Author Topic: 101 things to say to children that will be greeted with silence  (Read 24799 times)

UncannyValleyGirl

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Re: 101 things to say to children that will be greeted with silence
« Reply #30 on: February 23, 2009, 09:03:57 am »
Tried and true one if they're having an epic tantrum:

"Once more. With FEELING this time!"

They stop and stare at you like you've gone mad. Every time.
Don't believe anyone believes everything they think.

Malachite

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Re: 101 things to say to children that will be greeted with silence
« Reply #31 on: February 23, 2009, 10:18:03 am »
Hurrr everyone stop making jokes in my seriously serious thread.

I thought they were pretty funny actually. I laughed IRL at Iptuous' first post ITT.
More like "Since you are unable to post the types of jokes i asked for I am done with this"

This

Frankly, most of the "make kids cry" type jokes are both easy and stupid, and I was actually hoping for some clever/interesting additions, which a couple people did understand and deliver. But for the most part this thread is a failure.

Yeah, you're right. I did find some of them funny, but it's not really what you asked for.

I just don't think the thread is all that worse off for it, but it would annoy me just as much if my thread was already derailed by the second post. And I guess it won't really help you do what you were planning to in the first place.

fomenter

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Re: 101 things to say to children that will be greeted with silence
« Reply #32 on: February 23, 2009, 04:57:42 pm »
it is not easy to come up with these kind of ideas unless you are a parent or have spent a lot of time with kids, hitting 101 may prove to be a tough challenge.
"So she says to me, do you wanna be a BAD boy? And I say YEAH baby YEAH! Surf's up space ponies! I'm makin' gravy... Without the lumps. HAAA-ha-ha-ha!"


hmroogp

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Re: 101 things to say to children that will be greeted with silence
« Reply #33 on: February 23, 2009, 06:44:13 pm »
it is not easy to come up with these kind of ideas unless you are a parent or have spent a lot of time with kids, hitting 101 may prove to be a tough challenge.

You're right.  We 1st World Citizens have it so tough. :lulz:

Back on topic, I still can't think of any good ones.

Maybe some good ones could be made by imposing huge existentialist questions on them.

"What does it mean to exist?  If our existence doesn't have meaning, how can we create meaning?"

Elder Iptuous

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Re: 101 things to say to children that will be greeted with silence
« Reply #34 on: February 23, 2009, 07:05:38 pm »
i don't understand why it would be so hard.
it just takes something that is meaningless to them?  even the examples in the OP would likely be met with questions.  I assumed the request was actually for things that are jokes that only experience/education would shed light on, or things that would be such a kick in the nuts as to leave breathless.  i think the latter is funnier, speaking as a father...

fomenter

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Re: 101 things to say to children that will be greeted with silence
« Reply #35 on: February 23, 2009, 07:26:15 pm »
speaking as someone who has no kids
this is exactly why it seems tough to me, kids ask questions and kids freak out, getting the stunned silence response would take some insight into children's minds, to the clueless (me) it seems a unusual thing for a kid to do (being silent) ....
"So she says to me, do you wanna be a BAD boy? And I say YEAH baby YEAH! Surf's up space ponies! I'm makin' gravy... Without the lumps. HAAA-ha-ha-ha!"


hmroogp

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

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Re: 101 things to say to children that will be greeted with silence
« Reply #36 on: February 23, 2009, 08:49:43 pm »
Tried and true one if they're having an epic tantrum:

"Once more. With FEELING this time!"

They stop and stare at you like you've gone mad. Every time.

 :lulz:
“I’m guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk,” Charles Wick said. “It was very complicated.”


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Re: 101 things to say to children that will be greeted with silence
« Reply #37 on: February 23, 2009, 08:54:02 pm »
IME the key to being greeted with silence is by giving them just enough context that they know that either you're saying something irrelevant just to perturb them, or to know that they're being baited in a way that is slightly (but not too far) beyond them, so that the only possible dignified response is silence.

It delights me no end to receive a look of disgust, followed by the child stalking out of the room.
“I’m guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk,” Charles Wick said. “It was very complicated.”


Hoopla!

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Re: 101 things to say to children that will be greeted with silence
« Reply #38 on: February 23, 2009, 09:25:04 pm »
My dad likes to say "Hello boys!" to a group of girl children.  They are stunned for a few seconds, and then incredulously cry "WE'RE GIRLS!!"

I like to ask kids where their husband or wife is.  They are always (always) shocked by the question.
« Last Edit: February 23, 2009, 09:26:40 pm by Dr Hoopla »
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Re: 101 things to say to children that will be greeted with silence
« Reply #39 on: February 23, 2009, 09:27:09 pm »
" I am Santa Claus...
and no your not getting any presents"
Through me the way to the city of woe, Through me the way to everlasting pain, Through me the way among the lost.
Justice moved my maker on high.
Divine power made me, Wisdom supreme, and Primal love.
Before me nothing was but things eternal, and eternal I endure.
Abandon all hope, you who enter here.

Dante

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Re: 101 things to say to children that will be greeted with silence
« Reply #40 on: February 23, 2009, 09:58:26 pm »
"I wonder when your baby legs are going to fall off"

Fuquad

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Re: 101 things to say to children that will be greeted with silence
« Reply #41 on: February 24, 2009, 12:57:04 am »
"I wonder when your baby legs are going to fall off"
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Jasper

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Re: 101 things to say to children that will be greeted with silence
« Reply #42 on: February 24, 2009, 01:22:48 am »
That's not going to get the response wanted.

Better yet, remark about That One Time their baby legs fell off (you were too young to remember).

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Re: 101 things to say to children that will be greeted with silence
« Reply #43 on: February 24, 2009, 03:48:06 am »
My dad likes to say "Hello boys!" to a group of girl children.  They are stunned for a few seconds, and then incredulously cry "WE'RE GIRLS!!"

I like to ask kids where their husband or wife is.  They are always (always) shocked by the question.

 :lulz:

My housemate has done something like that.

A favorite activity we share is pretending to be incredibly dumb, so that the children have to patiently explain very simple concepts to us. Then we act amazed and incredulous.

They're starting to catch on, though.
“I’m guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk,” Charles Wick said. “It was very complicated.”


UncannyValleyGirl

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Re: 101 things to say to children that will be greeted with silence
« Reply #44 on: February 24, 2009, 06:14:50 am »
My dad likes to say "Hello boys!" to a group of girl children.  They are stunned for a few seconds, and then incredulously cry "WE'RE GIRLS!!"

I like to ask kids where their husband or wife is.  They are always (always) shocked by the question.

 :lulz:

My housemate has done something like that.

A favorite activity we share is pretending to be incredibly dumb, so that the children have to patiently explain very simple concepts to us. Then we act amazed and incredulous.

They're starting to catch on, though.

 :lulz:
I use this one at work, though more as a teaching exercise than for the lulz. The resulting hilarity is incidental.
Don't believe anyone believes everything they think.