother site are not named, contrary to available evidence) is tapped, psychedelics are "bad for you," and everything must make sense or at least be both unintelligible and unfunny.

in keeping with Our New Philosophy, please to refrain from inanities or other frivolous garbage any more than once for every eighteen posts you make bitching about some Great Big Not-As-Funny-As-You-Might-Think something or other. and if you can't help but revert to that old discordianism from the 60's, please do it in the appropriate sub-forum and flush when you're finished.  or, if at all possible, put it on a web page far away from here and never link to it.

because discordianism isn't just about discord.  we got that out of our collective system 30 some-odd years ago.

kthxbai,

vexati0n,
will not catch hell.

*and maybe e-primed?

[Cain]

Reworked version:


"'Tis the soldier's life to have their balmy slumbers waked with strife."
- William Shakespeare quotes

An angry man stirreth up strife and a furious man aboundeth in transgression
- Proverbs 29:22

"I have a high art, I hurt with cruelty those who would damage me."
- Archirocus, 650 BC

So, you want to consider yourself a freethinker, do you?  You want to be a revolutionary, fighting against the forces of order?  Or perhaps you just like chaos, or want to have a good time.  Well listen up.

Most Discordians seem to think they have to live up to some sort of inane standard of wackiness.  And of course, most of them get this conception from the Principia Discordia which, while a founding book of Discordianism, is hardly the only valid viewpoint going around.  Or did you forget to pay attention to that "not believing what you read" part?  Anyway, back on point.  Your average Discordian believes acting in cute, inoffensive and nonsensical ways is somehow the "correct" way of doing things – and ironically is filled with a degree of venom for those who disagree, or make fun of them.

Now, there is nothing wrong with acting in such a way....not if you want everyone to ignore you anyway (not that there are not times this is not useful, only there are also times when it is counter-productive to whatever goals you are pursuing, that you require attention or to be seen as credible).  But lets be honest, it is not random, or funny or clever or especially impressive in any way.  Its a tired old script from a tired old book which is a single group's interpretation of Discordianism, and Eris.

Oh yes, Eris.  How many times will I be confronted by some Myspace girl with a name like xXxErIsxXx acting like what she thinks is a Greek Goddess?  "But Eris was all zany and stuff, don't you know?  It says so right in this book!"

No.  Sit your punk ass down, shut up and listen for once in your life, before you run your mouth off.  If you're going to take your lessons in Greek mythology from some Beatnik track, then you are stupid, and deserve to be mocked.  However, you are lucky.  Because today, I am at hand I am willing to give you an alternative explanation of the facts.  You do remember facts, don't you?  Good.  Well, if you haven't run away by this stage, I may as well get going.

Now, if you read the hippie-rag, you'll have the impression that Eris was the Greek goddess of Chaos, and that the Greeks, for some bizarre reason, concluded that chaos and strife were the same, and so fucked everything up until the Wonder Kids who wrote the PD set us all straight.  Wrong!  First off, Eris wasn't the Goddess of Chaos.  Secondly, her name means strife in the Ancient Greek.  That's a literal translation. Those Greeks were many things, pig-headed, unenlightened on sexual ethics, persistent raiders and looters, but one they were not was stupid.  If there is a Goddess calling herself Strife, what do you think she might be like?

Well here are some more clues.  Luckily for you, I had access to a pretty good Classical library a while back, and plenty of spare time.  And I went digging.  Hesiod, for example, answers the age old question posed in the PD, that of why do wars keep on happening if no-one wants them?  "[Eris] is hateful ... [she is the one] who builds up evil, war, and slaughter."  Alright, now we're talking!  How about that age old Greek classic, the founding epic of Western literature, the Iliad?  Well, according to our buddy Homer "Their fighting work [was woken by] . . . man-slaughtering Ares, and Eris, whose wrath is relentless."

And that's just the start of it. "[The] goddesses, who range in order the ranks of men in fighting, [are] Athene and Enyo, sacker of cities."  Enyo being another name for our Lady of Discord.  Sacker of cities sounds...well, kind of violent to me.  Maybe the sort of occupation where the chaos is a little more visceral, and the humour somewhat more black than normal.  We continue:  "Ares drove these [the Trojans] on, and the Akhaians grey-eyed Athene, and Phobos  drove them, and Deimos, and Eris whose wrath is relentless, she is the sister and companion of murderous Ares, she who is only a little thing at the first, but thereafter grows until she strides on the earth with her head striking heaven. She then hurled down bitterness equally between both sides as she walked through the onslaught making men's pain heavier."

For those of you not up on your Greek mythology, Ares was the god of War, and not in the good sense.  He reveled in slaughter, and was filled with blood lust.  Battle was another outlet for his bas instincts.  It was not, like for Athena or Zeus, the careful application of strategy towards a defined victory.  Obviously the same does not apply to Eris, she is the goddess of all strife after all, whether its clever and justified, or stupid and mean.  But she does have close relations with Ares, it is undeniable.  And that particular branch of the Olympian family tree was not viewed kindly. 

Eris didn't just have her fun in the Iliad either.  During the Thebaid, she assisted Hephaestus in making a cursed necklace, which drove the Thebans to fratricidal war.  During Dionysos' war against the Indians, she spurred him back into battle.  For Hera, she broke up marriages.  She was even there when Zeus fought the demonic dragon called Typhon, escorting him into the fight, though she took no part in his actual battle.  And of course, most famously, she stole a Golden Apple of the Hesperides, and initiated the Trojan War, in response to a snub.

So you can embrace the positive aspects of Disorder all you want, but maybe you should keep an eye to whom your role model and symbol for all this is, eh?  Chaos can be both positive and negative, but just like in rejecting the positive aspects of strife is denying that creative, freethinking touch, denying the "negative" aspects of strife also rejects the benefits that comes with it.

What benefits are these?  Think on it for a moment.  I'll give you a clue, from the epic Dionysiaca, if it will help.  "[Aion, god of time addresses Zeus:] 'Lord Zeus! behold yourself the sorrows of a despairing world!  Do you not see that Enyo [another name for Eris] has made the whole earth mad, mowing season by season her harvest of quick-perishing youth?"

That's Zeus, King of the Gods, he is addressing there.  Eris, a relatively minor goddess by Greek standards, has them so worried and afraid they are looking to the chief god himself to intervene.  And with good reason.  She was disruptive.  And dangerous.  And far too smart. Unlike Ares, great lumbering clod that he was, she successfully manipulated the vanities of three Olympians (not to mention putting Zeus in the difficult position of having to choose between his wife, daughter and the Goddess of Beauty) and caused a war which bought down one of the most powerful and rich cities of the time.  She was troublesome to the ruling order, in the extreme.

Only Hermes was anywhere near as vexing, and he was carefully kept under Zeus' thumb.  Eris answered ultimately to nobody.  But she got away with such things, time and time again.  And of course, you could say that you prefer the Eris you thought existed.  That the one above is not an especially pretty picture.  I would be inclined to agree, its not exactly the sort of attributes which, in and of themselves, are especially praiseworthy or benevolent.  But consider it this way – Eris was a disruptive goddess of strife and conflict, but it is never specified who she has to bring conflict to, or if her strife may serve a higher purpose.  You cannot make an omelette without breaking a few eggs, after all.  Or, if you prefer Terry Pratchett:

Fred grunted his disdain for a mere fact of geography. "War, Nobby. Huh! What is it good for?" he said.
"Dunno, sarge. Freeing slaves, maybe?"
"Absol- Well, okay."
"Defending yourself from a totalitarian aggressor?"
"All right, I'll grant you that, but-"
"Saving civilization against a horde of-"
"It doesn't do any good in the long run is what I'm saying, Nobby, if you'd listen for five seconds together," said Fred Colon sharply.
"Yeah, but in the long run what does, sarge?"

No doubt, some will call me an agent of destructive disorder.  And they're right...for a given value of right.  Noam Chomsky was wont to point out that everyone wants peace.  Everyone.  George W Bush.  Hitler.  Stalin.  Mao.  The question is, as always, on what terms?  Unfortunately for them, and many other, their terms are entirely unacceptable to me.  The wasteland's they would call "peace" are not worth considering.  I'd rather be the disgruntled outsider, kicking ass and causing havoc, than be on on anything they have to offer.

And that, my friends, is why I like Eris.  Not because of some incredibly bound counterculture book written before I was born.  Not because of its 60s and 70s centric, uncreative and repetitive adherents, whom for the most part have done nothing to build on such ideas, only disseminate them like the credible fools they are.  I like Eris because I want to live my life the way I please, and anyone who tries to stop that is in for a world of pain and misfortune, as only I know how to administer.  It is, as the man Archirocus says, a high art.  And well in keeping with the historical image of our Lady here.

Of course, its not a path for everyone.  And I won't pretend that.  All I'm saying is keep this in mind next time you're prepared to run some more of your hippie-trip by me.  Its your trip, not everyone else is interested in the ride.

[Payne]

Thanks muchly Cain. That reads really well.

I'll get to work putting that into magazine format.

[tyrannosaurus vex]

I really like this post, but it needs to be remixed^*:

as of.. i think 2005 1/2 or somewhere like that, "discordianism" is no longer supposed to make chuckles and lails (except at the expense of particular specific persons).  RAW is old hat, the PD (for which this forum and its mother site are not named, contrary to available evidence) is tapped, psychedelics are "bad for you," and everything must make sense or at least be both unintelligible and unfunny.

in keeping with Our New Philosophy, please to refrain from inanities or other frivolous garbage any more than once for every eighteen posts you make bitching about some Great Big Not-As-Funny-As-You-Might-Think something or other. and if you can't help but revert to that old discordianism from the 60's, please do it in the appropriate sub-forum and flush when you're finished.  or, if at all possible, put it on a web page far away from here and never link to it.

because discordianism isn't just about discord.  we got that out of our collective system 30 some-odd years ago.

kthxbai,

vexati0n,
will not catch hell.

*and maybe e-primed?

The going consensus in modern Discordianism is that we are no longer supposed to generate chuckles or "lulz," except at the expense of specific outcasts. RAW is Old Hat; the Principia Discordia is tapped out; psychedelics are bad for you, and everything must either make Serious Sense, or be both unintelligible and unfunny.

It is resolved, then, that in keeping with Our New Philosophy, you should refrain from inanity and other frivolous garbage appearing in your communication more often than once for every eighteen posts complaining about some Great Big Not-As-Funny-As-You-Might-Think Something or Other. And, if you cannot resist the urge to revert to the Old Discordianism from the 60's, please file your work with our History Dispatch Officer by scribbling it on a napkin, and using it to block the drain of the nearest urinal.

Because in today's complex world, even Discordians can't afford any more Discord.

[hooplala]

Payne, would you like the questions Enrico answers to have a certain theme, or just any questions?  I lean toward a theme myself...

[Payne]

Payne, would you like the questions Enrico answers to have a certain theme, or just any questions?  I lean toward a theme myself...

I dunno, I like the idea that he's answering someone else questions already. A theme could be good, but I can't really get into Enricos head to figure out which line of questioning would produce the best and funniest answers.

EDIT: If you want to edit it to some kind of theme, feel free.

[hooplala]

Hmm, I just remembered you  were putting in the Larry King interview.  Maybe he can wait until the next issue... a little Enrico goes a long way.

[Rococo Modem Basilisk]

I'd be willing to write something short on why destructive disorder is necessary for progress to continue, but I don't know if that would really fit in. Plus, it wouldn't take me an article length to explain it. But that's okay -- we can fill the rest of the page with moustachioed men yelling oblique double-entendres.

[LMNO]

I've got an idea or two, maybe.  After I get over my literary hangover, I'll dig some stuff out.

Building blocks for PD-style discordia, you say?

[AFK]

Hey what about this?  We can change names, locations, etc., Something I wrote shortly after BIP went to press. 

The following is an introductory piece for a publication the Maine Platypus Cabal is working on.  It is something I was working on when we were tossing around the idea of Lollercaust and was written post-BIP.  It is my hope that perhaps this can be the beginning of us getting things going again.

The Re-Birth of the Discordian Movement--
--which may be a delusion, or perhaps, indigestion.

It was another hot and hazy summer afternoon in the suburbs of South Portland, Maine. Two young gentlemen were hard at work at the Mall. Okay, so it was dead again, as usual, so they were once again discussing the machinations of the universe and how humanity reacts to them. They were, so they thought, students of Discordia.

Months prior, they had formed their own cabal. Oh yeah, intros! One was named Chuck Full-O-Pope and liked guns and other things involving ,Äòsplosions. The other was Reverend What's-His-Name? He was the President of the Warhammer Appreciation Club (WAC) and a Death Metal Aficionado. The former introduced the latter to the good book Principia Discordia and the ways of the Erisian movement. They had since annoyed their co-workers and all new employees with their teachings (ranting and raving really). This, sadly, quickened the already fast turnover in their retail hell.

Anyhoo, on this Tuesday, or perhaps it was Friday.  Does it matter? Ppppfffttt! Excuse me, So, it was a day...

"Ah, so that's why The Hoff is big in Germany." we hear Rev. saying.
"Hail Eris!" replies Chuck.

Just then, there was a brilliant flash, and then a loud pop. "Damned Chinese Light bulbs!" From behind them they hear:

"Excuse me gentlemen!"

To their amazement they see a lemur in a 3-piece standing behind them. Chuck and Rev. looked quite befuddled and confused and stuff.

"Yeah sorry, you were probably expecting the chimp. Sad really, he passed on about 20 years back. You didn't think he'd live forever did you? You know this sort of thing doesn't exactly come with dental and medical you know. Anyway, I was his understudy and have taken over operations." He paused to take a swig of something from a rusty flask, and then he continued, "I was actually offered a sweet gig by "Bob" but the jokes weren't as funny."

The two gentlemen then noticed that they were no longer in their retail-hell but in a lush green field. It looked like something out of the Sound of Music without all of the sing-songy crap.

"What's that smell?" Chuck asked.

"Oh, it's that broccoli field over there. The rest of it, all cabbages."

"Whoa! That's a lot of cabbage. I guess the cole-slaw industry is safe." remarked The Rev.

"That was unfunny." retorted the dashing primate, "But the abundance of cabbage is why I have appeared before you two young lads."

He took another drink from his flask and took a nibble out of what appeared to be an Oreo Cookie. I know. Anyway,...

"My mentor appeared before your Discordian founding fathers over 40 years ago. To neither his, nor my, surprise, things have not got any better. While the word of Goddess has spread, the cabbages are outpacing it."

"Your efforts are being impeded by poseurs and fad-hoppers. The youth have the misguided notion that tagging Longfellow's statue with Krylon is going to change the world. The world has become more hopeless than ever before. Your voter turnout for American Idol is ten times your voter turnout for President. And, please explain to me how David Hasselhoff still has a career."

He then pulled from his pocket a key. On it was emblazed the Sacred Chao on one side and the Five-Fingered-Hand on the other.

"What's this?" asked Chuck.

"And I'd like to point out he has no pants and that was not a pocket he pulled that from." added The Rev.

With that, there was a loud crash and they found they were back in their Retail Hell. "Damned teenagers!"

Soon, both gentlemen realized their pockets felt heavier. They pulled out their keys to see that a new key had been added for both of them. The same as what the lemur had produced from his nether regions.

The author apologizes for the crass toilet humour but points out he is trying to keep up with the times.

"What does this go to I wonder?" pondered Chuck.
"If Eris is up to her tricks it's probably a Yugo." said The Rev.

Just then they heard a breathy voice. "No ma'am, I haven't seen your husband. If I were him I'd be at the bar trying to forget the last 10 years of my life."

"Okay, isn't this where we have the cathartic moment with the disembodied voice of Eris?" asked Rev.

Then the phone rang. Chuck answered and put it on speakerphone.

"Wish I'd had one of these cell phones when I was chatting with Mal and Omar. Anyhoo, you have there in your hands The Key. It's The Key to the door of the Black Iron Prison that society, and The Machine, have constructed around you. You silly humans have been unwitting participants in its creation. And the real kicker is, the lock on the door isn't really a lock. You've always had The Key to your freedom. You need but to open your mind, your freedom is only as out of reach as you make it."

"Neat, can we make copies?" asked Chuck.

"Well, in a way, yes. You and your comrades must revive what has lied dormant. The 60's are over. Times have changed. There are more closed minds and their Black Iron Prisons make them difficult to reach. The old jokes don't work anymore. You must find your voice to help others find theirs. Energize your network. Strengthen it. Expand it. And for Pete's sake, stop worrying about your 23 Pineal Glands and do something!"

"Um, I just have one more question," chimes in Rev. "What's all that noise?"

"Oh, sorry. I'm in Beantown checking out Brother LMNO's band.  (singing) Circular reasoning works because Circular reasoning works because, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah! Hey! Get your soon to be 4 fingered hand off my ass Teddy..." static, then silence.

"I guess even Goddess has crappy reception." remarked Chuck.

"So, do you think people will go for this?" Rev asked of Chuck.

"When in doubt, fuck it! When not in doubt, get in doubt." espoused Chuck.

"Can we resort to heavy blunt objects if it doesn't work?"
"Seems like a perfectly logical back-up plant to me." said Chuck.

And with that, the Discordian movement was reborn. As it turned out, the lemur got around, A LOT. And had made similar visits to other discordian cabals, episkoposes, and other rabbles. And through our little story perhaps we have inspired you to reactivate your cabal, even if it is but a one-man-band. If you haven't formed one, do it now. You have bretheren. We are drifters but you can fund us from time to time at places such as www.principiadiscordia.com and www.poee.co.uk, and other haunts and closets.

But, in the meantime, please, read on...

[tyrannosaurus vex]

FOR THE RECORD:

Payne is no longer editing this issue, so i'm taking over.

POST MOAR SUBMISSIONS NOW. thanks.

[hooplala]

He isn't?  Why not?

[Cain]

Payne has what we euphemistically refer to as an "internets problem"