ATTN MORTALS: Post ITT for a quest to make you more Holy™.

[Juana]

A quest would be nice, and possibly save me from an afterlife filled with Tea Baggers. I'm in the Central Valley, in California. Constraints on time, money, and not pissing off my Tea Bagger step dad are present.

[Freeky]

Your Good Reverendness Roger,

please to bestow upon this weird man a quest to attain certified Holyness(tm). I can't stand the idea of having to spend an entire afterlife with them.

~Planeswalker
usually in Northern Germany, at the border to Denmark
occasionally in West Sweden or anywhere between

So, you're either in Belgium or Germany?


Lol, Belgium....


Freeky,
Herp-a-derp tired.

[Ari]

FUCK NO!

Last time I got close to Belgium our vessel got caught up in the craziest storm I have ever witnessed at sea. We went through the fucking eye, took in a lot of water and had to make port on some shitty little island. Pumping out the brig, drying up everything and fixing the "Besan mast" which got loose during the night - it translates to mizzen or spanker.  Should really teach myself some nautical english.

So yeah, screw Belgium. This quest should involve Scandinavia, but I am not Holy(tm) enough to decide this.

~Planeswalker
patiently waiting for the spiritual advisor to come back

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I have not forgotten about this.

But Quests are only handed out Monday - Friday, as of now.  All people waiting for quests will be dealt with tomorrow.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

FUCK NO!

Last time I got close to Belgium our vessel got caught up in the craziest storm I have ever witnessed at sea. We went through the fucking eye, took in a lot of water and had to make port on some shitty little island. Pumping out the brig, drying up everything and fixing the "Besan mast" which got loose during the night - it translates to mizzen or spanker.  Should really teach myself some nautical english.

So yeah, screw Belgium. This quest should involve Scandinavia, but I am not Holy(tm) enough to decide this.

~Planeswalker
patiently waiting for the spiritual advisor to come back

Don't give me that shit.

Scandinavia is a city in Belgium. 

[Cainad (dec.)]

Filing my request now for processing on Monday.

location: Suffolk County, NY (the half of Long Island that has got the Hamptons in it)

[Triple Zero]

usually in Northern Germany, at the border to Denmark
occasionally in West Sweden or anywhere between

That makes you probably the closest non-Dutch Discordian to me. Rough google maps check says it's a 4 hour drive

This means you should have come to the UK DoD meetings, since Bremen (where I flew from) is just about the same distance from you as me. Next meetup will be somewhere in the end of the summer or autumn afaik, but I'm not 100% sure if I'll fly from Bremen again cause the location changed (previously Edinburgh, this time somewhere in the south that I forgot--it was a region that had fucking hilarious placenames on the map, though. but that might be the case for most of England, I dunno--between Bristol and London anyway) and now I might as well fly from Schiphol, I don't know. Either way, we need extra crazy Swedes, because, well, ehhh because if liquorice.



Actually at the border to Denmark, or just generally somewhere in that land-tongue?

[Payne]

Roger. You know I don't need any more Holiness^TM, I'm pretty damned holy already. However, it is in my SUPER JESUSISH NATURE to be an example to my fellow biped so I am compelled to embrace this ritual.

I am in Southampton, in deepest darkest England, as you know. Money is a little tight right now, however I can plan something in advance (for if you want me to travel elsewhere) if you extend my time limit on Super Redemption.

[ñͤͣ̄ͦ̌̑͗͊͛͂͗ ̸̨̨̣̺̼̣̜͙͈͕̮̊̈́̈͂͛̽͊ͭ̓͆ͅé ̰̓̓́ͯ́́͞]

Sock it to me.

You will design a WOMP commemorating all the soldiers who died to keep the Philippines American.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Philippine%E2%80%93American_War

[Ari]

usually in Northern Germany, at the border to Denmark
occasionally in West Sweden or anywhere between

That makes you probably the closest non-Dutch Discordian to me. Rough google maps check says it's a 4 hour drive

This means you should have come to the UK DoD meetings, since Bremen (where I flew from) is just about the same distance from you as me. Next meetup will be somewhere in the end of the summer or autumn afaik, but I'm not 100% sure if I'll fly from Bremen again cause the location changed (previously Edinburgh, this time somewhere in the south that I forgot--it was a region that had fucking hilarious placenames on the map, though. but that might be the case for most of England, I dunno--between Bristol and London anyway) and now I might as well fly from Schiphol, I don't know. Either way, we need extra crazy Swedes, because, well, ehhh because if liquorice.



Actually at the border to Denmark, or just generally somewhere in that land-tongue?

Yep, right at the border - Flensburg to be precise. Doors always open here if you know the secret knock.
As for late summer, I have only Compusphere to attend to at the end of august, funds should work out fine too if I get to do my pirate shit again, which seems very likely. I could probably take another spontaneous vacation and see how much residual hate for germans still exists in southern Britain... Just talked to my boss, aka me, and he said it's fine as long as I have fun and get to let out the crazy.

[BabylonHoruv]

I'd like a quest please.  I'm in rural Ohio, not particularly close to any cities but sort of close to Amish County.

[Dysfunctional Cunt]

Dear Reverend Roger:

I come to you asking for penance as the results of my Holy Quest this weekend ended in abject failure.

You see, in an effort to make everything pretty and shiny they have removed most of the "East St. Louis" signs and replaced them with simple street named signs and signs for every other burg imaginable.  This is done, we observed, in an attempt to ease the fear in people as they exit that highway.  I mean who is scared of a place called Cahokia?  Or Dupo?  They sound so simple and in no way induce the fear into the hearts of those drivers.  WHY?  It's a trap.  Because to get to these sweet sounding little towns you have to drive thru East St. Louis.

So here is how the adventure went. 

We were naturally looking for a sign that specifically said "East St. Louis." As the quest was for a picture of a sign saying as much.  We were almost to Collinsville, IL when we realized there was no East St. Louis sign.  So we turned around and thought we'd get a pic heading west.  Again, no such luck, but we did have enough forethought to go ahead and get off the highway at the Casino Queen exit. 

Here is where we hit gold.  Instead of taking the beautiful tree lined avenue that leads to the Casino we turned left.  Driving down the street we noticed we certainly weren't in Missouri anymore. 

Now I am looking for any sign that says East St. Louis, the kids are not helping, they are too distracted by the woman on the corner that weighed 300 if she weighed a pound.  The back boobs may have put my youngest son off women for life.  But we all agreed it was very nice for that man to pick her up and give her a ride, especially since she must have been tired so she laid down in the front seat for a nap.  It was a touching scene of the goodness in humanity. 

It's a beautiful Sunday morning, you can hear the church bells echoing from across the river.  Older people with grandchildren in their Sunday bests running from the bus stop to the church doors.  It was strange as they seem to be experiencing abdominal pain, they all run hunched over. 

Then there are all the joggers. Very thin joggers racing down the sidewalk.  Most must have hit a swarm of gnats or something because almost every jogger we saw was scratching like they'd come down with the chicken pox.  They may have considering the scabs that covered them where you could see skin.  This part of town is certainly working towards a healthier life. 

Then we see it.  The last East St. Louis sign.  It stood there on its rusted pole, the reflective tape peeling, the green background chipped and scarred.  Like a beacon calling for the downtrodden, the hungry, those in need....

We stopped about 20 feet back from the sign in order to get a really good picture.  I must have been looking especially great because there were at least 4 drivers who slowed down and called out for my attention.  The sign was over my head, so I was going to stand just beneath it for a picture.  Just as I got to the sign a nice police officer pulled in behind my car.  He must have mistaken me for someone else because he called out to me as if he knew me "Lady are you ^$#@(*$%  (edited for the children) crazy?"

I responded in the only way I knew how.  "Why no officer, I'm not mentally impaired at all. Is there a problem?"

Now I notice during this conversation, the people passing have stopped calling out greetings to me and are now slowing down and looking at me, the car, the kids....  It was really nice how they wanted to make sure no one was being hurt.

The officer walked up to me, it was odd Reverend, he didn't leave his car running and he brought a shotgun with him to talk to me.

"Lady, do you realize that the only thing that has kept you from getting shot is because everyone driving by thinks you must be insane?"

"Why officer, I need a picture of this sign.  I just want to.....  Officer, I really don't think there is a need to.....  Why are you pulling me towards my car?

Directed to my son by the officer "Get in the ^$%#@$@ car kid and get your mother the hell out of here is she insane?"

From my son, the ungrateful little shit. "Yes officer she is, we just try to stay with her and keep her out of trouble.  It's the Alzheimer's you see....."

Now at this point Reverend, not only has the officer walked me back to the car, opened the door and practically shoved me in the car, he's now acting as if my insane children are the sane ones...

Back in the car, the officer is talking to my oldest, who I mistakenly brought with me and let drive and he is explaining how to get back on the highway.  He is also saying terrible terrible things about the people in the neighborhood we are in.  It seems they aren't as health conscious as I first thought.   They also are very bashful it seems because the officer told the oldest that we should turn around and never look back.

As we made a quick u-turn and head back towards the highway the nice people in the area send us off with what sounded like firecrackers.  It was really very nice of them.  And that nice officer, he followed us all the way to the bridge as we headed back into Missouri.  They have very a very nice police force over there.

So I come to you, head held down in shame, I have failed, but I truly hope you will allow me another opportunity for extra Holy credit.

Khara

[Placid Dingo]

Ok. Me too, please.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Khara:  Quest completed.  

LMNO:  You will arrange a meeting of no less than 6 Discordians, in darkest Providence.  You will attend this meeting, and bring back pics to be posted.  This meeting may be for any purpose, but should probably involve beating on Dimo til he agrees to write real punk music for that lounge act he's in.

Dr Blight:  You will assist LMNO, as he will need all the help he can get.  You will restrain Dimo as needed.  You will also issue dire threats to Richter, in furtherance of him sending my HST book back.

Sexecutioner:  You will antagonize the most virulent Christian Conservative church in town, via flyers, sidewalk chalk, etc.  This should run for 4 consective weeks.  Record results via pics, and any response.

Planeswalker:  You will go out of your way to meet 6 new people in the next 7 days.  Record the weirdest one in any manner you choose.  Everyone is fucking weird, you just have to decide which one strikes you as the weirdest.

Hovercat:  You will make a WOMP for me, celebrating 30 years of Reaganism.

Cainad:  You will cause a ruckus and record it.  This should not involve violence, of course, but should be funny and/or surreal.

Payne:  You will go without any mind/mood altering substances for a week.  Tobacco is not included, but caffeine IS.  Record your more murderous thoughts.

Babylon Horuv:  You will go to TCC and pick a fight with C_A and Lilpinkbunny.  You will screen shot the funny bits, and report back when they ban you.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Ok. Me too, please.

Do you have a significant other?  Because the quest I have in mind won't work if you do.