Author Topic: 101 things to say to children that will be greeted with silence  (Read 28312 times)

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

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101 things to say to children that will be greeted with silence
« on: January 08, 2009, 02:14:43 pm »
A project me and my housemate have been working on. We don't have 101 yet.

1. I think you'll be alright. You might even be able to have children some day.
2. Better wrap it up, H.P. Lovecraft, or you'll end up a shut-in.
3. Hey grownups!
4. We're using double entendres!
5. At least you can fake-cry. You always have that comfort.
6. Sounds like it's whine O'clock!
7. Oh, you wanted to have guns and vote? Maybe you should have thought of that before you decided to be FIVE.
8. We're Scientologists now.
9. I'm sure we all recall the disastrous events of October 1929.
10. Let's talk taxes.
11. Would you describe yourself as cosmopolitan?
12. You have very exacting standards about how things are done and I'm not sure that I can uphold those standards.
13. People would think that you were listening to Led Zeppelin and you had used up all the albums, so that you could no longer "get the led out".
14. Stop touching me. I feel about people touching me like Russia feels about Greece.
15. The face you're making reminds me of Henry Kissinger.




“I’m guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk,” Charles Wick said. “It was very complicated.”


indifferent betty

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Re: 101 things to say to children that will be greeted with silence
« Reply #1 on: January 08, 2009, 02:23:47 pm »
 :lulz:

one i actually used on a child at my pokemon league

"I'm afraid that your parents just called from the council offices to say that you've been cancelled, you'll be picked up by the police cancelled children department at abut 3ish."

(its's okay, the kid had an evil sense of humour for a 10 year old, he got over it and called me a c*nt)
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AFK

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Re: 101 things to say to children that will be greeted with silence
« Reply #2 on: January 08, 2009, 02:25:51 pm »
16. [Insert name of popular Kid TV character] isn't real.
17. [Insert name of popular Kid TV character] is dead. 
Cynicism is a blank check for failure.

Fuquad

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Re: 101 things to say to children that will be greeted with silence
« Reply #3 on: January 08, 2009, 05:37:28 pm »
18. I would love for you to buy me lunch there.
19. I bet if you ask this lady real nice she'll take you home. (this is a twofer when you have another adult start in about your upset child)
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Fuquad

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Re: 101 things to say to children that will be greeted with silence
« Reply #4 on: January 08, 2009, 05:43:00 pm »
20.I wonder what the leading research says on this issue? Would you like to help me look it up? (only do this one if you are willing to look it up, because we know everything isn't fool proof.)
21. Last night, Darth Vader came down from planet Vulcan and told me that if I didn't (whatever it is you are doing) that he'd melt my brain



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fomenter

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Re: 101 things to say to children that will be greeted with silence
« Reply #5 on: January 08, 2009, 07:00:22 pm »
22. do not believe the Santa clause deniers, he really does exist, any one who believes otherwise has been fooled by a disinformation campaign that "they" started, if you don't believe me look it up the truth will be obvious to any one who does a little research.
"So she says to me, do you wanna be a BAD boy? And I say YEAH baby YEAH! Surf's up space ponies! I'm makin' gravy... Without the lumps. HAAA-ha-ha-ha!"


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Re: 101 things to say to children that will be greeted with silence
« Reply #6 on: January 08, 2009, 07:30:37 pm »
23. You think loosing a tooth is disturbing? ha! wait till you start losing your baby fingers... They'll get loose and wiggly, and then just be hanging by a thread and then, when they fall off, you put them under your pillow just like with teeth, except you don't get a quarter.  You get a band-aid.  And you will be thankful for it!
...
what's that?  your parents didn't tell you anything about losing your fingers?
....
well, i bet they didn't warn you about the teeth until it started happening either, now, did they?  they just don't want to needlessly upset you. but i think you're old enough to know the truth.  Don't tell them i told you, though.  They would just deny it, anyways, and be mad at me for telling you....
i'm on your side kiddo!

(I've been waiting several years to use this one on my nephew.)

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

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Re: 101 things to say to children that will be greeted with silence
« Reply #7 on: January 08, 2009, 07:35:40 pm »
 :lulz:

As wonderful as these are, I'm not sure they'd be greeted with silence.
“I’m guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk,” Charles Wick said. “It was very complicated.”


Fuquad

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Re: 101 things to say to children that will be greeted with silence
« Reply #8 on: January 08, 2009, 07:37:35 pm »
My four have been field tested.

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Re: 101 things to say to children that will be greeted with silence
« Reply #9 on: January 08, 2009, 08:02:48 pm »
Inarticulate crying doesn't count as silence?...

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

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Re: 101 things to say to children that will be greeted with silence
« Reply #10 on: January 08, 2009, 08:08:33 pm »
Fuquad, I am confident that in my household, your four would absolutely be greeted with silence by all three children.

Probably silence tinged with disgust... the preferred type of silence. :lulz:
“I’m guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk,” Charles Wick said. “It was very complicated.”


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Re: 101 things to say to children that will be greeted with silence
« Reply #11 on: January 08, 2009, 08:20:35 pm »
Number 18 is why I never have to eat McDonalds.


well one time she did buy me a lunch there because she really really really wanted the toy in the happy meal.

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Re: 101 things to say to children that will be greeted with silence
« Reply #12 on: January 09, 2009, 02:01:34 am »
24: "Remember, this is our little secret."

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Re: 101 things to say to children that will be greeted with silence
« Reply #13 on: January 10, 2009, 08:44:37 pm »
21. Last night, Darth Vader came down from planet Vulcan and told me that if I didn't (whatever it is you are doing) that he'd melt my brain





Oh...My...God...:mittens: for the reference alone!

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Re: 101 things to say to children that will be greeted with silence
« Reply #14 on: January 10, 2009, 08:47:00 pm »
Number 18 is why I never have to eat McDonalds.


well one time she did buy me a lunch there because she really really really wanted the toy in the happy meal.



I think I would have gotten a total kick out of it and bragged immensely if my kid bought me lunch, even at McDonald's. Just sayin'.
Sovereign Episkopos-Princess Kaousuu; Esq., Battle Nun, Bene Gesserit.
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