FUCKING ORANGE EATING CONTEST

[Cain]

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

There is pizza in the office now. I really want some.

GUESS I'LL HAVE ANOTHER ORANGE

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

Caved and ate a slice of pizza. Next orange is penance.

[The Wizard Joseph]

Caved and ate a slice of pizza. Next orange is penance.

It is acceptable to stumble upon the path. With ORANGES persistence is redemption!

CAIN THOSE MADE ME ALMOST FIRE HOT ACID UP MY NOSE!!! I FUCKING LOVE YOU!!!

[The Wizard Joseph]

I just ripped a series of farts and the cloying citrus in my sinuses is blending with it horrifically.

I can feel them in there
A PERSIAN ARMY TAKING IT'S TIME APPROACHING. I HAVE FIVE LEFT TO EAT AND GLADLY SEND THEM AS A REARGUARD TO THEIR DOOMED FELLOWS!!

My fingertips are numb and my nails throb. The taste in my mouth is bitter unless I'm actually eating an orange. Then for a few brief moments I get a bit of spiteful respite from the juicy sweetness that is my acidy doom!! It's short lived and the bitterness returns stronger.

5 to go.
Somehow.

[The Wizard Joseph]

The memory
of this bitter
victory
goes to NIGEL

In honor of her
terrible loss
let none say
that they know
The Struggle.

None do.



Hang in there Nigel!!
Your record now
stands at 32!!!

[The Wizard Joseph]

So I just took my first horrid shit and you wanna know what was weirder than the poo? It was clearly remembering from my dream the "Diogenes" figure taking a squat while a bunch of aristocratic folk were looking on in horror while ORANGE projectile poo spattered everywhere. The poo looked EXACTLY the same. The "original" The Aristocrats joke in a sense.

I don't have the guts to do a full write up of a story just now, but the framework I remember went something like Diogenes and company, being poor by choice, came upon an ORANGE GROVE not far outside of the city of Athens. These were wild ORANGES now, very unlike our tame-ass store bought modern oranges. They were at first overjoyed by the seemingly endless supply of hard to open but sweet and delicious fruit, but the ORANGES had other intentions, being almost perfect darwinian engines of genetic proliferation. But of course the Dog and his pack had no idea, and no concern in their joy at having SO MUCH FOOD!

It was probably Eris' personal ORANGE GROVE, but that's me speculating and expanding on the dream memory. I'm pretty sure I can piece a plot together. But now I'm about to go again.

Lab results pending... This one is going to hurt, I can tell. It's GAS! IT'S VERY UNPLEASANT!! OH MY FUCKING GOD!!

[The Good Reverend Roger]

You know, Net almost died from that shit, right?

[Salty]

Nigel sez:
"WTF is wrong with you idiots? I love you stupid motherfuckers."

I say:
KEEP FUCKING EATING. Emotionally, I am tepid.*

















*Not true. I love you too.  Stop it.

[East Coast Hustle]

Until somebody else eats 4 pounds of grapes in one day, I'm not even remotely impressed with any of this.

Oranges are so bush-league.

ECH,
Asswine > Poodriver

[The Wizard Joseph]

You know, Net almost died from that shit, right?

I felt the very strong need to do something pointless and stupid. I didn't know how bad it had gotten for Net until after I'd committed myself. I wasn't too worried for me but I sure didn't take the task lightly. Oranges are horrible and I'm never doing this again.

[The Wizard Joseph]

Nigel sez:
"WTF is wrong with you idiots? I love you stupid motherfuckers."

I say:
KEEP FUCKING EATING. Emotionally, I am tepid.*

















*Not true. I love you too.  Stop it.

It's done. 32 down. Hugs and strength to you both!!

[The Wizard Joseph]

Until somebody else eats 4 pounds of grapes in one day, I'm not even remotely impressed with any of this.

Oranges are so bush-league.

ECH,
Asswine > Poodriver

If that's a challenge... I'm good. Perhaps in a few months. 

Fruit is a helluva drug!

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I felt the very strong need to do something pointless and stupid.

Sure, we all do.  That's why we have feuds.  Anyways, you can always go alley-blasting, or picking up women in Sheboygan.  There's no need to shove a quart or so of citric acid into your digestive tract.

[Q. G. Pennyworth]

I woke up feeling fantastic! First shit was.... interesting, but otherwise not feeling bad at all.

I think if there was more peer pressure I could have done better than an even dozen. Joe exceeded all expectations.