Twid tries out Sinterklaas

[Nephew Twiddleton]

For Villager

Little bit of back story: Villager's been my bassist for way longer than she's been my girlfriend, so I used to get her bass related stuff all the time. Then I did that once after we started dating and she forbade me to ever do it again since I'm not just her guitarist anymore.

You mean more to me than just a meat wallet
Sometimes you also go down and then swallow it
And now that it's come to that time of year
It's not just about banging you from the rear
Well I know you like history and I know you like science
And that you don't want any music appliance
So I got you two gifts that I thought worth giving
Both tell a story, but one's now not living

The gifts:
Life of Nobody
Tickets to the Pompeii exhibit at the Museum of Science

[Nephew Twiddleton]

The Keyboardist's sister

Back story- she keeps table books in the bathroom

Weeze- what can I say?
I had trouble thinking all yesterday
What I could get you this winter
Anne Marie gave advice-she's a good hinter
But everything came together and I had a plan
And I thought it all up when I was on the can
Yes, I was thinking of you while making ass wiggles
I got you a gift for shits and for giggles

The gift: Signspotting 4

[Nephew Twiddleton]

The Keyboardist

Back story- when her batteries die her keyboard makes a terrible sound. She also like painting.

Anne Marie, my long time friend
Easy was it to think on what to spend
On some sort of thing for your holiday cheer
Until we have to go through it again next year
Rechargeable juice to stop buzzing from your keyboard stand
Or if preferred, to keep your friend buzzing in your hand
Alas, for that, the online reviews said they sucked
And for a moment thought my shopping was fucked
But then I remembered and felt relief and glee
So I got you a gift that's oily

The gift- oil paints and canvas, though I was going to get her a battery recharger.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

The old roommate

The back story- he used to live here with Villager, Weeze, and Anne Marie. THen he moved to Phoenix. He came back for Christmas as a surprise the other day. Also, he prefers men.

Some they like whiskey and some they like wine
And to some other people, anything is just fine
You already know what I got you in a hurry
Something that would get your speech nice and slurry
I hope you do like it, and it I hope you don't mind
Feel free to share it with whomever you're banging's behind.

The gift- Gin


ETA- more to come, but those were the ones already opened.

[Richter]

Awesome.  It's got the catchy cleverness of "dick in a box", but with much more personal meaning.

[Triple Zero]

Dude, you absolutely nailed it! Including the personal stabs, the occasional awkward/forced rhyme and even hinting at the present they wanted but you are not actually giving!



(don't think I've forgotten the WOMPs I owe you!)

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Awesome! I got a couple more coming. I didn't write any for my family because I'm not sure how they would take it.

Next up- my guitarist, his wife, and my drummer and his girlfriend.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

To the other guitarist:
Back story: He's a New England Patriots fan, and as much of a drinker as I.


Pat, my friend, everyone got you Patriots* swag
But what's all that worth if you're not half in the bag?
Now I'm all about loving our home New England
But I figured you would want a different thing and
WE all know well that sports aren't for thinkers
No, the only people that boring crap entertains are the drinkers
So I didn't get Pat a Pats logo thing
I got you something to get you through watching the game.


The gift: a bottle of Sam Adams Infinium, which is a limited release, 20 proof beer.


*New England's American football team

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Pat's newlywed wife:

Meaghan, I got you and Pat gifts to get you shitfaced
But unlike your husband, you have classier taste
Though you like hooch, and you find beer just fine
Sometimes a girl wants her buzz from the vine
So when you and he are at home and all plastered
You can do it snobbier than that silly bastard
But don't forget when you're drunk off your ass
Some dude's feet were in it before it got to your glass.

The gift: a bottle of wine

[Nephew Twiddleton]

The Drummer and his Girlfriend:

Backstory: Peter loves candy, and they're trying to get an apartment together, and I made it seem like I got them a tent for squatting purposes. Peter also has a job as a masseur:

Peter and Caitie, your gift will be joint
And unimaginative too, but there is a point
I could have gotten you both something more dandy
But it's plain to me that you spend your tips all on candy
And since Caitie told me that you two have a goal
To get both your asses out of Rozzie's* asshole
It may not be much but it's money well spent
If you miss your goal, you can at least have a tent.

The gift: $50 for rent, when they get a place

*Rozzie=Roslindale, a neighborhood in Boston

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Going to put this up here since the gift has been sitting in front of his door for awhile.

The girlfirend's/Keyboardist's/Keyboardist's sister's roommate

Backstory: Gamer, and stoner who's almost never around, cool shit though he is. His girlfriend is named Andrea, who is also a former roommate, in the same room.

Donny [French last name], my favorite French stoner
You're always off gaming unless Andie's on your boner
Hiding in your room, with whiskey to scorch
Except when you're toking out on the back porch
Don't take this as harsh, cuz I think your the shit
And I hope that this gift bring science to your next hit

The gift: A book on different ways to make bongs.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Bump-O

Villager's gift came in the mail today so I'll be doing this again.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Bump. Will post in a day or two.

[Cainad (dec.)]

Oshit, I missed this when ir first showed up.

Solid fucking gold.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

No fears cainad. The rest of the band agrees with you and has demanded it remain tradition.